


LION'S CLUB

by jinyoungsmeat



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), GOT7, Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BDSM, Betrayal, Bondage, Boys Kissing, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Flirting, Frustration, Jay Park is hot, M/M, Mark is a jerk, Past Abuse, Sex Club, Sex Toys, Shownu is a good bodygua, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Whats wrong with Yugyeom, mark is a idiot, mature!yugyeom, shy!jinyoung, yugyeom likes jinyoung?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-08-01 06:31:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 88,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16279454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinyoungsmeat/pseuds/jinyoungsmeat
Summary: Where Jinyoung’s curiosity takes him out of his comfort zone from righteous and concentrated boy, to a daring and adventurous reality.{or where Jinyoung decides to visit a sex club after being intrigued by a college gossip and ends up interested in a brunette boy with a gray mask}.





	1. the boy in the black  mask

**Author's Note:**

> Okay okay. I started with that one more time. I don't really know where my ideas for this couple are going to stop, I just open word and start writing everything that comes to mind, so when I get it, I've written a new story!!!
> 
> Nothing here is written to defamate the boys or any other participant, GOT7's member or another group. 
> 
> I'm not the biggest misunderstanding BDSM universe, there are things I don't understand, but that's what fiction is for (so if you have something that's not compatible with reality, let me know).
> 
> Don't forget that eng is not my first language, so I'm sorry for some mistakes.
> 
> And you can find me on twitter @jinyoungsmeat
> 
> Anyway... I hope you enjoy it.

**\- uno –**

"... l swear to you that was super awkward. Her mother was a chair away from us!" Bambam say, listening his friends laugh.

"I can't believe that you let your _girl_  jerk you in middle of a dinner with her mother, Bambam-ah.” Jackson, who was always willing to make fun of Bambam, laughed clasping his teary eyes. "It's so cliché that it gets so interesting to hear”.

Bambam roll his eyes:

"As if you were less cliché with your eternal crush on your best friend, right hyung?" The youngest said with a provocative smile.

Jackson choked on his own saliva and popped his eyes, because Jaebeom was right next to them – talking to Jinyoung and Youngjae – and seemed attentive enough to ask who the Chinese had a crush on.

Bambam laughed amused startled Jackson's expression.

Lim Jaebeom didn't know it, but Jackson Wang had a secret crush on him since world was known as world.

Bambam discovered this after catching the chinese jerk himself in his dark room, with Jaebeom’s name rolling in his mouth like a mantra:

_Oh Jaebeom-hyung, Jaebeom-hyung…_

"Don't listen to Bambam, hyung. He just wants to try to take away his focus with his American drama that he's been living with his new girlfriend".

"She's not my girlfriend”.

"You too cuddling in bed, hyung..." was Yugyeom who say, as if it were the most innocent remark of all. But it wasn't, because everyone started teasing him about him being dating an american cliché.

"Oh, go to hell!" The Thai rolled his eyes. "As if you've never had a cliché before. Yugyeom, you dated girls!”.

The silence was replaced by laughter, because everyone remembered the time when Kim Yugyeom beat his foot saying he was straight, when everyone - including his mother - could see that all the pretty girls he slept with were actually an excuse not to face the truth.

Yugyeom twisted his mouth in disappointment and turned his alcohol glass throat down. He didn’t notice, but Jinyoung observed him in silence, wondering how the youngest should have been at that time.

Jinyoung and Yugyeom met just four years ago. Jaebeom, who was they mutual friend, had introduce them.

Park Jinyoung didn't even notice when the subject became a topic about "exotic sex" because he was too busy thinking about how displaced he felt.

Unlike his friends, he had never lived a cliché. Or shall we say: he had never really lived.

He found out he was gay because Jaebeom had courage enough to kiss him in an _innocent_ truth or dare game.

But he ever never had a boyfriend before. Not that he didn't want to, he just never had time to look for one.

The boys he knew, the vast majority of them, were dating. Already those who he knew by intermediary by his friends are... well, too strange for his taste.

Not that Jinyoung knew what his _real_ taste was, because he'd never tried anything more than some alcohol kisses at a party a year ago - or having sex with a friend for being saturated with waiting. Apart from that, he hadn’t lived or experienced as much as his friends had, because he was always worried about his studies.

"Jinyoung hyung?" The dark-haired boy heard Bambam call him, curious. "Aren't you going to answer?"

Jinyoung smiled timidly and looked at his friends, who were staring back at him.

“Uh? What?"

"Bambam asked if you ever did something like that too..." Youngjae made the older man wrinkle his nose. "He wasn't listening”.

Jinyoung bit his lips as he heard frustration sighs from his best friends. He used to hang out with them whenever he could, but when he left, he always ended up immersed in his college problems or something.

As Yugyeom said: 'Jinyoung hyung doesn’t know how to have fun. He's too caught’.

"All right, hyung. Let it go”.

But he don’t want to let it go.

He didn’t want to be just _the concentrated and righteous person_ , he wanted to be the person who hang out with friends and had fun to talk about anything for the simple fact of being around the people he liked most.

He wanted to be the kind of people who had lived his life.

"Anya~ ~!" he hummed in his dragged accent from Jinhae-gu, which made everyone surprised, because he was usually very serious and polished with his interactions. "Repeat, please. What have I ever done...?”

Bambam looked at Jaebeom for a moment, which encouraged him to repeat his question:

"We were talking about different experiences" the Thai explained again. "Youngjae just confessed that he already gave his singing teacher a blowjob, because he needed a bigger note”.

Jinyoung eye-popped.

"O-ah What?"

"I was only 15 years old!" Youngjae defended himself. "I had no idea I was doing something crazy. I was just so mad that I went bad, and my mom would kill me, so... I sucking him up”.

"And he don’t even pass in the end" Yugyeom mock drinking from Bambam’s glass. "Big move hyung. You’re so fucking smart”.

Youngjae rolled his eyes and shrugged, saying that Yugyeom was also not the holiest of all.

"When we were in high school, he got caught screwing his dance counselor." they had known each other since high school, Youngjae knew many secrets about the younger. "The entire school knew, but he made the holy line of shepherds' nephew”.

Jinyoung looked at Yugyeom, imagining this side of him.

He always saw Yugyeom as the younger brother, those the elders had to protect and guide. He listing stories about him, but never had the luxury of believing them, because he preferred the innocent image he had created of the youngest.

Still, Jinyoung felt envious, because Yugyeom, at the young age he had, had already lived more than himself. They all did.

"Well..." He started, scratching the back of his head. “I kissed my best friend” he said referring to Jaebeom, which wasn’t a secrets. They were all there. "Uh-oh, I've kissed my cousin, too. It was disgusting-”

"You never did anything besides kissing someone?" Yugyeom wanted to know.

"Ah" Park Jinyoung had already had sex. If that's what they wanted to know? He just didn't feel comfortable about it. “Not. I've done more than that”.

"What?" Jaebeom and Jackson asked at the same time. "Like... Have you ever had sex?”

"Yes.” He was short on his answer. The others waited for more. "It was no big deal. It was with a friend. On a college trip and-oh, that's it”.

"And how did it go?"

He looked at Yugyeom.

"Uh?"

"Your first time. How did it go?" Bambam rolled his eyes like it was obvious.

"Normal”.

"As I thought, it was vanilla sex" Jackson said. Jaebeom pushed him on his shoulders. "What?! It's not like it's a surprise that he had vanilla sex. I love you Jinyoung-ah, but your face screams holy cocksucker who fucks with light off”.

 _How does he know that I have sex with light off?_ Jinyoung thought dull, biting his lips.

"And how were your first times guys?"

"With a girl from school. It was in the pool at her house, and it was horrible. I don't know about her, but every time I sto-" Yugyeom stopped, observing his friend expression. "I mean, every time I penetrated her, it felt like a liter of water was coming together. It was weird”.

"If you had chosen to eat an as-outch!" Jackson screamed. "Why did you hit me?"

“Because you're in a public place. Look at your language” Jaebeom pointed to the lady at the counter who stared at them. Jackson rolled his eyes and snorted: "Mine was with a guy. Everybody knew. We had sex in the school bathroom. I was in my senior year, remember?" he asked Jinyoung, who nodded.

"My first time..."

The subject went on long enough for Jinyoung to realize that he was really out in that group.

Everything got even stranger when Bambam started talking about sadomasochism and bondage – which Jinyoung discovered had already been practiced by tree of his five friends – and he began to feel suffocated.

Suffocated by the subject being so far from his reality. And suffocated by having felt warm to hear Bambam and Jackson tell about how they enjoyed having sex with men who practiced BDSM.

At night, when he got home – a little drunk and with lots of new information – Jinyoung researched BDSM on Google and was surprised by the amount of people who were adept at that practice.

He had strange dreams with whips and gags.

 

**( ii )**

Four and a half weeks later, Jinyoung was in his class when he received a message at Kakao Talk from Bambam, saying that someone from college had been caught having sex for money.

He opened the photos, but as his friends, he didn’t recognize the boy because the quality was bad, the photos were dark and there were too many people on top of him. He just recognized the embroidered college emblem on the boy's sweatpants – because Bambam had made a red circle to show his proof.

He zoomed the image. His sweatpants was the color of the dance students. It had the same emblem as Bambam and Yugyeom’s group.

 **JYP, at 9am**  
Isn't that the color of the dance students' sweatshirt?

 **King Wang at 9:01am  
** Ya! Aren't you really the smart friend??

 **Double B at 9:02am**  
How did I not notice that?!!!

 _Double B 1 minute ago  
_ It even has the emblem of our team!

Jinyoung continued to read the messages that followed, imagining who had been so brave – or dumb – to the point of having sex for money and still being caught in that way.

It didn't take long to him to hear his professor call his name, telling him to turn off the phone and pay attention in class.

But despite the order, Jinyoung never stopped thinking about the boy in the picture. Who was he and how could he have had balls to do something like that?

He didn't know why he was so curious about the boy's identity, but he didn't stop thinking about it or talk about it with his friends during that week when the subject ran around campus:

"... don't misunderstand me. I've dated older guys who paid me stuff, but what he's doing is prostitution." Bambam complained as soon as Jinyoung and Jackson started talking about the masked dancer who had been caught having sex in a clandestine bar.

"Okay, I agree it's prostitution" Jackson nodded. "But I also agree with what Jiny means. It takes a lot of courage to prostitute yourself in this country, even more from someone to a college like this. People always end up discovering the dirty secrets here. So he's really brave”.

"Or maybe he's just stupid" Jaebeom confronted him, taking Bambam’s side. "Or a bad guy”.

They chatted non-stop, because the subject was really intriguing and for the first time in life, Jinyoung was eager to find out something about someone.

Then he observed all of Yugyeom and Bambam's classmates, and tried to meet some of the veteran students from the dance course while listing which fit best in the boy profile.

He didn't find anything in the end. All the dance students seemed concentrated and too snobbish to get involved in sex clubs, and Jinyoung felt as if his new obsession hadn’t passed from mere folly.

He gave up a week later and came back to live his stupid and quiet life, because it was simpler to continue as the boy concentrated and righteous than as the madman who was obsessed with gossip.

Six days after giving up, Jinyoung received another message in Kakao – from Bambam, of course – saying that a video of the masked boy had leaked on the internet.

Jinyoung didn’t want to open the link, but ended up doing it anyway, because it was curious.

The video was recorded as "The Boy on the black mask" and there were many views and comments. He didn't know what to do with the content until he press play:

The boy was on his knees, his back to the camera. His hands and arms were tied on a red string, behind his back, wearing something that looked like lace and the rope went through his butt from one side to the other, underneath. He had his head down.

Jinyoung straightened himself in his bed and licked his lips, hearing a hoarse voice asking the boy to put his face on the floor and lift up his ass, revealing a piece of lace on his pale skin.

He didn’t know why, but his body ascended at the very moment the man uttered a slap in the boys ass, who moaned and writhed in pain.

Jinyoung’s brown eyes watched, wide-eyed, the boy counting from zero to twenty with moans and requests drawn from supplication. And it was weird, masturbating while watching someone he might know getting fucked by some man for money.

The next day Jinyoung felt guilty for what he had done, and failed not to act strange around friends when they started talking about the video.

"I said that boy was disgusting" Bambam repeated biting a carrot. Jinyoung sigh. "He's a fucking whore”.

"You speak as if you had never practiced submission too Bambam-hyung” Yugyeom provoked.

"Not for money!" the eldest hit. "And not for the whole college to know about it”.

"Oh my God, you're playing the fake moralist!" Jackson meddled, irritated. "Weren't you the one who dated an oldie when you’re in school? He gave you things. That's prostitution too”.

"Obviously not!" The Thai eye-popped. "We were dating. He gave me things... as a gift. It wasn't a sex payment”.

Jackson rolled his eyes. Youngjae pretended not to listen and continued to eat his lunch. Jaebeom agreed to everything that Bambam said and Yugyeom watched them.

"Maybe he just needs the money for some reason we don't really know" is what Jinyoung said when they started arguing about the mistake of selling himself for money.

"This doesn’t justify" Jaebeom insisted on his opinion. As much as he had an open mind, he didn't understand the justifications that some people used to sell themselves. “… _Okay!_ But that's my opinion. You can't expect me to be honest and act like you think it's super normal for someone to have sex for money”.

The conversation continued for a long time, until Jaebeom needed to go to his class and the others said goodbye, going home or to repositions.

And as much as they wanted to stop talking about the masked Utah guy, they didn't make it. Because another video was leaked and the whole college went on a _hunt_ to find out who the dance student was that was.

 

**( iii )**

It was a cold night after he said goodbye to his friends and called a taxi for being drunk, that Jinyoung ended up acting like many of Utah students entering a nightclub in the suburbs in search of a boy in black mask.

And obviously, like the others, he was unsuccessful. That wasn't the right place and the most he got was a free vodka, because the bartender found him attractive.

The next week, moved by alcohol, Jinyoung went to another bar without telling his friends what he was up to. And without really understanding why he felt so interested.

Maybe because he masturbated watching him? Maybe because, for the first time in his life, he was after an adventure? Or maybe it was because he was getting crazy. _Yes, that last part feels right_. He thought sitting at the bar.

He waited a few moments, looked at the place in search of something that resembled the place of the photo that had been leaked, and he was on the bench until he heard a voice call his attention:

"Will you want something?"

He turned, looking at the woman with blue hair in front of him. Jinyoung took some time to think:

"Information" he said biting his lips. If his grandmother saw him now, in a bar, a little drunk, after a program boy, she'd call him crazy. But I]she'd also say it was the first time she saw him try to do something crazy and that her was happy that he finally raised balls. "I'm looking for a place. One of those bars of-ah..." The boy swallowed his saliva and felt his face warm. "Sex. Sex club”.

The blue-haired woman was silent for a moment and then shook her head:

"Are you one of those idiot students who are _hunting_ a boy?" she snorted incredulously. “Fuck. I already told you guys to stop showing up with that shit in my bar!”

Jinyoung wrinkled the frown. _So they are really hunting the kid?_

He quickly explained the woman who was not participating in the ‘hunted’, who was just curious about how the boy had managed to get into that ‘work’ – said he was in need of money and that he needed to find a way to make a living.

It was a lie.

Anyone who knew him would know that, but the woman really believed that Jinyoung was after a job after hearing the boy's tattered story about his mother being in the ward and her father running away with the little money they had stashed.

"I don’t know the boy. People showed me the picture, but I don't know him. But I know where the nightclub is. Or at least where people go to get that kind of job” she said writing down the address on a yellow paper. "You must have more than 21 to enter. And if you want a job, you need to go in the afternoon” she instructed. "Here, take it. I hope it helps”.

Jinyoung read the address and realized that he had already been in that place with his friends. It was in Gangnam.

How could they have been in a sex club without being accounted for?

"Thank you" the boy nodded keeping the paper in his pocket. "This will help”.

“Okay. Now get out of here before I regret myself and call the security. Get out!”

Jinyoung didn't go to the club alone.

He told a stupid story about being homesick and wanting to enjoy a little more before the exams started so his friends could join him.

But the truth is: he wanted to be on the scene now that he knew what the walls were hiding. The waitress at the bar had said that was the place where people went to get a ‘special’ type of job, and now everything in place seemed more attractive in Jinyoung’s eyes.

The boy sat on the little couch, which was facing a panel of green lights and wondered how people should reach that point in their lives.

He fancied a dance student entering the main door in the afternoon as the woman said, with shyness in looking to ask for a job that could ruin his life. He also imagined him entering the front door, putting a black mask on his face so that no one would recognize him, and appearing mysteriously in the middle of a sexy song so that, whoever wanted to pay well, took him to a room.

His body was get hot and his groin hurt.

"Aren't you going to dance?" Jinyoung raised his head, looking directly into Yugyeom’s eyes. He wondered if any of his friends would think he was crazy for wanting to talk to the video boy. He wanted to know what it was like to live a life like that. He wanted to know if it was exciting. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

But he couldn't ask Yugyeom that.

He couldn't ask anyone.

The eldest smiled shaking his head and stood up, drawing his friend by the hand so that they could dance with the others.

Jinyoung decided, in the middle of the runway, that he would show up at the club the next afternoon.

 

(...)

But he didn't show up because he had a surprise test and ended up wasting half day in the classroom, blaming himself for forgetting to study that week.

However, a few days later, because of his mother – who forced him to go to Gangnam to buy her a new dress – Jinyoung ended up in front of the nightclub.

It was almost dark and men with blouses written 'security' were arranging the front of the place with yellow plates.

He stopped across the street and looked over the place, hoping to see some of the dancers from that place. He wonder who he could find in that place.

Perhaps Kim Jongin, who was definitely the embodiment of Aphrodite and would work in a place like that – with a mask on his face and a tight pair of pants.

His thoughts were interrupted by a familiar face.

And it wasn't Kim Jongin's, it was Jung Hoseok.

Jinyoung had already seen him with Yugyeom.

He was a dancer.

 _Maybe he's **the** guy_. Thought Jinyoung, squeezing his bag. Oddly enough he watched Hoseok talk to one of the bouncers, laugh throwing his head back, and gesturing to the nightclub as if he were asking the man something.

Park Jinyoung at least realized that he was walking until he heard Hoseok ask how he could help him:

"Ah~ ~" The woman with blue hair had told Jinyoung to ask about the extra payment. "Hm, well... ah" stammered scratching the back of the neck.

"Are you going to talk or is it hard? What do you want?! The club is closed. It only opens at midnight".

Hoseok stared him down and waited for the boy to say something or leave. But none of the options happened, because Jinyoung didn't know exactly what to ask.

At least not at first.

His brain awakened when he saw Hoseok roll his eyes and try to enter the place, saying that no one should be released until the opening hour of the house of concerts.

"Someone told me to ask about the extra payment”.

Jung Hoseok stared at him, surprised. Generally the people who asked about 'extra payment' were close friends of important contributors, and Hoseok could counter in one-hand fingers how many were there.

That man didn’t look like anyone who had ever known or heard to speak as a possible client.

“I don't understand what you mean. Extra payment?!”

 _Lie_. He thought and said:

"A friend at work pointed me to this place. He said that here I could find... Adventures.” He smiled, opening his wallet to pick up his father's card, who was a lawyer.

He didn’t understand very well of sex clubs, but had seen some movies and customers were usually important people and with money. His father, although he didn’t live with his family since Jinyoung was 4 years old and didn’t collaborate with the income of his children, worked in a good office in the city.

And of course, luckily Jinyoung had the same name as his father: Park Jin Young, lawyer.

Hoseok analyzed the card and questioned his age, receiving a nod and a lie as an answer. After he sighed deep, took his phone and talked to someone for some time:

"Who exactly referred you to the Lions Club?" Hoseok questioned him by looking directly at the boy.

"I don't think I need to say the name. I mean, isn't that a description of your motto? If it wasn't, no one would have gotten into it”.

Hoseok bowed his lips and turned to the other side, returning to speak Mandarin. When he hung up the phone, he took the tablet in the security hand that was talking.

"Service, servant or observer?"

 _If you're in a fair situation, be indifferent. Don't show you don't know what they're talking about or they'll eat you alive_. Jinyoung's father wasn't talking about nightclubs and masked boys, but that was advice that seemed to fit perfectly in that situation:

"Hmm..." he smiled. "How about if you decide? I want to see what kind of fun you have to surprise me” he said firm, shoving his hands in his pockets. "So, looking at me: service, servant or observer?"

Hoseok – knowing exactly why – smiled maliciously.

"I bet some people would love to see you serve, but let's just say I have other interests in mind for you, Mr. Park." The redhead explained that he was recording something on his tablet. He extended the device to Jinyoung. "Now you just have to pay”.


	2. a red tie in his hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi~~~ i'm here again because I can wait for publish this hahah and i'll never gonna have much time this week so... here am i! 
> 
> So, as always, I hope you guys like it.

**\- due -**

Jinyoung wasn't going to lie, he was so fucking nervous.

He wasn’t a silly kid who had never heard about sex clubs, but he had never seen one and he was very nervous.

He didn't know what to imagine or think, so he felt claustrophobic about the possibilities he could find at the club that night.

Hoseok didn’t explain what service, servant or observer was. And Google didn't have a sex directed definition - and it had signed and paid for the contract - then he was nervous.

"Identity, please" the security asked, lifting the device in his hand to get his document authenticity. He took a good look at Jinyoung's picture and face. "Hand”.

A red stamp with the symbol of a tie was pressed on the back of his hand, and he was released to enter through a door he hadn’t noticed before.

With his heart beating fast in his chest, Jinyoung came down the stairs wondering what was in his head to be in that place.

Why did a boy have to spend all his money just to get into a place? Because he, of all people, was obsessed with that boy? What did he want with the boy anyway?

 _I'm must be going crazy for good. That's the only plausible answer to that shit_. He thought,  breathing deeply.

When Jinyoung pushed a door covered by random stamps, he felt his eyes burn and he didn’t have time to recompose because he was approached by a woman, who checked the stamp in his hand and greeted him with an inviting smile, guiding him to a table.

There were a lot of people. The vast majority of them were men, and much of them were wearing white masks, like the one that had been delivered to Jinyoung by the woman.

And that he had not put.

"It's not a requirement. Some men use them for being married outside of this place, or because they are too important to be mentioned as possible participants. If you don't want to use it, it's your choice, only".

And he didn't use it, because he wasn't expecting to find someone he knew - except for the guy he'd been looking for, but he didn't think he was in danger of being denounced, because they were in the same situation.

A while later all the lights went out and people screamed, scaring Jinyoung in his chair. A song began to echo on all sides and slowly, whitelight turn on, revealing boys dressed in black and different masks.

When music echos, all the masked people began to dance, each in their sensuality and choreography.

"Everybody's wearing masks”.

"They serve for customers to find their favorites" a woman in a lace mask said staring at the boy. "Are you new here?"

Jinyoung nodded.

"Service, servant or observer?"

Jinyoung didn't know.

"Let me see your hand..." She asked nicely, smiling when she saw the red mark on the boy's hand. But before she could say anything, she was interrupted by a soft, attractive voice that welcomed them.

After a brief toast, some men and women came out of their chairs and went to the track, straight the dancefloor with the masked boys.

"Don't stand still" the woman who was talking to him said he was getting up. "Get close to one of them, and he'll know what to do. I think you'll like your stamping choice”.

With his eyes steeped in doubt, Jinyoung nodded and swallowed his saliva, watching the woman approach a boy who gave her hand and followed her somewhere.

Everyone seemed to know exactly who to look for or where to go, but Jinyoung had no idea what to do, because he knew no one and did not know what the mask boy in the video looks like. He was always with his back to the camera.

The only thing he could say was that his mask was black.

But there were a lot of black masks.

Then Jinyoung kept sitting, blaming himself for being in that place and for spending all the money he had made with his grandmother.

Many had already disappeared at the scene when a man in a gray mask approached him.

There were no words, the boy touched Jinyoung's shoulder and sought his hand, evaluating the drawing on his skin with curiosity in his dark eyes.

"Oh, I'm waiting for someone" he said when the boy tried to get him to stand up. Again, there was no answer, just a firm grip and a silent incentive. Jinyoung looked everywhere, confused and frightened. "I-I..."

There was another grip on his hand, and the boy in front of him moved his head like he was calling him somewhere.

Jinyoung was there to find the boy who was taking his sanity, not to get involved in the madness of that place. Still, his legs were wobbly when he was pulled from his chair and led by the people.

The room was red. Just like the room he saw in the video and had a bed and things that Jinyoung couldn't say the name.

The boy took off his jacket. He passed his hands in his hair and turned to Jinyoung, looking at him from behind the mask as if he were expecting something that did not come.

Jinyoung took an involuntary step back when the lad gave some in his direction, abruptly. The two were a few inches away and the lower one felt the breathing accelerate with that approach.

When he opened his mouth to say that he wasn’t understanding, the taller knelt in front of him causing a loud noise from his knees going against the ground.

Park Jinyoung didn't understand anything. Or at least he didn't want to understand, because a man was kneeling with his head down in front of him and all he wanted was to find a person and ask some questions.

"I-oh I-can you explain what's going on? I'm new here”.

The boy responded to the command without the other realizing that it was in fact a command:

" _The mark on your hand say you are a service. A client. A dominant client”._

Jinyoung's brown eyes widened.

“I am not!”

Without thinking twice, he turned towards the door.

"What the fuck is this?" he croaked pulling the doorknob again. "What-you!" he cried turning to the boy, who continued on his knees and his head down. "How did I get out?"

" _With your code access_ " The voice muffled by the mask said.

Code access? The eldest wrinkled his nose, thinking of the paper he had received from Hoseok and that he had left at home.

"I-I haven't" he whispered to himself. "I left in-God! I'm stuck here?"

“Yes”.

“No. No. No!" he repeated grabbing his hair. "I can't get stuck in a room with-ah... with an unknown person." he meant program boy.

There was a constrained moan from the boy and Jinyoung bit his mouth, feeling guilty for the explicit insult in his voice.

" _Can I do something to make you more calm, sir?"_

Park Jinyoung licked his lips without knowing what to do.

He had read about dominion and submission, and it was all about command and consensus.

“Yes. Do something. I want go out!”

The boy raised his head, gazed Jinyoung for a few minutes and stood up, going to him.

" _That I can't do. Not now_ " he said getting inches from him, which brought his saliva, felt intimidated. When he found his own voice again, he was being pressed against the wall by a complete stranger. " _I know you said you were looking for someone, but you paid for the job. And if I don't do something, they're going to know”._

Jinyoung wrinkled his frown, following the boy's eyes direction, which led him to cameras in the room.

" _We can only pretend_ " the boy whispered near to the eldest ear, who shrank even further. The big, pale hands were taking off Jinyoung’s coat slowly, and then scrubbing towards the eldest's hip.

He had no action, he just sat on the bed that was thrown and licked his lips, watching the maskred boy dancing.

Jinyoung pressed his sweaty fingers, trying not to look as nervous as he was.

And he could try to solve all that confusion with a nod to the camera or a scandal for not being with the servant who he wanted only to go, but his eyes were bewitched by the man movements in front of him.

He was not like the dancers of Erotix's nightclub that Jackson had taken Jinyoung, there were no strange movements or an attempted failure of sensuality. The boy was indeed a dancing God, with his broad shoulders and his sharp curves.

The confidence that passed through each movement emanated from his body caught Park Jinyoung’s attention, who soon felt his weight on histhighs.

"Just pretend..." The boy said rolling against the eldest lap, who surprise groaned between his teeth and held him by his bare and soft ass. "Or not…”

The following movements led Jinyoung’s mind to a place he even suspected existed before.

He was still wearing jeans, but the way he felt made him wonder how soft he should be against Jinyoung’s hot skin.

The eldest felt a hand touch in the button of his trousers, which was forced down a little:

"Put your hands on my ass and pretend you're enjoying it" the other asked, moving his hip with more force against Jinyoung, who didn't have to make fakes moans.

The feeling of having someone rubbing against him after so long without physical contact with another person, even though with all those clothes and cameras watching them, it was really different. **Good**.

He was pushed back, so that he would lie down, and the boy straightened himself on his lap, putting his butt right over his dick, which was really starting to hurts.

Jinyoung put his hands on his face and repressed a moan when the other's ass turned against him, slowly.

Suddenly he thought about what Jackson would be doing if he was in his place. He'd probably be enjoying every penny spent on banging that boy hard against that bed.

His hairs shivered to feel his ass fiction against his member, who suddenly gave up to follow his sane commands  and began to become harder and harder.

But as fast as it started, it ended.

Suddenly a red light vibrated in the room and the boy over his lap stopped, rising and kneeling near the bed.

He don’t need any words, the eldest understood that the show was over and that someone else was probably waiting to enter that room.

The reality of having to scrub with a program boy made him rise abruptly, embarrassed by something he didn't understand.

He didn't say goodbye as the good educated boy he was, he just walked through the door and leaned against the wall, feeling his pants tight and his dick sore.

And even though he was seeing another man enter the room he had just left, he lowered his head and tried to hide a confused smile that was on his lips because, for the first time in his life, he had lived a little longer and had surprisingly enjoyed it.

 

**( ii )**

Weeks later, Jinyoung continued receive promotion messages from Lion's Club. And even if he didn't want to admit it, he kept thinking about the guy in the gray mask and the guy with the black mask - who made him go to that club.

Because that, he spent some time researching on Google terms and people involved with that kind of relationship than studying – this made his mother noticed a change, and commented to her mother, who soon called him and asked if he was dating, because she believed that people like Jinyoung only went wrong in school when they found a love that turned they heart and head.

But even after he clarified what was going on, he had to lie to his mother, because she found out about his negative account. He invented a tattered story that had subscribed to a college outing out of the country.

As soon as he convinced his mom, Jinyoung sought a way to make money. But he had no one to ask for help, and he was freaking out.

He almost let despair win and asked his father for help when Jaebeom showed up with a check and a nice smile that said: ‘you're my best friend, let me give you some money’.

Then things at home calm down, he went back to study – not as often as before – and his grandmother and mother stopped picking on his nervous. And he also went back to acting less stressed out about money.

"Can I ask you something?" Jinyoung turned to Bambam, who raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Was it strange when you began to practice sadism?"

The parallel conversation died at the same moment.

Jackson faced his friend, Jaebeom asked if he was going crazy, Youngjae laughed and Yugyeom kept his mouth open.

"Why do you want to know about it all of a sudden?"

"People in my class can't stop talking about that boy" this wasn't a lie. "And they live mentioning statistics about people who practice this”.

"What's the dumbest statistic?" Bambam wanted to know.

"That he have a complex with his parents, in the matter of authority. It's kind of incestuous if you're think hard about it”.

"Not if there's no real blood flow..." It was Yugyeom who whispered.

"Okay." Jinyoung replied nauseous. He wouldn't want to know his opinion about that. He was still a little boy. "How was it for you?"

" _Is he really asking that?"_ Jackson whispered to Youngjae, who nodded and licked his ice cream. "Sure we're not having a dream because of some drug in the ice cream?"

"No, he's really asking that..." Youngjae whispered back, receiving a grimace frin Jinyoung, who ignored them.

“Are you going to answer me or not? I told you why I want to know that…” the black-haired boy rolled his eyes. "And also because I can never participate in any conversation, either with you guys or my classmates”.

"And then you want to know about sadism to fit in a conversation with those idiots?" Bambam laughed debauched, and surprised.

"Wow, is Park Jinyoung finally waking up to life or has he just gone crazy for good?" Jaebeom provoked, knowing that his friend would probably blush or divert his eyes, but the other just snorted impatient and role is eyes again. “Ya! Did he just ignore me?”

"So?"

Bambam wrinkled his frown. He was really surprised that Jinyoung had started a conversation like that, because the older one was always the first to withdraw when friends started talking about sex or sex related things.

He turned to the eldest and thought an instant:

"What exactly do you want to know?"

"About sadism" Jinyoung repeated.

“Hmm” Bambam coughed listening to the others laugh. “I'm not the best person to answer about that, about BDSM I only practice bondage. I think Jaebeom h-au! Why did you hit me?” The Thai turned to Jaebeom, who opened his eyes and denied. Jinyoung had no idea he was also adept at that practice. “Resuming my speech... where was I?”

"That you only practice bondage" Yugyeom reported taking his choco milkshake.

"Exactly!" Bambam hit his hands. "I only practice bondage, which is the act of tying, disabling or restinguiring a person's movement during sex. But if you want to understand sadism have to understand that it is part of BDSM. Which is basically a series of practices and ways of relating”.

"B is from bondage right?" Jinyoung nodded. He had read it on the Internet, but had no time to assimilate because his mother called him to dinner and they began to talk about the seven-day mass of his aunt who had died. "What about the rest of the acronyms?"

"I'm going to pull over here because this conversation is too weird and I'm starting to get dizzy" Jackson whispered, still indignant at the fact that Jinyoung is showing interest in that conversation.

Yugyeom, Youngjae and Jaebeom kept quiet and studied each other's expression, because they were also confused and wanted to understand where that interest had come from.

"The D has more than one meaning. First of all, discipline. That is when one of the partners take control over the other, establishing rules and behaviors that must be obeyed. And it also means domination and submission. It is basically when one wields a larger domain, and the other submits to that domain for free and spontaneous will. In this regard, the relationship may or might not involve bondage or sadism”.

“Okay...” Jinyoung breathed deeply, trying to process everything at once. “What about the latest acronyms? SM?”

“It's S&M. Which is when one of the partners - or even the two for them - take pleasure in the act of provoking or experiencing physical, mental and emotional pain”.

Park Jinyoung nibbled the corner of his nail, thinking about the mysterious boy video – and the way that other one knelt in front of him and obeyed the few orders he gave.

"Shhh" Jackson murmured. "Be quiet, he's trying to assimilate the information at this time and-"

"Seun-ah?" Jinyoung called him in his grave voice. "Shut up" and then everyone laughed, because Park Jinyoung was never the kind of person who would give up friends or tell someone to shut up.

"Ya!" Jackson shouted knocking on the table. "How can you talk to me like that Park Gae?"

Jinyoung rolled his eyes to Bambam.

"The boy in the video..." he asked. “Does he fit in?”

“In sadism?" Bambam thought a little. "I don’t really know. That was a sex tape from a kid on the show. They usually do what the customers want them to do.” He said shrugging.

“Oh, I see…” The black-haired nodded. "All this... There are rules?”

"Jinyoung-ah" Jaebeom called him. "I think you'd better take it easy on this”.

"Why?"

"Ah... because you seem a little obsessed, hyung" Yugyeom said biting his lips. “It's a weird interest for you”.

"What? You talk about it”.

"Yes, but you're not like... Like us.” Youngjae spoke quietly, afraid to upset his friend. “You're smart, shy and focused on your studies. Have vanilla sex and get the b-"

“I've got it. I'm boring” Jinyoung sighed really upset, picking up his things. “Whatever. I have to go home. Bye”.

"Jinyoung-ah!" they all shouted seeing him move away from the haste.

When he passed through the front door, he felt less suffocated by all the surprised and worried looks of his friends.

Why was it so strange that a twenty-four-year-old adult was interested in knowing different things about sex? It's not because he was focused, shy and quiet that he wasn't a human being who wanted to learn about different things.

He snitched angry, taking the bus card out of his pocket.

"Hyung!" Jinyoung heard Yugyeom’s smiling voice call him before he could go to the bus stop. As soon as the other approached, he was soon saying that he wasn’t in the mood. “If you want to know more, I'll tell you” Yugyeom replied back, with a smile.

Jinyoung wrinkled the frown.

He would never agree to hear Yugyeom talk about sex.

Not that he despised him, he just didn't want to hear him talk about sex because... it was Yugyeom. His younger brother.

“Oh. I appreciate that, Gyeom-ah, but I think you've given this matter to me for today” he say. “I have to go home now”.

“All right” Yugyeom nodded. “But if you change your mind you know where I live.” he smiled sideways. “I'll wait for you... Hyung”.

 

**( iii )**

 

“First...” Jinyoung breathed deeply, sitting cross-legged. “You have to promise me not to use derogatory terms like dick, pussy or anything like that”.

“Ok”.

“And you can't talk looking into my eyes because it would be very weird” he completed overwhelmed with the situation. “And you can't, in any way, comment with the others that I came after you”.

"Understood”.

"Ah-"

“Jinyoung-hyung...?” Yugyeom stop him. "Breathe, please. You'll end up having a heart attack”.

Then he breathed, slowly and deeply.

He couldn’t believe that he had even accepted the suggestion to go to Yugyeom, but after not having found anyone to talk to and Google had not been enough to make him associate all things, Jinyoung just gave up and called the youngest, asking If he could go to his apartment so they could talk.

“Yes. There are rules” Yugyeom started by where Bambam and Jinyoung had stopped. “If there are no rules, things can get off the rails and someone can get hurt. So they have the safe words”.

"I read about it" Jinyoung nodded. "These are random words, right? Like colors”.

"Yes, but they may be other random words" Yugyeom laughed. "For example, if you and I were in such a relationship..." The eldest made vomiting sound and Yugyeom laughed. "I'd wear _peaches_ ”.

"Peaches?"

"Yes" the youngest laughed maliciously. "Because your ass looks like a soft peach. Ready to be bitten”.

“Ewc. You're a dirty-minded little boy”.

"Thank you." the youngest laughed. "Uh, some couples make a deal. It's not like 50 Shades of Gray. This can be made on any sheet, with stickers and colored pen” he said making Jinyoung laugh. "But they do SSC contract. Which is the acronym for: safe and consensual” he explained. “It's where they usually decide what they want or not to do during the relationship. It may even be questioned in clothing or physical health”.

"It looks like a power outlet. Don't you think? Someone always seems to have more power over each other with all these things”.

“Depends. It's not exactly necessary that it's about who has the most power in a relationship. It's not because you're submissive that you have no power. And it's not because you're a dominant who's the sole and absolute owner of the whole fucking thing”.

Jinyoung nodded, thinking again of the boy.

"What's your opinion about the kid in the video...?"

“Why are you so interested in him?”

Jinyoung shrugged.

“That's all they talk about” he lied. "I just wanted to understand why I live on the outside. It's boring to be the ‘right, focused, shy’ dude”.

“Imagine what it's like to be the eternal baby.” Yugyeom bumped off by squeezing his lips. Jinyoung popped his tongue, calling him smart kiddo. "I think that: we don't know what his situation is. Maybe he's a program kid, and that video is from a client who wanted to experience a crazy thing by leaking those shit on the internet…” he said wagging his shoulders. "Or maybe he was obliged. You never know”.

 _Thank you_. That's what Jinyoung thought. That the boy in the video had been obliged as the one who rubbed himself on it. He said 'If I don't do something, they'll know' like it's a bad thing. Like it was his duty to have sex with someone just because they were getting paid for it.

He wanted to be able to find the boy and ask him if he was okay. Maybe that was why he could be anyone in college, which made the idea closer to his reality. Or maybe Jinyoung was just really going crazy, but he wish he could ask the kid in the black mask if he was in that place about cohesion.

Kim Yugyeom's voice drew him from his thoughts:

“Do you want to know anything else?”

He wanted to. He wanted to know if his friend would understand, if he would go to the Lions Club with him, if he would find the boy with him. But he couldn’t want that, because despite knowing a lot about BDSM, Yugyeom was right: he was the eternal baby of the group and Jinyoung couldn’t do that to him.

“ _Anya_ ” he sighed throwing herself into bed. “Now I want to watch a movie and forget all this shit before I get a headache”.

The bed moved, and Jinyoung felt the other lie down.

“Okay. But if you decide you don't want to forget…” he whispered with a yawn. "You can come here whenever you want and ask the questions you want. I'd love to answer them for you, hyung”.

Park Jinyoung laughed and turned, staring at the boy with his eyes closed.

"When did you grow up and become so nasty Gyeom-ah?"

"Aigoo, an era ago hyung." Yugyeom yawned again. "You didn't realize because you’re too busy... imagining me as a child”.

 

**( iv )**

Park Jinyoung’s chats had really changed after a few hours of conversation with Kim Yugyeom – the youngest was really smart and because that he could associate new information faster than the others, and the eldest used it to understand things that he couldn't figure it out on his own.

He and Jinyoung were getting closer – all because of an unenlightened curiosity – and they conversations suddenly came to be in bars, with glasses of drinks and exaggerated laughter because of confused subjects about sex.

But still, Jinyoung didn't tell Yugyeom about his adventure at the Lions Club and didn't tell him about being going in that place again after almost two months.

Hoseok was really surprised to see Park Jinyoung at the Lions Club after so long, and so - as a proof of commitment with his clients - he allowed Jinyoung to follow with a selected group up to an immense room with white lights and chandeliers.

"Ladies... gentlemen, welcome to the Golden Quarter" a woman dressed in a golden mask with an eye between the two eyes said, opening her arms to her 'guests'. "Here is where fun takes another turn, where dreams of our most special clients become real." she said and Jinyoung imagined a smile behind the gold mask on her face. "We have two options here. Where the interested parties can join my white joker, on the left side of the room, where they will be served with the best and most attractive _devoted_ ”.

Jinyoung realized at the same moment what would be the people who would follow the man wearing a white joker mask. And he also realized that he had no idea what are "devoted."

“The second option is for those who follow my red Joker, who will take them to the other room, where they can enjoy the best experiences with _slaves_ of their lives.” she had a calm, inviting voice. Even without knowing what it was, Jinyoung decided to go with the red mask. “The time to choose has arrived. Decide and follow your jokers... and have as much fun as you can. Because this is where fantasy meets reality”.

Quietly, Park Jinyoung climbed the stairs behind his group and entered in another room, where a wooden table resided in the center, with huge gold candlesticks with red candles.

They were instructed to choose a place – Jinyoung chose to stay in the middle, between a white-haired lady and a rabbit mask and a man in black joke mask – and discreetly a song echoed through the room bringing with it a man with broad shoulders and earnest face by behind a white lace, that pulled something in his hand.

It took a few seconds for Jinyoung to realize what he was pulling at the other end: a man in a red wax mask, wearing only a white t-shirt, black socks and underwear.

Some customers seemed to cheer up when the boy was pulled against the table, causing a silver noise being dragged through the plain wood of the table, and a moan of pain from the youngest.

Jinyoung's eyes run through the table – he and the man holding the boy, who had been pushed face-down at the table, were the only ones without express masks – and his breathing sped up, leaving him stunned for a brief instant. Until the first lashing echoed, making some clients gasp.

Jinyoung jumped in his chair and turned his eyes to the boy in the wax red tears mask, startled by the way he screamed behind that thing that blocked his expression – of pain, of course.

The sounds were becoming more and more intense as the clients were getting excited – some men were already wearing their pants down while watching the boy being whipped, the woman next to him had two fingers inside her and the man on his other side was grabbing the table as if he wanted to stand up and take the place of the Lord who whipped the boy – and Jinyoung understood what _slave_ meant in that place.

And it wasn’t his choice to feel his skin creep up when the batter folded the boy's wrists in this back, pull his underwear down, provoking a moan – and something that Yugyeom said echoed in his mind that moment: ‘maybe he's doing it because he likes it’.

Maybe the boy behind the mask was there for his own free will, because he seemed to be really enjoying being penetrated so crudely and quickly. He seemed to like the audience masturbating, from the moans provoked by his cries, the way Jinyoung’s skin was tingling and his hands sweating.

Maybe the boy he were looking for would also like that life too.


	3. what about looking for dori?

**\- trois -**

Jinyoung could no longer participate in his friends conversations, because every time he opened his mouth, he ended up asking something about sex or wishing he could tell them about what he was doing.

Countless times he caught himself imagining how liberating it would be to be able to say aloud that for the first time in his life he had done something that exceeded the limit of madness - he wanted to be able to tell Jaebeom, who was his closest friend, that he felt strange things when he was going to Lions Club and had the privilege of watching the secret concerts of that place.

He wanted to tell Jackson, because he knew that the Chinese would probably accompany him next time, and maybe that would be enough to get the feeling of guilt every time Jinyoung went through the red door.

He wanted to count even Youngjae and Bambam, who would probably call him crazy. And he wanted to tell Yugyeom, who seemed always willing to hear it without judgment.

But Jinyoung couldn’t say anything, because perhaps none of his friends would understand, because they were false moralists who accepted certain conditions only if there was the title of an implicit relationship in the situation. Jaebeom even said that he found the boy video a whore, because receiving gifts was different from being paid in cash.

Until Bambam, who had admitted to having a relationship with bondage, thought it was odd for a young man – perhaps because he was a student at Utah University – with a promising future to be filmed to be exposed on the internet that way.

No, they wouldn't understand. That's why Jinyoung began to participate less of they conversations about sex or about their new partners – or adventures, in Bambam case – because it was easier to be feeling guilty alone than to be the target of judgment.

Because he couldn't talk to his friends, he ended up messing with Jung Hoseok – which happened by chance, because Jinyoung drank too much before going to Lions Club and was barred at the entrance – the only one who understood him and listened to him without saying harsh words.

"We've talked about this" Hoseok repeated, sighing deeply before taking his beer. “I can't talk about the servants. We have identity contracts, you know?”

“I know, I know that” Jinyoung snitched. “But I'm not asking you to say his name, I'm just giving you information so you can think with affection if you know the person”.

Jung Hoseok didn't understand why Park Jinyoung had become so obsessed with a little boy in a video. Especially when that little boy was a Lions Club servant. It didn't make sense.

“Jinyoung, he's a servant in a sex club. Even if I could tell you his name, you two couldn't be together”.

“What? No! I told you, I don't want to be with him” Jinyoung defended himself. “I'm just curious about a few things”.

“About what? Didn't you say yourself that your friend helped you understand some things about this world? And that Lions have served you information every new visit? Why go after him?!”

Jinyoung sighed, leaning against the chair.

"I don't know. I think I want to-oh, I don't know what drove him to this job. Was it to pay for college? He's a dance student. Isn't it just the best and richest who can get a major dance in Utah?" Jinyoung murmured restlessly. "Does it make sense to you that a dance student from a university who chooses rich or well-conditioned candidates is selling himself in a sex club?!”

Hoseok laughed.

"You know, you just described me." he said making Jinyoung realize Hoseok really fit the profile: he was a dance student from Utah, his father was a renowned lawyer in EUA and send his son to Korea because he wanted him to have an Korean education and even then, even with all the money, he worked at the Lions. ‘ _shut up, you're one of the managers’_ , Jinyoung say. “Before I was a manager, I was a servant. You know”.

Yes, he knew.

Park Jinyoung gave up.

He had no reason to be obsessed.

“Okay” he said at last. “You're right. I'm going to stop this silly obsession. I like to know that I'm someone new now, at least on Lions, and it makes no sense to keep talking about that boy”.

Hoseok nodded, asking for another round.

“Let's toast your freedom” he said filling his friend's glass. “A toast to Park Jin Young, a man without obsession and willing to enjoy life. The Lions Club offers you our sincerest congratulations”.

**( ii )**

He didn’t know when he began to hear the screams, he didn’t even remember to change his way to check what was happening, he only remembered having seen Yugyeom slip on his feet and fall to his knees, getting a punch in his face.

"Hey, motherfucker!" Jinyoung shouted letting his bags fall before rushing towards the boy, ready to take him away from his friend when he was pulled back. The oldest and lowest of the three turned his head, surprised to see Yugyeom hold him by the bar of his coat.

“Who is this Gyeom-ah? Another one you're trying to roll over and fuck like you did to me?” The blond-haired boy laughed, spitting a ball of blood upon the ground. Jinyoung continued facing the youngest without understanding why he held him. “Uh? Is he your new little slut?”

It was only when Jinyoung tried to get rid of the younger hands and go up to the blond that Yugyeom moved, sticking in front of him with his arms open and his face bruised. He breathed in haste.

“No!” Yugyeom screamed putting his hand on Jinyoung's chest, to prevent him from doing something crazy. “Stay out of it”.

"What?"

“Go home, hyung”.

Jinyoung couldn't be even listening to that. Yugyeom was preventing him from hitting someone who had visibly just beaten him?

“Yes little boy, you do better go home” the blond laughed behind Yugyeom, who covered him with his size. The younger licked his wounded lip. "Little Yugyeomie and I have to finish our conversation. Then get out”.

Park Jinyoung watched Kim Yugyeom's face let a panic spark go through his expression before hardening his jaw and loosening his shirt, releasing him from his grip before he turned to the blonde and say something in a whisper.

( - )

In middle of the night a knock in the door woke Jinyoung up.

In the first few minutes he thought about calling the campus security or picking up a knife, because he hadn’t agreed to see any of his friends and the clock already marked almost 5am. 

But after hearing a quick, muffled conversation, he opened the door to check - because if he was a thief or a murderer, the first person who saw him would have died first and screamed.

Park Jinyoung pressed his lips to see the smile on the other's face:

"Hi hyung" Yugyeom greeted with a cough. “Can I come in?”

 _No_. That's what the elder wanted to say. _You can't stop me from hitting someone who was beating you up, telling me to go away and showing up in my dorm with a smile_. But he didn't say nothing, he just stepped out and let him in with his bruises.

Yugyeom leaned against the wall and lifted his head, breathing hurriedly to feel a pain in his rib, before laughing alone:

"Shit" the youngest whispered closing his eyes. "I told you to go away and I came running for help anyway. And you still let me in.” He brought his saliva. “Who's the most dumbest?”

“Probably me...” Jinyoung sighed approaching the youngest. “Come here, let me help you this time” he said supporting his highest on his shoulder carefully. “Sit carefully. I'll get Bambam’s first aid kit”.

“Where is he?” Yugyeom wanted to know, as if his bruised face confronted with the question in question.

Jinyoung say that Bambam had slept in Jaebeom’s house.

"Jackson hyung must be jealous now" Yugyeom said with a moan, feeling his lip burn while having a wet cotton touching his torn skin. "I bet he'd-"

"Why did you stop me?"

Yugyeom looked at him for the first time.

And he smiled.

He smiled.

“Because it wouldn't change anything” the boy admitted taking the old man's cotton. “He would have bit you and me up. So I didn't see why let that happen to you either”.

"You really underestimate me" Jinyoung complained really incredulously. "Is he your boyfriend? I heard him say something about-"

“Can you forget about it, hyung?" and for the first time, Jinyoung saw a vulnerable and hurt Yugyeom. He had tears in his eyes even though he was smiling. “At least for a while? I need a bath, maybe clean clothes and a little sleep before I can really talk about what happened”.

He was begging.

Jinyoung wanted to understand what he had seen earlier, why Yugyeom stopped him and why that guy had spoken as if he were the victim of the situation. But the boy seemed too fragile at that moment.

He didn't want to hurt him even more.

“All right, Gyeom-ah” It was hard to leave the subject for later, but the black-haired one wiped the other's face in silence and made some bandages, before helping him to get rid of his clothes and get into the hot tub. “I didn't know you had tattoos...” Jinyoung tried to soften the mood while rubbing Yugyeom’s back, who tried pointlessly not to react to pain. “I just had this image of a cute, innocent little boy corrupted in my mind”.

“I thought you corrupted her when you asked me about BDSM”.

And as uncomfortable as the moment was, they laughed softly while Jinyoung rubbed Yugyeom’s sticky hairs and got rid of the filth and sweat of his skin.

When it was over, he helped him to dress and sat on the floor beside the bed while watching the youngest catch sleep in a feverish sea of 40 degrees and sore moans. you

( - )

The next morning, Jinyoung left early to buy a porridge for Yugyeom, who would need strength after having fought the fever in his troubled sleep and came back running, because he wanted to see him wake up.

“Thanks for everything, hyung.” Yugyeom smiled bowing with difficulty, receiving a sermon for being forcing his back with all those purple stains. "I'm part of the box team, did you know that?" the youngest asked staring at the bowls in front of him. “If it weren't for Jeon Jungkook and Park Jimin I'd probably be the best in my class, but they've been at it longer than me and have more time to practice” he explain. “So, if I wanted to defend myself yesterday...” Kim Yugyeom looked into Park Jinyoung's eyes. “I would have done it hyung”.

"I don't understand" Jinyoung didn't know about it, because he didn't care much about Yugyeom. "You could have defended yourself and opted not to do this? Why?”

“Not to be rude, but it's not your business”.

Jinyoung croaked unsatisfied.

“It's not my business?" he screamed. “I saw you getting spanked, you kicked me without me doing anything and then you showed up at my door with a fucking smile...” He tattled mad. “And you still have the guts to say it's not my business? Of course it is!”

“Anya…” Yugyeom laughed fun at the other's anger. “It's not really your business, hyung. But I appreciate you trying to help me and for letting me stay here yesterday”.

Jinyoung opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted by Yugyeom's phone, which rang and made him stand up carefully:

“I have to go now”.

"Kim Yu Gyeom!" Jinyoung shouted holding him. The taller looked earnest for an instant, and then grinned silly. “What is your problem? Why are you smiling like that?”

“Because you care about me, hyung” the youngest said as if it were the coolest thing in the world. “You've never demonstrated to worry about me before. It started just because we talked about sex, ever since you've looked at me like that...” Yugyeom whispered the last part, making Jinyoung release him. Caring wasn't something new. Right? “But you needn't worry. I broke up with him”.

 _So he was your boyfriend?_ Jinyoung thought he asked, but he still had his lips sealed. For some reason, he was relieved.

“My uncle will take care of everything now. I ratted him out for assault yesterday, before he showed up.” The boy explained taking off his coat off the hook, letting a moan escape. “Anyway, thanks for helping me out. I'm going to owe you one”.

**( iii )**

Jinyoung was angry because he hadn't heard from Yugyeom for days. Jaebeom had said that the boy was visiting his grandmother because of a flu that didn’t want to pass - what Jinyoung know to be lie - and Bambam insisted on saying that Yugyeom seemed fine when they spoke on the phone at night.

Then Jinyoung was annoyed, because Yugyeom had turned to Bambam and hadn’t taken the consideration of sending him a message before escaping with a false flu. After having helped him he thought the younger one would trust more and look for him, but none of it happened, because Yugyeom simply ignored him.

And annoyed Jinyoung sold his watch to buy a new service from Lions Club – all because Hoseok inferned him saying that it was an opportunity of the gods, and because it would yield a few more points with the boss – and chose a night to visit the place.

That night they attended a show of uncomfortable suspension, where instead of men, skinny and pale women were sexually tortured and used by clients gold masks.

He was bored and disgusted when he felt a comfortable weight on his shoulder and moved his head, finding a boy in a gray mask.

He hasn’t seen that mask for some time – since his third trip to Lions Club, when Hoseok commented on having had problems with Jinyoung having gone to the room with _that_ servant.

After that, he never saw him again.

Hoseok commented something about some servants having the freedom to come and go depending on who wore them – and the drawings in their masks said who their owners were. But that boy have a mysterious tycoon, who paid rivers of fortune to see him every month.

Jinyoung wasn’t allowed to accept his invitation, but Hoseok was not at the club and he was the only one who could quarrel with Jinyoung for disobeying an order.

The two entered a different room, with green lights and cold air, and different from the first time, Jinyoung was the one who took off his coat first and sat on the bed with an undecipherable countenance.

He attended Lions Club for six months now, but had never lain with a servant or accepted any kind of attraction. He just sat and watched as a good observer, even if everyone bowed and called him _Lord_ because of his brand.

“ _I heard a rumor that a man without a mask doesn’t use his rights in the club_ " the muffled and sneaky voice inquired from the door. " _That he prefers watch, even if he walks around here with a red stamp on his skin_.” The boy proceeded going in uncomfortable footsteps to the dresser, where he triggered a device and sound and left his rings. " _So you want me to touch myself while you watch... Observer?_ "

There was no immediate response, just the gnashing of teeth and then Jinyoung stood up.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and walked around the room, analyzing every detail and object carefully.

When he stopped his fingers on one of the objects, he bit the corner of his mouth and looked askance at the boy in the gray mask, wondering who was supposed to be his "owner" and why he was in the room with another person.

“I heard a rumor that a boy in a gray mask, that has a golden cross symbol between his eyes, is owned by a spoiled tycoon and stuffed with a crossbow... that he can't sleep with another man, yet he walks around wiggling his ass for everyone”.

 Maybe Jinyoung had a sharp tongue for being a little drunk, maybe it was because he had spent his entire afternoon angry and frustrated, listening to Hoseok talk about the waste he did by not using his rights in the nightclub. Maybe because it really changed.

"I-"

“On your knees” Jinyoung say without looking at the boy, who was obliged to obey. The eldest heaved a deep sigh and scratched his chin. “It is true. I don't like those fucking masks, because if they have to find me, they're going to do it even if they use one” he replied grabbing one object between his fingers. “And no. I never used my rights here...” he whispered crouching in front of the boy in the gray mask, who looked at him from behind that gray thing that covered his possibly beautiful face, watching him move the anal strap over his hand. “At least not until... this moment”.

Perhaps it was the alcohol along with all the rest, because Jinyoung ordered the boy to lie facedown on the bed and brought his saliva in following him cautiously, watching his ass be tightened by the fabric of his underwear.

Park Jinyoung hadn't done enough sex. He'd had sex with a friend in a camp... and he'd seen a lot of porn. And he had been to Lions long enough to know how people in there had sex. Aside from these items, he had just made vanilla sex, but he felt confident when slapping the boy's ass and squeezing her in his fingers, making him moan embarrassed.

It was remembering everything that he had seen in the videos that he rubbed his hand in circles before depositing some more slap on the boy, who suddenly seemed profoundly anxious.

Jinyoung feeling him pushing against his palm, and he breathed deeply and ordered his troubled mind to remember what little he had learned. He slid the boy's underwear down, letting his red ass show and licked his lips.

"Will you get spanking if they catch you here?"

"Probably" the other replied between a moan while having Jinyoung’s cold hand on his soft and reddish skin. "But... if it's for a good cause, like you, I don't mind taking some spank-au!"

"Great..." The eldest smiled rubbing the spot he had just slapped. He lowered his thumb between the boy's ass cheeks, sinking his fingerprint against the sensitive muscle in circles. “Because today we're going to play a little, even if you catch it later and get spanked…” he said introducing his finger without a warning or a consent.

“You didn’t ask permission...” The mask gasped clasping his eyes with the sensation. “Ask my permission”.

Park Jinyoung smiled, licking his lips.

He sank his finger a little more, swirling inside the boy, who stirred and let a happy moan escape.

“Do I have your permission to fuck you?”

“Yes, yes, yes. You have my permission to fuck me… _sir_ ”.

And Jinyoung fucked him. First with his fingers, who insisted on getting in and out of the boy with enough force to keep him burning for a while. Then with the strap-on, which was slowly pushed into him after being properly prepared.

But before giving what the boy wanted, what everyone wondered when the eldest would give to someone, Jinyoung pushed him out of bed, telling him to get down on his knees:

“Suck me”.

The brown eyes behind the mask faced him surprised by the request, and before Jinyoung could open his own trousers, he received a nod. The boy couldn’t take off his mask, because it was against the rules-Jinyoung knew.

"I forgot..." He sighed. He licked his lips and took his hair off his face, standing in front of the boy. "All right, I suck in your place" he said indicating the bed to the man at his feet. "Sit down”.

The boy in the gray mask wanted to refuse, because it was against the rules of the club to do that sort of thing with a client that hadn’t been checked before – and he couldn’t be sure if the man in front of him had gone through the necessary tests, because he had never shown interest in engaging sexually with someone – but the way he pulled him in the bed me him completely shut up.

It was easy to forget all the Lions rules when he felt his glans pressed against moist, soft lips. It was even easier to forget that it belonged to someone who don’t own him when his eyes rolled in the orbits because they could feel that man's throat open.

( **iv** )

“I can't believe you're even making me watch this shit” Park Jinyoung complained about getting ready in bed.

“Call Me by your name is the most acclaimed gay movie of this year, hyung” Yugyeom said passing the popcorn canister to the eldest. "Of course we're going to watch it”.

"It may be, but it's also the biggest cardboard to watch it on the side of the best friend. It's like seeing Blue is the Hottest Color with parents in the room and pretend you don't know what's going on in the sex scene”.

"Ya, you are so silly hyung" Yugyeom laughed press the play.

Jinyoung and Yugyeom have always been friends. They went out with the same group, had Jaebeom as close friends and were always chatting and having fun together. But it was never just the two of them.

Every time they were together, they were with their other friends. They had never been able to go out alone, both of them. At least it was so until Jinyoung felt too curious and went after Yugyeom, and soon afterwards he welcomed him into his home and nursed his injuries. Since then, Jinyoung and Yugyeom have done a lot of things together.

They go out without the others, go to bars and restaurants. They watched movies and even had visited each other's homes for Chuseok. They were close friends now.

And so it was so normal for Jinyoung to watch a movie with Yugyeom and wake up the next day in the same bed as the youngest. As it also seemed normal for him, that night, to let slip that he had have sex with a guy for money:

“Are you really going to keep looking at me like that?”

Yugyeom swallowed his own saliva.

“Sorry. It's just that...” he sighed surprised. "I didn't expect that from you, hyung. Maybe Jackson or Bambam, but not you”.

“Great. You will judge me” Jinyoung complained getting up from the bed hurriedly. “I shouldn't have told you anything. I thought we were friends, and you'd understand me. But look at how you're looking at me”.

“Hey, hey, easy!” Yugyeom smiled holding him by the waist, forcing the eldest to go back to bed. “I'm not judging you and I'm not looking at you in any way. I was just surprised, That’s all” he said with a calm smile on his face. “It's just that you've never had sex, so going around sleeping with a program boy is something really unusual”.

Jinyoung bit his cheeks and was silent.

“Hyung ~ ~!” Yugyeom turning him into bed when the eldest tried to loosen his grip. He didn’t look at the younger, because he was ashamed and sorry to have told him that, but the youngest wouldn’t give up. Yugyeom climbed on top of Jinyoung and held him by the arms, pressing him against his soft, messy bed. “Ya, look at me!”.

And Jinyoung looked at him.

Not because of the command, but because Yugyeom was on top of his body, holding him by his fists and he was very close.

Jinyoung’s brown eyes widened and his throat was suddenly dry, as if he couldn’t breathe thanks to the idea of having one of his best friends above himself.

“I'm not judging you. I swear I am not doing this” Yugyeom repeated serious. Jinyoung nodded, feeling his heaviness greatest his body. "...you want to tell me more now?”

“No”,

“Hyung!” Yugyeom whimpered loosening the other's fists, sitting on top of him. If he moved a little further back, he'd end up with his ass over Jinyoung's dick. They both looked at each other.

Jinyoung could trust Yugyeom.

He knew that the moment the youngest stopped him at the bus stop, saying he could look for him if he wanted to know something his friends weren't willing to tell.

“I was drunk” Jinyoung admitted. “I didn’t pay directly to him, but to a manager. But it was sex for money anyway”.

“Why did you do that?” Yugyeom wanted to know. “I mean, it's not like you don't have options, right? I know a couple guys who'd love to get fucked by you... so why a slut?”

“Sincerely?” The black-haired thought. "I have no idea. I think they were talking so much about that guy in the video, and about sex for money that I ended up letting me go on the wave” Jinyoung said putting his hands on his face. “I slept with a guy after I paid for it and... Christ, I like the feel”.

He heard Yugyeom laugh and felt him move over his body.

"It would be weird if you didn't like it. It was sex, hyung. Anyone would have liked the feeling, paying or not”.

The silence was present for a few moments, until Jinyoung missed Yugyeom’s weight on himself and sighed softly, whispering something that even he didn’t understand right.

The two sat on the bed, one next to each other, and chatted non-stop about sex, cabarets, money and even about sexual diseases. And at some point in the conversation Jinyoung ended up giving too many details of what he had done with the boy in cray mask and golden cross between the eyes:

 

**\- c -**

_Lions Sex Club, three weeks ago._

" _All right, I suck in your place_ " she aid indicating the bed to the man at his feet. "Sit down”.

And although he had only given blowjobs once in his life, he felt really confident as he listened to the boy moaning and grabbing his hair asking for more, writhing slowly.

Even better than hearing him moan with delight, was to hear him beg for more when Jinyoung walked away and turned him into bed, pushing the strap-on that was still inserted into his ass deeper with his thumb.

“It hurts, it hurts, it hurts...” The boy in the mask whispered riveting his ass against Jinyoung, who pushed him against the bed and slapped his already reddish skin. The boy whimpered: “Please!”

And Park Jinyoung could stop, he could give up all that craziness and finish that situation in the little he had done, but he just ignore everything and pressed is cock in the boy ass role.

He grabbing his black hair, pushed his white shirt and moved his hip hard against his ass.

The way his fingers marked the others skin showed that the next day he would have bruises, but the way that color mark his pale tone made Jinyoung want to squeeze him even stronger, and that's what he did: he held him tightly in place when he tried to escape and fuck him more hard, taking a trail of tears and supplications of him, who seemed unable to breathe:

“I can't... I can't take it anymore... please”.

“Not yet” Jinyoung breathed breathlessly, pushing his face from the highest against the mattress. “Just a little bit more...” he said coming in and out ever faster. He could feel the boy inside squeezing his dick every stroke, every beat in his prostate.

“ _Hyung_... please, please.” It took no more than loose word in a whine to Jinyoung would cum and the boy, who still felt him, asked permission to come too. "Please... please, sir”.

"You can come now" Park Jinyoung whispered, pulling his sweaty body up, against him. He held him by the base of his neck, listening to him moan between tears. “Good boy”.

 

**\- c –**

“I never imagined you as a dom” Kim Yugyeom admitted, feeling warm. He would never tell Jinyoung, but his dick was hard under his jeans and the pillow that covered his lap for the simple fact that he imagined every detail of that report. “Wow”.

“Yeah…” Jinyoung whispered blandly. They silence, the youngest constrained being horny and the eldest embarrassed to have finally opened the game with someone about everything that was happening. Of course, he didn't say about Lions and what took him there, he just told him about having sex for money, but he felt lighter. “What movie are we going to see now?”

Yugyeom swallowed his saliva.

He scratched his neck and coughed:

"How about Looking for Dori?"


	4. the things that we don't see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And with this simpleton thought, Park Jinyoung laid his head on Kim Yugyeom's lap and smiled glad to have him as a friend, without knowing that some desires that they wished could be closer to becoming reality than imagined.

**\- quatre -**

Park Jinyoung never wanted to be the kind of person who creates bad situetions about _silly_ events.

He has always been quiet, concentrated and introverted compared to his friends, but has always struggled a lot to maintain a pleasant conviviality with everyone.

So when Kim Yugyeom began to look away whenever Jinyoung tried to start a conversation, or when he bit his lips and acted like a two-year-old, Jinyoung felt as if all his effort had gone down.

Yugyeom was dull near him.

Not that Jinyoung had been less uncomfortable since he had spent the night alongside Yugyeom, after having told him about his adventure at a sex club, but he hoped that – for being Yugyeom – things would be less embarrassing as the days passed.

But they were not.

Because Yugyeom barely looked into Jinyoung's eyes – and even Youngjae, who lived in his own silent world, had realize that.

"Can we talk?" Jinyoung asked one day, approaching the youngest, who knocked down a coin. "Please?"

"Ah..." Yugyeom licked his lips. "Sure." he said smiling. A shy smile, something that didn't seem normal to him. "What happen?"

“I ask you... what happen?!” Jinyoung whispered. “I told you one thing and suddenly you-” He stopped looking at the boy. “suddenly you've changed. With me. You've changed with me”.

Yugyeom wrinkled his nose.

"What?" he wanted to know. "What are you talking about hyung? What do you mean I've changed with you?” he asked laughing. Jinyoung don't same to be joking aroung. Yugyeom roll his eyes. "Do you think I've changed?”

"Uhu".

Yugyeom stared at him for an instant, and then he laugh.

Jinyoung had actually seen a change – Youngjae too – in the youngest, and watching him laugh as if he was not understanding anything made him even more angry at himself for saying what he said.

"Come on, Gyeom-ah!" Park Jinyoung sniffled. "Since I told you... that thing..." He said the last part softly. “You don't look me in the face. When I call you out, you give me an excuse and you keep staring at me in a weird way”. He explained impatient, biting his lips hard. "You've changed with me. Was it because of what I told you?”

Yugyeom laughed, putting his hands on Jinyoung’s shoulders.

“Jinyoung-ah...” The youngest smiled. “You're imagining things”.

He raised his eyebrows:

"Really?"

“Yeah!” Yugyeom nodded. "It's true that I'm a little... messy right now. But it has nothing to do with you or the club. Don't worry about it, I have no reason to change with you just because you have sex with a program boy, hyung.” Yugyeom told him seriously. Jinyoung strait his eyes in search of a lie. "Some shit happened and I'm still working on it, so I'm so distracted and I told you we couldn't get out. But it has nothing to do with you. Really!”

Jinyoung had seen his changes.

Or was his paranoid head just imagining everything?

But Youngjae also said he noticed a change in Yugyeom.

Jinyoung signed, squeezing his temples.

“Do you swear it has nothing to do with me?” Yugyeom nodded with a silly grin on his face. Maybe Jinyoung was just paranoid. “So what happened? Why are you so different this week?”

And Kim Yugyeom's smile slowly disappearing, making Park Jinyoung feel a chill in his belly – he seemed to have touched on a forbidden subject.

And for never wishing to be the kind of friend who creates bad weather or who interprets things badly, Park Jinyoung opened an inviting smile for Kim Yugyeom and shrugged, saying how paranoid he was to think that the youngest world works around his mediocre existence.

He was curious.

He wanted to know why Yugyeom changed so much that last week – _If it wasn't about Lion’s, then what was his sudden change?_ He wondered - but the boy's face bothered him so much that he preferred to pretend not to be worried.

And pretending that he wasn't worried Jinyoung bought a chocolate milkshake for Yugyeom and accompanied him home when everyone decided to shut down the night. It was also pretending that he called the youngest as soon as he came home, and started a conversation without a brake on random things, in order to make the youngest forget anything that was bothering him and letting him down.

It was pretending that everything really started.

 

**( ii )**

It was quiet.

The way Yugyeom's lips rubbed on Jinyoung’s was calm, as if they wanted to record every little detail in that action that had been passed on in their dreams day after day.

Yugyeom and Jinyoung were scattered in the youngest bed as usual, watching a silly movie after Jinyoung had told about what he had done at Lion's that weekend – which led to the youngest imagination at 1001 places – when suddenly: **the kiss**.

It was Yugyeom who took the initiative.

He was lost an instant, in Jinyoung’s perfect face and asked with half-voice " _hyung, kiss me_." But it was Jinyoung who really accepted the challenge and connected their lips in a quiet kiss.

When they finally parted, still with their eyes closed, the world around seemed to lose sound for a moment. And then Yugyeom moved abruptly until he was on Jinyoung’s lap, who grabbed him with the same intensity and turned him into bed, kissing his lips more forcefully, more willingly... more passionate.

Jinyoung only realized that he was between his long legs when his dick hurt in his tight jeans and Yugyeom moan between the kiss, biting his lips.

And Jinyoung could pull down Yugyeom’s clothes, because he was now a consumer of pleasure and lust, he could turn him on his back and fuck him without anyone else knowing it... but he didn't. Jinyoung just apart the kiss away and groan suffered against Yugyeom’s neck, clasping his fingers on the comforter.

"Gyeomie..." His panting voice whispered against the boy's warm skin, which moved beneath himself and embraced his neck. “We can't do that”.

“Why not?” Yugyeom didn't want to have to ask, because he didn't want to hear a bad answer, but he needed to be brave enough to question him, because otherwise he'd end up inventing a thousand ideas and end up hurting himself. “Why not, hyung? You want... and I want”.

Jinyoung wanted.

He really wanted to.

But he can't.

“You're my best friend.” this wasn't a good excuse.

“All right” Yugyeom smiled trying to kiss him. “I don't care”.

“But I care!” Jinyoung grumbled, sitting hurried. Yugyeom, who was lying on his back, wrinkled his brow and lifted his torso. “I can't have sex with you”.

The youngest laughed sarcastic:

“Because we are friends?”

Jinyoung bit his mouth.

“Because I-ah-I-”

Yugyeom smiled sideways, as if he didn't really need an answer he already had.

He sprained his lip and whispered:

“Of course. It's because you like a program boy...”

 

**( iii )**

Jinyoung was addicted to Lion's Club.

Once a month – different from the beginning – he sat in a chair and attended the shows offered by the house as a faithful and committed member. Hoseok called him "Gold Member", because the boy made a point of attending events, even if he was no longer accepting servants and rooms of vibrant colors.

The truth is that Jinyoung was not addicted to Lion's, he was addicted to a mysterious boy who wore a gray mask. A boy who had vanished from that place as if it had never existed.

Hoseok said he had changed his mask after being spanking by one of the services. And at first Jinyoung felt compelled to break everything to discover the boy's identity, but he was persuaded to wait – " _he will come to you whenever he wants_ ” that's what Hoseok said.

And Jinyoung waited patiently.

When Yugyeom called him idiot, when Jackson discovered everything and made a little show for not being invited to attend the place, when Jaebeom questioned him about his strange behavior... he waited patiently for something that never came.

The boy in the gray mask never looked for him again. Whenever a servant approached, Jinyoung hoped it was him, but he was not, because he did not want to know about the black hair man.

So Jinyoung convinced himself that he was addicted to Lion's and not to the boy, because so he could go that place once a month and could sit at the table, he could pretend he wasn't expecting to see him by chance and steal him from his service in the dead of night.

He's convinced himself enough to live like this for three months.

"Ladies and gentlemen... welcome to Lion's Club gala night!" The woman who always used to do the opening act said with her beautiful and authoritarian voice. "Today, we're going to give you a show of pain, lust and extreme pleasure”.

With a drum burst and a red light, everyone's attention was attracted to the masked boys dipped in shades of ashes and blacks. And for one in particular, with red tears and a golden eye in the middle of the forehead.

Jinyoung moved in his chair.

He had seen that mask so closely only twice since he had begun to go to Lion's.

When the servants were squeezed over the wooden tables, and the rabbit-mask woman rang the gong, Jinyoung kept his eyes fixed on every hip move, the keen ears for every groan and desperate scream while customers opened their zippers and fucked little boys.

He licked his lips, watching a tall, gray-haired man pull the legs off a black-mask boy before he penters him. His quick eyes sought the mask of red tears long enough to watch every fuck in that place.

When he finally found him, on his knees alongside a thin man with blond hair, he stood up and walked up to him.

“I want him...” That's what he said.

But he didn't have an answer. The two even moved from their places while Jinyoung, somewhat drunk, crouched in front of the boy on his knees and touched his mask chin.

“If you touch him again...” The golden-masked blond mutated violently, pouting his hand on the top of the boy's head. “I'm going to punish him because of you. And then I'm going to fuck him in front of you, so you understand what you can or can't have here”.

Jinyoung flashed for an instant, and unconsciously touched the boy, on his _cheek_. The brown eyes behind that ugly thing in gray, red, and gold rolled up, frightened, and a sore moaning slipped out of his throat when his _owner_ pulled him up.

The masked boy was pushed against an empty table by his face, his legs were pulled away by the blond, who ignored Jinyoung’s voice and grabbed a paddling of the basket, differing a violent slap against the boy's ass – who groan.

"Ya!" Jinyoung, in his immense confusion, did not realize when the security held him by his fist and kept him in place when he tried to remove the blond from the boy. "Ya, ya..." he yelled at the bouncer. “You can't just punish him like this. It's stupid!”

“Bring him here” the blond asked for serious, differing another slap in the boy's ass, who grabbed the table and jumped in pain, receiving another and then another. The security pushed Jinyoung against the table, the way they did with the servants, and held the boy's hands on his back.

He was one centimeter away from the boy.

“What should I do, sir?” the bouncer asked the blond.

“Nothing bigger” the blond replied behind the mask. "Just keep him there. I want him to watch...” he said. Jinyoung could see tears in the boy’s brown eyes. “Maybe that way he'll learn to finally follow rules and walk away”.

And Jinyoung watched, because things at Lion's worked like this, the blond behind the Golden eye mask fuck the kid next to him with enough force to make him tear and wriggle.

He watched and felt guilty, because Hoseok had begged him not to try to meddle with that servant – without knowing that they had already been involved.

When everything was over, with lots of tears and purple marks, Jinyoung was released for safety and the boy next to him knelt in front of the blond – he seemed to be sobbing – with a _thank you sir_ in his mouth.

"Mr. Been?" The blond called his security when Jinyoung tried to get close to the boy. “Take them to a room and record every minute”.

“What? Sir!” The boy whispered to the hiccups. “I'm no longer in the catalogue...” he said as a reminder. But the blond one showed no emotion to him. “Please... you promised me”.

“Take the recording to Relic then. She'll know what to do”.

“ _Oppa!”_ the boy behind the mask cried himself rising in a burst. They both stared in silence. Jinyoung thought he knew the boy's voice for somewhere. “You can't do that. You promise me!”

“That was before...” The blond signed closing his zipper. “Put them in a room, mr. Been. I'll be waiting for the footage when it's all over”.

 

**( iv )**

“ _Yugyeom-ah”._

"Hyung?"

 _"I did something bad..."_ Yugyeom moved over his bed and turned on the lamp, checking the clock at the bedside. 5pm. “ _I did something really bad_ ”.

"What are you talking about? What did you do?" The youngest asked worried, hearing the other inspire frightened on the other side of the line.

“ _Gyeom-ah... why am I turning in this person?"_ Jinyoung asked, hoping that the youngest could answer him truthfully and that his answer was enough to make him stop. “ _Uhu? Why did I let myself become that kind of person who... who fucks other people's lives?"_

Yugyeom squeezed his lips, confused and worried about his friend.

"Hyung..." He called him cautiously. “Did you hurt anyone?”

" _Yes_ ".

Yugyeom closed his eyes.

"What did you do?"

" _I touched him when they told me not to touch and he... he was punished for it. That blond man with golden mask, forced him to accept being fucked because I touched him..._ " Jinyoung took another sip of soju, licking his lips afterwards. " _And then he forced him to go to a room. With me_ ”.

"And that's where you hurt him?"

" _No!_ " Jinyoung shouted. " _Aren't you listening to what I'm talking about? The man in the golden mask, he fucked him, Yugyeom. That's how I hurt him. I made him be fucked against his will... and then they forced him to go to a room with me_ ”.

So Yugyeom understood. Jinyoung had not harmed the boy with his hands, but with his deeds. The youngest one got out of bed.

"Where are you? I'll get you”.

" _In front of your dorm..."_ Jinyoung was sobbing by the cold and the amount of alcohol he had consumed. " _I'm sorry, but can you... open the door?_ "

And then, the company rang and Yugyeom rushed to let him in and followed him through his room, seeing him throw himself in his bed.

"Damn!" Yugyeom whispered approaching, touching his friend's bruised face. "What happened to you?”

"It was the boy. Of gray mask and red tears" Jinyoung signed with closed eyes. "He push me”.

“Did he?” Yugyeom raised his eyebrows.

“Yes. And I let" Jinyoung said. "I deserved. That man, he told me not to touch him and I touched... like a fucking spoiled child I touched him and he was raped by it”.

"Hyung..." Yugyeom sigh. “He wasn’t raped. You know, he's paid to dispose of that sort of thing. He probably has a contract giving his _owner_ permission to do what he wants”.

“He was crying, Yugs! He cried in silence while that man was penetrating him...” Jinyoung said opening his eyes. “How can this be justified with a paper?”

Yugyeom wanted to be able to say what he thought, he wanted to be able to remind him that he was a member of that place, who had done some things with the same boy in gray mask and red tears, but he did not say anything because it was none of his business.

“You're right, it's not justified. But you can't ignore that and act like he's a victim. It was a choice.” Yugyeom reminded him, helping him get out of the dirty blazer. “Of course it sucks that he cried, and it sucks that you had to see it, but it's how things are for those who choose that kind of life”.

Jinyoung stared at the ceiling.

He thought for a moment, and then:

“Do you think the video boy goes through that too?” and there it was again, the lost game of the secret room. ' _Hyung, let's play a game. You will dream of a secret room, and all the people inside have no face. You'll figure it out and then you'll forget about it. And in a few years, you're going to be doing something and you'll remember this secret room, with these secret people... that's when you lose the game. When you remember'_ it was what Yugyeom proposed one day, and Jinyoung accepted, because he wanted to forget that obsession and didn't want to miss the game.  

I'd just lost the game.

“I hope not...”

The two remained silent for a time, each thinking of a different thing, until the sound of the refrigerator took them from their thoughts and Jinyoung sigh:

"I know who is the boy behind the gray mask and red tears”.

Yugyeom's heart stop.

“It’s Kim Jongin”.

 

**\- c –**

**Lion's Club, 3 hours ago**

 "... you fucked everything up!" The gray-mask boy cried kicking the door that had just been locked from the outside. “You fucked it all up for me. Do you realize what you just did? How pissed he's going to get and how much I'm going to be punished for it?”

"Ah-i-I... ah..."

"Of course you don't know, do you?" he laughed upset. "You obviously don't know. Because you're a spoiled rich kid who doesn't understand what's going on in here. Don't you ever tire of screwing other people's lives?”

Jinyoung had his eyes peeled, confused.

He wanted to apologize, kneel down and ask forgiveness for having been led by the drink and familiarity of that mask, but did not have time, because when he tried to open his mouth he was surprised from a punch in his right cheek – it hurt almost instantly.

The boy in the mask punched him, kicked him, pulled his hair, yelled at him and knocked all the things out of the room – until Jinyoung turned around, pushed him across his hip to the ground and made him moan.

It was all so fast that the two didn't even realize that the mask had rolled across the floor when they fell down making a racket.

Jinyoung's eyes widened when Kim Jongin's tan and beautiful face revealed himself in that neon red light. He was right from the start. Jongin was a servant at Lion's – not the servant that Jinyoung was expecting... but a fucking servant.

"No...!" Jongin whispered pushing Jinyoung away from himself, looking for the mask. “No. No. No. No, no, no”.

“I-I'm not going to tell. I swear I'm not going to anyone”.

When Jongin found his mask, putting it on his face hastily, with his heart beating in his throat, Jinyoung thought the night they had stayed together at Lion's. And the way he saw Jongin look at him in college.

“It was you all the time...”

“You signed a contact!” Kim Jongin raked ignoring the urge to vomit for being discovered that way. “You can't tell anyone. What happens at Lion's, stays at Lion's”.

Jinyoung wouldn't count.

"I'm not going to tell to anyone" he reaffirmed. "I swear”.

Jongin clasped his lips behind the mask and turned to the black hair man, opening his white blouse and throwing it on the floor:

“Great.” he say. "Now..." He didn't want to do that. He had managed to get his owner out of the catalog after sleeping with Jinyoung, claiming he was tired of serving at Lion's, but now he had been thrown into a room with someone who knew his face and name. Someone he was paid to please. "Fuck me at once”.

\- **c** -

“Kim Jongin?” Yugyeom blinked, with open mouth. “From Utah dance course? Is he the boy with the gray mask and red tears?”

“ _Ne_.” Jinyoung sigh heavily. “I thought he might be the kid from the video, but... it turned out he was another. A servant at Lion's as everyone suspects, but a mask tears”.

Yugyeom swallowed his saliva.

“Holy shit!”

Jinyoung laughed sore.

“Yes, holy shit”.

He stood up cautiously and stared at his friend:

“You cannot tell anyone…” Yugyeom nodded quickly, still stunned. “Not even to Bambam”.

Kim Yugyeom thought of something for an instant, something that was dormant at the bottom of his mind... and then he nodded.

“I won't tell... not even Bambam hyung”.

 

**( v )**

“ _Jongin-ssi!_ ”

Kim Jongin's black eyes looked for whom call him, and when they found the boy, they were disappointed and were angry in a blink of eyelids.

“What do you want?!”

“I-ah...” Park Jinyoung pressed his backpack handle. "I looked for you yesterday. At Lion's. Last night.” he said hurried, seeing Jongin's friend wrinkle their mouth. “Can we talk?”

“No”.

Jongin grumbled by giving up his back.

Jinyoung sigh.

“Give me two minutes and I promise I'll never bother you again”.

But Jongin didn't give him any attention, he just kept talking to his friend as if Jinyoung wasn't there.

“Give me two minutes, and I swear not to tell your secrets to the wrong people” Jinyoung played the way Jackson played, heavy. "Have you thought about what it would be? If I end up telling Lisa what her brother has doi-"

“You have one minute!” Jongin cried pulling Jinyoung by the elbow, away from his curious friend. "What do you want?"

“Did you change your mask because of me?”

Hoseok had said to Jinyoung last night that the gray-mask servant and red tears had been obliged to change disguise, because his owner believed that a client in question was too stubborn to keep away – and did not want to have to mark his _pet_ skin every time he feel angry.

“I was almost dismissed because of you.” Jongin said raspy. "My owner..." He stopped, watching the people around. "He was generous to let me change my mask. Because if hr were someone else, he would have ripped my contact on time because you were too dumb to follow a simple order and I was forced to let you fuck me!”

Jinyoung has swerved his gaze, aware that things should not be easy for Jongin because of him. Hoseok had tried to explain how it worked for a servant like Jongin, who had an owner with such harsh and rigid rules.

Jinyoung found barbaric the fact that the boy was forced to follow rules like "you can't touch yourself unless I allow" or "if you look at someone else on the street, you'll get caught." It was too much to ask of someone.

He found it even more barbaric that the boy had forced himself to have sex with Jinyoung just to please his owner – who was visibly a walking piece of shit. The elder signed worried:

“Why don't you just ask to leave him?”

Jongin looked at him for an instant, and then laughed fun:

“Why would I go out... if I like what I do?” he asked, crossing his arms. “I like it, Jinyoung-ssi. I like the club, my owner... the rules and what I have to do to please people.” he said shrug. “I like what I gain in return”.

' _He's paid for it, hyung. Nothing that happens there is against their will. Maybe it's a little rough, maybe some of them get hurt... but it was a conscious choice. You should understand once and for all, that they like their lifes'_ was what Yugyeom said when Jinyoung questioned why Jongin, who was the son of someone so influential, gave himself the luxury of being abused like that.

“Your minute is over” Jongin said. “I don't want to have anything more to do with you, Jinyoung-ssi. So don't look me up in the crowd, and forget I exist in that club and this college. I don't want anything to do with you, really!” he repeated the last part, with firmness and authority. He didn't want to know about Jinyoung. “So, please, be obsessed with someone else and leave me alone”.

“I just-”

“You just need to understand that no one in that place needs to be saved. I don't have to. I don't want to be saved.” Jongin said cutting him, staring him straight in his eye. Maybe Jinyoung would understand and leave him alone. “Oh... and if I were you, I'd stop attending Lion's. That place is not for people who want to cling to the other's screwed-up stories.” Kim Jongin smiled at Park Jinyoung, a bitter, chaotic smile. “You don't fit in there... _sir_ ”.

 

**\- c –**

“So?” Yugyeom asked throwing his backpack on the bed as soon as they entered his dorm. “How was the talk with him?”

“Terrible.” Jinyoung admitted, taking off his coat. “He asked me to stay away.” he said, turn on Yugyeom's notebook to look for a good movie to see. “And said I don't fit in to Lion's because I tend to cling to ‘screwed up’ other lives”.

"I always liked Jongin's hyung." Yugyeom admitted without noticing, while looking for something to eat. "He always said things he thought without having me-au! Why did you throw that at me?”

“Because you're on the side of someone who treated me like crap!”

“In his defense, you kind of made him do it. I mean, you got him punished and you still figured out the guy's identity. This could have been a lot more serious, but it turns out he just hates you”.

Jinyoung swathe eyes, unbeliever in his friend’s lack companionship:

"Go fuck yourself, Kim Yugyeom”.

“I told you, you can fuck me whenever you want. Just ask, do not need to be playing indirect, hyung...” The youngest joked, flashing to the other, who rolled his eyes and showed him the middle finger.

The two of them sprawled in the youngest bed and talked nonstop while watching and eating, playing and serious at the same time, fighting and making amends two seconds later.

They watched and talked about Lion's in a few moments, and about friends and about Jackson being going to the club with Jinyoung that weekend – it was impossible to say no to the Chinese – and also about the blond lad that Jinyoung had seen beating in Yugyeom , which now had a restraining measure.

They also talked about the kiss they gave three months, and about how Jinyoung took it all in jest and found Yugyeom devoid of shyness at that time – and Yugyeom acted as if that part of the conversation did not disturb him, or did not make him feel a tightness in his stomach.

“About that day... I don't understand why you kissed me”.

 “I was alone a long time ago, I was horny and you were right there...” Yugyeom explained move his shoulders. “I didn't think very well what I was doing, I just did”.

Jinyoung nodded, watching Yugyeom’s face wriggle in something in decidable to him at that moment.

Once – after they became closer and Yugyeom kissed him at that movie night – Jinyoung thought the possibility of forgetting all the crazy adventure that his life had turned to, only to become obsessed with Yugyeom instead of an unknown guy behind a gray mask.

He even told Jackson, who now knew a lot about his whole life, how much the kiss had stirred with him and how he hoped to someday like someone so amusing, easy to live and gentle as Yugyeom.

Jinyoung really wanted to be able to like someone like Yugyeom someday, maybe it was when his life became easy.

And with this simpleton thought, Park Jinyoung laid his head on Kim Yugyeom's lap and smiled glad to have him as a friend, without knowing that some desires that they wished could be closer to becoming reality than imagined.

 


	5. he come back 3 weeks ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yugyeom...!"  
> The blond stood up, still smiling.  
> "I'm glad you found someone to love you, Jinyoungie hyung." he said. "I'm really happy for you”.

**\- cinq-**

( **i** )

That week Jinyoung got a free pass to Jackson in Lion's Club. Hoseok didn’t like much at beginning, because having many knowing people in his workplace could be dangerous in the criterion description, but when the Chinese took out his credit card and signed a contract for three months even without having pretense to return, he can’t say no.

So Jackson and Jinyoung enjoyed a night of madness and delight at Lion's – the Chinese was really a nice company, and nothing was like Jinyoung imagined, because Jackson made it all lighter and was keen to keep away any awkward weather.

The day after that night, they exchanged many suggestive looks and chatted while their friends felt excluded with codes and laughter. Yugyeom was the only one, apart from the two boys, who was understanding the whispers and touches.

It was because of his behavior and approximation that Jaebeom suspected that Jinyoung and Jackson were together – as a couple. His assumption created a small brawl on a game night, which Jackson regressed having gone to.

" _You're so dumb that you don't realize the things you’re saying, don't you, Jaebeom hyung? I don't like Jinyoung-ah, I like you!"_ was that part that Jackson refused to think about.

After declaring, even against his own will, things between Jackson and Jaebeom became very confusing, because the elder insisted on saying that it was impossible for the youngest to like him and not Park Jinyoung – because in Jaebeom's idea, Jackson had never been close enough to like him the way he liked Jinyoung.

It was necessary that Youngjae, who always appeased the tempera, intervened to make Jaebeom see what everyone had seen many months ago: Jackson Wang like Lim Jaebeom. **Fact**.

After that, Jackson didn’t return to Lion's with Jinyoung, because he began to hang out with Jaebeom and wanted to donate his time to that relationship while he still having a chance.

Something that had also changed that week, but at Lion's, it was that all the servants were mysteriously obliged to change masks. No one else wore the gray color, or masks of golden tears – now all wore polished white masks.

Only a few servants and gentlemen wore different masks, but they all had the same symbols and the same colors, which made it difficult to identify people outside the privacy cycle.

Hoseok said that this measure was taken after a gentleman in question had been furious that his servant had lain with another. Jinyoung wondered if the "gentleman" in question was the tall, skinny man with blond hair – that for Jinyoung, it seemed to have a lot of power and authority in that place full of secrets and mystery.

Thus, Jinyoung had no idea who Kim Jongin was behind the new masks – something that made him distressed – and much less had an idea if the boy in the video was still in the middle of all the servants.

He just had confirmation that he was still at Lion's when Hoseok let slip that a new video was circulating in Utah’s halls, of a boy in white t-shirt and polished white mask.

"How many times are you going to watch this?" Yugyeom asked, apart from the headphones. He was studying at Jinyoung's dorm, because Bambam had taken his new girlfriend to the room that they shared and had no way of concentrating there. "I thought we were past this phase, hyung. Why did you even watch that shit?"

Jinyoung looked at Yugyeom and pressed his phone’s screen button, sticking the device back in his pocket and laying his head on the mattress. He just didn't have anything interesting to do.

"I am." he said knew it was a small lie, because he would love to know who that boy was. "I was just curious. Even Hoseok was talking about the video..." He said it like it was a plausible excuse. "I think it distracts me and I went into investigator mode”.

"Obsessed mode. You mean." Yugyeom pined, grinning sarcastic to his friend. "But who am I to complain, right? You do what you want, and if you want to get obsessed with a kid on the show..."

"I'm not obsessed!"

"You went into a sex club just to find him..."

Jinyoung separated his lips, surprised.

He never thought Yugyeom would use that argument against him, not after all the support ‘ _you need to follow whatever you wanted to follow. And live your life like there's no tomorrow, hyung_ '? Where did that end up?

"I can't believe you're using it against me!" he grumbled to get up. "Joining Lion's was a fatality. I'm not saying it wasn't for that reason that I went there, but that's not what kept me and you know it. I like it there".

"No, you like to fuck whoever's there." Yugyeom snored. "And you like wasting your time waiting for a little program boy to show up on your doorstep with a sad story for you to pretend your reason for being alive is to help people and-"

"You'd better think before you finish that." Park Jinyoung interrupted Kim Yugyeom, who had the red cheeks for lack of breath. They both looked irritated. "I won't like to fight with you if you finish that sentence, Gyeom-ah. So think a little bit”.

Yugyeom loosened his air from his lungs and got up from bed: "Let's get out. I can't stand to study anymore, I can't stand to see you watching this video... let's eat something”.

But halfway through, Yugyeom felt compelled to quarrel with Jinyoung again, and then they ended up calling the rest of the friends and were stopping at a nightclub across town – where Bambam used to go to find his romantic adventures.

In the middle of the dance floor Yugyeom danced until all his body hurt, until his mind stopped thinking nonsense and until the will to fight with Jinyoung passed, because he was feeling a clock bomb... and did not even know the reason for it.

It was also in the middle of the dance floor that Kim Yugyeom saw Mark Tuan, the only person who had ever fucked his life and could no longer return to it – also the only one that Yugyeom had loved.

"You can't be near me, Mark-ssi." Yugyeom say as soon as the blond grabbed him by the fist, saying that they needed to talk.

"Gyeom-ah!" Mark begs. "You know that restraining order is bullshit. What happened was shit and I already apologized, I regret what I did... you can’t talk a little with me?”

"Anya..." But though his lips were saying no, Yugyeom's mind was screaming **yes** , because he wanted to sit down and talk to Mark about everything that had happened, about how everything had come to an end and how it still hurt. "I don't want to talk to you. I'm not o-"

"What?" Mark stopped him, squeezing his fist hard. The brown eyes of the American face the other's brown eyes. "Don't you have to agree to talk to me?" The slimmer of the two smiled knowing that Yugyeom had an idea of how ridiculous that statement was.

"Mark-ssi..."

"You used to call me oppa" Mark said approaching Yugyeom, grinding his teeth by feeling the skin of his wrist burning by the strength the other was doing to keep him in place. "Do you remember that, Gyeom-ah? The way you called me _oppa_?”

"That was an era ago".

"That was yesterday." Mark whispered against his ear, who closed his eyes and bit his swollen lip. "When you came to my house and whiny so I would fuck you against the wall. Yesterday".

"Shut your fucking mouth!”

"Make me…" Mark smiled against Yugyeom’s sweaty skin, who breathed deeply and licked his lips. "Come on Gyeom-ah, you know you want me. And you know you owe me that. You’re mine”.

The highest of the two was overcome by some strange feeling of obedience, which made him lean forward and allow Mark to kiss him on in the midst of all those people.

Mark pushed him against the first solid foundation he found and put his hand in his pants, even though he knew anyone could see, what made Yugyeom moan between the kiss and tilt his body against the other touch, who smiled and tried to drag him into the nearest bathroom.

When Mark finally felt himself inside of Yugyeom, he grabbed the boy's light brown hair and pushed his head against the cold, dirty wall, hearing him complain about the brutality and pain he thwarted on his left cheek.

"Slow down..." Yugyeom asked breathlessly. "Mark-ssi...!"

"Oppa" Mark grasping penetrating him stronger, deeper. Making the youngest feel tear in his eyes. “Call me oppa, like last night. Like every other night... _kitten_ ".

 _Kitten_.

Yugyeom hated that pet name. He felt like a stupid, disgusting object... which wasn't a lie. For Mark, Kim Yugyeom was a stupid, disgusting object that he could have when he wanted to – because it was how they worked together.

" _Cry_ to me, _kitten_." Mark whispered, listening to Yugyeom grinding his teeth and sobbing against the wall as he was fucked in that crude way that both marked him and left him disoriented.

When the elder cum, dirtying the youngest black underwear, they moated in different ways – Yugyeom felt dirty, stupid for letting it happen again. And Mark felt pleased, because he knew he would always have him.

"Very well _kitten._ " he whispered smoothing Yugyeom’s back, to then turn him over and leave a little slap on his cheek. "You've always been very good to me. I'm glad to know you're still obedient...” he laughed alone. "And to think that all I had to do for it was to put another in your place. But now it's over, Yugyeom”.

Yugyeom swallowed his saliva, aware of what it meant.

He climbed his pants and wiper his sweat face, without actually looking into Mark's eyes, who followed him out of the cockpit and watched him wash his pale skin.

"I can't go back..." That's all he could say.

"Can't you?" Mark laughed fun. "Don't be an idiot. I'm not asking what you can or can't, what you want or not... I'm informing you, that all this nonsense is over. You'll come back to me”.

"I'm not going back”.

And though he was trembling from head to toe, Yugyeom lifted up his eyes and stared at Mark's authoritarian reflection in the mirror.

He wasn't coming back.

Before the elder could approach or say anything else, the door opened allowing Jackson, Jinyoung and Bambam to be seen by the two men who were even alone.

“I said he had come to the bathroom." Bambam laughed drunk, pointing to Yugyeom. "Gyeom-ah, couldn't you have warned me instead of disappearing out of the blue? Jinyoung hyung made us run the party to-”

"Why are you here?" Jinyoung interrupted Bambam, looking directly at Mark. Then he looked at Yugyeom. "Did you touch him?!" the lowest cried taking a step towards Mark, as if he were punching him in the face because of the red mark against his friend's cheek, which suddenly moved and took the front the same way he had done when Jinyoung tried to protect him from Mark.

"Wow!" Jackson was surprised. "What the fuck is going on now?" The Chinese wanted to know. "Jinyoung-ah?"

Park Jinyoung felt his skin hurt, his eyes burn, his blood boil.

"I can't believe you're doing this again..." He growled between his teeth, seeing Yugyeom swallow his saliva. "He spankings you. Again!”

"He didn't spanking me." The youngest voice was a thread.

"No"? Jinyoung cried, poking the red bruise on his pale cheek. "Then explain it to me. Why do you have a bruise on your face, Yugyeom? And why is he here?!”

Mark laughed behind Yugyeom:

"If it isn't the _little dog_ from the other time?" He said wrapping his arms around Yugyeom’s waist. Jinyoung separated his lips. "Didn't you say you weren't friends with this guy Yugyeomie? Then why does he keep showing up to protect you?”

Kim Yugyeom looked at Jinyoung, then to Jackson and then to Bambam, before answering:

"I don't know him very well hyung" was a lie. Everyone knew. So did Mark. "He's a friend of Bambam hyung..." Yugyeom didn't have to answer, but whenever he was close to Mark... he always acted like he was obliged to something. Obliged to smile, talking, walking, eating, wanting to be alive. He was impelled to obey the commands of the other.

"Uhu." Mark laid his face on Yugyeom's back. "So, tell your friend Bambam to take this idiot away from you before I really get angry to him and with you." Yugyeom's chest tightened.

"Bambam hyung..." The youngest of all called. "Take your friends out. Please. I need to talk to my boyfriend”.

"Boyfriend?" Bambam whispered confused. He’ve never heard of a boyfriend. Mark? He'd never heard that name before. "What?"

Yugyeom felt his skin burn when Mark's hands entered his shirt and groped him slowly until they were in his chest, where he had a scar the size of an index finger.

"Please, hyung..." he asked softly. "Don't make me yell at you, just go out and leave us alone. I need to work something out”.

"Ah-but..." Bambam blinked stunned, watching the frightened expression on the friend's face. "Ok." Perhaps he should not have agreed, because he felt compelled to pluck Yugyeom from the arms of the other.

"I'm not going out!" Jinyoung hit his foot. "I'm not going to leave you with this madman, Yugs. He hit you last time, you remember that? How could you be wanting to be with him now? Look at your face! Yo-”

"Why don't you take care of your life?" Yugyeom yelled at Jinyoung, who widened his eyes. "What's your problem? Huh? Why are you always meddling in where you're not called, dude? "he grumbled falsely stressed with him. "Get out of here."

Jinyoung's eye-popping.

"What?"

Yugyeom even looked at him, just turned to Mark with a smile on his face and laid his face on the curve of the elder's neck, which smoothed his hair and smiled tender, glad to have him in his arms.

"You heard him..." Mark sounded really happy. "Get out”.

 

( **ii** )

 _"...have you heard? Park Jinyoung and Kim Jongin are together._ " Yugyeom stopped writing as soon as he heard someone commenting on the promptings behind him. He moved his head to hear better: "Everyone said it’s impossible, but they just assumed. It's on Instagram for everyone to see”.

Four months.

It was so much time that Kim Yugyeom and Park Jinyoung were not speaking. Four months and counting from the day he decided to let Mark use his rotten influence on every cell of his body. Four.

Four months and suddenly Yugyeom was hearing gossip that his ex-best friend and a program boy were dating. Four damn months and he couldn't even feel anger that Jinyoung didn't tell him that he had finally managed to convince one of his obsessions to be with him in his pathetic, boring life.

Four months and Yugyeom could still feel his cheek bone hurt every time he tried to cover the bruises on his face.

"Mark-ah!" he shouted with a false smile, rushing toward the college exit, where his 'boyfriend' awaited him with a lollipop between his rosy lips. "Hi". Yugyeom whispered the kissing.

"Hi _kitten_." Mark replied, licking his sweet lips. He made a fondness in Yugyeom, and looked over the wide shoulder of the largest, sighting Park Jinyoung and his new boyfriend holding hands. "Isn't that guy?"

"Uhu?" Yugyeom turned, feeling his heart tightening.

As soon as Jinyoung noticed Yugyeom's eyes, he also felt his chest hurt. Four months and they couldn't even look to echo other.

Jinyoung was with Jaebeom, Bambam and Youngjae alongside Jongin. Jackson was in Japan, campaigning for his new company – now he was the newest model of YG model's.

"Yugyeomie!" was Youngjae nodded, approaching the youngest quickly. "When did you come back?" Yugyeom had traveled with Mark.

He packed his black glasses on his face and tried to smile.

"Today." He'd been back for three weeks, but he was waiting for the bruises to heal to get back to college. "I'm sorry I didn't warn you. The trip was so crazy, I didn't have much time to deal with the fact of being back”.

"I'm glad you came back..." Bambam whispered in his friend's ear, moving away from the hug. "Are you all right? You're more skinner”.

"Oh, this..." Yugyeom laughed biting his lips. "I caught a cold when we went to America. Apparently my immune system is not the best when it comes to international travel”.

"But are you better now?" Youngjae questioned.

"Uhu".

"Could we go?" Yugyeom heard Jinyoung ask impatient. "We need to go to Gangnam before we go to the party”.

"Jinyoung-ah..." Jaebeom attempted to intervene in his rude behavior, which all knew to have to do with Yugyeom. "Why don't you go ahead with Jongin?" he questioned. "I'll take the boys later”.

"The combined-"

"The combined changed, hyung" Bambam interrupted him. "You can go with Jongin hyung. We want to talk to Yugyeom-ah”.

They wanted to.

Jinyoung wanted that too.

It was four months since none of them saw each other, or if they spoke properly, it was obvious that they chose to stay with Yugyeom instead of going to get the stupid things of Jongin just because Jinyoung wanted to.

"Your friends are cute, Gyeom-ah." Mark smiled amusing, seeing the angry expression born in Jinyoung's face. "Why don't we go to my place? Yugyeom can do something for you to eat”.

"Ne..." The youngest voice came out almost automatically, because he really wanted to spend time with friends. "The house is very large and pleasant. We can eat and drink as we speak. And I brought gifts..." He said, looking swiftly at Jinyoung, who deviated from his gaze. "Gifts for everyone”.

\- c -

"Ray's a sweetheart. He has the best contacts of all in Los Angeles." Yugyeom didn't stop jabbering about his travels for even a minute. "He took us to a party, a Hollywood star and it was just perfect. I have a photo somewhere..."

“Wah. You really took the big luck with Mark-ssi. " Bambam sneered, taking another sip of wine. "He seems enough to give you travel, expensive clothes... but is he enough to make you happy, Gyeom?"

Yugyeom stopped folear the album.

"Uhu?"

"Does he make you happy?" Bambam repeated, looking for Mark and Jaebeom, who were distant from the others, chatting excitedly. "Does he?"

Yugyeom squeezed his lips.

"Hyung..." The youngest smiled false. "Of course!" he lied. "Of course he makes me happy, Bambam hyung. Why would I be here if he didn't? "

"I don't know." Bambam sighing, looking quickly at Youngjae, who in silent. "Jinyoung-ah spent a lot of time saying that..." He squeezed his glass. "That you were being forced to be with him, with Mark. He said things, Gyeomie..."

Yugyeom snored a laugh.

"And you believed?" the youngest, who now had blond hair now, rolled his eyes. "Jinyoung-ssi and I fought, hyung. We're not friends anymore, and he thinks it's because of Mark, but it's not. That's why he says those things to you, because he can't admit that he's done nonsense and that my relationship has nothing to do with it”.

Bambam and Yugyeom were friends since high school. He, Youngjae and Yugyeom were always together, one always trusted the other and told... so he hoped his best friend would never lie. So he nodded with a small smile in the corner of his mouth and he trust the words he was hearing, because Kim Yugyeom never lied about something as serious and as ugly as being strength in a relationship.

In the late afternoon, Youngjae persuaded Jaebeom to take Yugyeom and Mark to the party, saying that he was the only one who could hold Jinyoung when he arrived at Jooheon's house – and Mark was just because he wanted to see the angry expression on Jinyoung’s face.

And of course it was exactly what happened: Jinyoung yelled at Jaebeom about him being an idiot for inviting those two, and Jongin heard everything – and fought with Jinyoung for caring about someone who was no longer his friend – and disappeared among people.

At some point, between Mark and Youngjae began to talk fervently, Yugyeom also disappeared in the midst of the people and locked himself in the first dark room he encountered, where he tried to soothe the beats of his heart – until the door opened.

"Jongin?"

"Anya..." Yugyeom replied softly. "It's me”.

"Yugyeom-ssi?" Jinyoung narrowed his eyes. The room was completely dark. A lamp rises, revealing the beautiful and pale face of the now blond Kim Yugyeom. "What are you doing up here? The boys-”

"You're with Jongin." Yugyeom interrupted him with a faint smile on his lips. "When did this happen? I thought he didn't want to see you, that he couldn't see you”.

Jinyoung didn't need to answer.

"He broke the contract with Lion's" but he explained it anyway, because Yugyeom knew everything and maybe if he heard Jinyoung, he realized he could also break what he had with Mark. "It wasn't easy at first. But then things got settled, I helped him and... well, we ended up together”.

Yugyeom nodded.

"You look happy." He meant it. "And finally forgot the kid from the video, huh? You found a more interesting boyfriend”.

"Was that supposed to be a compliment?" Jinyoung ask. "Because it didn't look like one. It sounded like a nasty insult”.

And it was.

It was an insult.

Because Yugyeom couldn’t believe that Jinyoung was really with Jongin, not after all that he had seen at the Lion's Club and after knowing that he was a... program boy.

It was an insult to the tingling sensation in the youngest's stomach. It was a fucking insult that suffocated him. Four months.

"You should come down now, Jinyoung-ssi..." Yugyeom sigh hugging himself. When his arms joined in front of his chest, the purple stain on his biceps was visible enough for the elder approach him abruptly. "What do you think y-Jinyoung-ssi!" The blond cried beating his hands off him. “What are you-ouch!”

Yugyeom collected his arm, the hematoma being burnt because Jinyoung’s gross touch on his skin.

The low music that echoed beneath the door stopped the moment in that burning sensation for a time, as if it were a memory that crawled slowly to be remembered:

 _Your eye plummeted from me_  
I don't recognize your voice  
I don't know how to call you love anymore  
They won't listen to us

 _It seems like all the time_  
We didn't even notice  
I couldn't stand it.  
That your tie on my chest didn't give

"Why?”

Yugyeom swallowed his saliva.

"You don't understand..." his voice came out low, almost like a specter of what had already been a day. "It's not what it looks like. He doesn't... don't hit me. Not the way you're thinking”.

Jinyoung roar.

"I don't believe it... are you defending him? Again?" the eldest groan, angry. "Jongin is right. I'm an idiot for trying to help you see the shit you're doing in your life. You're here now, with a bruise the size of my fist in you skin and saying it's not what it looks like... But that's what it looks like, Yugyeom”.

But it wasn't.

It wasn't like Jinyoung imagined. How Bambam heard or how Youngjae tried not to imagine. It wasn't the way they thought it was.

And Yugyeom couldn't explain it, because if he tried, it could make things worse and everything could collapse in front of his eyes.

He couldn't deal with the idea of Jinyoung hating him.

Of having all his friends hating him.

He couldn't.

"Thank you for always trying to take care of me, _hyung_ " Kim Yugyeom smiled sincere, staring directly into Park Jinyoung’s eyes. "You don't know how much it meant to me. But now... I want you to forget about me. I don't need you to take care of me or to mind anymore. I just need you to leave me alone..." That's what he needed.

"Yugyeom...!"

The blond stood up, still smiling.

"I'm glad you found someone to love you, _Jinyoungie_ hyung." he said. "I'm really happy for you”.

 _I saw you escape from my hands_  
I looked for you, but  
I would not see your face

 _I looked for you, but_  
I would not see your face  
No.

 

( **iii** )

"Could we stop fighting about it?"

" _Wae?_ ” Jongin screamed, pulling the blankets off the bed. They were together for three months now and he didn't understand why Jinyoung insisted on coming back to Lion's whenever Hoseok called him. "You don't work there. Why does Hoseok hyung have to call you all the time?”

“He just has no one to talk. You know that.” Jinyoung rolled his eyes, buttoned his shirt. "He just wants company because today is one of those nights when things get crazy and he gets stressed about it”.

“So why doesn't he quit at once and get out of that cursed place? It would be less stressful.” the black haired complained, lying down. “And you would stop going every time he calls”.

Jinyoung laughed, knowing that Jongin was just jealous.

“You look beautiful when you feel jealous, hyung.” he said, kissing his boyfriend. “I'm no longer a client... I mean, I don't use my rights anymore and you know that. But I’m Hoseok's friend and I understand him, I know why he doesn't want to leave that place.” He explain. “No need to worry about me there, nothing will happen!”

Jongin bit his cheek.

“Do you swear?”

“With all my heart”.

\- **c** -

Hoseok was right when he told Jinyoung that would be one of Lion's wildest nights, because things were really getting out of control and all they could do was pray that the services would calm down as soon as possible.

It turns out that the Lion's Club owner had resolved to make a _treasure hunt_ , where every clue would lead the services to rooms full of mysteries and boys to serve them. The final prize, no one could say what this is... but everyone was confident it would be something splendid.

As the site manager, Jung Hoseok was feeling frustrated because he had no idea how things would ends in the evening, because he hadn’t been privileged with the final result and all he could do was live every instant like everyone else in that place.

And Park Jinyoung, as Hoseok's intimate friend, could only repeat " _everything will be fine hyung, everything will end well_ " while some people were trampled and servents were screwed all over the corners.

They were monitoring one of the rooms through the camera, were talking half voice so no one would hear them, when Hoseok's brown eyes stopped at a camera in question:

“What is that?” he asked Jinyoung, pointing to the boy through the screen. “What room is this?” he questioned himself, turning in his chair, behind the room guide that _Sentinel_ always kept in the surveillance room. He sought patiently: “Lot twenty-three. Black room”;

“What does it mean?!”

Hoseok squeezed his lips for a moment.

“I don't know.” He admitted. “I've never heard or seen this place before.” he said, picking his phone. Hoseok waited for the chief to attend long 12min: “ _Ahjusshi_... I know you say me not to ask questions, but I saw something strange on the cameras. I thought I should tell you”.

“What did you see, Hobi?”

“A room that was not open before. The guide says it's on lot twenty-three and it's called black room. But there is no 23 room on the plant I was given, so... I was wondering if it's a new hall or s-”

“It's not a new hall.” The man on the other side replied once and for all. “Why, instead of wasting your time on this call, you don't go there and expect the result of the hunt? Or if you find it safer, watch it all through the cameras. I'm watching...”

Hoseok held his breath, surprised that his boss was watching the internal surveillance system – he never had time for Lion's.

The call was finish and Hoseok wanted to open his mouth to question about the kid he saw on the camera, who wasn't wearing a mask or clothes and didn't seem to belong to that place.

“What did he say?”

“That I should wait to see the hunt result…”

Jinyoung looked at his friend, then to the boy through filming and imagined... what if that boy was the hunt result?

“Hoseok... When you said things could get weird here... how weird did you mean?”

Hoseok bit his lower lip and pointed to the camera, watching the boy rise from the ground with a fright and be illuminated by a clear light... before running to a corner of the room and trying to hide.

Two services carrying wooden canes entered the room.

“Very strange...” The elder whisper. “He's not from the catalog, Jinyoungie. I've never seen this boy here before”.

Park Jinyoung felt his stomach ache for an instant, and then shook his eyes when five more services entered the room and a frightening drive stirred up the entire black room.

\- **c** -

When it was all over, at 6 a.m., Jinyoung and Hoseok entered the four black with a blanket – which was thrown over the boy's body, who still trembled and cried on the cold ground.

The hunt result was simple... a silly boy who believed in the wrong person and thought he had taken the jackpot in the lottery by being invited to participate in a "dinner for orphans".

The prize for his stupidity and naivety was simple, thought Hoseok by helping him get up from the ground, some traumas and bruises all over his teenage body.

For the customers, the award had been a fun and illegal night, with taking virginities and boys scattered all over the corridors as they virginities was offerings to macabre gods.

“I'm sorry...” Hoseok whispered to the boy, listening to him sobbing softly. “I know it's not fair to tell you this, but...” He swallowed his saliva and looked distressed at Jinyoung, who didn't know what to do. “If you tell anyone what happened, they'll deny it. And they're going to-end up hurting you”.

“How much more they can hurt me?!” The boy laughed between tears, passing his fingers on his purplied face. “They said I could eat and take a bath. That I'd be going to a good house, with a good lady and... and that woman. She said nothing bad would happen, but something really bad happened!” He screamed. “Then how can they hurt me more than they've ever hurt me, sir? How's that?”

Jinyoung knew how.

He had listened from Jongin the things that Lion's owners did to silence whoever was trying to harm them. He heard about servants who went out with their services and never came back, about boys who swore they were threatened with death...

“They're going to kill you.” Jinyoung said seriously, making Hoseok roll up his eyes. They couldn't be saying those things. Not while they were in Lion's, surrounded by cameras. “That's how they're going to hurt you this time.” He explain. “I hate not being able to tell you ‘go ahead and fuck them like they fucked you’, and I don't know what you just went through, but... I know that getting killed is not the best solution”.

The boy looked into Jinyoung's eyes for a moment, verifying the truthfulness of his words and fell into tears, asking him to be taken to a bus stop.

Hoseok did it.

Jinyoung couldn't get in the car... he couldn't sit there and see that kid being left at a bus stop as if nothing had happened.

He couldn't think of the other kids he saw running through the back door of the nightclub, with tears in they eyes and bruises all over they bodies.

He couldn't think of all that.

\- **c** -

“A-Ah what...” The boy stammered confused, watching the confused expression on his friend's face tell him that he didn't know what was going on at that exact moment. He felt the eldest weight fell on his body in bed, and he could not avoid his embrace. “Hyung?!”

"Finish with him, please. Please. Please!” Jinyoung begged desperate, squeezing Yugyeom in his arms with all his strength. “You can yell at me all you want, you can hit me and make me watch children's movies... but broke up with him. I swear I will stand by your side and I will protect you an-”

“Jinyoung-ah!” Yugyeom shouted the eldest away from his body. They've seen them with their eyes wide. They looked petrified, confused with the situation.

The sun was already rising outside when Jinyoung came into his car and drove to the dorm, where Yugyeom shared a room with Bambam – where he was at this very moment.

“Jinyoung-ah...” Yugyeom whispered exhausted. “What are you doing here at this hour of the morning? You can not enter in my dor-”

“I know he beats you.” It was Jinyoung's turn to interrupt him with his hoarse tone. Bambam put his hand in his mouth, surprised to hear the elder say it aloud. They all suspected that Mark would spanking Yugyeom, but no one had the guts to question him so harshly. “I know that, Yugyeom. I can see in your eyes how frightened you are... he spanking you, and you allow it because you're afraid and I understand. But, Gyeom-ah...” Jinyoung sobbing biting his lip. “Hyung once promised he would protect you, do you remember?”

"Jinyoung..."

“I will never fail to fulfill that promise, Gyeom-ah. I'll never abandon you or leave you, so...” He swallowed his saliva, feeling his throat hurt really bad. “Please listen to me once and broke up with him. Please. I promise nothing will happen to you!”.

Yugyeom didn't understand why Jinyoung was saying those absurd things, because he was crying and looking so much like a sniveling.

But he couldn't just let him go on with that madness, not after he kicked him out of his life in such a brutal and inconsequential way.

Not after four months:

“Yes. He spanking me.” Yugyeom whispered feeling his friend’s eyes on his reddish face. “When we have sex.” The way he snorted unbeliever and pushed Jinyoung's hands away from his face, made Jinyoung’s heart ache. “I told you it wasn't the way you thought, hyung. Mark-ah doesn't hit me because he's bad or because he wants to hurt me... he does that when we're having sex. Because I asked him to do it, so... I'm sorry, but I don't have the reason to break up with him”.

For a nano second, Jinyoung believed in him.

He felt ashamed and believed Yugyeom’s words, because he really seemed confident in saying them, but then Bambam made himself heard and asked Jinyoung to withdraw and Yugyeom wavered with his gaze.

Kim Yugyeom’s face was a sad, frightened, injured face... like the boy at Lion's Club.

But he didn’t have time to dispute or beg for the youngest to admit at once and get rid of that rotten relationship, because Bambam pulled him with a force that both didn’t know he have and the door was closed on his face, left him outside while Yugyeom was holding on to not cry.

That early in the day, Bambam listened attentively to his friend while he told him countless lies about how good and considerate Mark was, and how much they were in love. He heard him talk about the kind of relationship they kept, with punishment  and kisses, about how much he was offended by Jinyoung thinking about that ridiculous situation.

And Jinyoung heard the sound of his own hiccup as he watched the sun rise in the sky – while he felt stupid for being heartbroken by someone who didn't deserve it. For someone who lied.

He cried until his phone rang, showing Jongin's name on the screen, and his world had to turn back in function of himself.

At home he took a long bath, then told Jongin what had happened at Lion's and heard from his boyfriend " _it's how things are in this world, honey, you need to get used to it_ " before he catch sleep.

In his sleep, he dreamed about a boy shrunk on some ground... with the same eyes as his, the same nose and lips. He dreamed of him, trapped in that black room while no one could hear him scream and where in the other corner of the room, Kim Yugyeom looked at him with the same fear that frightened him in his brown eyes.


	6. i don't love you anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung-ah?" The boy whispered." I don't deserve someone as good and considerate as you”.
> 
> Jinyoung smoothed Yugyeom’s blusher cheeks.
> 
> "Uhu…" he mutated with a smile. "I know you don't deserve me, but you still have me your giant, annoying baby... You have me”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Annyeong!  
> I know that I stayed long without publishing, is that I'm in the process of writing report to the conclusion of college, so it gets tricky to have some time to update... But the semester is already over and soon I'll be back with all the gas. I hope you enjoy it!

**\- six -**

( **i** )

Kim Yugyeom and Park Jinyoung's friends loves Mark Tuan.

Youngjae always invited him to play video game in his dorm, Jackson liked to go bowling with Mark, Jaebeom used to call him to talk about music or any banality – because Mark was a good listener and Jaebeom needed someone to listen to him since Jinyoung was always busy with his _new boyfriend_.

Bambam... well, Bambam still suspicious of Mark whenever Yugyeom appeared with a bruise or a purple stain – which was more and more frequent now – but he tried to ignore that feeling whenever his friend say it was just sex and that It was fun for him.

But Kim Yugyeom and Park Jinyoung's friends just loves Mark Tuan because he had a beautiful smile.

They liked Mark, a lot... but Jinyoung don’t like him.

Jinyoung didn’t like Mark and didn’t like to see his best friends being fooled by a fake smile while Yugyeom was being abused in silence by his “rich, cool and nice boyfriend”.

He didn't like him and that feeling was enough to keep him away from everyone. Including from Jongin, who insisted on saying that his boyfriend was just jealous about Yugyeom.

That's how they ended up fighting at a bar, when everyone had to meet for Jackson Wang's birthday, because Kim Jongin got tired of hearing his boyfriend complain about Kim Yugyeom:

“... don't you guys get tired of fighting?” it’s was Jackson who interrupted them, when their voices began to attract other customers attention. “I just wanted a quiet dinner for God's sake!”

“I'm sorry, Jackson-ah” Jongin said folding his napkin. “But I can't pretend I'm happy to be here while my boyfriend can't take his eyes off that kid”.

“I have a name.” Yugyeom whispered to himself, as if he were seeking his guilt for having Jinyoung's attention.

“Hyung, you're imagining things.” Bambam tried to soften things up for everyone. “We are friends. How many times are we going to have to go through this situation so you finally understand that?”

“Enough times for my boyfriend to decide what he wants!”

“I think I'd better go.” Yugyeom said to Jackson, who held him in place and whispered: 'It's my birthday, please' to his friend, who looked really tired that night. Yugyeom whispers. “Jackson hyung~~!”

“You run away like a dog as you always do will not change the fact that you live interfering in my relationship.” Jongin vociferate, knocking on the table. “Why don't you just tell him you don't want him and that you're happy and safe? Why do you keep showing up with that dead face, all bruised to make him go crazy because of you? Huh?” the elder cried flustered.

“Jongin!” Jaebeom pulled him by his fist when he tried to stand up, as if he were going towards Yugyeom on the table. “Stop that”.

Yugyeom was confused.

He hadn’t asked Jinyoung to worry.

He'd never asked for anything, and the elder acted as if the youngest had control over Park Jinyoung's actions, as if he really controlled everything and made him run like a mad dog.

But he had no control.

Or Jinyoung.

They don’t have anything.

Yugyeom breathed deeply and stared at his bare hands. His fingers were of a yellowish green color, his palms still ached and the weariness beneath his eyes reminded him of how he had slept poorly that night and how his head was aching to hear Jongin scream at him about something he never asked for.

The loud and violent conversation was spreading throughout the restaurant, and the weary Yugyeom’s brain couldn’t record everything, because everyone was talking at the same time and his heart was beating too fast. He didn't know why, but he felt panicked, until...

“I want to broke up”.

The silence fell on the table, making all the breaths stand in evidence and Yugyeom lifted his head, staring at Jinyoung’s pale face – who was looking back with intensity.

“You want to see me decide what I want?" Jinyoung asked if he was turning to Jongin. “I want to broke up. Let's finish this Jongin hyung”.

Jongin realized then that he was crying.

“Baby…”

“ _Any_. To be honest I never intended to be in this relationship with you.” He smiled sad. “When you came to me saying that you had resigned and that you were afraid, I wanted to help you because I thought it would be the right thing to do, but... you kept coming back and I started getting used to it.” Jinyoung admitted for the first time in nine month. “I've gotten used to liking you”.

He was tired of how time passed fast alongside Jongin, as the feeling he had created for him had begun to die... started when Jinyoung heard him laughing on the phone when he talked about the boys who had been abused at Lion's.

“Jinyoung-ah, you should take him to have this conversation elsewhere.” Youngjae said touching his friend's shoulder. “Here isn’t the most appropriate place for this...”

“I don’t need a right place, I just need to say what I want.” Jinyoung sighed defeated. “I don't know what you're talking about, when you say I look at him in a different way..." But he knew. He started to know one night when he was having sex with his boyfriend and saw Yugyeom in his place for a brief moment... “Me and Yugyeom? We were great friends. I hope we can still be friends when things work out, but...” Park smiled a bitter sad at Jongin. “There was never anything romantic between us. So I'm not broke up with you because of him... I'm doing this because of **you** ”.

“Jinyoung-ah... No...” Jongin closed his eyes. "Don't say that”.

"You were a good custom, hyung. And I loved that. Every day, every detail, every moment. I loved all this, but you..." Jinyoung snored really sad. "You've been killing all this gradually, with the fights and distrust. With your harsh words to me.” He looked right in Jongin's brown and sad eyes. "With your laughter because of that boy's pain, that you have at least met and judged guilty”.

"So that's it?" Jongin frowned. "You're breaking up with me because I laugh at a silly boy who believed in silly promises and ended up being eaten by wolves?!"

Nobody - besides Jackson - was understanding they conversation, but they was still being the main show for everyone in that place and Yugyeom listened to every word attentively – even if his head was spinning and his heart was too fast.

“ _Any_. I'm broke up because I don't love you anymore hyung. Not in the way you want to”.

And when Jongin stood up, punching the table and making everyone whisper, Kim Yugyeom felt his eyelids weigh and his tongue took a bad taste of iron.

"Gyeom-ah, are you okay?" Bambam’s ask, touching his sore hand in a docile manner. Yugyeom feel his back cooled and all tingling in his injured body. "Gyeom-ah?"

“Hyung... I-I...” Yugyeom swallowed his saliva, grabbing the table with all the strength he had left. His eyes seemed frightened: “I think will faint, Jinyoungie…”

And he felt his fingers weakening, until his mind closed completely and all he could do was listen to his friends while his eyes and his body betrayed him cruelly.

\- **c** -

“I will need to ask you this question, Yugyeom-ssi...” The doc. say soft, sitting on the boy bedside. His friends, who were biting their fingers, listened all intently: “Your father... he spanking you?”

“What?” Yugyeom open his eyes.

“The bruises... they correspond physical aggression bruises. You're dehydrated, you have a fractured rib and your fingers bones... they were clearly broken”.

The way everyone received the doctor's report was audible.

Yugyeom look down.

“At your age I can't coerce you into answering. The hospital protocol says we can only inform the authorities without the patient knowing if he is a minor... which is not your case.” the man continued with his gentle tone. “But it's not uncommon to see similar cases... with people of your age. So, you can tell me everything.” he say, stroking the boy's knee. “Is your father or someone close to you beating you?”

 _Tell me the truth_. He thought. 

 _Tell them everything that happened. Everything that will happen when you leave this room. Just tell them and finish it_.

“No.” Kim Yugyeom was a coward. “My father doesn't do anything to me. I just got into some fights...” he said. “I was treating my hand, but the final exams started and I ended up uncaring.” He tried to smile sarcastic, like he was a fool for forgetting to go to the doctor to check his five broken fingers. "And about the dehydration... it's from a diet”.

The doctor looked at him quietly, looking for some indication of deception. It was customary to see victims covering their aggressors for fear. But Yugyeom didn't seem to be afraid... he just looked tired. So the doctor nodded and explained that the boy would have to stay in observation for 24 hours before and left, asking his patient to be very soon:

“Did you have a fight? A diet?!” Jaebeom growled as soon as the door closed. “Are you really going to go through with this madness, Gyeom?”

“What?” Yugyeom laughed. “Hyung, I'm f-”

“Jinyoung-ah was telling the truth, wasn't he?” Jackson was the one who interrupted him. “Mark-ssi… he spanking you... no, not spanking. He's been torturing you, Yugyeom.” He cry out. “A fractured rib? Five broken fingers?!” Yugyeom denied hurried. “He's torturing you!”

“Please, Gyeom-ah” Bambam sobbing approaching his friend's bed, grabbing his hand in his. “Say it out loud and we'll get a way to help you. Just tell me the truth”.

Yugyeom squeezed his jaw, aware that he would cry at any time because of the way his friends were looking at him – even Jaebeom who didn’t used to cry in public was with tears in his beautiful eyes.

He swallowed his saliva and bit his lip.

“Ah-I-no”.

"I can’t fix you, Gyeomie.”

“Huh?”

“I say that I can’t fix you or make you.” the whole room turned to face Jinyoung, who was leaning against the wall while biting his thumb fingernail. “I can't make you want to be happy or want to get out of this shitty life. But I can tell you something that might make you wake up to what you really deserve...” Park Jinyoung whisper. “I love you, Yugyeom”.

Youngjae sobbing surprised, looking at his friend to lift his gaze and face Yugyeom in that hospital bed.

“I really love you. I think everyone here knows that before me.” Park Jinyoung was brave. “I didn't know at first... When you kissed me and told me it meant nothing. I didn't know this hurt because you were just the annoying kid who had told me some interesting things about sex and had heard me talk about every time I was that sex club and slept with someone because of a stupid obsession…”

Jaebeom wide his eyes.

They had a weird coughed and put his hand in his mouth, surprised.

Jackson sigh relieved that his friend was being sincere.

And Youngjae sat down, dizzy with all that information.

Yugyeom just stayed in his hospital bed, eager to weep and embrace Park Jinyoung – _the stupid Park Jinyoung._

“I didn't know at first. I had no idea that the feeling of need to see you, to make smile, to talk to you any nonsense just so I could be talking to you was really liking you!” Park Jinyoung admitted move his shoulders, approaching more and more of the bed. “Listen to you, look at you... watch you sleep with a silly cartoon...” he laugh. “I didn't know at first that liking was actually loving you. If I knew, I wouldn't have let you go that way”.

 _Park Jin Young_. Yugyeom thought with a hidden smile.

“I wouldn't have let you go, Gyeomie”.

 _Among all the people... Stupid Park Jin Young_.

Yugyeom rubbed his eyes and squeezed Bambam’s fingers:

“ _Uhu_. He spanking me.” Kim Yugyeom was afraid, but he needed to tell the truth. “Mark hyung hurt me a lot. And it's not a sex thing”.

\- **ii** -

It wasn’t difficult to convince Yugyeom's uncle that Mark was dangerous, because Kim’s family knew the man in question – his family, what he used to do before his father became a famous CEO.

So Yugyeom deposed against Mark the instant he was released from the hospital... He claimed domestic aggression, because - after all - they were a couple and the law demanded that they call it that happened that way.

And Mark, who was traveling that week on business, was notified through his lawyer who was being indicted for having ignored and broken the restriction measure issued on his behalf almost a year ago and for domestic assault on his boyfriend, Kim Yu Gyeom.

When he returned to Korea, with angry in his eyes, all he could do was follow the orders of his family's lawyer and pay Yugyeom – because Tuan’s family was rich and influential enough to keep his beloved son out of the chair – for having emotionally, psychologically and physically injured him.

“I still can't believe he left unharmed just because he paid you some _wons_ , Gyeom." Bambam growled out. They had just returned from the hearing against Mark, and they were angry. “It's ridiculous!”

“It's better than nothing.” Jaebeom commented. “He won't be able to reach even an inch away from you without being detained. That's the real victory, leaving that psycho away from you”.

“You're right, hyung.” Yugyeom smiled.

But this is not true, he didn't agree with Jaebeom.

That wasn't a win and the youngest was the only one to know that, because Mark wouldn't just let him go with a few won in his account and a new restraining order.

Because Mark wouldn't lose his _kitten_.

Yugyeom smiled at his friends again, knowing that this peaceful moment in the sky would cost expensive to him.

It would cost very, very expensive.

**\- c -**

At the end of the night, they all went away with happy smiles on their faces while Jinyoung had the pillows on the bed – which he used to share with Jongin – so the youngest could sleep comfortably.

“You know you don't have to keep treating me like an invalid, don't you? The doctor says I'm fine, I just can't force my torso and my hand too hard. But I can do things like fix my pillows”.

“I know that.” Jinyoung replied indifferent. “I just don't want you to go around saying I treated you badly to our friends. Jaebeom hyung would end up killing me because of it”.

“Oh! So all this concern is because Jaebeom hyung?”

“Waaah, you are really smart Kim Yugyeom.” Jinyoung joked, teasing laughter at the youngest, who lay feeling his rib ache and closed his eyes for an instant. “Let me get the ointment my sister made, it's very good for localized pains. I'm going to give you a massage that alleviating that pain you're feeling”.

And the ointment was really good, because it burned into Yugyeom's skin and quickly warmed the place up, making the muscles react funny as Jinyoung massaged every inch of skin.

“Ya, I can’t believe that everything that I have to do to fell your hands on my body was been assault for my ex…" The youngest joked, receiving a slap on his forehead. “Auch! I'm sick, hyung. You can't slap me like that”.

“As long as you’re in my house..." Jinyoung smile. “I can do whatever I want to you”.

\- **c** –

And Jinyoung really did everything he wanted with Yugyeom.

Not at first.

At first he took care of the youngest as if nothing had changed, as if he hadn’t confessed himself and as if Yugyeom hadn’t finally decided to stand by his side.

He took care of his bruises, the boy's skin with yellows hematomas, his meds, his meals and his humor whenever he tried to leave and was prevented.

Park Jinyoung was really a good caregiver for Kim Yugyeom.

Until the simplest touch becoming more time-consuming, more affectionate touches.

Until one night, after having spent an entire afternoon listening they friends talk about Utah – because neither of them were going to classes in those two weeks when Yugyeom was on a medical certificate because of his bruised – and Jaebeom questioned Jinyoung about the sex club he had commented on, it happened.

Park Jinyoung bent over to leave a good-night kiss on Kim Yugyeom's cheek before returning to the guest room when the youngest turned his face a little... and they ended up changing a little peak.

And from the little peak, it was Jinyoung who held Yugyeom's face and thrust his tongue into his mouth, drowning in the so-expected contact.

The kiss was the first right to be proclaimed by Jinyoung.

Yugyeom’s body came next, when all the youngest bones had already healed and the purple hematomas had already disappeared from his skin... on a warm afternoon.

 **me at 10:12am**  
Ya, Kim Yugyeom!

 _1min ago_  
you left the wet towel on top of my bed... again.

 _1min ago_  
Next time you bathe here  
Please put the towel in the right place!

 ** _love_** **, at 10:15am  
** Hyung... do me a favor?

Grow up!

 _2min ago_  
It's just a wet towel  
your hand will not fall off if  
you catch it for me!

  
**me at 10:15am  
** Just a towel that wet my whole bed!

 _2min ago_  
And I'm not your servant!

 _1min ago_  
Next time... take it to the right place.

Jinyoung laughed at Yugyeom’s answer: an middle finger and a puppet with his tongue out emoji.

“Why are you smiling so much?” he heard Jaebeom ask as soon as the elder came back with his coffee. “It’s Yugyeom-ah?”

"Uhu." Jinyoung mutated without taking his eyes off the screen while he was typing to his 'friend'. Jaebeom watche him. “He's such an idiot. Look how he types and puts emojis an-what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

"It’s just nice to see you two acting all... _boyfriends_." Jaebeom smiled gladly, getting an ugly look on the other, which stopped typing. "I know you guys aren't officially dating, but... it's been a couple of months now, Jirongie”.

"First of all, don't call me that. It comes to being ridiculous after all these years.” Jinyoung complained putting his phone down. “Second... three months is too little to decide if we want to date after everything that's happened, so no. We're not dating”.

“Aren't you?! He sleeps in your house basically every day, Jinyoung-ah." Jaebeom pointed with an eyebrow lifted. “You call him _love_ and you two wear similar necklaces so long that the jewel must already have fused your skin. If that's not dating, I don't know what it is”.

Jinyoung crumbed his teeth, touching the collar just to put it inside his blouse – Jaebeom could make him uncomfortable.

"Ah, these things-"

"And you two had sex”.

Jinyoung looked surprised at Jaebeom.

 _How could he know?_ The youngest thought concerned.

"Yugyeom told Bambam, who told Jackson, who told Youngjae... that ended up telling me.” He explained shaking his shoulders. “You know secrets don't stay secret for long when it comes to Bambam and Jackson. So blame Yugyeom”.

“ _Aish_. That little brat. And he was still mad at me when I said I was going to tell you. How can he be such a hypocrite?”

“Ewc. You guys are so cute _boyfriends_ , Jirongie”.

Jinyoung's phone rang, show Yugyeom's name on the display. The protection image was a very old pic of them, which was taken by Jackson Wang – who at the time insisted on making them get along – and placed there without Jinyoung becoming aware of what it really meant.

Jaebeom laughed at the pun of that moment.

Jinyoung sighed defeated, answering the call:

“Uh? Did something happen... _love_?”

\- **iii** -

They weren’t dating as everyone hoped they were because Yugyeom had the worst excuses in the world to not accept Jinyoung's attempts to make it happen – and even Hoseok, who only heard about him was annoyed about his behavior – and that was make him go crazy.

First Yugyeom came up with the excuse that Jinyoung and Jongin had broke up no much time ago and he wasn't sure what they were doing was right.

Then he said he couldn't date him because he was too troublesome and would end up hurting Jinyoung in ways he didn't want to hurt him.

And once Yugyeom even broke a glass in his hand, saying that he couldn’t date someone as insistent like Jinyoung, who don’t gave him space and time to breathe.

So they weren’t dating, because Jinyoung suddenly felt pathetic and stopped asking the boy, as he also stopped ‘choking’ him and asked him to come back to stay in his dorm with Bambam.

But despite not being boyfriends, they were good friends and were 'together' somehow, because Yugyeom still slept in Jinyoung's dorm whenever he wanted and they were still having sex whenever they wished for each other.

 _It's called a boner_. Youngjae rolled his eyes one day when everyone started talking about the group's non-couple. _They don't want anything serious, it's not a matter of a relationship, but rather a healthy and unstable relationship that involves sex._ That's what he thought.

Jinyoung began to find the same, because Yugyeom laughed and nodded firmly while Choi Youngjae decided what Jinyoung failed to see during all that time of insistence.

That situation annoyed him so much.

"... okay, okay. No more of this matter before Jinyoungie starts to go mad." Jaebeom joked, making everyone laugh. They were at a bar at the end Jackson’s condo, because the Chinese wanted to celebrate with his friends his good grades and they wanted to drink. "Since we're in this light climate and everything's calmed down... how about we talk about that _thing_ Jinyoung-ah?"

"Aish, hyung”.

" _Aish_ nothing. You keep saying you're going to give a more detailed explanation, but you never give it to us. You just says it's past and we don't have to worry." Jaebeom complained back. "I want to know how my best friend ended up getting involved in a sex club!”

"Isn't it simple? He became obsessed with that boy..." Yugyeom responded from Jinyoung, taking his beer. "From the video”.

"On the sex tape?" Youngjae asked.

"Uhu".

“Wae? Why did you go into a sex club because of a boy you didn't even know, hyung?" Bambam wanted to laugh, but he held on because he understood Jinyoung's obsession. He had some crazy stuff for some girls himself. "You've never been so radical”.

"I think that's why." Jinyoung sighed. "I don't know if it had to do with the boy... Of course I wanted to know who he was. And that idea of being in the same place that he made me excited, but I think deep down was because I never did anything radical”.

"So you decided to join a sex club to radicalize?"

“Something like that.” Jinyoung laughed to Jaebeom, who rolled his eyes and called him inconsequential. “Then it was because I ended up making friends... and I kind of became a client. I can't pretend I didn't use some Lions' perks”.

“Perks like... having sex with sexual slaves?” he saw him biting his cheeks.

“They're not slaves, Bam-ah. There are contracts, norms and rules in that place. Things don't happen like we see in the videos or the movies. It's not about enslaving...”

But some were enslaved.

Jinyoung knew that.

Jackson and Yugyeom too.

Some had no way out of that place, because they owed more than they could get and if they tried to escape, they would end up being killed and thrown into a ditch without anyone caring.

“How many have you had sex with?”

Youngjae's question drew Yugyeom's attention to Jinyoung’s perfect and rosy alcoholic face.

“With only one person…” he answered truthfully. Jinyoung was talking about Jongin, who wore a mask of red tears and a golden eye at the center of his forehead when they met. “I had a moment with someone before him, but nothing happened. Just a show for the cameras. Then I used my perks... twice”.

Yugyeom deflated his gaze, feeling his ears burnt.

He had listened to that story a few times, but never felt awkward or mad... not as he was feeling at that very moment while Jinyoung explained to others how he had known Jongin – even though he wasn't telling them that the boy mask was her ex.

“Wow. I could never imagine that you would have guts to do something like that, hyung”.

"Neither do I." Bambam agreed with Youngjae. Jaebeom sighed surprised and Jackson bit his lips, because he had also slept with someone when he was in the Lions – he just didn't want to have to say it out loud, much less for Jaebeom to hear. “Tell us more...”

When the night ended, they said goodbye, going each to their side. Jaebeom and Jackson left first, went to the Chinese house who let everyone know that their parents were traveling and that they both would sleep alone. Youngjae needed to call his brother to get him, because he was too drunk to drive or get in and out of an Uber without getting lost in the process. Bambam just followed him.

Jinyoung and Yugyeom intertwined their fingers and walked silently to college, where they followed the south corridor and entered Jinyoung and Youngjae’s dorm - because Bambam had decided to re-divide with Yugyeom, for reasons that the old man of the three didn’t know why.

Yugyeom took off his jacket and went towards the bathroom, where he was undressing and turning on the hot water long enough for the entire room to be covered with steam. When he came under the shower, he felt his whole drunken body relaxing by the temperature.

“You're more thoughtful than normal..." He didn't hear the door move, but heard Jinyoung's voice right behind him before he felt him rub his hair. Yugyeom wondered if the eldest was on his tiptoe. “Do you want to talk about it?”

The tallest closed his eyes and tried to bend down so that Jinyoung could rub the shampoo in his hair without having too much difficulty, feeling the affection on his scalp make him relax.

They did this kind of thing since Jinyoung had decided that Yugyeom couldn't use just one hand to clean his dark hair, since then it was a constant joy for the youngest to feel his touch.

" _Love?”_

"I know you said you didn't love him anymore, but..." Yugyeom sighed still with his eyes closed, the water falling on them "It's hard to hear you talk about how it all happened. I know it's selfish since we have nothing real and that you don't talk doesn't make the fact nonexistent, but somehow it bothers me so much”.

Yugyeom heard Jinyoung laugh.

“Understand. You're jealous”.

"Anya!" The boy complained turning to Jinyoung. "I wouldn't be jealous of you..." He crossed his arms. “It just piss me off, because... I mean... it make me mad”.

"For no reason?" Jinyoung sneered. “It just make you mad? Because you don't feel jealous of me?!” The youngest rolled his eyes and turned his back again. “Ya! Don't turn your back to me, Kim Yugyeom”.

But Yugyeom didn’t move, because while Jinyoung laughed and provoked him, he thought of how things should have been with him and Jongin and how things were for him when he was with Mark. And all of a sudden, all that the youngest wanted to do was cry.

And he cried.

He cried quietly as he listened to the other laugh and provoked him, because he remembered all the time he had undergone to spend with Mark because of a secret that would never leave him alone, because he suddenly felt jealousy for Jongin having been so long with Jinyoung.

He cried in secret until Jinyoung forced him to turn and grabbed his cheeks, asking why he was like that before he received the simple answer:

"I think I'm jealous”.

Park Jinyoung liked Kim Yugyeom.

He didn't know that at first, but now he was sure, because his heart was shaking with a strange joy in knowing that the youngest felt jealous of him. Jinyoung smiled:

"Gyeom-ah... can you stop crying and give me a kiss now? I kind of miss your mouth”.

"I don't want ~ ~ ~!" The youngest replied giving his back to the elder one more time, then reconnected the shower and moved away from his grasp. “And stop poking me, that hu-Jinyoung-ah…”

Yugyeom only managed to utter his name, because before finishing his sentence he was surprised by a lengthy kiss against his spine, the right place where he felt chills.

His body writhed with the contact and Jinyoung smiled against his skin, holding his hip in place when he tried to move away from the next kisses, which were climbing up Yugyeom’s back.

It was always like this. Yugyeom was angry, Jinyoung kiss him in the right places and they ended up sleeping together as if it had to happen that way: and it really had to be that way.

The tallest one felt his mind scream when Jinyoung pulled him back by his waist, fitting his butt into the perfect space between his hips and thighs. He moan.

"Gyeom-ah" Jinyoung whispered. "I want you”.

It was all that Yugyeom needed to hear this to press his ass against Jinyoung, who understood the answer and kiss his wet skin, provoking anxious moans.

Jinyoung and Yugyeom found out they couldn't do ceremony when they wanted each other, there were no half-terms, and nothing was embarrassing enough to make them act weird. It was always very very simple: they wanted it, they had it.

So it wasn't awkward or disrespectful when Jinyoung pushed his dick inside Yugyeom's with his fingers, it was much less strange when he grabbed his thigh and lifted it up in the air so he could fuck him it in the right way – Yugyeom’s always say that Jinyoung knew exactly where to hit him when they were having sex, so it was always the "right way to fuck".

Kim Yugyeom put his forehead against the blurry glass and try to stay firm, moaning with his eyes closed while he felt Park Jinyoung squeeze in every inch of his body that he had suffered from the sensations provoked by the other's penis inside him.

Jinyoung moved his hip back, coming out of the youngest just to sink into him with more force, well the way Yug’s liked and begged to be penetrated.

When he was tired of staring at his blurry reflection, Jinyoung turned him over to himself and lifted his legs, making him stand on his waist while he was holding on to the bathroom glazing to not fall.

He slide into Yugyeom again, this time being pressed against his roll walls, panting and excited by Kim’s reddish and pleasure expression.

"Ahh~~Jinyoung-ah..." Yugyeom moan, feeling Jinyoung’s dick touching his prostate light. "Please..."

Yugyeom used to beg whenever he wanted to come, as if he needed Jinyoung’s permission – who prevented him and watched him stir desperate for some relief, until all his muscles were tired and he surrendered completely, embracing the eldest neck or grabbing his hair to guide him to a kiss.

Jinyoung denied panting between his open lips and grabbed Yugyeom's ass, opening him up a little more, stocking him more tightly.

Yugyeom’s dilated pupils trembling in his eyes when Jinyoung literally hit his prostate that time, so forcefully he made him arch his body and groan in a way that Park Jinyoung's brain would make him want to remember some secret already divided by them:

"Do it again..." Jinyoung asked with difficulty, feeling his throat burning for all the burst of pleasure and tiredness. "Moan to me that way again, Gyeom-ah. Just one more time and I'll let you cum...”

And as an instinct, Yugyeom moan in that way again, because Jinyoung struck him again and stronger, squeezing his ass against his penis when his insides contracted with that pleasurable pain. He clung to Jinyoung's neck as if he were to fall and heard his command to cum.

It was difficult for Jinyoung to take his cock out before he cum too, because his mind was screaming something that his deaf ears couldn’t hear right and his whole body was throbbing.

When they returned to themselves, still panting and with red cheeks, Jinyoung put Yugyeom on the floor with delicacy and held his face, kissing him slowly – it was his way of saying that it was more than sex without compromise, and that nothing would prevent him from trying to make him happy if the youngest decided to accept his dating requests.

Yugyeom smiled suit between the kiss.

"Jinyoung-ah?" The boy whispered." I don't deserve someone as good and considerate as you”.

Jinyoung smoothed Yugyeom’s blusher cheeks.

"Uhu…" he mutated with a smile. "I know you don't deserve me, but you still have me your giant, annoying baby... You have me”.


	7. i'm sorry, i'll miss you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you guys were expecting me to be surprised or sad about it... you thought wrong. I realized too late that is not possible to fix someone’s mind when they don’t want to be fixed! So hope he stay with Mark-ssi and continue suffering..." He yells pointing to each person in that room, as if he could send a message to Yugyeom that way. “That's what he deserves for not accepting help”.
> 
> Jinyoung tucked his arms in his coat and took his wallet, heading towards Choi Youngjae'st closed door – who was paralyzed with Park Jinyoung’s harsh words.
> 
> "Jinyoung-ah!" Jaebeom cried listening to the door crash. He kept looking at her, as if Jinyoung were to come back. But he didn't come back. He wouldn't be back so soon. "I'm sorry Jinyoung-ah... I'm really sorry”.

\- **i** -

Kim Yugyeom’s life was never have been so brilliant.

He was back in college.

Now he could go out with his friends without worrying too much.

He was back in dance class.

He also had a new job at Mr. Choi's bookstore.

So Yugyeom’s life had never been as bright and fun as he was in that last month, and all he could ask himself was what he had done right to have all the things he wanted most in the world.

Sometimes he caught himself imagining that he might have drunk water from some magical source or that the legends about his grandmother's charming and happy destinies were finally coming true.

Sometimes he caught himself thinking that maybe the universe had imploded from the wrong side, sweeping the bad things that had happened in his life to make room for the good events.

He didn't know which options were right, but he was happy anyway, because he had never been as free and happy as he was now. And all that couldn't have happened without Jinyoung's little push.

Oh... Kim Yugyeom was never so happy to admit that Park Jinyoung was to blame for all the brilliance of his brilliant life.

"... Gyeom-ah?” he heard Bambam calling him, taking him out of his smiling trance. “What happened? Why are you smiling?”

"I don't know!" The youngest admitted, taking his milkshake. "I just feel happy as I've never felt before. Isn't that weird?”

“Eh... No. Strange would be if you were not happy.” Bambam laughed. Yugyeom’s was radiant. "You're free of that guy, you got a nice job in a nice place... and you got a hot boyfriend”.

“He's not my boyfriend!”

“You too share a dorm”.

"Me and you too... and weren’t boyfriends, Bambam-ah”. Yugyeom replicated embarrassed because he hated when his friends started talking about him and Jinyoung as if they were a couple.

It's not that Yugyeom didn't want to have a boyfriend as cool, understanding, considerate and elegant as Jinyoung. It was just... he couldn't afford to dream, because he didn't deserve someone so good.

Yugyeom always knew. He would never deserve Jinyoung and the elder would realize that at some point – when he found out the whole truth. Maybe that's why he never tried to get close to him before, because he knew sooner or later he'd notice the cracks about the beautiful mask he wore.

He didn't want that.

He didn't want to see the look of disappointment in Jinyoung's face, didn't want to imagine what words would come out of his beautiful mouth when everything came out and, above all, he didn't want to have to think about having to see him go.

So Yugyeom always kept his distance... He was always the friend who knows Park Jinyoung’ friends, because it was easier when there was a safe haven to cling to.

He kept his distance until that day, when he saw the boring expression on the elder's face, as if he didn’t understand why he was judged by something he didn’t know. Yugyeom actually remained distant, until he decided to become a friend for him.

Until he decided to become who he was looking for on cold nights, even though Jinyoung would probably send him away and his brilliant life would end when he discovered his secrets.

When he found out the whole fucking truth.

Yugyeom felt his stomach ache.

"Gyeom-ah!" Bambam cried calling his attention once more. Yugyeom smiled, putting the book on the counter. "What's going on with you? You’re been distracted”.

Kim Yugyeom knew, deep down he always knew, that when he needed to return to his shadows life, all that the light had made emerge would collapse into pieces.

"I'm sorry gyung." Yugyeom sigh. "I've been dreaming about waking up since I heard about the auditions for that expensive college in New York”.

Lie.

He was good at lying, and that would be his first sin to be judged by all his friends... by Jinyoung too.

Yugyeom shook his head, trying to ward off the bad thoughts of his evil mind – she did not tire of punishing him for being who he was.

"Juilliard?!" Bambam lifted his eyebrows surprised. He had also heard about the tests, but had no idea that Yugyeom would try to sign up for the tests that would happen at the end of the year. “Are you really going to try? I had no idea, Yugs!”

"Yes." the boy bit his lips. "Jinyoung encouraged me to try. At first I thought it was crazy... me at Juilliard?" He grumbled rolling his eyes. "But then the time was passing, he kept insisting that he had never seen a dancer more talented than me and I ended up yielding... I ended up signing up for the auditions”.

Bambam put his hands in his mouth, surprised about his friend courage and the Park Jinyoung’s magnificent insistence.

 _Blessed Park Jinyoung for doing good to this needy and gentle boy_. Bambam thought, rising to embrace his friend as evidence of moral support and pride.

"I know you don't like to hear this... but **your** boyfriend is really an angel sent by the sky, Yugs”.

Yugyeom rolled his eyes and pushed his friend:

"He's not my boyfriend!"

**\- ii -**

"So you guys are dating?" Jinyoung's older sister questioned surprise. "I'm sorry, but I always thought that Jinyoung-ah would end up dating Jaebeom-ssi..." she admitted.

"Noona!" Jinyoung's eye-popping. "Don't be like that”.

"What?" the woman sigh bored. “Can you blame me for finding this? You two have always been so close... everyone thought they were dating or they were going to date at some point”.

Yugyeom laughed at Jinyoung's mother's expression when the woman asked him to ignore his children and finish his meal.

He didn’t care what Jinyoung's sisters hoped for, because he wasn’t his boyfriend – it would never be – so he had no reason to feel jealous of Jaebeom and his proximity to Jinyoung.

So Yugyeom found it amusing how Jinyoung and his sisters argued, because he hadn't seen his brother for many years and missed all the intrigue between older and younger siblings. That's just why he instigated the fight, pretending to be bothered by the fact that Jinyoung was too close to Jaebeom:

“... okay, but did it have to be close enough for your sisters to think you'd end up dating him?” Yugyeom pouts, false irritated. “It's really embarrassing to hear that, Jinyoung-ah”.

"You see, Jinyoung? Even he agrees with me”.

Park Jinyoung grasbed, throwing his hands to the sky in surrender.

He couldn't believe that Yugyeom was even taking his sister's side in that fight just to annoy him.

"I should never have brought you here”.

Yugyeom and Jinyoung's sisters laughed.

"Noona-ah..." Yugyeom smiled sitting next to Jinyoung's elder sister in the sofa. "You know what I'd love to hear?" the woman nodded without knowing. "Embarrassing stories about Jinyoung hyung and his old boyfriends!" The woman put her hand in her mouth, talking about how much she was liking Yugyeom: "Tell me everything!"

Jinyoung wide-eyed disappointed.

"I really shouldn't have brought you here, Yugyeomie”.

\- **c** –

A month after Yugyeom met his family, he met Park Jinyoung’s father too – who now lived in Busan, with his new wife and his new baby – and his lovely grandmother.

Mrs. Park insisted that Yugyeom call her grandmother, and make her grandson happy as no other had ever done because, in her words, " _Jinyoungie usually has a poor finger to choose boyfriends, he always ends up donating too much and doesn't get the same in exchange. In the end, he always ends up with a broken heart_ ”.

Park Jinyoung's grandmother insisted that Yugyeom call her grandmother, but at the end of the day he couldn't do it, because he felt all his skin burning when he heard her talking about how his grandson ended up hurting himself... that made him wonder how many times he'd hurt Jinyoung.

The following week, even with Jinyoung insisting that Yugyeom quit, the tall boy visit mrs. Park – this time alone, because he wanted to talk to her – and came back with a smile on his face. Jinyoung wanted to know the reason for Yugyeom's happiness, which ignored him and spent the rest of the night advancing his college work.

Things were going well in those days... until they started fighting. First because Jinyoung pretended not to bother with the fact that Yugyeom always corrected people when they mentioned them as boyfriends. Then it was because Yugyeom didn't want to see Jongin near Jinyoung, even if he wasn't his boyfriend.

Then they argued because Jaebeom decided to visit Lion's Club and Jinyoung qualified to be his guide – and even came back a few times at Hoseok’s request. They fought for no reason, either.

Now they were fighting because Jinyoung felt like he didn't know anything about Yugyeom and his life before they talked on the bus stop a year ago:

"Why not?" Jinyoung shouted. "Why can't I meet your parents if you've met mine? How do you think it's fair?”

"I didn't ask you to introduce me to your parents!" Yugyeom repeated sticking another t-shirt in his backpack. He was determined not to go back to Jinyoung's dorm, because he was tired of always ending up fighting for some stupid reason and wanted to have room to be alone and in peace. "You decided to take me, even when I told you not to... so don't come acting like I owe you anything. I don’t”.

Jinyoung followed him through the room.

"Yes, you do." He said without thinking. "I helped you. I've been on your side for all this time without demanding anything, smiling when you asked me to smile and pretended not to care about your arrogance when people say that we formed a beautiful couple..." Of course he was upset by Yugyeom not having a good enough excuse to not become his boyfriend. And of course he would use it as an argument: "I took you inside my house, introduced you and made you comfortable because I decided you deserved to be treated well... so why can't you repay me? Why can't you treat me well too?”

Yugyeom stopped where he was.

He couldn't believe they were talking about it again.

He walked into the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush.

"Yugyeom?"

His eyes were burning and he throat hurt, so... he'd cry any minute if he tried to talk to Jinyoung.

"Will you ignore me?" Jinyoung laughed without humor. "That's how immature and childish you can be. I'm trying to have a serious conversation and you're running away, as usual. It doesn't tire of this comport-”

"I've had enough of you!" Yugyeom screamed without thinking, making Jinyoung close his mouth. Park Jinyoung’s brown eyes sought another focus that was not Kim Yugyeom’s mad face.

Jinyoung was dumb.

He knew that the day he imagined Yugyeom instead of Jongin. When he wanted to hold the younger hand, when he wanted to hug him.

He was stupid.

Donkey dreaming that one day Yugyeom would feel the same, that he would accept him and want to hug him too. He was dumb enough to think that Yugyeom, with all his troubled and complex mind, would be able to want him one day... Because he would never.

He didn't want Jinyoung.

Not to be his boyfriend, to be the one who listened to his problems and knew about his private life. Yugyeom would never want him that way because Jinyoung was a warm lap when things were bad, he were the one who fuck him against the wall and made him forget his problems.

Other than that... outside that Jinyoung was nothing to Yugyeom.

"I don't want to date you, Jinyoung-ah." His voice shook in the end, as if he were sad. "I admit I was dazzled when you said you love me... and I thought maybe... that maybe I could love you back the same way... but I don't”. Yugyeom sat in the sanitary leak. "So I don't want to introduce you to my parents, because it wouldn't be fair to them or to you..."

"Yugyeomie..." Jinyoung bit his lip. "I know you don't love me. I'm not an idiot, but I thought we were friends”.

"We are hyung." Yugyeom squeezed his lips. "For me we are, but for you..." He lowered his eyes. "It's not like that, right? For you it's more than that and everybody knows... and I-"

"And you don't want it to continue”.

Yugyeom nodded feeling his eyes burning.

"I don't want this charge, this need to label things and we introduce our families!" He replied afflicted, feeling suffocated. "I was obliged to do that with someone I didn't love and I don't want to be forced again!” his eyes sought Jinyoung's shocked eyes. "Please hyung don't make me go away just because you think a boyfriend title or love is needed to keep two people with equal interests together. Please”.

It was not what Jinyoung wanted, a relationship without love or bonds. He knew the moment he brought Yugyeom home that the boy was hurt and tired of everything that had happened to him, but... but he thought that in time things would change.

He wanted a title.

He wanted love.

"All right Yugyeomie... I'm sorry. I promise not to make you leave because of such nonsense. I promise it was the last time we had this conversation." Jinyoung tried to smile, taking Yugyeom's hands on his own. "Stay here, okay? We don't have to date or have love to stay together. You don't have to go”.

But, above all, Jinyoung wanted Yugyeom.

"Hyung..." Yugyeom sighed. "Are you sure you can live that way? I don't want to be unfair. If you love me and think that-"

Jinyoung wanted him like he never wanted anything else in the world.

"Shh. I honestly don't care about titles, as long as you're okay and here. We're better than a relationship, Gyeom-ah... you're my best friend at the end. So you stay here. With me".

He wanted him on his side... even if his heart hurt.

( **iii** )

With much sacrifice and sadness, Park Jinyoung accepted everything that Kim Yugyeom demanded – even if he never said it aloud – so that they would both stay together. He'd kiss him, but he wouldn't hold his hand in public. He'd hug him at night, but he wouldn't disband affection. He listen Yugyeom complain about his day, but did not ask about his childhood or his life in Namyangju-si.

With much sacrifice and sadness Park Jinyoung was convincing his heart that he would not have Kim Yugyeom, and that it was easier to accept what they could take away from the little that called them instead of insisting on something that would never happen. It was a lot of sacrifice, but he got used to it.

He also became used to the fact that Yugyeom was going to live in New York when he finished college, because he had passed in Julliard and began his studies the following year with the new class – Bambam had also achieved a vacancy.

"Jinyoung-ah!" Hoseok smiled hugging the man. "How thin you are. How long we don’t met?”

"About three months. I think." Jinyoung smiled hug Hoseok back with the same enthusiasm. They looked: "What?”

“Nothing. It's just that I thought you was dating..." Hoseok commented to refer to the fact that Jinyoung was wearing a red tie stamp on his hand. "Not that I'm complaining, money is welcome, but... I thought I wouldn't see you at Lion's as a customer again. Not after everything you've seen... and Yugyeom-ssi”.

Jinyoung sketched a shy smile.

"He's not and he's never been my boyfriend, Hoseok. We just... sleep together. It's just sex." Jinyoung has shrugged. "And what happened... yeah I thought I wouldn't have the guts to come back after seeing those kids being... you know" were referring to the Lion's feast. "But I was bored at home and found it interesting to come”.

Hoseok nodded, opening the curtains for Jinyoung.

"Since you're back for a brief moment, let me introduce you to the new servants. The vast majority come from Busan and have a wonderful accent... the way you like”.

Jinyoung laughed:

"You are very funny, manager-nim." They could no longer use their names, under the red lights they were the center of attention and not two young adults with problems. "What have you got for me again? Huh?

**\- c-**

"You smell like sex..." Yugyeom whispered away his face from Jinyoung's neck, who grumbled with his mouth closed and clasped his eyes more forcefully. "Where did you go?"

"I thought we weren't satisfied about our private lives”. He was drunk. Yugyeom could say that by his cheeks and red ears, or by the smell of alcohol coming out of his mouth, but Jinyoung was really drunk.

"How much did you drink?"

"A few bottles." Jinyoung laughed. "Maybe seven bottles. Or was it nine? I don't remember, I stopped counting when the ground started spinning..." he explained banally, as if it were the most normal thing in the whole world. Yugyeom missed the Jinyoung centered and with good grades. "Help me get out of this outfit, please”.

"Yes hyung" Yugyeom nodded sitting on the bed, pulling off Jinyoung’s sweaty and smelly clothes. "Why don't you take a shower? You stink of cheap sex”.

Jinyoung laughed at the word and tried to stand up.

When he had no strength, he asked Yugyeom to help him again. The two of them walked hard into the bathroom.

"Wait a minute, I'll turn on the hot water”.

When Yugyeom returned to the bathroom Jinyoung was already inside the tub, with eyes closed and muttered a Christmas song:

"Jingle bel?" The youngest asked with a smile. "You and your Christmas songs out of season, hyung. There's still three months left for Christmas." He said he was taking the soap to put it in the water. "Hyung?"

"Come to London with me for Christmas. Jaebeom and I have tickets in first class, I can switch to economical and you can come along. It's going to be fun... in London." Jinyoung had already commented with Yugyeom about his Christmas trip with Jaebeom, but there was never the guest. He licked his lips. "Come with me…”

Yugyeom wanted to go.

He wanted to see London.

"I would love to hyung..." smiled spreading soap in the water before putting a little into the hand and passing on Jinyoung's black hair. "But someone wants to see me in Namyangju-si and I promised that I would fulfill his last request before moving to New York in January”.

Jinyoung opened his eyes.

He stared at Yugyeom's lost smile and clasped his lips.

When he perceived the elder's expression, Yugyeom tried to get away from the tub, but was surprised by Jinyoung's strong fingers:

"Mark-ssi?" Jinyoung couldn’t know much about Yugyeom’s life, but he knew that Mark had lived in Namyangju-si when he came from Los Angeles and that he had known Yugyeom there. "He's in Namyangju-si”.

Kim Yugyeom wasn't sure if Park Jinyoung listened to his conversations when he would have hidden them in the bathroom... not until that moment. Now he was sure the elder kept hearing behind the door, because it was impossible for Jinyoung to know that Mark was in Namyangju-si in another way that he wasn't spying.

"Finish your bath and come to bed. I-"

“You can't!” Jinyoung said louder, holding Yugyeom. His touch made the youngest shrink and groan, like he was in real pain. “What is it? Did I hurt you?!”

“No!” Yugyeom cried hurried. “It wasn't you”.

It was true, Jinyoung was not hurt him.

But he was hurt... at the elbow, on his forearm.

“I fall in the bathroom this afternoon." He explained. Jinyoung released him automatically. “I was distracted and I didn't realize that the floor was wet... now I have bruises the size of my fist”.

Jinyoung signed worried, wanting to see the bruises to treat them. However, Yugyeom claimed to be tired and need to sleep so that he would leave him alone with the fall story – and with the idea of him visiting Mark.

After finishing his bath, Jinyoung lay beside Yugyeom.

"Gyeom-ah?" he called him. "Are you awake?”

"Uh".

The silence made Yugyeom close his eyes again.

“Gyeom-ah... you're not going back to him. Will you?”

He opened his eyes.

He wouldn't go back to Mark...

Yugyeom closed his eyes and denied, making Jinyoung sigh relieved by that. They both embraced in the dark:

"Gyeom-ah?" Jinyoung called him again. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you fell. It must have been scary”.

Yugyeom felt Jinyoung lips brush on his neck before hearing him breathe deeply, and slowly catch in sleep with his arms wrapped around his hip. He stared at the portrait door on the dresser beside the bed, analyzing they friend’s picture…

He had made so many friends in those last years in Seoul.

“I'm going to miss guys...”

 

\- **c** –

" _I want you to give your best smile, hyung. This could be our last picture in case I suddenly die, make it worthwhile”._

And Jinyoung smiled, because he asked him to do.

He smiled and kept the picture inside his wallet.

That would be the last picture they would take together.

At the time Jinyoung did not know this, but now – that things had already calmed down and he had already accepted it – all the signs seemed to make sense.

"Hyung?"

" _Please sir, make two copies. I want to have it with me when I have to travel... to remember about hyung_ ”.

Jinyoung really believed it was just to reduce the distance between them when the holidays arrived... but it was more than that.

It was a lot more than that.

It was goodbye.

"Jinyoung hyung?" Bambam called him again, shaking his shoulders this time. "Wake up! We've arrived”.

“What?”

“We arrived in Korea, hyung. Wake up!”

Park Jinyoung and Bambam had spent their holidays in Thailand with the thai one family – which was by far the best decision taken by Jinyoung.

When the year-end holidays started Jinyoung realized that his heart was broken – _again_ – and that going to London with Jaebeom made no sense, because that was a trip to be made to three and – unnecessarily, he thought Yugyeom would change his mind and go with them to England for the holidays – didn't want to spend every instant wondering where his was wrong.

Not that he hadn't done that question a few times while he was in Thailand, but the frequency was dropping over time, because Bambam’s hometown was attractive and too inviting to get out of focus, so Jinyoung really took advantage of his holidays and had fun.

"Oh, what the fuck! We lost the taxi because of you...!" Bambam complained pushing Jinyoung among people. "Why didn't you signal as I asked? Are you still sleeping? Hyung!”

Jinyoung rubbed his neck.

"Sorry... I think I’m distract”.

"You think?!” Bambam narrowed his eyes. "Come on, let's call Jackson hyung to come get us, it'll be less stressful”.

Some time later Jackson Wang and Lim Jaebeom parked in the airport parking lot and waited for their friends, who appeared carrying their suitcases while arguing about Jinyoung having made them wait so much.

The funny thing was that – without realizing it – they looked like brothers with all that endless discussion and Jackson needed to make a nasty remark about people needing to be confined to other human beings to develop bonds.

Halfway to the dorms they stopped at Choi Youngjae's condo, because he insisted on seeing his friends before they locked themselves in their rooms and returned their boring lives of students:

“I can't believe you ate trunk slug!”

“It's not so different from the bizarre things we have around here, believe me.” Jinyoung laughed delivering the cup to Youngjae, who made a disgusted grimace and said he would never eat a slug. “But enough about our trip... how did you spend your vacation?”

“Very well. Jaebeom hyung managed to change your passage to my name, so I was able to travel with him. London is fucking amazing!”

“Language!”

Youngjae roll his eyes.

“Nasty Youngjae!” they all laugh. “But I'm glad to hear that.” And he really was. “Seun-ah?”

"Uhu?" the Chinese raise his eyebrows.

“Did you go to Japan as you planned? How are your parents?”

Jackson swallowed his soda in a hurry, without taking his eyes off Jinyoung’s hopeful face. He had two alternatives:

 **Alternative A –** say he went to visit his parents, but that was something quick and so Jinyoung can’t see the pictures (Jinyoung always asked to see the photos that Jackson took with the family. Always).

 **Alternative B –** he could simply tell the truth, which would upset his friend, but that it would be better than getting caught lying afterwards.

"Ah..."

“You had that championship, didn't you?” or **alternative C** , he could let Bambam deal with it in his own way: _no Lies and no truths_. Jackson bit his lips. “I think I commented with you Jinyoung hyung”.

"Uhu?" Jinyoung sought that affirmative in his memory. Bambam had commented on a championship, but Jinyoung thought it would only happen in March when classes returned. "Did you say?"

“Yes. Jackson hyung called saying that they had early the championship...” Bambam has shrugged. "Don't you remember?"

Jinyoung had a very good memory. His mother used to say that no one could ever lie to him... So how did he end up being foolish by Kunpimook Bhuwakul Bambam unfit lies that way?

Jaebeom and Youngjae exchanged an embarrassed look because they hated lying to Jinyoung that way, but they knew it was better that way – at least if they wanted to stay alive for a few more years.

Jackson swallowed his saliva.

“I must have kept my head in the clouds from eating insects, because I really forgot about this." They all signed relieved and Bambam smiled with a nod. “It's a pity you haven't gone to see your parents Seun-ah. I know how much you missed them...”

And so, Park Jinyoung spent almost 40 minutes believing that Jackson Wang hadn’t gone to visit his parents because of a championship, until the boy decided to grab a drink in the kitchen – since Jaebeom and Bambam were taking too long – and decided, by habit, hear what they were whispering:

 _“... of course not!"_ Jaebeom whispered to Bambam. " _I just don't think lying that way is the best option_ ”.

“ _Ok. So get in there and tell the whole truth. Maybe he ends up taking advantage of the situation, doesn't he? I mean, he's probably going to be very happy to know the truth..._ " Jinyoung could perceive in Bambam’s tone that he was being ironic.

And that he was angry.

" _I didn't say that_." Jaebeom muttered clenching his teeth. He and Bambam exchanged a glance that Jinyoung could describe as godly. Maybe tense or melancholic. But it was definitely a look of pity. " _I don't like lying to him, Bambam-ah. It is sad that we have to do this to protect someone who does not deserve to be protected_ ”.

What were they talking about?

Jinyoung tried to get a little closer, without being seen.

He wanted to hear what friends were hiding.

" _Hyung..."_ Bambam asked for sad. “ _He was our friend_ ”.

" _I'm not so sure about that anymore. I mean, how could he have chosen to go back to that guy after everything he's been through? I can't understand why he did it... why lie to everyone and come home just to be with Mark-ssi?!_ ”

Yugyeom.

Jinyoung felt his chest tighten.

They were talking about Yugyeom.

“ _I have no idea. That's something we're only going to know when he's ready to tell... but from what Jackson told me, he looked good on holidays. He said that everything that happened was because Mark-ssi had dropped his meds and that everything was... fine now_." Bambam didn't seem to believe that much. So Jinyoung was right... Yugyeom had come back to Mark. " _I'm trying to trust him, which things happened because Mark-ssi was out his meds and that it's okay now... so please... don't tell Jinyoung hyung that Jackson spent the holidays with them. Please_ ”.

"What?" Jinyoung said louder than he wished.

"Jinyoung-ah?!" he heard Jaebeom call him confused, embarrassed to have been caught. "What are you doing behind the door? Are you listening to our conversation-”

"Seun-ah spend the holidays with Yugyeom and Mark-ssi in Namyangju-si?" Jinyoung interrupted Jaebeom. "Why did he do it? Wh-no, why did you lie to me?" he frowned. "Bambam?!"

Bambam opened his mouth to say something, but Youngjae got involved:

"Because you spent two weeks in shit when he decapper, Jinyoung-ah hyung.” That's what he said. “How could we tell that Jackson was going to spend holidays with those two without making you even worse? You were happy in Thailand, we did not see why end this happiness”.

Jinyoung grunted.

“But lie to me?” he cried. He wasn't upset by the lie, but because Jackson had seen Yugyeom and had not said anything about it. Worse, he had spent a month with him... with Mark. "Fuck that I've been in shit, fuck that he left without saying anything... but lying to each other was never an option in this group before, right?” Youngjae nod. “Then you fucking couldn't have lied to me!”

"Jinyoung-ah!" Jaebeom shouted following his friend, so the same put the bottle on the table and went towards the room, where his coat and wallet were. The others came right behind. "Let's talk. I'm sorry we lied, we weren't thinking straight... we just thought that-"

"What hyung?" Jinyoung looked at him with a smile from ear to ear on his face. "That I would be sad to know that they are fucking together again?" The lad clasped his lips. "I have news for you... I’ve already knew”.

"What?" Jackson blinked. "What?!"

"How do you-"

"No need to be a genius to realize the obvious... Kim Yugyeom has serious love complexes, it would not be less than natural to continue in this vicious cycle with Mark Tuan!" Park Jinyoung tattled shaking hands. His friends had never heard him speak so grossly. "If you guys were expecting me to be surprised or sad about it... you thought wrong. I realized too late that is not possible to fix someone’s mind when they don’t want to be fixed! So hope he stay with Mark-ssi and continue suffering..." He yells pointing to each person in that room, as if he could send a message to Yugyeom that way. “That's what he deserves for not accepting help”.

Jinyoung tucked his arms in his coat and took his wallet, heading towards Choi Youngjae'st closed door – who was paralyzed with Park Jinyoung’s harsh words.

"Jinyoung-ah!" Jaebeom cried listening to the door crash. He kept looking at her, as if Jinyoung were to come back. But he didn't come back. He wouldn't be back so soon. " _I'm sorry Jinyoung-ah... I'm really sorry_ ”.


	8. don't ever lie to me again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now tell me what's bothering you dude. Why have you been spending so much time in my house?”
> 
> "Is that your way to kicking me out?"
> 
> "Jinyoung-ah, if I wanted to kick you out... I would have done it already. I don't need to be strolling around to kick someone's ass. I simply do it." Hoseok shrugged, get a smile from his friend. He opened his eyes and stare him. "It's serious. What's going on?”
> 
> Jinyoung signed:
> 
> "It all started because of that boy I told you about... Kim Yugyeom”.

**\- huit -**

( **i** )

"It's funny. Don't you think?”

"What?"

The man opened his arms and lay on the fresh grass, closing his eyes while smiling before answering:

"That we have managed to get something good out of all that madness that surrounds us." he explain. "When I started working at Lion's, I didn't think I could make friends there. I can really count on one hand how many people know my real name, but... it's funny that you and I have been able to create a bond”.

"Well... that's what happens after watching naïve kids get eaten by bad wolves together." Jinyoung joked. Hoseok opened his eyes, surprised with Jinyoung’s insensitivity. He punched his leg, hard. "Sorry. Bad joke”.

"Very bad joke!" Jung Hoseok say. "Don't talk about it anymore... we agreed”.

Jinyoung signed.

"I know that. I’m just..." He bit his lip. "Being sincere? I've been dreaming about it again. I don't know why, maybe because I saw someone very much like that boy at the mall this week, but... I really went back to thinking about it and I can't forget”.

"Jinyoung-ah...?" he looked at Hoseok. "Don't be an idiot. You know there's no reason to keep remembering that night. It's past. We couldn't do anything, so get over it and do me a favor and about forget it!”

Park Jinyoung opened his mouth to protest, say they could do something... but he knew it was a lie. They couldn't do anything.

He was a servant, had sex with a maximum of two Lion's employees and Hoseok was the manager of the place for three years... they couldn’t do anything without being arrested in the process.

He shut his mouth and nodded.

"Great!" Hoseok smiled again. "Now tell me what's bothering you dude. Why have you been spending so much time in my house?”

"Is that your way to kicking me out?"

"Jinyoung-ah, if I wanted to kick you out... I would have done it already. I don't need to be strolling around to kick someone's ass. I simply do it." Hoseok shrugged, get a smile from his friend. He opened his eyes and stare him. "It's serious. What's going on?”

Park Jinyoung let his smile die, because he didn't really want to talk about it – not now that he was calmer.

He was sleeping in Hoseok – it was a week ago – because he didn't want to meet with friends in the dorm and didn't want to have to stress... so he begged Hoseok to let him stay a few days without giving explanations or tips for him to know what it was going on.

Jinyoung signed:

“Okay." He shrugged, bending his knees. "It all started because of that boy I told you about... Kim Yugyeom”.

Then Hoseok sat down and listen Jinyoung tells everything that had happened since he decided to become Kim Yugyeom’s friend, who was present in his life just because he was an intimate friend of one of his childhood friends.

Hoseok was really speechless when the story came to an end.

He swallowed his saliva and thought about what to say to the other.

" _Fuck_." That was all he could say. Jinyoung rolled his eyes and laughed. "This shit is serious. How can you get into that shit, huh? First, you gets into a sex club because of a video, and then you arranges a renting boyfriend..." Hoseok took a discreet kick for mentioning Jongin and his old profession. "Fuck you! Then you fell in love with a kid who clearly don’t wants nothing to do with you' cause he's got this crazy little boyfriend spanking him?! Shit dude!”

Jinyoung waded with a sigh:

"I think I threw a stone at Jesus when he was crucified, because it is impossible that I have done something good in my past lives to deserve so much shit”.

"Or you just shat in this life all the good you did in your past lives man." Hoseok took another kick. "What? You never know, as far as I can tell you seemed very happy before you got into all this Lion's shit, right Jinyoung? The next catastrophe was Jongin so-au! Stop kicking me!”

"Then stop insulting me." Jinyoung reply. "I admit that things have been off since I joined to Lion's, but the way people live their lives and harm those around has nothing to do with me. It was he who chose to be assaulted by his man instead-”.

"Instead of being loved?" Hoseok concluded for him, hearing him say he didn't love Kim Yugyeom. "It may be difficult to admit, but you love him, Jinyoung-ah. It's stamped on your face that you love him”.

Jinyoung hugged his legs.

Yugyeom didn't deserve it, but...

 _Shit_. He really love him.

"It doesn't matter anymore, he made a choice." He move his his shoulders. "And my friends did one even worse by lying to me like that. I never imagined that I would be betrayed by them”.

Hoseok clasped his lips and put his hand on Jinyoung's shoulder:

"Have you ever stopped to think that they were just afraid?"

"To see me in the shit? Well, I was already, there was no way to make it worse”.

"You have returned to those sinister dreams with what happened at Lion's, Jinyoung." Hoseok signed. "I think you do have a way of getting worse, and you know it. I think they also knew when they decided not to tell you that your friend was spending holiday in Yugyeom-ssi hometown this year." He proceeded with a cuddling on the other's shoulder. "They were just trying to save you from what you're feeling right now”.

Jinyoung separated his lips, but couldn’t protest... he was upset, because Jackson went to spend holidays with Yugyeom, with Jaebeom for having lied with Bambam and Youngjae... with Kim Yugyeom for have continued with his vicious cycle with Mark Tuan.

He was really upset, but being upset didn't make him understand and accept that his friends were just trying to protect him.

He wasn't a child, he didn't need to have his heart protected... no anymore.

Jinyoung put a smile on his face and stood up:

"Can we stop talk about ridiculous subject? I didn't run the whole park to you could drag me into these boring issues, so get your ass up and let's see who comes to your apartment first”.

Hoseok wanted to help him, just as Jinyoung helped him when Lion's images didn't come out of his head and all he wanted was to sit in a corner and cry.

But it was like Jinyoung had told his friends... there was no way to fix someone who didn't want to be fixed.

"Okay..." Hoseok say, getting up. "The loser washes the dishes for three days. 1- **2GO**!"

Jinyoung yells to see him running.

“Ya. You're cheating!"

( **ii** )

Things weren't going well that week.

Jinyoung had received his card bill too soon and he almost went crazy with how much he had spent that month. He also almost went crazy when his grandmother said she couldn't help him with his expenses – she thought Jinyoung was spending too much on games, which was the excuse he wore, so she didn't want to help him anymore.

For him it was complicated to borrow money from Youngjae - only until he could talk to his father and could withdraw money from his allowance of that month – because Jinyoung didn’t have a stable and good job like his sisters, who were adult and mature enough, so he still lived at his father's money.

So that was also really bad for his week, which only decayed and rolled down the stairs when Jaebeom found out that Youngjae had borrowed money to Jinyoung for pay his bills at a sex club after all he had told them – in Choi’s apartment and in college, days later.

Then his mother forbade him to ask his father for more money because – thanks to Jaebeom’s great mouth – she did not want that kind of humiliation after creating by herself three childes.

In this way Jinyoung ran out of a penny to pay Youngjae and had to start working for free at his father's Book and Café Store – and there he had to smile every time Yugyeom shows up, because apparently the youngest have decided to stay one more year in Utah until his scholarship at Julliard was official and he went to Book and Café Choi Store whenever it be possible:

"Good af-" but Jinyoung would never get used to see him was a regular customer. He wiped his throat and put a smile on his face, the way Youngjae had instructed him to do whenever he shows up: "Good afternoon. How can I help you today, Yugyeom-ssi?”

Yugyeom also did not seem to get used to Jinyoung in that place.

"Er... good afternoon." Yugyeom rubbed his cold hands. He'd just left the dance studio, but the weather was cold and his fingers were sore by the weather. He looked at Jinyoung for an instant, remembering how the elder used to join his hands and blow his skin to warm him up. He heard the doorbell. "Er... I'm going to have an Iced Latte and waffles... please”.

 _Iced Latte? Since when does he take Iced Latte and eat waffles at 3 p.m?_ Jinyoung thought registering the order before ordering the boy's card. _He seems to have come out of practice... he looks tired._

"Anything else?"

Yugyeom blinks, staring Jinyoung's face again, until he nods.

"No. That's all. Oh and make it for travel, please." He said going to sit at one of the tables.

It took a long before he heard Jinyoung call his name.

He was starving.

“Here”.”

"Thank you”.

“Yeah. Books and Café Choi Store thanks you for your preference, sir. I hope you have a great meal... and always come back”.

Yugyeom stared at him again.

He wish he could apologize.

For his mess.

For dragging Jinyoung with him.

For being gone so suddenly and coming back without warning.

Yugyeom really wanted to apologize.

But he couldn't.

He grabbed his request and walked hurried out, squeezing his fingers in the bag and breathing quickly while feeling the cold air fill his nostrils and soothe heart. He closed his eyes.

Bambam was right, he should hate himself for everything he was doing. But he couldn't hate himself, because he had a motive... even if it didn't, even if his friends thought he was crazy and that Jinyoung looked at him like he hated him... he had a motive and he couldn't hate himself.

Yugyeom sat in the first bank he found – he was hungry – and opened the bag, taking a sip of his coffee.

He realized that wasn't his request.

That was ice choco. His favorite. No iced latte.

He opened the bag.

"Jinyoungie..." he whispered sad. Confused. Surprised. He took out the styrofoam tray and opened it, smiling even sadder. Youngjae’s father place didn’t make meals like those, they were more for a place of snacks and appetizers. Different from his rival establishment, who served his favorite gimbap and the favorite samgyeopsal.

It was impossible not to cry.

Yugyeom took a gimbap roll and took it to his mouth, sniffing with a really sad but also happy smile on his face.

“ _Jal mug get sum ni da_ *, Jinyoungie”.

\- **c** –

After that day, Jinyoung decided it was time to see this friend. For him it is time to talking ... to apologize for what he had said.

They sat on everyone's favorite restaurant, ate in silence and waited for the right moment. But this was Bambam who initiated the conversation, saying he was sorry:

"Lie to you was wrong and we know it. I have to admit, it was my idea not to tell you that Jackson hyung had spent holidays with Yugyeom in Namyangju-si. If this dependent to him or Jaebeom hyung, you would have been the first to know everything, but I thought it best to keep it a secret”.

"Why?"

Bambam thought for a moment.

“Because I was scared.” he admitted with a sigh. Youngjae bit his cheeks. “I was afraid that you can trying to go after him or lose your holiday and get sad”.

“But I was sad in Thailand.” Jinyoung remember him. “Every time you mention things he liked to do there, when you changed messages and pictures and make calls...” he shook his lips, feeling like an idiot. “I was sad. And not because I'm in love with that idiot or anything you can think of” he explained, turning to his friends. “But because we’re friends and suddenly we were all ripper apart. I didn't realize miss Yugyeom made me miss all of us together”.

Jackson sighed.

"We also miss you Jinyoung-ah. After all we are family. I'm sorry to have gone to stay with him and didn't say anything, I know how it sounds to you found that out. I didn't want to you feel cheated or left out”.

“But that's how I felt.” Jinyoung admitted. “Me, Jaebeom hyung, Youngjae and you have always been friends, Seun-ah. We are on one another's lives since we were two years and suddenly you start to hide things from me? It's not fair”.

This was true.

They are friends... shared everything.

Yugyeom and Bambam didn't have the same type of relationship with each other that they four had, so Jinyoung couldn't feel less than betrayed with everything. Not because he was jealous of Jackson because he spent some time with Yugyeom, but because he's always believed that the friendship they had was worth more than lies.

“It won't happen again.” Jaebeom say again, putting his hand on Jinyoung’s hand. “I promise that we will never lie to each other again, okay?”

Jinyoung looked at him in his eyes.

“Okay...” he sighed confident. “I'm sorry I lied about Lion's too. I wanted to take this moment to say that. It wasn't right for me and now I know how you guys fell. I'm sorry”.

“It's in the past now.” Youngjae rolled his eyes. “All this shit? Is passed and what's left is now... so let's eat, drink and laugh and talk about stupid things. Please?” asked rubbing his hands. “Huh?”

Jinyoung smiled aside, being followed by others.

“I hate when he acts cute just to get something”.

And nothing stopped them from talking too loud or matter with the other customers when the alcohol started make them happy. And when the lady kick them from her establishment, it don’t stopped them to call a cab and go to a club.

And they almost don’t remember anything about the night, just some weird conversations, some confused looks when Yugyeom’s name was mentioned by someone.

When they woke up the next afternoon they are in Youngjae apartment. Jaebeom was the first to wake up, he prepared lunch that would serve as breakfast and opened the curtains, screaming for man in this room until they all wake up.

They have a hungover.

"I swear I'm never drinking again in my life." Jackson complained massaging his temples. "My head is going to explode".

"My stomach seems to have given a fucking node." Bambam moaned to the Chinese, supporting his head on the cold counter. "I just wish I could throw up".

"Jesus, you guys look like a bunch of crybabies." Youngjae complained rolling his eyes. Unlike the others, he was fine. Maybe because it was the only one to have taken it easy on the alcohol, or hydrated right and have eaten while others only drank. "If you don't know how to drink, why insist in this?”

"Ya!" Jinyoung shouted back. "Not all are alcoholics as you, ok. We can't help that your blood is basically alcohol-based and our isn’t”.

Bambam laughed, feeling his head hurt.

"I've never heard you talk so much shit at once, hyung." He said to Jinyoung, who pouted his lips and shrugged, feeling the sweet smell of coffee flooding the room. Jaebeom had just fill they cups. "Wait, what time is it?"

"Er..." Jaebeom getting his phone. “4:34 p-”

"Fucking hell!" Bambam shouted taking a leap out of the chair, knocking down some hot coffee on his own hand. "I can't believe you made me lose time." he cried, looking for his shoe in Youngjae’s living room. "Has anyone seen my coat?”

"I don't remember seeing him come back with a coat..." Youngjae responded approaching the room. "Why this hurry? Today is Saturday. No work or school. Stay a little longer”.

"I promised Yu-er..." he remember Jinyoung’s presence. The oldest bit his cheeks, but don’t expressed any feeling in his face. "I promised a friend I would spend the weekend with him. I should be in Jeju”.

"Jeju?" Jackson asked surprised. "Since when does he have money to go to Jeju? I thought Yugyeom was unemployed".

"He was?!" Jinyoung heard himself ask. Was Youngjae who answered, saying that the youngest of the group had been fired from his job after being caught sleeping at work. "Oh..."

"Not anymore." Bambam rolled his eyes, sticking his wallet in his pocket. "It looks like he got a job. In Gangnam".

"In Gangnam?" Jaebeom asked surprised. "Wow. Looks like things are really working out. He returned to college, got a job and moves to New York in a year…!"

Jinyoung swallowed his saliva, sipping coffee while his friends talk about Kim Yugyeom and his lively and perfect life.

"... he seems to be happy." Jinyoung heard Youngjae comment softly with Jackson and Jaebeom, who agreed. "It's strange, isn't it? He's happy with that man”.

Jinyoung spent his walk foot on Youngjae’s fluffy carpet and sighed deeply, remembering the last time he had seen Yugyeom personally... He didn't look happy.

He seemed tired.

"He always looks so tired." Jinyoung whispered biting the cup cold mouth. "Then how can he be happy?"

"What?" Bambam asked stopping in front of Jinyoung. "Why do you say that? I mean, when you see him to be saying that?”

Jinyoung flashed dumbfounded, realizing the mistake he had just made. He said to friends that didn't used to see Yugyeom as often as before. It was a lie.

"Er..." Jinyoung licked his lips. "He came back to attend Mr. Choi store a few weeks ago”.

"What?” Youngjae furrows his eyebrows. "He told me he was no longer going to my father bookstore for coffee because the new building of his course it had been transferred”.

"And it is!" Bambam confirmed. He and Yugyeom do the same course college, and the building in question was five blocks from Youngjae's father store. "Why he's going there if he can go in the college cafeteria to save time? Like, it takes around 30 minutes to go t-” then Bambam understood, in the middle of an exchanged look with Jaebeom that Yugyeom was going there to see Jinyoung.

"What?" Jinyoung smile, confused with his friend look. "What are you thinking? Stop looking at me that way!”

Bambam closed his mouth and sigh.

"Unbelievable. I have to go”.

 

( **iii** )

"You can stay in the room down the hall." Yugyeom said helping Bambam putting his bags on the floor. "The bathroom is individual. I know how you are boring and preferred a cabin with separate bathrooms, so let's not stress ourselves. I bought dinner and-why are you looking at me like that, hyung?”

"Why do you keep lying to me?"

"What?" Yugyeom rolled his eyes. "This is about me coming back with Mark again? Don’t say yes because I swear to you, I will freak out!”

"It's about you walking 30 minutes every day, just to see Park fucking Jinyoung!" Bambam crossed his arms, watching Yugyeom’s know-it-all expression disappear. "I thought you were over him!”

"Over him?" Yugyeom laughed. "You still think I like him? Christ, hyung! You should stop this madness. I have no reason to over Jinyoung-ssi...” he said walking away. "You're crazy”.

"I'm not the one who's spent half an hour every day to go buy coffee so far from my building, Yugyeom." Bambam sounded rude. "Why you still lying? You like him. Just admit it!”

"I don't like him!" Yugyeom shouted turning to Bambam. They had already had that fight before, and had agreed not to touch in this subject anymore. He crossed his arms. It was a form of self-protection, everybody knew that by now. "Not that way, hyung. Just..." Yugyeom swallowed saliva. "I miss being his friend. I miss talk about my life, how he always took care for me... I miss being his friend. It's just that”.

Bambam analyzed his friend's face behind a lie.

The problem was that Yugyeom was very good at lying.

Bambam sighed.

"Then why don't you apologize?"

Because he knew that an apology would not be enough.

He sat down and stared at the fire, sighing when he said that there was no turning back and fix things between him and Jinyoung, everything had already been destroyed when they decided to kiss so long ago. Yugyeom was really compelling to say its fake reasons, when he receive Bambam’s sweet words:

"The next time you go out there, get an uber, please. I'm sick of hearing you complain about being too tired, and now I know the reason I won't be passing a hand on your head!”

Yugyeom nodded with a smile.

They sat on the floor in front of the fireplace and talk non-stop about how everything was, how they miss everyone in the same space and all they drama. They also talked about Yugyeom’s new job, about his plans and Bambam’s plans, on how everything would go crazy when they were in New York together and began to study at Juilliard.

They really talk non-stop until dusk, laughter and screaming whenever they remembered something stupid and brought it up. It was really fun to reminisce about some of the crazy stuff they had done.

But Bambam was the one who stopped the moment, saying he was hungry and they should do something to eat. In the kitchen, Yugyeom was pressing the flesh when he hear his phone ringing and asked Bambam to answer it for him.

Bambam looked at the display.

"It’s a guy named Jay Park, Gyeom-ah" the thai shouted, pressing the green button before placing the phone in his ear. Yugyeom, who was in the kitchen, feel his heart stop when he heard that name. " _Annyeong-haseyo,_ this is-”

" _I hear you're in Jeju."_ the voice on the other side was too quick. " _My wife is traveling. Should I get you?_ ”

Yugyeom dropped what he was holding and ran through the kitchen.

“ _Hello? Baby?”_

When he reached in the living room, Bambam had his lips separated apart as if his was seeing a ghost, as if he had just heard something unbelievable.

He took the phone down and hung up.

Yugyeom bit his lips.

"Hyung, I can explain”.

"You're having an affair with a married man…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jal mug get sum ni da: means thank you for the meal. It is said before we eat, it is a way of thanking the hard work of those who prepared our food. I found it interesting to put it that way and not in eng, because it expresses a profound respect for the person in question.


	9. why I can't get away from you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jinyoung-ah!" Yugyeom called suddenly remembering something which he had been keeping in mind for a long time. "Thanks for the food".
> 
> "Wha-Oh... It was no big deal. You seemed tired and hungry, I did what anyone would have done. There's no reason to thank me”.
> 
> "Still, thanks..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe you guys are anxious fo to the end of the year, right? Me too... for the first time hahha, because this year I really did many new things and I feel so happy with myself, that everything I do -even when I'm sad - I do with a smile... so I decided to update because I'm really happy to night. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it... you guys will get your answer.   
> I promise.

**\- neuf -**

( **i** )

The truth is that life is complicated when you're a liar.

When you have more lies than truths, is almost impossible to live without feeling guilty or without fear of being discovered. Because after all, every lie eventually ends up being reveal.

Yugyeom collapsed when Bambam found something that he didn't understand, he could never understand because he could never know the whole truth.

Yugyeom collapsed when Bambam told Jaebeom – how go to his new apartment and yelled at him about everything. He saw himself fall apart when Mark went into the living room and heard everything, and fight with him when Jaebeom left.

The truth is that it is very difficult to survive when you're a liar.

Have friends, family, peace and tranquility.

It was hard to get all this when you are Kim Yugyeom.

"...I can't believe in Mark-ssi, with all that temperament and with all he's done to you, don't freak out when he found out the shit that you're doing with your life?”

"You don't understand hyung. It's not like you think." Yugyeom repeated shoving his books in the closet. Bambam hadn't forgiven him but he couldn’t stop himself when he heard from Jaebeom that Mark had discovered everything about his boyfriend and another man. So Bambam was afraid that something would happen to his best friend and decided to go after him. "Things are more complicated than Mark or a married man. I wish I could tell you, but I can't. Not yet”.

Bambam bit his lips.

"I promised I wouldn't force you to speak what you cannot" he said with a sigh. “but... it's really frustrating to thinking that I don't know you, Gyeom. We've been friends for years and you still keeping secrets from me. It seems that our friendship is not fair”.

And it wasn't. Because Yugyeom was a liar while Bambam could speak only truths to everyone in his life.

"I’m sor-"

"Guys! You heard?" Yugyeom was interrupting by Mina, a new girl from the program dance. "It looks like a new guy is in the spotlight." the girl smile showing her phone. "People told me that last year a gay in a gray mask was one of the biggest issues of college, seems that someone else has followed in his steps. The video has over 50,000 views”.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Bambam grimaced and took her phone, send the link top his on. “I need to send this to the boys…”

“Really hyung? Again?” Yugyeom roll his eyes. “You’re so childish”.

 **King Wang at 9:23**  
don't tell me that we're back to that again…

 **JB at 9:24**  
really Bam?  
I thought we had already passed that shit

 **King Wang at 9:24**  
I agree but honestly... look at this guy's ass!

Bambam roll his eyes to Jackson’s answer and bit his lips. 

Yugyeom just stood in silence, watching him type:  


**DoubleB at 9:25**  
I wanted to share the hot topic  
with my best friends,   
I forgot that they are mature

 **King Wang at 9:26**  
speak for Jaebeom hyung, I'm immature  
can you send me how many videos you want lol

Bambam laughed at Jaebeom’s vomiting emoji.  


**DoubleB at 9:26**  
I think Jaebeom hyung's jealous

 **j.y. p at 9:26**  
parallel conversation so early?

**DoubleB at 9:26**

**_Quote ás9h25_** >   
DoubleB  
 www.thelionsboys.com/sweet-boy-in-a-red-tears-and-a-gold-eye-mask-get-spaking-22134 

 **at 9:26**  
take a look and you will understand

Across the campus, Park Jinyoung was looking for a pen in his backpack when he felt his phone ring on top of his desk. He lifted his head and looked at the phone for a moment, wondering if he wanted to see what nonsense Bambam had to show now. He took a look.

"The Lion's boys?" Jinyoung furrows his eyebrows. "Since when Lion's have a website...?" he ask himself, making a mental note to ask Hoseok later. His eyes were drawn to the rest of the URL. He felt his blood heat up quickly. "It can't be!"

Park Jinyoung grabbed his backpack and left in a hurry, listening to someone complain for him being rude when he went into the bathroom and locked himself in one of the cabins.

He connected the headphones and licked his lips, clicking in the blue link.

When the window opened, in a black site with glaring neon letters, he felt anxious. He pressed play and let the video would remind him of how his fussy life had begun.

The video ended leaving a trail of lust behind, make Jinyoung breathe heavily and put his head on the wall, close his eyes.

Kim Jongin was back.

He open his contact list and sent a message to his ex-boyfriend, asking when he had decided to go back to Lion's after everything that had happened in that place.

 **Kim Jongin at 9:45  
** What you're talking about Jinyoung-ah? ****  
Who told you this madness?

 **Kim Jongin at 9:45**  
I would never go back to Lion's...

Jinyoung read the message again.

 **Jinyoungie ♥ at 9:46**  
So who can I see you in a video right now?

In his classroom, Kim Jongin felt his stomach hurt to read that message. He couldn't believe that was happening at that moment, when he finally get over Jinyoung and didn't have to live with the suffocating sensation of lying to him about everything.

The boy hung up his phone without giving an answer to his ex and tried to pretend to pay attention in class while his brain was screaming about how that situation was extremely bad for everyone.

Jinyoung waited patiently, until he realized that he wouldn’t have an answer and open Hoseok chat, making him aware that he would be going to Lion's at night.

\- **c** –

At night, Park Jinyoung put his best suit and call an uber to Gangnam, where he took a white lace mask in the souvenir basket – he had become a fan of mask after Jongin’s incident. Hoseok encouraged him, saying it would be best for Jinyoung covered his face... it was a way to protect Jongin too.

He dropped out of use when Jongin left Lion's because his ex-owner could no longer hurt him for jealous, but something made Jinyoung took the mask..

"Jinyoung-ah?" Hoseok was surprised to see him in Lion's in college  week. It wasn’t Jinyoung custom go on days like that, he usually opted for Saturday and Sunday.

"Did you get my message?" Jinyoung asked approaching to Jung Hoseok. "When Jongin returned to work here?"

Hoseok wrinkled his eyebrows behind his mask.

"Jongin? Kim Jongin?" he asked confused. "He didn't come back, Jinyoung-ah. What exactly are you talking about?”

"That..." Jinyoung showed the video. Hoseok spending his lips and shook his head. "It's his mask. So how can you say that he hasn’t returned to work as a servant?"

"Yes, it is his mask. But this isn’t him." Hoseok replied. "Come into my office, we can talk there…” when the door close, Jinyoung leaned against the wall and waited for Hoseok explained. "It's a new servant." The manager said sitting in his red chair. "We gave him Jongin’s mask because some customers were beginning to question the shows he do on Lion's”.

“What?”

“This what you heard. We're losing money, so we found another guy and put him in Jongin’s place”.

"You really want me to believe in that? How many times have you told me that a servant couldn’t wear another servant mask? _There were rules and owners_. You say that. And now you’re saying that someone else is using his mask for do what? Show? Which shows?! I've never heard about this before”.

So Jung Hoseok, like Kim Jongin, felt a rope around his neck because a stupid mistake. He opened his mouth, ready to come up with an excuse when the door opened and a woman wearing only lingerie insisted to speak with Hoseok.

Park Jinyoung was guide to a table with the excuse that Hoseok needed work, and waited patiently while his mind imagine a thousand scenarios on why everyone was lying to him.

Every chance ended with Jongin and Hoseok lying in his fucking face, saying that the boy hadn't come back and someone new was in his place. He stood up, angry, rip the mask from his face.

"Sir? Something bothered you?" a woman with satin mask ask following him upstairs. "Can I help you with something?"

"Tell the manager I don't stamp my feet here until he decides to tell me the fucking truth about what's going on." He said grumpy, staring at the woman. She looked back, not knowing what to say. "Just say it, he'll know who send the message”.

( **ii** )

"Jinyoung-ah!" Bambam shouted waving to his friend, who ran across the street in a hurry under the rain. "Finally. What took you so long? We're giving up for waiting”.

"I'm sorry. I had to resolve a problem”.

"That's why you're in a suit and tie?" Bambam smiled, giving a good look in him. "I've never seen you so elegant. You get a dom air..." he said moving his eyebrows. "That's what you wore when you were meeting with your rent boy?"

Jinyoung snorted in disbelief.

"He wasn't my rent boy".

"Servant. Male escort. Rent boy. It's all the same thing, hyung”.

"Aish." Jinyoung tried to hide his laughter. "Just shut up and let me in, it's starting to rain harder”.

It was Wednesday. Jaebeom’s birthday was in January, but they hadn't had celebrate together – but they having sung happy birthday and have bought a cake in September.

Jinyoung followed Bambam, complaining about that restaurant, La Seine, be too expensive for five students unemployed – although none of them were unemployed, but the menu was so expensive that made them seem really broke.

"Finally!” Park Jinyoung heard Jackson shout before he crossed the room little door. "You got lost on the way?"

"Sorry, I had to-" Jinyoung’s brown eyes stopped on Kim Yugyeom’s red face the moment he finally entered the room. He felt a cold drip drop his forehead. Bambam nudged him. "I had to solve a problem in Gangnam”.

"It must have been **A** problem to force you use a suit." It was Jaebeom who provoked him, smiling to Jinyoung, who showed him his middle finger. "Don't tell me you went to Lion's for a meaningless sex?"

"I went to Lion's" Jinyoung admitted sitting beside Youngjae, who was sitting next to Yugyeom. If he stayed that way he wouldn't have to keep looking at the youngest. "But just to solve a problem with the manager. There was no sex involved”.

"It's a shame, I was thinking of asking for details. You know, as a birthday present." Jaebeom laughed, making everyone laughing too. Yugyeom tightened his fingers around his cup and concentrated on looking for the liquid inside it. "Gyeom?"

"Yes?" the younger asked embarrassed, raising his head.

"Jinyoung-ah greeted you..." Jackson explained sneaky.

Yugyeom look way for a moment and then pressed his lips, nodding without even turning to look at his old friend.

"Hi Jinyoung-ssi. I hope you had a safe trip to here." He replied politely, downing his saliva. His breathing betrayed him and he coughed up embarrassed. "I'm sorry".

"Geyom-ah, I said you didn't have to act all weird when he arrived. It’s Jaebeom hyung's birthday, try to be less awkward, please!" Bambam say, getting a look embarrassed in return. Yugyeom nodded and drank.

"Jesus Christ man, you are the psychological pressure in person Kunpimook." Jackson press his temples, before opening another bottle of soju and raise his cup: "Jaebeom hyung, I hope tonight is fantastic, even with all the constraints and weird moments that we can face now that Jinyoung-ah arrived and immersed himself in Yugyeom own private world..." he mocked with a laugh. Jaebeom kicked him under the table, but laugh too. "And I hope you continue to be this wonderful, beautiful boyfriend and stinky I deserve even more. Chukhamnida”.

“Yeeeh, chukhamnida Jaebeom hyung. Hope you have a lot mental health to stay with Seun-ah for a few more years before you finally dying in the process. "Jinyoung say raising his soju bottle to greet his childhood friend. "Cheers!”

\- **c** –

"Gyeom-ah?" Jackson called for the fifth time, drunk. "You didn't say much during the whole dinner. We're celebrating, cheer up!”

"I'm sorry, Jackson hyung." Yugyeom said bowing. Everyone look at him, confused. Jackson never had feeling embarrassed around Yugyeom before, now he felt stupid for having received a bow as apology. "I'm sorry, Jaeb-"

"Why you bowed to him?" Jinyoung had the glass a few meters of his mouth. Was as surprised as everyone else. "You have some mental problem or just wanting to cause a scene again?"

Yugyeom looked frightened to his friends and automatically wondered why he had done it, as if he don't know them.

"I don't know why I did this... just... er..." he swallow his saliva. He had drink too much after a long day, where he had several problems and tried forget them one by one as if nothing existed. He was operating in automatic mode from the moment he stepped out of his house.

Kim Yugyeom stood up abruptly and put on his slipper. He was slightly tipsy, slightly sad.

"Ya! Yugyeom-ssi!" Park Jinyoung screamed when they pass the bathroom door. "Ya, ya." the elder snorted angry, pushing him with his hip. Yugyeom don’t fought to get rid of the other touch. "What's wrong?"

He could do a scene like a spoiled little boy, could hit Jinyoung until he stepped down or do anything to get rid of that idiot, but he choice the easiest option:

"My grandmother died".

Jinyoung separated his lips and let Yugyeom’s arms.

"Gyeom-ah..." he whispered. The highest sketched a sad smile on his lips and nodded, feeling the other pull him into a clumsy hug. They aren’t friends anymore, but Jinyoung knew how much Yugyeom's grandma meant to him. "I'm sorry to hear that. When it happened?" he replied that was three weeks. "And you don't say anything to anyone? Why would you do that?”

"What did you expect me to do? To me put my problems in front of everyone? No, thank you”.

"Death is much more than any stress that you have caused. They would understand. I would understand." Jinyoung said moving away from him. "That's why you bowed? Because you was trying to be polite to know that you’re lying again?" Yugyeom nodded with shame. "Jackson must be thinking that you want to end the friendship you have with him".

"I wasn't thinking straight." The boy sighed tired, embarrassed by the whole thing. He didn't mean to tell anyone that his grandma had died, but have Jinyoung so close made him weak enough to just let everything out so easily. "It's just that I have so much in my head, I wasn't thinking, I just did. He must be freaking out there”.

"Probably." Jinyoung shoved his hands in his pockets. Analyze Yugyeom face so close after so long time. "How are your parents?"

"Honestly? I do not know." Yugyeom turned, opening the faucet to wash his face. "I was forbidden to go, so I don't know anything".

"Forbidden to go? What do you mean, Yugyeom-ssi?"

"I like it better when you call me Gyeom..."

"Gyeom-ah!" Jinyoung complained angry. "What do you mean with forbidden to go? You didn't go to your grandmother's funeral?" Yugyeom nodded. "What?! Why?”

Yugyeom wanted to say why, he wanted to explain that it was Mark’s fault and everyone at the table were right when they insisted in saying that his boyfriend was a rock in his shoe and that was delaying his life in every way. But he couldn’t.

"My mother wanted me to come back to live there, and when I said no she freaked out and told me not to come back. I thought it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, but it wasn't... they wouldn't let me in at the funeral or at the cemetery." in part was true. In part, that was a lie.

"I'm sorry, Gyeom. I know how much you loved your grandma and how much you must be sad now. But I'm sure she knows how much you wish to had been there, and as always remember the crazy things she said to you... She sure as hell is fine in heaven, and he’s watching over you. So it's okay to be sad and feel confused, life's going to be weird for a while, but you have friends that really care and worry about you”.

Yugyeom looked at him for a moment.

He missed that. Have Jinyoung was a friend, count on him and say everything that came to his mind without fear.

He was scared and when things were easy for everyone.

Yugyeom nodded thankful, saying it meant a lot what Jinyoung had just tell him. When he finished the elder sighed and said he'd be back to the table while he recovering himself from everything.

"Jinyoung-ah!" Yugyeom called suddenly remembering something which he had been keeping in mind for a long time. "Thanks for the food".

"Wha-Oh... It was no big deal. You seemed tired and hungry, I did what anyone would have done. There's no reason to thank me”.

"Still, thanks..."

Jinyoung nodded, saying that would wait on the table with the others.

When the door closed, Yugyeom can take his mask and breathe in a hurry, aware of how Jinyoung’s presence made him dizzy. He held himself in the sink and smiled sideways, happy for the first time during the whole week. Jinyoung had hug him after saying that he could never look in his eye again… he had hug so strong.

Kim Yugyeom don’t know that but Park Jinyoung was still standing on the other side of the door. He could still hear everything he said.

" _I miss you, Jinyoung-ah... I really miss you so fucking much_ ”.

( **iii** )

A week later things were back in place.

Yugyeom told his friends what had happened and received some hugs and comfort words, but also celebrated Jaebeom’s birthday and bought a gift for him the next day to apologize and to remind him that they would always be friends – Jackson also won a gift.

Jinyoung received Hoseok in his dorm and heard him talk and talk about having worked hard to get Lion's owners to allow another servant wears an old mask to entertain guests. About how he make a promise to Jongin to never tell Jinyoung about his private shows, how he used to be perched on a table and be done in main attraction, because he didn't want Jinyoung saw him that dirty way.

And Park Jinyoung believed in everything because Jung Hoseok was a good liar.

So things were in place and everyone was taking their lives very well. Until another video fall into the network, until Jinyoung see Jongin and ask himself if he really believed in Hoseok’s story.

Until Youngjae decide to spend a month in Jinyoung’s dorm because his brother was in town with his wife and had decided to disturb him in his apartment, so he preferred to just get out.

Until they do some cleaning.

"Jinyoung-ah? You have a board loose in your floor”.  Youngjae said wiping his forehead in his dirty shirt. "Someone could get hurt”.

"My floor is loose?" Jinyoung don't remember having problem with his floor. "Impossible. The janitor was here less than three months, he said there was nothing wrong with de room. How can I have a board loose?”

"Maybe he released after his visit?" Youngjae rolled his eyes, kneeling to show Jinyoung. "See? Is loose”.

"I don't believe that..." the elder snorted taking the white mask off his angry face. "I have a board loose? How can I pay for the concert? I have a sh-" he faced Youngjae. He worked for his father, he couldn't say that employment was shit. "I can't believe this happened”.

"Good move. But I know that the job hasn’t paid enough." Youngjae laughed taking his gloves. "Let's finish cleaning the dorm, there's a lot to be thrown away and put in place. We can think of this board loose tomorrow”.

Jinyoung nodded, analyzing the damage in his floor.

He moved the loose board and swore to have seen a red trail under the wood, like something is stuck underneath it, but he didn't have time to check because Youngjae screamed and needed his help for the rest of the day – like he’s his particular employee.

At night, when everything was already in place and Jinyoung thought he could rest, Youngjae dragged him to a nightclub with the others.

"You look tired, hyung." Bambam shouted near to Jinyoung’s ear, because the music was too loud. "What happened?"

"Youngjae!" Jinyoung complained. "Youngjae happened. He make me changing things around all day in my dorm. I spent the day picking up heavy objects and when I thought I was going to sleep, he dragged me here as if the day had been super easy! Stop laughing!”

"I'm sorry hyung, but you look really cute when you’re mad, you know that? It's really funny." He laughed again. "If you're so tired, why don't you invent an excuse and go home? Get some sleep".

"Have you ever lived with him, Bambam? Do you really want me to go home and be murdered for letting him alone? We're talking about Choi Youngjae, for God’s sake!" he nodded, remembering everything that had happened when he decided to live with Youngjae. "I just want to sleep and- that's Yugyeom? Why is he here?"

Bambam turned around on the couch.

"Ah... Mark is out again. Business trip. He was home alone and Jackson forced him to come, to have fun”.

"He seems to be having a good time." Jinyoung shredded, watching Yugyeom dance by far. "When he became so bold and uninhibited like that, huh?" Bambam said Yugyeom has always been like that. "And he looks really drunk".

"It wouldn't be the first time..." Bambam smiled watching his friend dancing in the middle of the dance floor. He said something that Jinyoung didn't hear, because he was concentrating on the boy pale skin, in his face, the red light dancing in his body.

Jinyoung settled on the couch and tried to get a better view.

The way Yugyeom’s hip moved, as he spent his hands around his neck and rolled in his body like a provocative spell.

The way the red light tamed in his skin.

 **Red**.

Park Jinyoung remembered he had seen under the loose board in his dorm. He also remembered the first time he had seen that neon red color on someone skin… red in a pale so untouchable and perfect skin.

It was a mask.

"A mask…!" he whispered to himself, rising abruptly. Bambam held him by his hand. "I think I just figured out something impossible, Bam-ah. I need to check before I forget".

"What are you talking about?"

"You will know...I find..." Jinyoung said in a confused way, moving away from Bambam’s touch. “I’ll see you later!” He heard the newest scream his name, Yugyeom’s eyes follow him and Jackson wrinkle his eyebrows with his rush.

He needed to get in his dorm as quickly as possible.

Almost 34 min later he dropped the lamp on the side of his bed and kneel on the floor, behind the ironing board out there who Youngjae had found in his dorm room.

He hit every wood... until he fined the right one.

He lick his lips and took a few strands of hair from his face, using his fingertips to press the bottom and make it up, revealing the interior full of secrets.

Jinyoung stuck his hand into the hole and he felt something cold on his fingers. When he took the object from within the cache, breathed and pressed his fingers account his mouth, surprised.

He got his bag and shoved all he got from the hiding place, getting his key and leaving the lights on when he run. He took the elevator and hit his foot impatient, rushing to get on the floor and across the campus.

"Jinyoung-ah?" Kim Jongin rubbed his sleepy eyes. It was almost 6:00 in the morning. "What are you doing here at this hour of the morning?"

"You lied to me." Jinyoung swallowed his saliva, panting. He took the bag from his back, opening it and dropping all the masks that he had found in his room. "You lied…”

Kim Jongin felt his heart stops beating for a minute.

He held on the doorknob and took a deep breath.

"What's that?"

"You. That's you, Jongin!" Park Jinyoung passed his hands in his face, eager. "Was you all the time. The boy in the video, with the gray mask that took away my sanity…" he said pointing to the mask both had sought on Lion's Club where it all started. "Behind the black mask in that red room. With the fucking bloody tears red mask and golden eye..." he laughed really disgusted. "Was you all the time".

Jongin bit his lips.

"Any..."

"Are you really going to try to fool me once you have hidden all this shit in my room? Do you really think you can trick me now? I know all about it, just stop lying!" Jinyoung shouted pushing the door.

He had lost money. Patience. Time. His sanity.

He had lost everything because of Jongin stupid game, how make him run in circles because of something that was already in his hands.

"You lied to me. You fool me all this time, called me sick when you make your ridiculous game. You looked into my eyes and told me that you love me while you treated me like a jerk. And why? To have a place to stay after being kicked by that animal was said to be your owner? Or you're too sick and that-"

"It wasn't me!" Kim Jongin shouted scared, feeling Jinyoung’s angry overflowing in his words: "It’s was me Jinyoung-ah. I swear to God".

"Jongin, p-"

"They gave me a used mask." Jongin shrugged, because he knew it was against the rules to say things that managers do to keep the show go on. "You just kept going there. You kept talking about a person with a grey mask... then they changed his mask because of you. Because it's against the rules, Jinyoung. No servant with an owner can be on the other service radar and they knew that you could cause problems... they changed his mask thinking you would just leave it. That would stop you for looking for him, but you don't stop!"

"What?"

Hoseok had said that the boy in grey mask had been forced to change his color because of his master. But he never said anything about it being a way to keep Jinyoung away.

"They never change the rules. However, he belongs to someone important; Hoseok couldn't let you find out. Then they took me to another hall, because I have similar height, the same hair color and I can dance as well as he does... but it’s not me in that fucking video!" Jongin crossed his arms. "So somehow you found him again, didn't you? You became obsessed with that damn red tears mask... and his owner snapped. He threatened to kill him and Hoseok if you keep coming back. Therefore, Hoseok needed me again, to make you understand that you had to stay away and I tried, Jinyoung. I really tried!" he screamed feeling his chin trembling.

"You-you're saying-Er... Hoseok cheated on me?"

" _Ne_! He is the manager of the place, the oldest one. He can't lose his work or his life. You see what happens with people who are weak in that place. Hoseok couldn't let you create more problems, but you wouldn't stop running after the boy in the Halloween party. When you lock him up against the wall... that's when I went to use his mask. He was afraid to get spanking again or end up with a bullet in the middle of his forehead. So they sent me to his owner. That man... ah, he said he wouldn't do anything to me as long as I could make you stay away. Again, I tried the best I could. So why don't you obeyed and turned away? You touched on what wasn't yours because you’re a little spoiled boy!" Kim Jongin tightened his lips, feeling the tears come down for his cheeks. "So he fucked me even when he said he wouldn’t do this, because he knew at that very moment that you had done the same with what belongs to him. And then, after crying too much I convinced him that you’ll never come back and he paid my debt”.

Park Jinyoung realized he was crying.

He leaned against the cold grill and held it tightly, looking a little oxygen after hearing everything. Jongin approached him cautiously, putting a hand on his shoulder:

"That's the truth, Jinyoung-ah... I was put there to fool you, to make you give up. But like an idiot I wished someone wanted me as much as you wanted him, so I ran to you even when Hoseok told me not to do that. I fell in love with you”.

"Love? How could you love me?"

"Because I'm as broken as you. Here..." he said pointing to Jinyoung’s head. "And here." Jongin played his other hand in his chest, where his heart was beating furiously. "We fell in love by confusing and toxic lies, Jinyoungie. And I'm sorry about that”.

Jinyoung passed his hands in his face.

Hoseok had been playing with him all that time.

"Tell me his name..."

Jongin separated his lips and walked away.

Jinyoung lifted his head.

"Tell me his name, Jongin".

"No." Kim Jongin might not work on Lion's, but he wasn't stupid. He knew he could still pay for everything he was telling Jinyoung. "I can't do this, Jinyoungie. I'm sorry, but I can't tell you his name. I'm sorry”.

"Jongin, please..." Jinyoung grabbed him by the hand. "I can't have a year with all that crazy, with this lie and leaving empty-handed. I want to know who he is, I deserve to know”.

"No!" Jongin shouted. "If you want to be dead, be dead alone. Don't make me go together because you are crazy. I have someone who loves me now, Jinyoung. I'm happy and I'm not going to spoil everything for you. I cannot do this... I need to take care of me now”.

Jongin ran to his door and closed it in a hurry, feeling Jinyoung’s pressure on the other side when he punched and shouted his name. He put his forehead on the cold wood and wept with eyes tight.

He was sorry for what he had done, for all the lies and all that time in silence, but couldn't be dumb and tell Jinyoung what he wanted to know. He couldn't say a name.

" _We can't mark our bodies, because this can be a way to people recognized us on street_ " he said from other side of the door. " _He is the only one and you know it_ ".

"The only one what? Jongin?"

He couldn't tell his name.

But could no longer be a toy in that stupid game.

" _The only one to have tattoos. He’s the only one, Jinyoungie_ ".


	10. tell me everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung had switched places, was at his side now, with a smile.
> 
> "Jinyoung-ssi..."
> 
> "Hyung." Jinyoung corrected him with great difficulty. He'd have to get used to it, too. "I prefer when you call me hyung”.

( **i** )

 _So you're gonna lie to me, fuck you_ __  
Try to fake cry to me, that's cool  
Said that you're alright with me, guess not  
  


Someone cursing when the lights in the apartment ascended one by one, revealing the man sitting in front of the fireplace in the living room like a piece in a museum.

"How did you get in here?"

"I don't think you've ever said to your doorman who Mark is. Because it was so easy to make him believe in me when I said I was your boyfriend and wanted to do a birthday surprise". He said, rubbing his fingers over the cold material from the mask in his hands. "People in this building know about you? About what you do to live?"

Kim Yugyeom shook his thumbs in his key house base so hard and gave one more step inside, staring at the object in Park Jinyoung’s hands, who was sitting in his living room as if it were the most normal thing from around the fucking world.

"I don't know what you're talking about Jinyoung-ssi. So I'm going to ask you to leave my house before I call the cops... you break into a residence. There are laws against it. You would be arrested”.

Jinyoung smiled still looking at fire burning slowly.

"Do it, Yugyeom. Call the cops." He say making the chair move from one side to the other. "Maybe they like to know that the owner of this beautiful apartment is a prostitute. There are laws against it." Jinyoung moved in the chair, turning enough to look at his expression. "You would be arrested”.

Kim Yugyeom felt his throat tighten.

He wanted to deny it, get on his knees and say that he did not understand what the other was saying, call someone and make Jinyoung were dragged out of his home with his false madness. But he was too tired. He was tired of all the lies.

"Who told you?"

"Anyone. Nobody wanted to tell me..." he said turning once, looking at the mask in his hurt hands. "I found it on the floor of my dorm. You put them there, don't you?" Yugyeom nodded. "Shit. I yelled at Jongin and fought with Hoseok... all because of it. For something that was right under my nose the whole time”.

The highest tightened his lips.

"Hoseok hyung… he are fine?”

Jinyoung laughed.

"Hoseok hyung?" he asked looking at the youngest. "So you guys are really close? Shit!” Jinyoung laughed desperate, feeling an idiot. "That explains why he didn't say anything. He was protecting you”.

"I don't think he protect me that well, you discovering everything anyway.” Yugyeom squint. "How?"

"Jongin said something." Jinyoung sighed facing the mask. "About a tattoo. _He is the only one who got tattoos_. It was the only thing he said to me." He explain with a sigh. "So, while I push Hoseok and heard him moan about me regret when I knew the truth, I remembered the night that we stayed together for the first time..." Jinyoung lifted his head, looking directly at Yugyeom. "And when I took care of you, after seeing that dude spanking you ... I remembered".

Yugyeom separated his lips.

 _I was discovered because of a tattoo?_ He thought, analyzing Park Jinyoung’s convinced face. _How is it possible that he has seen with all those lights and smoke?_ The boy crossed his arms, feeling stupid for don’t having listened to Hoseok when he tried to convince him that having a tattoo would be trouble.

Kim Yugyeom bit his lips and sighed:

"I feel like I've been really stupid after all. I got trouble, exactly as Hoseok hyung said.” he tried to smile behind his nervousness. "No ach-"

"Enough. Stop trying to trick me. Tell me... I want to hear you say it. I want to hear from your mouth the final version of all this crap”.

Yugyeom swallowed his saliva and sat on the stairs, biting his lips to think seriously about how it all started.

"Those videos... I never had a choice about them. If it were up to me, they would never exist, but I'm not who pays. That man was important, he wanted someone to be controllable." Yugyeom licked his lips, aware that time world dark a first time used to say those things out loud to someone that wasn't from Lion’s. "When you have money the rules change and my... er..." he closed his eyes. "My master was angry, so it would be fun to allow this. So I had to keep quiet while you all gave me names ... Whore. Bad character. Rent boy. Male escort. Fuck toy. Prostitute. I have to laugh while pretending it’s don’t hurt me, because anyone was lying. It was all true and I can do nothing to change that..."

Jinyoung couldn't look at Yugyeom.

He couldn't look at it if he tried.

Heard the newest breathe deeply, as if he was disappointed by Jinyoung’s interest, as if his silence hurt more make any bad word already addressed to him.

"I couldn’t imagine that you... that you’ll be look for me. Maybe Jackson, but you? Not you, the sweet Park Jinyoung. If I knew it, I would never gone after you at the bus stop..."

"Why did you go?" Jinyoung finally said something. "You’re not get fun enough with all the stress you’re causing me with a simple video?"

"Any." Yugyeom say. "It's just that you seemed alone, that I couldn't help myself. We were always together, but we were never friends... you've never seen me in that group. And I never cared for you, in till this supernova. You go after me without even knowing I was there. I couldn't resist”.

Jinyoung felt his chest tighten.

"I don't care! Just finish your damn side of this stupid story”.

Yugyeom tilted his head back and forced himself not to cry.

"It was me in the red room. With you... that was me behind the mask of red wax, on the wooden table. Was me on Halloween, when you followed me down the hall and tried to rip my mask away." Yugyeom gritted his teeth. He wanted to be allowed to cry, because he felt miserable. "This was me… begging you to fuck me..." he stammered the last part, as if he were afraid. "Before Jongin hyung, it’s was me all the time".

The silence was broken only by the wooden logs in the fireplace and Jinyoung’s discreet chain sound moving about his weight, and if it were up to them, they would not talk anymore.

Yugyeom got up in a hurry when he see Jinyoung get up too abruptly and suddenly made him cringe.

Park Jinyoung pulled the mask in his hand and if he stopped, looking at each other from distance, wondering if that was the expression that he was always behind his masks when he was forced to go to Lion's.

"I have never used a mask." he said looking at the thing in his hand with grief. "You choice to come to me. You recognized me the moment you saw me and came to me anyway... why?"

"I don't know." it has a lie.

But Jinyoung didn't know that.

He didn't need to know.

"You've heard me talk about things that I had done and acted so natural, as if you were there to support me. I understand why Hoseok and Jongin did this... but you have a choice, Yugyeom”.

"You too. And you chose to come back even when they told you to stay away. Don't pretend that it was my entire fault, because it wasn’t”.

Jinyoung lifted the mask

"I'm not pretending that it wasn't my fault too".

Yugyeom looked at him surprised, confused about why he was returning it to him. He took it cautious, and smoothed the rough material dripping from his eyes, the golden eye between the red eyebrows.

"They call me favorite." Yugyeom said without taking his eyes off that thing that marked him as someone’s property. "Favorite. Usurper. Royalty. Pampered. Darling. Snake. It's not so different from the names that people in Utah give me, but it's the way to make my remember that I don't have choices. The end of the day I belong to someone".

Blond.

Tall.

Skinny.

Cold eyes.

"Mark-ssi." Jinyoung felt his skin burn. "Right?"

"I always thought you were smart, Jinyoung-ah. No one ever needed to tell you anything, because you were too faster... always found everything alone and without much effort.” Yugyeom looked away, passing against Jinyoung and heading toward the fireplace, where he played his old mask.

"Stop this, Yugyeom. Explain how it is possible. How can Mark-"

"This is something that I can't tell you… yet”.

“Yet? Really?”

“I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to wait a little longer for the answer about Mark and I".

Jinyoung look at this.

He look scary.

Yugyeom breathed deeply, as if he wanted him to figure out something by himself. As if he were waiting.

However, Jinyoung don’t understood what he wanted.

"You always keep coming back to him. Even after being spanking, after having gone through everything that happened, you always come back because there's nowhere to run, right?”

No. He’s wrong. Yugyeom never returned to Mark for not having nowhere to go. What he was doing was about be free.

"Like I said... you've always been smart." Yugyeom lie again, looked at him over his shoulder. "But don't think I'm the victim. Victims usually are blind for some trivial reason. There's nothing blind me about him or my miserable life. I know where I am and I want you to know that in the beginning I liked it. Till he try made me a bargaining chip, like a damn toy." He clenched his fists. "Like I don't have any value. That's why he slapped me the first time you saw. Because I said I wouldn’t be make of sex toy just to give him money. And I really could have fought back, but I knew that if I wanted to make him suffer…  I need do let him hurt me because it hurt him more than fight back. So I just stood, waiting”.

Jinyoung want to say that Yugyeom was crazy.

He wanted to call a doctor and say ‘ _please make him get better_ ’ but somehow he understood what he was saying without much effort. Mark looked like the guy who got hurt because of a false consciousness, and Yugyeom used it in his favor.

"Yug-"

"Stay here tonight." Yugyeom interrupted him quickly, moving away from the fireplace and headed toward the stairs. "I can tell you the rest in the morning. But I’m tired now".

"Seriously? Will use this excuse not to finish our conversation?"

"Jinyoung-ah…" Yugyeom stopped on the last step, at the top of the stairs. He looked down, where the other was, and sighed: "I worked all day, and then I spent the whole morning in a nightclub. And I'm tired of being alone in this huge apartment. That's just why I want you to stay, not because I want to fool you or leave you without your fucking answers, but because I need you tonight." He admitted to Jinyoung, to himself that he really need someone that night. "I’ll tell you everything in the morning if you don't want to stay. But if you decide to spend the night, my room is the one with red door".

And without saying anything more, Kim Yugyeom disappeared in the upstairs hall, leaving Park Jinyoung confused downstairs.

He can’t believe in the boy.

Yugyeom was really ignoring everything that had just happened because he was tired?

Jinyoung should go home and forget about this shit.

He can have his answers tomorrow morning anyway.

“This brat kid…” he whispers to himself. He swallow his saliva, thinking about Yugyeom’s sad expression.

Jinyoung should go home.

He bit shit lips and made a mental note to hit himself when he regret of his decision.

"Shit!”

He climbed the stairs.

 

( **ii** )

When Jinyoung woke up the next morning, Yugyeom was already out of bed – they don’t exchanged a word when the oldest entered the room last night, because they’re in they own world that moment.

He stared at the ceiling for a long time and tried to recover his forces after having slept so badly – the room floor was cold to sleep.

Before he could think of to get up, he felt his phone ring in his pocket and he checked the messages. Youngjae called six times, had left 15 text messages and a voice mail message.

**You want to hear the voice message?**

**To accept, press one. To deny, press two.**

Jinyoung sniffled, pressing one:

 _'Hyung? Where have you been? Bambam said you left the Club stunned ... did something happen? Should I be worried and call the cops? No? Call me as soon as you can_ '.

Had forgotten to let Yugyeom know that he would sleep in Yugyeom’s home because:

  1. He had a lot on his head and couldn't remember the rest of his life with all that fucking story;
  2. He didn't know how to explain that he was sleep at someone's house that he don’t talk anymore;
  3. Youngjae will probably tell everyone, so Jinyoung choose to keep it a secret.



He sighed squeezing his temples and erased the message, deciding to answer Youngjae personally when he got home. Then he stood up, rubbing his eyes and left the room, down the stairs to find Yugyeom, but he only found the breakfast on the table.

"That brat. He's kidding me?” Jinyoung muttered, passing his hands in his hair. "Son of a bitch".

\- **c** –

When the door opened, Park Jinyoung turned on the couch and pressed his lips to see Kim Yugyeom in a gym outfit, sweating from head to toe. The younger took off his headphones and closed the door:

“I was wondering if I’d find you here…” Yugyeom said throwing the keys on the table. He wiped his face in his blouse. “Did you sleep well? I had to go to the gym, otherwise it would be weird”.

Jinyoung frowned:

"Are you really going to act that way?"

"In what way?"

"As if everything was normal”.

Yugyeom looked away for an instant, then looked back at Jinyoung with a sorry replay, saying he didn’t know exactly what to say to him, and the eldest asked him to only tell the truth.

"Can you wait just a little longer? I really need a shower before I start a fight..." Yugyeom whispered biting the inside of his mouth. "I promised I’d answer your questions and I’ll do it, but I need a minute to take a shower and think a little”.

"Think about what? The lies you’re going to invent?”

"Jinyoung-ah." Yugyeom smiled sideway. "Have you figured everything... then why would I lie now?" Jinyoung didn't know it, but Yugyeom was already lying. He had not discovered everything that was hidden and Kim Yugyeom hadn’t gone to the gym, he had go to Gangnam to talk to Hoseok and Jongin about Jinyoung. "Please?"

Jinyoung bit his lip.

"Of course. I've been waiting almost two years, right? Why don’t wait a few more minutes...” he said, angry. "You can go take a shower. I'll be here when you decide to come back and talk to me”.

Yugyeom squeezed his lips and nodded, knowing that the ex-best friend was angry at him for everything he’d discovered.

In the bath Yugyeom thought about all that Hoseok and Jongin had said, about not being able to let Jinyoung discover the whole truth about Lion's owners and all the contracts he had signed – Hoseok and Jongin were part of half the story, but they don't know everything. Nobody besides him and a good friend know all the secrets.

But despite having received a lot of advice, he had no idea how to start that conversation, so it was really complicated to have courage to get out of the bath and go down to face Jinyoung.

Sometime later he slipped into a pant and pulled a towel to dry his wet hair before going down the stairs and getting an embarrassed look from the eldest – maybe Jinyoung was surprised to be seeing him shirtless, with his two tattoos showing.

"My shirts are dirty…" the youngest explained. “I just had the one that I went to the gym, that no-"

"I didn't ask for an explanation.” Jinyoung interrupted him rudely. The other nodded embarrassed and threw the towel on the couch, before sitting down on the table in front of the ex-best friend. "So ...?"

Yugyeom licked his lips.

"What exactly do you want to know?”

Jinyoung had never felt as anxious as at that moment:

“Why?”

“I needed money”.

“You need money?” he frowned his eyebrows. “Your father has a supermarkets network in Namyangju-si. Your mother is Secretary of Education and your brother works for a good communications company in Busan, so... how did you get into this world because of money?”

Yugyeom smiled dull.

“It’s complicated, hyung.” He said, biting his lips. “It’s something I can’t tell you yet. But I started working at Lion’s because of money and that’s all you need to know for now”.

Jinyoung muttered unbeliever. He wanted more than half words.

He bent his body and put his chin on his hands. He was impatient.

"You promised th-”

"Please." Yugyeom say apprehensively. "I'm asking you not to ask me that question right now… or about Mark. At least for now, there are things that I can't say yet, so don't ask”.

This was unfair.

Yugyeom know. Jinyoung knew.

The whole situation was very unfair.

He bit his cheeks again and leaned against the couch.

"Jongin told me something. That he was put in your place to fool me..." Jinyoung stared at him. "It was your idea? Trick me?

"No. It was Hoseok's hyung idea.” It was true. It was Hoseok who gave the idea. "Mark found out that a servant was at Lion's because of my video, that he were looking for me, that I had paid attention on him.” Yugyeom swallowed his saliva. "Then he got mad and started saying he do expose everyone. You don't know what could happen if he freaked out, so Hoseok hyung gave the idea for put another person in my place, just to make you lose interest”.

"But I kept coming back."

"Yes, you kept coming back, which made him even angrier. At the exchange time we were still friends and I did everything to make you give up to get back to Lion’s, for your own good, but nothing I said was enough. You never listened to me. " Yugyeom smoot his neck. "But then you figure out Jongin’s identity”.

“And we stared dating.” Jinyoung concluded. “You call me stupid for date him. You say that I should think better, that I would end up regretting myself later”.

"I was jealous." Yugyeom admitted. "There's not much mystery in that part, anyone could realize it was just jealousy".

"Jealous? Okay.” Jinyoung nodded, sad. He hated remembering what he had with Yugyeom. Remember make him upset. Because he always ended up thinking that he wasn’t enough to keep him in his life. “It’s doesn't make much sense after all you said about not wanting me and _blah blah blah_ , but I'm going to pretend to believe what you're saying now”.

“You've got every reason to don’t believe in me, but everything what I said was to protect you, Jinyoung. I didn’t have plans to be with you, but it happen anyway and this made Mark get upset.” Yugyeom muttered hasty, he needed to make Jinyoung believe in his feelings; perhaps he could feel less guilty or lonely if he believe. “I couldn’t be with you…”

 Jinyoung wanted to know the reason. The truth.

He wanted to understand Yugyeom’s reason. Why Yugyeom simply did not leave Lion's as Jongin did? Why he didn’t broke up with Mark for good and stop to ran to him every time?

Jinyoung really wanted the answers to his questions, but something in Yugyeom's face made him retreat, as if asking would make something worse that was already badly damaged – as if he were to destroy the last chance if he decided to force him to say something aloud.

He clasped his lips and signed, putting his hands on his face.

He are feeling overwhelmed.

"I don't know what else to ask." He admitted, rubbing his face. Jinyoung had a headache. "It seems that everything you told me confuses my mind so much, I can't think straight right now”.

"It's all right, _hyung_. We have time, you can take a minute to think and then you can come back. I'll be here to answer”.

Jinyoung pushed his hands off his face, taking a good look at Yugyeom’s face. His eyes looked sadder.

Park Jinyoung really wanted answers, but he was tired too, confused, ecstatic, hyperactive, desperate. He was so many things and in the middle of all of them... he was worried about Kim Yugyeom.

 _Tell me the real reason that got you into this life. Tell me the truth about you and Mark, about how you ended up with him and why you always ends up coming back. Say it all out loud and I promise to help you even if I'm hurt... I promise to help you_. Jinyoung wanted to say it to Yugyeom, but he couldn’t say those things. Not now.

"What if we go out for lunch?" He wanted to stay and ask some more questions, pretend he hated Yugyeom more than he could feel sorry for him, say bad things and accuse him for all he'd done. But Jinyoung wasn’t an asshole, he only said bad things when he was upset and in this moment… he was just sad. Yugyeom’s eyes widened in surprise. "It's almost lunch time, I think we should go out and eat something. Maybe gimpab”.

( **ii** )

Things with Kim Yugyeom have always been complicated.

The way he and Jinyoung met – through Jaebeom, after Jinyoung had said that Yugyeom looked like a San Sebastian with his ugly yellow hair and had created a big awkward in the group for it.

When they were forced to participate in the same activities for having mutual friends – Jaebeom and Jackson really loved the youngest, and Jinyoung could do nothing but accept it.

The way Yugyeom approached Jinyoung at the bus stop almost three years after they met – and all because Jinyoung wanted to be a rebel with his quotes about violent sex while his friends had no interest in corrupting him.

As Jinyoung ended up in love with Yugyeom – when he was still dating Jongin and insisted on loving him to silence the voice in his head that called for Kim Yugyeom whenever he saw him across the street.

The way Yugyeom left Jinyoung's life without saying anything. The way he came back, revealing secrets that hurt more than heal the wounds that had been open for so long.

In short, everything that involved Kim Yugyeom was complicated and Park Jinyoung always knew it, he always tried to escape from this feeling of being dragged into a sea whose his strength wasn’t enough to save him... he always knew, yet he decided to ignore the signals.

Jinyoung decided, after almost two years and nine months, that Yugyeom deserved a little more consideration... even if he had done more bad things than good, he deserved a chance.

Then, even if it was complicated, Jinyoung wrote down all the questions he had to make and handed them over to Yugyeom, who signaled all that could be answered and marked a coffee date.

"... are you sure it's not dangerous?" Park Jinyoung asked again, scratching his forehead. "I talked to Hoseok a few days ago, he told me it was dangerous to be talking about it. Aren't you afraid?”

Yugyeom pondered for a moment.

He could tell the truth, which he was afraid and that he was sleeping with a gun under his pillow... or he could reassure Jinyoung and enjoy the little time that was still left to them together.

“ _Anyo_. You don't have to worry. Mark is in a good moment, something about a new contract..." Yugyeom signed drinking his iced choco. "So we don't worry too much. There is no danger. Unless Hoseok says something, which I find difficult”.

"You really trust him, don't you?"

"Of course I do. He is my hyung.” Yugyeom rolled his eyes. Jinyoung hadn’t gotten used to the fact that Kim Yugyeom was the boy in the video, the black mask, the red tears and golden eye mask... even worse, he wasn’t used to the fact that he was so intimate with Hoseok. It was so weird. "He thinks we're problems, you know? He says that our encounters are always disastrous, like a vicious cycle that cannot be broken...”

Yugyeom smiled sideways, smoothing the edge of the cup with his finger.

He lifted his eyes and smiled at Jinyoung.

"I agree." Jinyoung whispered diverting his gaze. "But what can we do?" he wanted to know. He sounded more serious. "What can we do to break this vicious cycle?"

Yugyeom's smile disappear.

He knew that it wasn’t being easy for Jinyoung, that the dates that they had weren’t always good for him and that Yugyeom’s presence hurt him deeply way... But the youngest hoped that in time the other would get used to it.

Yugyeom hoped that in time Jinyoung would forgive him.

That Jinyoung would love him again, even if it hurt.

"Is that what you want?" he whispered back. "Do you want to break the vicious cycle that we still hold on each other, Jinyoung-ssi?"

Jinyoung-ssi. It was like the strange people called him... Jinyoung-ssi. He wasn’t used to it, with the complicated way that his name rolled on Yugyeom's lips, as if they were not to be use in such an unknown way.

He had time to talk to Jackson, Hoseok and Jaebeom about Yugyeom. Not about he being the guy in the video – they friends would never forgive him – but about wanting him back in his life.

Jackson called him idiot. But he said there was no denying how much Jinyoung missed Yugyeom... how much he still loved him.

Jaebeom needed to abstain himself. He said he couldn't decide for Jinyoung who hurt him and who loved him. So he couldn’t opine.

Hoseok thought he was an idiot too and gave him a lecture. Because after all, Kim Yugyeom belonged to someone who wasn't Park Jinyoung.

"What if it's what I want?"

Yugyeom looked at him for a moment.

Hurt. Being without Jinyoung in his life hurt and that pain was something Yugyeom couldn't bear with a smile for a long time.

"Then I'd say we have to stop these meetings." He inquired putting the cup on the table. "They don't do good to anybody”.

"Is that what you think?"

 _No_.

"Yes." Yugyeom looked out, where people passed without knowing that inside that café were two boys who loved each other, but who had no guts to admit their feelings. "That's what I think. Let's stop Jinyoung-ssi, to meet... We're going to stop this. It's how we can break the vicious cycle”.

Jinyoung hit the tip of his nail on the table, looking at Yugyeom's profile as he said those words.

At that moment, something that Bambam told him came into his head:

 _'Yugyeom never had anyone to fight for him, because he never said out loud that he needed someone. I don't know if he's told you about his parents... Yugyeom's parents are wonderful people, but they don't know their son so well, because he's a good liar, Jinyoung-ah. He never asked for help or demonstrated weakness, so no one ever needed to take care of him... because he was always strong for everyone..._ ’

That's what Bambam told him when Yugyeom left nine months ago, when he went back to Mark and acted like it was the most normal thing in the world. Because it was normal for him.

"I want to stop asking..."

Yugyeom blinked.

"I found that-"

"Nothing you tell me is going to be enough. I will always have a question that cannot be answered... yet." Jinyoung interrupted him. "I want to stop asking, because I expect you to tell me everything you're not telling me now when you're ready”.

Yugyeom looked at his cup and smile sad.

“I understand. All right, Jinyoung-ssi... we can stop now”.

"Any." Jinyoung laughed unwittingly, because Yugyeom wasn’t understanding it and looked really sad. "I said I want to stop asking, not that I don't want to see you anymore, Gyeom-ah”.

Things with Kim Yugyeom have always been complicated. Because he took Park Jinyoung from his normal state and made him go over all the pain, all the hurt and the ugly words. Because it was hard not to like someone with such a beautiful smile.

Yugyeom felt his body warm up.

"Do you still want to see me?" he was surprised. His heart was beating too fast. Maybe he was starting to get slightly flushed and a little dizzy. "After all I've done, you still want to see me, Jinyoung-ssi?"

Jinyoung clasped his lips in a smile and nodded:

"As much it still bothers me to see you with that guy, as much as I feel like you have more than you're telling me in this whole story... I still want to be able to see you, Gyeom-ah." Jinyoung knew it would be hard to live that life again, where Yugyeom was too close, but he would regret it if he didn't try one last time. "If you want, of course. If you want I’ll be here whenever you need me”.

Yugyeom relaxed for an instant in the chair, atonic with that tingling sensation in his skin. He didn't even realize he were about to start crying.

He raised his head when he felt something touching his hand.

Jinyoung had switched places, was at his side now, with a smile.

"Jinyoung-ssi..."

"Hyung." Jinyoung corrected him with great difficulty. He'd have to get used to it, too. "I prefer when you call me hyung”.


	11. what the fuck did  you say?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the door closed, Yugyeom felt his body heat up because Jinyoung grabbed him by the hand, undoing his engagement ring and throwing it on the floor before looking into his eyes.
> 
> "Now that you've taken that shit away..." he said pressing Yugyeom’s hand. "We'll talk about this madness of marrying him”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaaaaaa i'm back? i think so hahah 
> 
> I was so busy with my jobs that I ended up negling this story, and then Jinyoung said he would pick Yugyeom to be his brother in an interview and I got even more mad hahahah like whaaaaaaaaaaat Jinyoung? But I decided to drop mypride  
> and update TT
> 
> Oh, soon the story will be coming to an end, I can hardly see the time!
> 
> I hope you enjoy...
> 
> And super random question who is watching YG debuting program? I'm very upset because he hasn't debuted my Mashiho!! WTF YG? Debuts Mashi with Junkyu for God's sake!

( **i** )

 _Today is a new day_  
I'm in a maze  
with my knees on the floor, face down to pray  
While I'm miles away  
Without time or space

Like Jinyoung had imagined, it’s was really ridiculous to sit with his friends and explain that he and Yugyeom were trying to be friends one more time - Bambam was the only one who don’t show interest in a more elaborate explanation and Jinyoung wondered if he knew about Yugyeom’s secrets. After all, they were best friends.

However, Jackson berated everyone saying that they were always complaining about not being able to stay all together because Jinyoung and Yugyeom’s bad mood, and that now they should stop complaining because they decided to be friends again.

“It's not that I find it bad, it’s just weird.” Youngjae say to Jackson once Bambam, Yugyeom and Jinyoung left. “They are on warpath less than two weeks and now they resolve to talk? It’s doesn't seem to have anything out for you?”

Jackson rolled his eyes. 

“You make me confused. Yesterday you’re talking about how it would be nice if they could be friends, now you think there's something wrong?”

“I know what I said yesterday, Jackson hyung. And I'm really happy that they have settled things, but... it seems that there's still something missing.” Youngjae has always an observant person. He used to be quiet and funny, but he was always watching everyone and always knew more than he should. “They seemed strangers next to each other, as if there was some way...”

Jackson looked to Jaebeom, who shrugged.

He shook his head to his boyfriend to help him, but the older just pretended not to be hearing and seeing anything, and put his headphones, making Jackson bit his cheeks.

“You should let it go. It is normal that they are acting like that, after all they were nine months without talking. Gyeom hurt Jinyoung-ah, so it can't be easy for either of them to trying to get used to it”.

This was true.

It was hard being trying to get used to it, because every time they looked at each other they reminded of how they had been hurt by everything that had happened - and how much it still hurt to pretend that they didn't need to give explanation to each other.

Choi Youngjae sighed, turning on the tap to wash the dishes.

"You're probably right." he nodded to Jackson, who kicked Jaebeom under the table. Youngjae nod. “It must be hard”.

" _Ne_." Jackson nodded too. "But with support and time everything can change. So stop thinking about these things and help us help them, they really deserve a second chance." He rambled for a moment, remembering the holidays in Namyangju-si and how Yugyeom looked different around Mark. Remember how things seemed bad even if he was always so smiling. "Yugyeomie really need support now." Jackson repeated to himself, facing the bread in his hand. "Yeah, he deserves a second chance”.

\- **c** –

Jinyoung was sitting at the cafeteria, he was reading the material to his next class while listening to music on the headphones. He was so distracted that he didn't realize the boy next to him.

He cringed when he feel a chill in his neck and turned around, finding Kim Jongin sitting in his side.

"Hi!"

Jinyoung removed his headphones and closed the book.

"I didn't see you coming." he smiled embarrassed. "Are you ok?"

"I spent two weeks explaining to my boyfriend why my ex-boyfriend had gone looking for me in my dorm at 6:00 in the morning... but yes, I'm fine." Jongin laughed provocative, making Jinyoung biting his fat cheeks. "I had to lie to him”.

"I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry to have made you lie, I know it wasn't how you wanted to do things with him." Jinyoung was really sorry, because he knew it wasn't fair to Jongin.

"It's everything was alright now. I go to church and confess to the priest, then I feel a little better." He smiled aside, getting a nod from his pretty ex-boyfriend. "And how are you?"

Jinyoung looked at him for a moment.

"Hoseok told you".

"I’m Yugyeom’s friend, Jinyoung-ah. Hoseok is part of our lives the same way, of course they told me that you discovered." Jongin sighed passing the indicator on the cold marble table. "I'm sorry for lie to you".

"I know.” Jinyoung looked away. "But I wish you hadn't lied. It would have been less painful, because then our relationship wouldn't have been based on lies. It would have hurt less”.

Jongin laughed softly.

He agreed. Maybe with no lying Jinyoung and he were still together. Maybe Yugyeom had not been discovered and everything wasn't a thread to become a complete mess.

Or maybe not.

Perhaps telling the truth would not have changed anything and everyone would have left hurt. He didn't know for sure, but life was that way.

They hear the bell, remembering that they had class and Jinyoung remember that he need to finish his notes.

He stood up gathering his things, thanking Jongin for his sweet words and apology. But he was prevented from going:

"You will understand. One day." Jongin whispered shaking Jinyoung’s hands. His dark eyes seemed to really trust in what his lips were saying right now. "Then it’ll stop to hurt and you'll forgive him”.

Jinyoung looked at his hand.

He wanted to believe in that, that one day he’ll understand and forgive Yugyeom completely, without feeling his heart hurt every time they meet.

"I hope so. I hope that everything to be right. One day”.

\- **c** –

It happened too fast.

In a minute Yugyeom was doing a perfect swirl, his whole soul was exposed in his beautiful smile and his body was move gracefully while the teacher cheers him up.

In the next instant, his eyes were stuck to a cold and neglectful look, that unbalanced and took him to the ground with a bang that startled the class next to them.

Mark’s presence happen too fast, two weeks ahead of schedule and he had already taken all Yugyeom’s sanity that he had conquered in that lonely month in his huge apartment.

"You okay?" Mina asked, helping Yugyeom. He couldn't answer, he was surprised too see Mark when he supposed to be in EUA. "Yugyeom?"

"He's fine." the younger heard the eldest voices say when his hands held him firmly by the arms. "It was just a fall”.

Mina, who used to talk non-stop, opened her mouth, but didn't know what to say because Mark’s presence was too authoritarian, made her lose her voice and the reasoning with just seven fucking words.

The boy lifted Yugyeom and apologized, saying that he would take his boyfriend to take a breather and that no one can have to worry.

Yugyeom didn't know how, but he lost his voice just like Mina, which only managed to think of warn Bambam when the highest had been taken out of the classroom by the unknown blonde guy.

Bambam, who was downstairs, ran the stairs in order to reach them, and he see Yugyeom and Mark inside the elevator – his friend looked shocked.

"Gyeom-ah!" Bambam yells, running toward the elevator.

Yugyeom looked forward, he shook his head, as if he's tell to Bambam stay away. He didn't need a warning, because Mark smiled dry to the Thai and pressing the first floor button.

The door closed before Bambam could think of retreat or ask Mark to let him see his best friend.

He stood in front of the elevator, without knowing exactly what to do. Yugyeom looked scared – like Bambam haven't seen in a long time – alongside Mark.

The Thai took his phone out of his pocket:

 **DoubleB at 9:23am**  
I just saw Yugyeom with Mark

 _2 min ago_  
Mina called me saying that Yugyeom fell in class and that a blonde guy took him away

 _1 min ago  
_ I just saw them coming down the elevator

Jackson read the message a few times to make sure he was reading it right.

Mark was back in Korea?

He put the cup down walked into the living room, typing...

 **Wang King at 9:28am**  
he seemed hurt?

That's when Jinyoung felt his phone ring, because he marked Jackson's contact to be notified whenever he said something – because Jackson always said the best nonsense.

He went up the chat and stopped beating his pencil when he read what Bambam had sent. Mark was back.

 **DoubleB at 9:28am**  
I can't tell  
Mark wouldn't let me see him

 _1 min ago_  
It was too fast, the elevator door  
closed before I could get near

 **Leader Jaebeom at 9:29am**  
I thought he just came back  
next week...

 **DoubleB at 9:29am**  
Yeah, but he came back before and Yugyeom  
didn't seem too happy with this

  **Mrs. Sunshine at 9:30 am**  
 and how could he be happy?  
Mark is a pain in the ass, he will make Yugs give attention only to him

 _2 min ago_  
The freedom was good while it lasted

Jackson sighed, knowing it wasn't just about freedom of not having Mark Tuan around.

He opened his private chat with the newest and sent some messages. Jinyoung and Bambam did the same, Jaebeom tried to call and was sent straight to voicemail. The day was apprehensive.

At night, after everyone has given up on talking with the younger, Yugyeom could answer, saying that he was fine and he was gone all day because his arm was fractured and he had to go to the hospital.

 "It was just the way I falls, hyung." Yugyeom claimed the other side of the camera, stirring in the pot with the wrong hand. "The doctor said I was lucky to have been a small fracture. If I behave myself, I take this thing off my arm within a month”.

Bambam squinted his eyes, approaching the camera to see Yugyeom’s arm better. Jaebeom and Jackson, who were in the shared conversation, gasped more reassured.

Yugyeom didn't seem to be lying.

Maybe Mark didn't do anything as Youngjae suggested.

They talked for a few more seconds, until Mark entered the kitchen and all the voices went quiet as if he there were compelled to make them silence. The oldest smiled satisfied and took one of the wine glass, sitting in the balcony high chair.

"Hello. I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation." The blond said as if he really feel sorry. Youngjae nod. He and Jackson were the only ones who could pretend education near Mark Tuan. "Oh, don't stop to talk because of me”.

" _Of course..."_ Youngjae smiled embarrassed. " _We were telling Yugyeom that he is really clumsy. How could he fall and fracture his arm like that_?”

Mark laughed.

"You may not know it, but Gyeom was always clumsy. If I'm not mistaken, this is the third time that he breaks the same arm”.

" _Really?"_ Youngjae faked surprise. He really didn't know about it. Mark nodded drinking his wine. Yugyeom rolled his eyes with contempt. He hated when Mark tell people about his life. _"I didn't know about it_ ".

"Remember when you tried to climb on the roof of your grandmother's to pick up your neighbor ball and ended up getting suspended by your t-shirt?" Mark smiled. "His mother almost called the Fire Department to get him out." he laughed. "Youngjae-ssi, your friend is really the disaster himself. He always ends up falling and getting hurt. In high school people cal-"

"Why are you talking about my life as if I wasn't here?" Yugyeom heard himself asking angry. Jaebeom and Jackson exchanged a quick look, and tried to ignore Youngjae when the newest insisted that they need leave the couple alone. "I talk to you later, hyungs. Thank you for your concern”.

Jackson opened his mouth to argue, he didn't want to leave Yugyeom with no witnesses in case Mark got mad for his rudeness.

Yugyeom heard the chair move, but he didn't move one centimeter when Mark Tuan touched his waist and pulled him against his body, supporting his chin on Yugyeom’s shoulder.

He stared the wall.

"You what know Yugyeom..." he whispered to the youngest. "I hate when you raise your voice to me. It makes me want to discipline you”.

( **ii** )

 **JAY PARK IS CALLING YOU**.

Yugyeom put his phone under the table and checked the display again, making sure that it was really a call from Jay.

He cleared his throat and looked up, nodding with a smile to Bambam, who talking non-stop about how he made a discount in the party decorations, while Jinyoung moved the scroll in his Cappuccino.

Yugyeom had agreed to go out with Bambam and Jinyoung because both wanted to talk about Youngjae’s surprise birthday party. So had summoned them - Jackson and Jaebeom hadn’t been summoned, because Jackson couldn't keep his mouth shut and Jaebeom couldn't hide things from Jackson, so they decided to keep it a secret from them too.

But now that he was seeing Jay’s name in his phone after all this time, he felt anxious and driven to invent an excuse to leave. If Jay was calling from that number, meant that he was in Seoul and wanted to see Yugyeom as soon as possible.

"...ya!" Bambam screamed pounding Yugyeom’s hand, who even noticed that he were distracted staring at the phone. "What's so important in your phone that you can't pay attention to one of your best friend’s party preparations?"

Yugyeom shook his head, denying and dropped the phone on the table for a moment, thinking up some lie easy to remember later:

"It's Juilliard. I sent a new material to my advisor, and haven't received a reply." It was a lie. He was not having time to think about Juilliard, but it was a good excuse. Bambam could forgive him for his discouragement in the party subject. "I'm sorry”.

And as expected, Bambam sighed understanding and said a few words of encouragement to his friend, remembering of his talent in dance.

In the end, everyone left the coffee with a commotion list to do and Yugyeom lost six calls, which he duly answered with a SMS explaining why he can’t answered. He also ask if the man was in Seoul and if they could meet.

Yugyeom was about to enter the cab, after saying goodbye to Bambam when he heard Jinyoung’s voice call him by the full name as if it were a serious warning.

The tall kid turned arrow, finding Jinyoung’s reddish face.

"Hyung?" he shook his phone in his hand. "I forgot something?"

"Yes." Jinyoung said placing his hands on his hips. "You forgot your lies on the table before leaving”.

Yugyeom’s eyes widened.

Even the driver was surprised with the man brutality tom.

"Wha-"

"Don't play with me. Now that I know who you really are I can tell when you're lying and when you’re telling the truth". He explained in a serious way. The taller one bit his lips. "Why you lied to Bambam? What are you trying to hide?"

Kim Yugyeom couldn't tell him.

He just couldn't tell what he was doing, because it could hurt him again, and that wasn’t what he want with his back the eldest life.

He didn't want to hurt him again.

He squeezed his phone and heard the driver asks if he would go into cab, instantly he felt his phone vibrate and wondered if it was Jay confirming they meeting. 

"Remember when I said that I can't tell a few things to you yet?" he asked in a hurry. "It's one of those things..."

Jinyoung had asked for Yugyeom live in his time, do and talk about things when he feel confident to do this, but he couldn't ignore the fact that hate have suggested that situation, because he always wondering when the younger would start to tell his darkest secrets and when he could stop lying. 

He sighed.

It’s was fair. Yugyeom said he could not tell some things and Jinyoung had agreed to wait... so it has fair to him leave it.

"Okay..." the black haired sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll wait until you're ready to tell me everything”.

Yugyeom felt the phone rings again.

He turn on the screen, reading the message:

 **JAY PARK at 5:4 pm**  
Meet me at your favorite restaurant.  
At 6:00 pm I'll be waiting for you in a private room.  
Introduce yourself with my other name.

"Hyung…" Yugyeom called without realizing that Jinyoung had already walk away and that was pass to the other side. "Jinyoung-ah!" the boy cried out worried, wondering if he had said something bad to him.

With no answer, Yugyeom press his lips and got into the taxi, telling the driver to take him to a restaurant in less busy side of Gangnam, where he used to like going with Jay Park.

\- **c** –

"Surprise!" everyone shouted overflowing confetti, scaring Youngjae, Jackson and Jaebeom in the process, who were the only ones who did not know about the party. "Youngjae, congratulations..."

Choi Youngjae put his hands on his face, he was really surprised by his friends have remembered his birthday and have prepared a party for him – and Jackson mumbled about not having been called to join the Committee party, because he was by far the best planner of the world.

"Don't be upset, Seun-ah." Jinyoung laughed giving a glass of soju to Jackson. "We know you can plan a party like no other, but..."

"We also know that you can't keep your fucking mouth shut and would end up screwing it up." Bambam complete. "So get over it!”

And the party followed that way for a long time, with Jackson causing Bambam. With Jaebeom giving kisses in his chinese boyfriend whenever he had the chance. With Jackson and Youngjae dancing in the improved dance floor while Jinyoung and Jaebeom talk about random stuff and laugh non-stop.

It was really fun the way the party follows. Everyone was having a good time - until Yugyeom get in the followed by a strong man with black eyes and hair.

He looked worried.

“Hey. Sorry for the delay.” the younger said giving a squeezing hug in Youngjae, how say it’s okay and received his gift and placed it next to the others on the decorating table. The question in they faces took his smile away: "Oh, let me introduce you guys. This is Son Hyunwoo, but I call him Shownu because is simpler." he said shaking his head, before take Jaebeom’s cup. "He is my bodyguard”.

"Bodyguard?" Jaebeom furrows his eyebrows. "Since when do you have a bodyguard, Kim Yugyeom?"

"It's funny you have ask this, hyung!" the youngest laughed embarrassed, taken Bambam’s this time. He shook his head while taking all the liquid. “Like… since Mark asked me _aicaoiqw_..." he said de clumsily, making his friends stay confused. Yugyeom bit his lips. “Yeah”.

"Since what?" Bambam complained. "Speak clary. I don't understand a goddamn thing...!" he rolled his eyes. "Since he proposed what?"

Yugyeom scratched the back of his head.

He look at his hands for a moment, and walked across the room, stopping in front of the beer table. And as expected Shownu followed him, asking if everything was okay and if they should leave.

“I told you, I don't wanna to talk!” Yugyeom muttered to his security, who nodded and took a step back. His friends approached him. "Ah! Hi guys”.

Youngjae bit his cheeks.

"He asked you to marry him..."

Yugyeom blinked, stunned. Then turned the beer at once, soaking your shirt in the process. The smile in his face was there, but he didn't seem too be happy with the news.

"Our country doesn’t permit marriage between people of the same sex." Jackson whispered to himself, confused.

"He's going to live in New York in a few months." Jinyoung has always been so smart. He sighed uneasily and reached for Yugyeom's hand, seeing the glowing ring on his pale finger. "You accepted?"

"Oh, about this." Yugyeom closed his mouth. He looked at Shownu for a moment and bit his cheek. How would he make his friends understand what he want to say without actually saying it? "Er... well...”

Strangely, Jackson was smart enough to catch his friend's eyes on his bodyguard face, who pretended not to be interested in their conversation, but who didn’t move an inch away from his boss - who looked uncomfortable.

The Chinese licked his lips and "accidentally" fumbled on his own feet, pouring all his drink into Yugyeom's expensive clothes, who screamed in surprise and swore at him.

"Shit, I'm sorry...!" Jackson put a hand on his mouth. "Is not that the jacket your grandmother gave you before she died?" He asked with false concern. Yugyeom understood instantly. "Oh my God, I'm sorry Gyeom. It was not on purpose... come on with me, we need to put the jacket to wash as soon as possible”

Yugyeom nodded hastily.

His friends crowded in front of Yugyeom’s bodyguard, all talking at the same time as the man tried to follow Yugyeom along the room full of drunken people. When Shownu realized it, he was lost in the middle of the living room, not knowing if Yugyeom had climbed the stairs or out the apartment - since the door had been opened out of nowhere.

Jackson pushed Yugyeom through the door, and when everyone passed by, he locked her and cross his arms in front of his chest.

He wanted an explanation.

“Are you engaged?" Youngjae wanted to know. "With Mark?"

"Why do you want to marry him?!" Jaebeom finished impatiently, pacing back and forth. "Are you crazy?"

"He's not that bad, guys..." Jackson bit his lip, knowing his friends would hate him for defending Mark. But he owed Yugyeom. He had to help him. "Let's just calm down and listen”.

"What do we have to listen? That he went crazy again and forgot everything Mark did? "Jinyoung laughed visibly irritated. "Of course".

"Jinyoung-ah, you're being rude again." Jackson complained.

"Alright, Jinyoung-hyung is right about that. Mark really hurt me a lot...” Yugyeom sighed, sitting up. They were on Youngjae’s apartment terrace. "Mark-ah got me with Jay”.

Bambam's eyes widened.

"Really?" he wanted to know. "Has he gone crazy this time?"

"No.” Yugyeom scratched his neck. "He said he doesn’t mind if I see other person, as long as I makes a serious commitment to him." he said, looking at his hand adorned with the ring he had unwillingly accepted.  He sigh. "Marriage. That's what he said”.

Kim Yugyeom has never been a romantic man, he never wanted to get married and have children. What he wanted was to be a great dancer and choreographer, to travel the world, to meet different people and places. No romance.

He did not want a romance, but he had a ring.

"What. The. Hell? He agrees to you see others mans, as long as your marry him and takes his last name?" Jaebeom laughed grumpily. "This is ridiculous. Why did you accept that shit, Gyeom ?!”

"I had no other way out!" Yugyeom answered rudely. "Mark and I are in good time now. I can not just be-”

"Can you guys excuse us?" Jinyoung made herself heard again, this time appeasing and appealing. He looked at Jaebeom knowing that his childhood friend would be the one to accept leaving him with Yugyeom to have his answers. "Please?"

"No!" Bambam snapped. "I'm very sorry hyung, but I will not leave until Yugyeom explains to me what was on his mind to agree to marry just to see another guy! A fucking married man!”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes and grabbed Bambam by the arm.

"You can do this in another time." he said earnestly, hearing complaints. "Do not be immature, Bam. If you have not noticed, they have more to solve than we do. You can ask what you want and scream as much as you want... another time. "

"Lim Jaebeom!"

"No Lim Jaebeom." Jaebeom hated when Bambam called him by his full name. That was the way they started fighting. "Let's leave them’.

"But hyung…" Youngjae whispered. He agreed with Bambam, he did not want to wait, he wanted to talk to Yugyeom at that moment.

"Now!" Jaebeom shouted authoritatively, making his friends roll their eyes and walk out the door. He sighed and looked at Jinyoung. "Just please don’t kill him. Please. The others would be devastated”.

Yugyeom smiled internally, knowing that Jaebeom would do anything for his friends. That was just why he was leaving the scene.

When the door closed, Yugyeom felt his body heat up because Jinyoung grabbed him by the hand, undoing his engagement ring and throwing it on the floor before looking into his eyes.

"Now that you've taken that shit away..." he said pressing Yugyeom’s hand. "We'll talk about this madness of marrying him”.

( **iii** )

There was a fight.

Scream.

Jinyoung kicked one of Youngjae's favorite chairs into the pool, and Yugyeom nearly shoved him into the water as he held it.

But in the end there was calm and peace.

Whispered excuses and a hug.

It was all tempestuous and too fast. In an instant Jinyoung was yelling at Yugyeom about the mistake he was making, in the other Yugyeom was telling Jinyoung his first truth.

"It's not what you think. I'm not with him because I love him, but because I need.” This was what the younger one said. Jinyoung knew it was true the moment he looked at him. "You have to believe. I would never, ever, ever again be able to love him one more time”.

"So why Gyeom-ah? Why go around with that ring?”

"Because of you." It was what Yugyeom wanted to say the instant Jinyoung saw the ring and felt hurt. "Because of you hyung”.

Jinyoung was confused for a moment, until he realized it was all he could know at that moment.

Yugyeom was protecting him.

Park Jinyoung didn’t know why, but something in his chest heated up to know that Kim Yugyeom still care about him, that he still did things to protect him. He could not say why, but he felt compelled to return that protection in a hug.

They scream, but in the end there was a hug.

"I'm sorry you have to protect me." Jinyoung whispered to the younger, smoothing the back of his neck. "I don’t know exactly why, maybe it's because of Lion's or because he found out I know the whole truth, but I'm sorry you have to go through it because of me”.

"Hyung..." Yugyeom laughed. "He didn’t find out and it has nothing to do with Lion's. Don’t worry about it”.

So why did Yugyeom have to protect him?

What did Mark have that made Jinyoung's life dangerous enough to make Yugyeom agree to marry him?

"You'll find out soon." Yugyeom shut his thoughts with his sweet voice. "I promise you'll know soon enough”.

And then, after they had quarreled and shouted, after Jinyoung had thrown Youngjae's favorite chair in the pool and heard Yugyeom call him idiot because of his temper, with the silly grinning boy and pretty eyes squeezing Jinyoung's hot cheeks, he felt his body warm.

He didn’t know why. There was nothing romantic between them at that moment, they were just too close, after they had yelled at each other and stressed each other... there was nothing romantic about it, but Jinyoung's heart nonetheless sped up.

He wasn’t a romantic person too. When he loved someone it’s simple, he never looked for love or romantic adventures. To be honest, he never had time. Jongin had been his first and only boyfriend, whom he cared for and valued, but he didn’t love him the way books protagonists love the main character.

After Jongin, Jinyoung was only with Yugyeom.

So he didn’t know when this stared look romantic because he had not had good experiences, but his throat tightened, his fingers tingled, his heart throbbed and his legs tremble as he felt Yugyeom approaching to place a kiss on his warm cheek.

Park Jinyoung didn’t want to make that a romantic thing, but it was inevitable to imagine Yugyeom's lips in his for a moment.

He took a step back, smiling uneasily at his friend who smiled back, not noticing the whole situation.

"I think we should-"

The terrace door burst open, making Yugyeom and Jinyoung frightened by Shownu's unpleasant presence.

"Sir, we have to go." he said earnestly. "Now".

Yugyeom knew he was in trouble.

Mark was extremely clear in saying that he did not want him out of his bodyguard field of view, that he should report anything strange to his boss.

"Sure." Yugyeom said hastily, taking his jacket, not remembering the ring, which was still on the floor. "Let's go".

Jinyoung don’t say nothing, he just watched him leave the terrace with his bodyguard, as if he were a passive and fragile person. Yugyeom crossed the room without being able to say goodbye to his friends, who shouted his name and even tried to reach him before he could get into the elevator.

Before the door closed, they saw him bow. He was apologizing for ruining Youngjae's birthday party.

In the car, with tears in his eyes and regretting himself to have appeared at the party with that alliance, Yugyeom cleared his throat and lowered the glass that separated him from Shownu:

"Hyung?" He called softly. "Do not tell Mark hyung”.

"Sir, I ne-”

"You've gotten me out of your sight for an hour." Yugyeom interrupted him rudely. He wiping the tears from his cheeks. He was just annoyed that he had not spent more time with his friends, but that did not mean he was less smart. "What do you think will happen to you when he finds out you lost me for an hour and did not report it?"

Shownu looked up at him through the rearview mirror.

Yugyeom gritted his teeth and turned to the window, ignoring the older man's gaze. He respected him, but wouldn’t let him say a word to Mark.

"I think it would be smart of you to just pretend that nothing happened tonight..." Yugyeom smiled at his reflection, pleased to be finally in control. He like it. "Right... _hyung_?"

"Yes, sir. Nothing strange happened tonight. Anything”.


	12. why did Netflix sponsor this shit?

( **i** )

I miss you  
You set fire to my world,   
couldn't handle the heat  
I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah  
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah  


In two months Yugyeom discovered that it was very easy to control Shownu. At first he thought his life would be like hell because of his bodyguard, but then he realized how much Shownu needed the job and started to come up with strategies that would shut him out - except pretending to Mark or saying everythingYugyeom dictated.

Then in two months Kim Yugyeom could have more freedom than he had in almost a year with Mark Tuan, because his bodyguard was good at falling into his silly traps.

He was able to meet Jay Park without Mark's suspicions about this, he could go out with friends, visit people he was forbidden to see, go to Lion's to visit Hoseok when Mark wasn’t around without get a sermon... he could even sleep out.

"... this movie is ridiculous!" Jinyoung complained again, rolling his eyes. "Why did Netflix sponsor this shit? The guy cut his own fucking dick and then his friends did a lot of shit and in the end, as expected, the girl got the good guy! It's ridiculous”.

Yugyeom laughed, pointing the controller to the TV in front of Park Jinyoung's bed. It was still a little strange to try to be friends again, sometimes the younger one would wonder if Jinyoung wasn’t talking to him just because Jaebeom had bullied him or something. Sometimes Jinyoung would wonder if Yugyeom would hurt him again and they would lose everything… again.

It was really strange... but really familiar and good.

"You're boring, hyung." The taller one grunted. "The movie was funny. It's just that you're old and you do not understand the jokes." he said mockingly, getting up. "I'm going to take a shower because I'm starting to smell like fat things... pick a movie and make popcorn”.

"It's already evening. Don't you think we should order something for dinner?”

"Jjajjangmyun?" Yugyeom licked his lips, suggestive. Mark had made him go on a diet, so he couldn't eat those things. "And if possible chikin, gopchang and maybe some onion rolls?”

Jinyoung glanced at him, surprised, but Bambam was complaining so much about his friend's weight that he chose not comment about it and just nodded and picked up the phone.

"Yes!" He heard Yugyeom celebrate. “ _Hyung is the best_ ”.

After Yugyeom’s bath, they ate. They laughed and looked at old photos and took some new ones. They called Jackson and then Bambam, they heard music on Jinyoung's phone and watched a second movie until Yugyeom fell asleep, and the older man had to stay up the rest of the night because he have insomnia.

Yugyeom had hurt Jinyoung in several ways. In they “not-date” thing, and in relation to their friendship.

That is the worst thing. He had lost his best friend and he felt like it was his fault because he had fallen in love knowing that Yugyeom don’t have intention to love him back. So Jinyoung had really hurt himself and now that he was sharing a bed with Yugyeom, he thinks this was one of the most courageous things he had ever done in his life.

And he wasn’t decided to give Yugyeom another chance just because Bambam insisted that no one was fought for him, but because the need, homesickness and desire to have him back in his life - even if it hurt.

And it hurt to look at his smile, to his brown eyes, to the way he was shaking his shoulders and a head to the sound of silly and childish music. It hurt, and Jinyoung pretended it’s not, because it was simple to pretend he had not wanted to have him back all that time.

“Maybe you don't know this, but I've missed you.” the older man whispered, looking at his friend's sleeping face. "I spent a lot of time wishing you'd come back from Los Angeles, to cross my way just once... just once..." he sighed, daring himselft to Yugyeom’s smooth pink cheek. Jinyoung smiled at his temperature. "I messed things up when I said I loved you, didn't I?"

Jinyoung just wanted to look at Yugyeom for a moment, maybe if he looked at him enough he would forget him the way he couldn’t have it and he would be glad to just have him around. For being friends.

He just wanted to stare at him. He didn’t expect to have an answer:

"No, hyung." Yugyeom whispered with closed eyes. He lifted his hand and closed his fingers over Jinyoung's hand, holding her against his warm skin. When he opened his eyes, he felt his heart pound. "It was not you who ruined things. Never say that you love mess us apart”.

Jinyoung felt his mouth dry and his stomach ache.

He really didn't expect Yugyeom to be awake.

"Gyeom-ah, I-I do not-"

"Kiss me".

Park Jinyoung just wanted to stare at Kim Yugyeom for a moment, because maybe it was enough to make him forget everything he'd ever wanted to do with the boy who had hurt him so badly. He did not expect to hear anything in return, he did not expect any requests.

Yugyeom's nose looked slightly pink:

"Please..." he whispered, licking his lips. Jinyoung followed the movement of the tip of his tongue. Yugyeom's throat jerked as he swallowed. His eyes closed even without an audible response. "I miss you too, Jinyoungie”.

That was enough.

Enough to make Jinyoung feel weak, to make him make a mistake he vowed never to want to make again.

So that he would kiss him.

It was a tender, calm, without many touches or movements, no tongue or lips being bitten. It was a kiss like "hello, I was waiting for you" , the nex momento verything became a mess of sounds.

Yugyeom couldn’t tell when his hands moved, but at some point he began pulling Jinyoung's shirt out of his body without a clue about what he should to do. It was automatic, his brain seemed to be wishing to do it longer than he could remember, so he couldn't blame himself when he threw the older man's white shirt on the floor and kissed him again.

There were no words or questions - they didn’t have to make sure it was the right thing, their bodies knew it was - flustered and worried.

There was only the way Jinyoung rubbed his body against Yugyeom's and touch his lips with desperation – Yugyeom’s body seemed to be shaking.

Jinyoung kissed Yugyeom's neck and hugged his hip, pulling that part of his body against him, force him rub against him so hard that they pajamas made a ridiculously rubbing noise.

He couldn’t remember when he'd begun miss seeing the way Yugyeom's face turned red when he was horny or how he liked to watch him close his eyes and open his mouth in pure delight whenever their dicks touch.

Yugyeom laid his forehead against Jinyoung's neck and propped his hips, rubbing his ass against the man's visibly erect penis.

They didn’t say a word, they only stayed in that position until Yugyeom felt his underwear wet and he was really surprised to be so disappointed with the fact that he couldn’t feel Jinyoung's dick inside him.

Jinyoung was gripping Yugyeom's hips hearing groaning against the curve of his neck as if he hadn’t courage to say in words what he wanted so badly. However, he really want to tell how much he missing feel Jinyoung’s dick, his mouth; His everything.

Since he had no words, Yugyeom lifted his hips and lowered his hands to Jinyoung's pajama pants, pushing it off with difficulty - the elder still seemed to be dizzy by everything that was happening, so he didn’t moved an inch while the other stripped him out.

When Jinyoung's navy blue pants were already out of his body, Yugyeom took off his own pants and kissing Jinyoung's wet and red lips, waking him up from his trance.

"I don’t have condom..." Jinyoung whispered grabbing Yugyeom's hands as he tried to get rid of his underwear.

They breaths were out of rhythm, their faces were red and their hearts were racing like never before.

Jinyoung wanted to feel Yugyeom like in the old days, he wanted to be with him like they used to but they couldn't have sex without protection. They knew that.

Right?

“Hyung…”

Fuck.

They wouldn’t be reckless.

So why it was so hard to keep that situation in focus as Kim Yugyeom's eyes looked so horny to Park Jinyoung's?

Why Jinyoung didn’t feel inclined to be a responsible adult and why did his comment seem more like a request for permission than a security warning?

Yugyeom parted his lips ready to say anything that came to mind, but Jinyoung's indecisive expression was so noticeable that he only pursed his lips and smiled in a strange, and yet cute, way. There was never any fear or hesitation when it came to sex with him, because it always seemed right - not that he didn’t understand Jinyoung, they were separated for a long time, it made sense to be careful - and he wanted it back.

He wanted to feel him again.

So instead of saying stupid words, Yugyeom just covered the older man's eyes with the palm of his hand and, with his other hand, rub his lips, which slowly opened with the sensation. He ran all over Jinyoung's lower and upper lip, down his fingers to his neck, to his chest, until he reached the waistband of his elder's underwear.

It was automatic.

The way Jinyoung's torso stood on the bed and he grabbed Yugyeom's wrist as his lips parted in delight and his throat let to escape out a warm moan against the chilly morning air.

Yugyeom bit his lips, preventing his smile from sticking into his face as he felt the other respond so instinctively to his touch. He felt the way Jinyoung carved his short nails into his fist and thrust his hips upward as his fingers touched his erection with no obstacles that would prevent him from feeling his skin. Jinyoung's moans took over the entire room, because Yugyeom really knew how to jerk him off and make him go crazy.

While the feel of the boy’s hand depraved his mind, Yugyeom watched him with lust - everything in Park Jinyoung made him horny.

Suddenly, his cheeks were too red and his deep voice told him that he liked the circular movements Yugyeom was doing, and he thought he might make him cum if he continued... so he stopped.

Yugyeom stopped jerk him off without warning and heard a whining in response. He laughed.

"Gyeom-ah...!" Jinyoung whine again. He sounded like a crybaby. The tall one held him tighter for a moment because Jinyoung’s grabbing his thighs and turning him into bed.

"Aaaish!" Yugyeom complained as he felt the friction of his shirt against the thick blanket of the bed. He tried to keep his hand over Jinyoung's eyes, but he had his arms pressed against the mattress. He swallowed his saliva as saw something in the older man's face that he hadn’t seen in a long time. Desire. "Hyun-"

Yugyeom's voice was lost in his throat, because Park Jinyoung really wanted him like never before and could not longer accept the space between their lips.

He sucked the youngest tongue between his fleshy red lips and heard him react, clutching at his hips and pulling them off the bed - maybe he was too anxious, so he hadn’t set a timeline to take his underwear off.

When their breaths picked up too fast, they both knew they couldn’t handle with the all provocation for much time, so it was really satisfying when Yugyeom's underwear fell on the floor.

“No.” Jinyoung whispered as Yugyeom tried to change positions. He smoothed his flushed face and smiled, roll his fingers down to the boy’s lips. “I want to see you”.

Yugyeom didn't know what to think about that sentence.

It wasn’t like before. In the old days, Yugyeom used to stay on his back – because look to Jinyoung in those moments made him embarrassed by all the lies he told - and everything happened that way.

Now it different. Jinyoung wanted to look at him.

It made Yugyeom's heart ache and he felt a faint feeling of dread rising in the back of his mind because he was still lying and was afraid of ruining everything. Then he opened his mouth to complain, but Jinyoung put his hand in the boy’s mouth and licked his own lips, denying the younger's willingness to ruin the rare moment they were having.

Park Jinyoung bit the corner of his mouth and ran his hands down Kim Yugyeom's neck, analyzing how his skin crawled. He lowered his hand patiently, reveling in the way the other's body writhed almost imperceptibly as his fingers rolled down... and lower down... until they infiltrated behind his thighs and pulled him by them, causing his slim body to slide down to fit against his own.

Yugyeom breathed hastily between his parted lips and grabbed Jinyoung's shoulders as he felt the soft tips of his fingers on the ends of his ass. He’s skin seemed to be burning.

Park Jinyoung let out his breath as he felt Kim Yugyeom’s ass walls tighten his two fingers. It was embarrassing how much the tall one was desperate, but it was impossible to ignore his whine.

“Oh, _good boy_. Whine from me...” Jinyoung whispered, kiss him again, taking each reaction of his body as an incentive to do his fingers go faster and faster, moving in and out when he tried roll his hips. He let his other fingers slide up, palpating Yugyeom’s warm skin inside his t-shirt and rising her enough to see Yugyeom’s tattoo.

See the designs that Yugyeom tried to hide… that was enough to make Jinyoung lose his mind.

He licked his lips, removed his fingers and pulling apart his ass cheeks, Yugyeom fell surprise when he feels Jinyoung’s cock work him open.

He grabbed the eldest shoulders and called his name.

He was waiting for that moment.

Jinyoung bit his lip, watching Kim Yugyeom's delight bright expression - the boy tipped his head back, closed his eyes and grinned a pure pleasure noise.

Yugyeom always wondered what it would be like if Jinyoung would forgive him and decide to be with him - if they worked together. They might be like those couples who always fight, but who make up at hugging in bed. Maybe they could be annoyingly perfect and everyone get jealousy. Or maybe they could be dysfunctional, just like they already are, and yet a fucking amazing couple... because Jinyoung really knew how to make Yugyeom see stars, how to take him to the edge and make him call his name so fucking loud.

Yugyeom always wondered what it would be like to feel him only one more time in his mediocre life. So he scream. He scream and hugged the older man's neck, digging his nails into his skin, squeezing against him as he gripped him and hips snap forward, make his dick stocked him repeatedly, without long intervals or pity.

Jinyoung leaned his forehead against Yugyeom's neck, pushing his knees, fucking him up.

He knew how to play with Yugyeom, how to use every part of his body, how to make him scream his name and lose his sanity. He can fuck him in the best way. So the way his hip moved was really fast and precise, but controlled, his pelvis pounding so hard against Yugyeom’s ass, making him beg for not get his prostate touched.

It was shameful to admit another of his weaknesses, when the subject was Park Jinyoung, but Yugyeom couldn’t take it anymore, he already felt his groin hurt.

Jinyoung licked Yugyeom's chin, biting it afterward as he felt him scratch the back of his neck. Everything was happening too fast, too hard, without his _glorious point_ being pressed. But like a dream come truth, Jinyoung’s dick touch Yugyeom's prostate so fast - not on purpose - and when he heard the young scream, he tried to hit the same spot a few more times...

It was torturous, but when the older man forced his knees upward again, brutally, his dickhead pressed it so hard that Yugyeom's whole body warmed with flames and his mind blackout for a moment.

"Jinyoung-ah...!" Yugyeom choked on his own moans, trying to catch his breath. "It hurts so much, please... I-I want to cum”.

Park Jinyoung would never, under any circumstances admit it, but he had devotion to the way Yugyeom was always so sincere in those moments, as he always seemed to beg for Jinyoung's permission as a sweet whisper of how much he trusted his body to the him.

Jinyoung stopped for a moment, only to kiss Yugyeom and take a few strands of hair out of his eyes, still inside him. Without taking his eyes off his handsome face, he moved again until he heard him moaning slyly and squirming violently as his prostate was hit for the last time.

He hoped that no supervisor would hear the grunting grunt of pleasure as he cum so brutally and loud.

His breath caught in his throat as Yugyeom felt the sensation of being overwhelmed by having Jinyoung's dick sliding hard inside him, before he tightened his toes and lifted his trunk as he was filled with Jinyoung's cum.

( **ii** )

Jackson's mother always say that her son couldn’t be discreet, that she had tried everything to educate him in the best way possible, but that somehow he ignored everything.

So it was no surprise to Yugyeom to hear him shout his name in the middle of the restaurant, as he waved and walked directly to Yugyeom’s table, being accompanied by his boyfriend and Jinyoung.

Yugyeom wiped the corners of his mouth with his napkin and smiled shyly, getting up to greet his friend:

"Hyung... nice to see you." he said after hug Jackson and nodding to Jaebeom and Jinyoung, who looked as uncomfortable as he was with the whole situation. He looked away at the Chinese. "Have you come to dinner?"

"Unless you can do something else in a dinner restaurant... yes, we've come to dinner." Jackson laughed truly loudly, causing Yugyeom to put a too-large stir of his hair behind his ear, the way he did when he was ashamed. "Will you join us?"

He hadn’t noticed, because the chairs were too tall and the man was sitting with his back to Jackson, but Yugyeom already had company:

"Ah... er..."

“I think I need to go.” a husky voice said, catching Jackson and Jinyoung’s attention, because Jaebeon had already notice him.

Yugyeom swallowed hard and turned to him, firmly denying it.

 "Oh. I'm sorry." Jackson bit his lip. "I hadn’t seen him. I didn’t know you had company, Gyeom".

"It's okay." The man smiled as he got up. "It's getting late anyway, I have to go back my hotel”.

Yugyeom held him by the sleeve of his jacket:

"Please, hyung." he whispered between his serrated teeth, not wanting to have Jinyoung's attention any more than he'd already have. "We will not have another chance so soon. Don’t go now, please”.

Jackson Wang stepped back, watching his friend bite his lips at a man clearly older than him - that was the Jay Park that Bambam had mentioned before - and much more embarrassed by the whole situation.

"Gyeom-ah..." the man sighed impatiently.

"Sorry. We didn’t want to mess with your date guys." Jinyoung said with a smile. "We have a table waiting for us. Enjoy your dinner...”

And even if Jackson was about to complain, he followed them both down the small aisle, and just like Jinyoung, he heard Yugyeom clearly say to the man who was accompanying him:

 _'I don’t believe you'd miss this chance to see me. You knows that your wife arrives in a few days and then it will be impossible. Unbelievable, Jay hyung_ ”.

Jinyoung wanted to stop in the hallway when he heard that.

He wanted to get back on the table and say, 'Okay, I understand you're stuck with Mark... but we fucked, you left without saying a fucking goodbye, completely ignored me and now you show up with a married man?'

He didn’t make a scene just because he know that Yugyeom never promised him exclusivity, attention, affection... or love. They had slept together. They had wonderful orgasms, but there had never been any promises, so his mature and adult side knew he didn’t have a reason to make a scene. So he kept walking.

A little later, perhaps an hour later, Jinyoung saw Jackson leave the table and go outside the restaurant, where he spoke quickly with Yugyeom and squeezed Jay's hand, saying something in a peaceful and cautious way - as if had something to hide - and watched him come back as if nothing had happened.

"Do you know him?"

"Who?"

"Jay." Even Jaebeom wanted to know. "Why did you go outside and talk to them? What did you talk to that guy?"

"And why talking to someone is a problem?"

"He’s a fucking womanizer. They’re having an affair!” Jinyoung wanted that phrase to be an offense, but everyone knew that they couldn’t give their opinion in life that the youngest had chosen to live and that he had an agreement with the fiancé. Still, he wanted it to be an offense and that Jackson would understand and stand by his in that whole game: "Did you hear what Yugyeom said when we got away from them? It's ridiculous!”

Jackson rolled his eyes impatiently:

"Seriously Jinyoung-ah, you need sex. You’re so fuckin boring and old right now. You know that he and his fian-”

"Jackson... what do you have to do with that guy?" Jaebeom kicked his boyfriend under the table, knowing he was rambling on purpose. The Chinese snorted. "Do you know him?"

“A little bit, okay.” he whispered, nibbling his lip. His boyfriend shouted, banging on the table in disbelief. "Okay, okay. Stop being scandalous, huh?" he said angrily. “Me and Yugyeom have dinner with him. And we went to a theater... it was beautiful in case you wanted to know. He's cool. Not like Mark-ssi... but it's kind of like a couple of two months. Or more”.

"Wow! My boyfriend went out with his friend and his lover about two months, and he never thought to tell me that?"

Lim Jaebeom had no idea, but Jackson Wang could keep secrets and never dare to tell the things he knew about Kim Yugyeom to anyone, even if he was being threatened with death.

\- **c** –

Mark Tuan never bothered with the messages exchanged between Jay Park and Kim Yugyeom. Maybe because they were engaged, perhaps because he wasn’t afraid of being abandoned or perhaps because the american knew that his power over his future husband was strong enough to keep him tied up until the end.

But the boy's messages bothered Park Jinyoung because they always came at the wrong time and always reminded him of five things:

  1. Yugyeom had lied to Jinyoung for more than two years
  2. He was engaged to someone who didn’t get tired of hurting him
  3. Yugyeom was having an affair with Park Jinyoung, even though he was engaged to Mark Tuan
  4. He was having an affair with a married man, even though he was engaged
  5. And all options ended with Jinyoung getting hurt by loving someone who didn’t deserve his love and would never love him back.



So, it was a uncomfortable  to him and for being that way, they ended up fighting and saying goodbye in the worst possible way: with both getting into a different tax and ignoring any event that could do they met by any chance.

It was because he was ignoring Jinyoung that Yugyeom decided to stay at home, watching a movie, on a Saturday night. It was precisely because of his choice that he was present when Mark came into the apartment screaming on the phone, complaining about not admitting to losing an important client because the incompetence of the new manager.

Mark stopped talking as soon as he saw Yugyeom.

The youngest man put the wine-glass on the table and closed the book he was reading, then stood up to help him with his coat - it was a habit that he got used to do - and watched him smile openly, like if he had an idea:

"Tell the client that everything will be settled..." Mark say without taking his eyes off Yugyeom. "Yes. I have the perfect servant to make him calm down”.

Many things didn’t bother Mark Tuan, especially offering his fiancé as servant to anyone who paid well. Something that would probably bother any other person...

“Hyung...” Yugyeom tightened his fingers on Mark’s coat, feeling his stomach throb. "Hyung-"

Mark held Yugyeom's fist, pulling him toward the door, where he passed with the youngest being dragged.

Kim Yugyeom bit the edges of his tongue and followed Mark, watching him press the button on the first floor and say:

"Do not worry, Hoseok. I already have the servant with me and it only takes 20min from my house to Lion's”.


	13. let's make a deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ya, ya, ya!" He shouted at the youngest, who didn’t even turn aside and gave him an excuse as he used to. Jaebeom and Bambam were the first to arrive, wondering what was going on. Jackson and Youngjae show up later, watching the car pull up in the street and Jinyoung kicking the air angrily. "It is not obvious? He fucked everything. Again”.

( **i** )

"Yugyeom-ah?"

Kim Yugyeom felt his head hurt and his mouth bitter before he could even open his eyes.

He made a confused noise between his lips and brought his hand to his forehead, pressing there to try to ease the pain.

"Yugyeom-ah?" Hoseok called again. "Can you get up? I need to get you down. We have to release the room”.

In a second Yugyeom remembered everything that had happened. He had been dragged to Lion's by Mark, someone noona from the make-up time make him look more pretty, they covered his tattoos with base and made him wear some fancy lace clothing before being forced him to pick up his old mask of red tears.

He remembered hitting his foot and saying he don’t want to do tath, screaming about not being his day and not being in the catalog - just as Jongin did one day - and being slapped in face by Mark, which reminded him of everything they knew about each other and how he owed more than anyone else in that place.

He also remembered taking care not to slap Mark back, to have suppressed a anger cry and to have put on the mask before passing his favorite perfume and knocking on the door behind him before entering the room and do all that was commanded him:.

"Shit. My head.” the boy whispered as he sat on the bed. "What had that guy taken? He was crazy.” he said removing the mask that covered his face. The red makeup on Yugyeom's eye bags had run down his cheek from sweat. "And I couldn’t cum in the end”.

Hoseok sighed, dissatisfied with his friend's manner.

He couldn’t understand why Yugyeom would go through with it, after all he was going to marry Mark and no longer had to worry about his debt to Lion's.

Maybe it was because of what Jinyoung said, that Mark knew something about Yugyeom that terrified him enough to allow himself to be manipulated by the elder. Or maybe it was true what Yugyeom always said, that he liked that life and that he didn’t mind working.

"You promise me to explain everything one day..." Hoseok say to him. "Whatever keeps you here, even marrying a rich guy like him”.

Yugyeom smiled as he closed his eyes and licked his lips, nodding.

Before he could say anything else, they heard the security call for Hoseok, saying that someone had asked for that room and that they should leave as soon as possible.

"Put the mask on, baby." he said, running his hands over Yugyeom's wet hair. "You need to go back to the club. Some customers have heard about your presence at Lion's and want a dance”.

"Yes sir!" Yugyeom chuckled, feeling every inch of his body throb. He sit again. "That motherfucker! Why did he even have to use that fucking whip? It looks like a train passed over me”.

\- **c** –

At 6:am, Yugyeom put on his jacket after getting rid of the sweat on his skin and helped Hoseok close the doors, taking his phone.

"Do you want a ride?" He asked, opening Mark's chat, knowing that the older man was probably sleeping and would be furious at being forced to do Shownu's work. "Mark-"

“ _Gyeom-ah!_ ” Yugyeom turned on his heels, being taken aback to see Jinyoung walking towards him. The youngster's brown eyes widened in alarm. He turned to Hoseok.

"I'm sorry Gyeomie, but I don’t think you should go home now. Mark must have heard about your fight with that client, he'll probably kill you”.

"Bu-”

“Jinyoung-ah deposited the payment for the day.” Hoseok interrupted him, taking the tablet just to show the off-season payment receipts. Yugyeom clenched his jaw. “If you refuse and go home, it will make you waste his money”.

It make sense.

If Yugyeom had a day job with a client, a mysterious and with enough money to pay for the day, Mark wouldn’t mind the fact that he pulled a customer's hair for having caught her mistreating a bartender just because he didn’t have accepted her.

But even if he did, he didn’t want to see Jinyoung.

"I think it's better than having some slaps..."

"Or maybe I'll give you some slaps." Jinyoung snapped as he heard the younger, greeting Hoseok and thanking him for being warned. The younger one rolled his eyes: "Jaebeom is going to make us pancakes”.

"Why?" Yugyeom felt alarmed. Jaebeom only made pancakes when someone was going through something bad. "What did you tell him?"

"That you fight with Mark for jealousy and that he put you out of the house..." Jinyoung replied putting his hands in his pockets. "I mean, you better get there without that silly grin on your face”.

"Oh, whatever”.

Yugyeom said goodbye to Hoseok and hurried along, hearing Jinyoung's footsteps right behind him, standing next to the car indicated by him – he probably had borrowed Jackson's car under threat and shouted because the Chinese wouldn’t let anyone pick up his car .

The drive was silent.

Yugyeom only spoke again when he arrived at Jaebeom's apartment and had to tell his fake story about how upset he was with Mark and his behavior - he used Jay Park as a motive was a problems he was having with his fiancé.

"I almost didn’t believe him when he say he want me out. I mean, we've gone through so much...!" Yugyeom sighed sadly, listening to Jinyoung grit his teeth. "But I think everything will work out in the end, Mark hyung has matured a lot in the last eight months we've been together and I know he'll think better of every situation”.

"If I were him, I wouldn’t accept you. It's ridiculous, you're marry someone and let that person have an affair? It's ridiculous!" Jackson Wang didn’t really have a filter. “Ouch!”

"If you're rude again with Yugyeom, even if I agree with what you're saying, I'll kick you more than your leg if you do this again”.

“I’m not bein-au! Okay, okay. I’ll stop”. Jackson stood up.

Yugyeom understood his friend's comments - he had to be as intolerant as possible if he wanted to keep the younger man's secrets from his big mouth - and so he didn’t mind it at all.

With many jokes, sarcastic comments they ate pancakes, watched movie, watched Jackson make lunch while Jaebeom fumbled him and talked about random stuffs until evening and Jackson was Jinyoung to take Yugyeom to another place because they’re waiting for Jaebeom’s family for a dinner.

Yugyeom had suggested going to Bambam's dormitory, as he had vacated his place to live with Mark off campus, and Jinyoung didn’t care, saying he was adult enough to make any decision in his life.

So Yugyeom just got mad at Jinyoung and asked the taxi to drop him downtown, because he preferred to go somewhere rather than irritate Bambam with his negative mood - he also sent a message to Jay, who had said he was still in Seoul a few days ago. When the taxi stopped he waited for the older man to stop him, but he just leaned over the driver and say his address.

He didn’t believe what was happening until he saw the car disappear in the street. At that moment, he wanted to scream, send an offensive message to Jinyoung and ask what he had in mind, but he knew that if he did it, it would be ridiculous because he was only hurt that he hadn’t been spoiled as usual.

“Fuck you, Jinyoung.” he whispered to himself, picking up his phone. The man answered on the fifth ring: "Hyung...!" Yugyeom said with a really slyly. “Your wife close? Can you come pick me? I want affection and attention...”

\- **c** –

Yugyeom shoved his bag into the school closet.

“... it's not as complicated as it sounds.” Yugyeom replied, put his dirty coat inside the cabinet. “If you can keep your knee straight, you can do that swing without falling face down on the second spin”.

“It's easy to say, but hard to do.” Bambam yawned, pressing his forehead against the cold material from the closet. “Can I change that move?”

“With two final days to deliver?” Yugyeom laughed sarcastically, taking off a clean coat before closing the closet. "If I were you, I would go home now and practice until my legs fell, but I wouldn’t change my moves. It's very high up and our teacher has seen all the choreography, Bam. So don’t change”.

Yugyeom was right. Bambam couldn’t simply change the choreography so over the deadline, the teacher would kill him.

"It's all right. I'll get ready to get a nine”.

"Nine is better than a fucking zero." Yugyeom smiled, tapping his friend's shoulder before walking down the walk where he would have his next dance history class - which was where he tried to ignore Jinyoung, since the older one also took that class.

As he entered the room, Kim Yugyeom planned to go straight to the end of the dock and sit in the last row, from where he could have a clear view of the top of Jinyoung’s head. So when he came across Park Jinyoung clearly flirting with Im Seo-yoon, sister of a girl named Nayeon, he almost had a fucking cardiac attack.

Yugyeom looked away as the girl turned her eyes to him with a smile that didn’t fall apart when she found him standing on the doorframe of the classroom, scratching his eyelid to the top row.

"Good afternoon, good afternoon... to those who are on the phone, please turn it off. Whoever missed more than two classes, please check the class email...” the teacher shouted as he entered the room as soon as the bell rang, causing everyone to take their seats. "For the upgraded, where did we stop in the previous class?"

"Modern dance, sir." a Chinese boy said in his loaded accent, opening the notebook that was probably filled with notes.

Yugyeom bit his cheeks.

He was late.

He glanced sideways, behind some familiar face that could borrow notes from previous classes, but was surprised by his teacher grave voice:

"Huh?"

"I said, be welcome back mr. Kim.” The man smiled as he leaned against the table. "How was your nine-month honeymoon?" The room laughed at the comment, because everyone knew that Yugyeom was engaged to a man and 57% of the room believed he would go to hell so the rest thought he was stupid for cause of the rumors about Mark Tuan being a pain in the ass. "Apparently cheery as its performance has fallen in the classroom. My mother used to say that married people tend to forget the other aspects of their lives”.

And that was the most inappropriate and rude comment that Yugyeom had ever heard, and he could have made a scene and went to the principal to make a complaint - even though he knew he wouldn’t get anything, because Utah had clear opinions about homosexuality and it would only cause personal discomfort. He could, but did not, just smiled and dug his nails into the jeans of his pants:

"I have not yet had the opportunity to realize this..." he said quietly, catching everyone's attention. "But I promise to inform you as soon as it's clear to me. Now that we've had five minutes to discuss my intimate life, so why do not we go back to class, _professor_ ”.

And Yugyeom knew everyone was enjoying this shitty, he knew that by the time the teacher left the room everyone would gossip about him, but the part that bothered him most was that Jinyoung was there, scribbling in his notebook as if didn’t give a damn about what had just happened.

Although he was sure that he was just angry with the professor's comment, Yugyeom took the phone from his backpack and opened Park Jinyoung's chat, which opened the message as soon as he received it. The black haired man shook his head and turned back, with a quizzical look.

The message say::

 **I hope you get choked**  
**with your ridiculous little smile!**

 

( **ii** )

 

Setting objectives has always been something that Kim Yugyeom did well.

When he decided to leave his hometown to go to Seoul, he established that he would get a job to help him keep his studies.

He got a job in a week. He start college the next week, making it clear, when he was asked about his parents' contact, that he would pay the bills on his own.

When he wanted to make friends with the boy at the café, whose name was Jaebeom, just because he thought he was handsome, he decided that he would go to the place as much as possible until he got the boy's number. They were like best friends today.

When he decided he was going to get closer to Park Jinyoung, he put it in his mind that he would find any loophole to be able to talk to the elder without the others... and they weren’t at the best moment right now, but they shared a bed whenever it was convenient.

So, Kim Yugyeom was good at setting goals and staying focused on them until one by one. Therefore, it was natural to draw a single line to follow and focus only on finding those damn papers.

He opened the second drawer of the desk and gingerly rummaged through the briefcases for the gold papers he had seen a few hours earlier. He knew they could be only in two places: in Mark's office or in the safe behind the painting in the living room that he did not have the access password, so he hoped the first option would be correct, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to reach his objectives.

“Where are you...” the boy whispered to himself, rummaging through the drawer patiently, returning each envelope and document to its proper place. “Where are you?”

When he had finished scouring the desk, he went to the bookshelf and folders, taking a few boxes out of their places to rummage through them. He was maybe worry. Everyone know that he couldn’t go into the Mark’s office, but Yugyeom really needed that papers.

He bit the edges of his tongue and, already impatient, opened a blue cardboard box, finding an old photo of him and Mark over a red stamped "rejected" documents. Yugyeom frowned and picked up the document:

"Budget for purchase?" he read, moving to the next page. Most of the document was censored by black ink, as if someone had begun to hide everything that wasn’t to be seen. Entering, the last two pages were still visible and Yugyeom could read: "37.595978, 127.04192".

He thought for a moment, trying to associate that number with something he had already seen, but nothing came to mind. Why Mark has a contract of rejection and all that was left was that number? He wanted to know.

He was about to take his phone to search the numbers on Google when he heard his name echoing from the living room. Her heart raced for a moment, made him hurriedly pushing the papers into the box.

When he had finished pushing the blue box into the compartment on the shelf, the office door opened:

“I found!" Yugyeom shouted falsely happy, smiling slowly at Mark Tuan's face. "Ah, hyung. You're early today. Wh-”

"What were you doing in my office?" the American asked, looking over each corner of the brown room. "What did I ever say about getting in here?" He grunted, closing the door behind him, going toward the drawers, checking one by one. "I asked you a question!”

Kim Yugyeom swelled her cheeks and let the air out:

"I know I cannot come in, I'm sorry. But you took my application, hyung." he said. Mark looked at him seriously. "For the French class? That you insisted I do before our trip-”

"I know exactly what class you're talking about. I just don’t understand why you're in here knowing that Shownu took them to the agency last week”.

Yugyeom frowned and blackened his eyelid:

"Did he?" The boy licked his lips. Mark looked him up and down, as he’s searching for something. "Christ. Bambam was right, I've forgotten such silly things...” he sighed in frustration, thinking how he'd forgotten about it. “It's just that since I hit my head I've been a little scattered...” he whispered, wiggling his fingers before looking directly at Mark, who knew exactly what Yugyeom was talking about. “Do you think I should go see a doctor?”

Mark opened his mouth to shout at the younger, but he gave up because he imagined he wouldn’t get another answer but that, Yugyeom had actually been forgetting some things since he had hit his head because of him, who grabbed Yugyeom by the chin in a moment of fury and shoved the younger's head against the wall, making him blackout for a few moments.

"No dear, I don’t think so." he finally said, approaching Yugyeom, who nodded with a silly grin. “But don’t come in here any more, okay? I don’t want you to end up breaking something or ruining some important document. Okay?” Mark laughed as if making a joke and not a warning. Yugyeom nodded again, with a smile. "Great. Let's go to room, I brought you a gift”.

\- **c** –

The boy laughed, taking another glass of champagne.

Despite all the disgrace, it was fun to be Kim Yugyeom.

He had a ring on his finger that allowed him access to his fiancé's money - it was just a call and someone in Mark's empire was at his door with an envelope of money. He also had the best clothes, the best accessories and, above all, the best friends from all over planet.

So, despite all the misfortunes, he had a perfect life and full of animation, so he was drinking and laughing:

“It was perfect. He stopped dancing and everyone was crying, but then he ran up to me and asked 'ya, I've been so bad?' It was so dramatic that the whole room began to cry-laugh”.

"And I got an A. Point to me!” Bambam concluded, placing the tip of his tongue between his fleshy lips. “And thanks to my incredible performance, Mina finally agreed to go out with me”.

"Wow! An A and sex? You're awesome, Bam-ah...” Jackson laughed, raising his glass. "Use a condom when you go out with her”.

Bambam rolled his eyes and said that he wouldn’t have sex with the girl and wanted to go slow, but everyone knew it was a lie, so they drank and Youngjae put a packet of condoms in the boy's pocket when the laughs started to be too loud for sobriety.

It wasn’t too late for everyone to be drunk, out of their minds, and at the some point Jaebeom and Jinyoung arrive with more drink and stories about the week they had said - Jinyoung don’t talk to Yugyeom, and vice versa.

But even though he knew the older man was probably angry with him, Kim Yugyeom was a drunken guy with objective and he wanted to have sex that night. So with a smile he took his foot off the slipper he had received from the owner of the place and rubbed his tip against Jinyoung's leg, which automatically stopped drinking and widened his eyes at Youngjae, who was telling him something funny.

The older man turned his head slowly toward Yugyeom, squeezing his lips seen he spoke with Jaebeom in the most brazen way possible. His foot went up, up… touching Jinyoung's knee under the table, making him try to push his body away and hit his back against the wall behind him.

"Jinyoung-ah, Jinyoung-ah..." Jackson laughed banging on his friend's shoulder, leaning over him slowly. "Tell them they're wrong, I'm not the most dramatic person in the world. It's Bambam!”

"No fucking way!" Bambam yelled back, laughing. "You can be more dramatic than I can when you want hyung”.

Though he could hear everyone, Jinyoung's brain could think only of the proximity of Yugyeom's foot to his crotch. He put his hand under the table and held the boy's calf, who kept laughing as he turned to him and snatched the corners of his mouth.

"What is it hyung?" Yugyeom asked, smiling. "Why are you looking at me with that startled face?" The young man completed, swinging his leg enough to get rid of Jinyoung's grip, when he did, he pushed his fingertips against the man's cock. "Huh?"

Jinyoung leapt at his place.

"Sehun-ah..." he looks angry. "Can you excuse me? I need to go to the bathroom”.

When Jinyoung left the table, cursing, Yugyeom laughed to his friends and excused himself, then got up and closed the door to the space where they were drinking in secret.

He knew Jinyoung still upset, but he couldn’t leave that restaurant without receiving at least one kiss.

Before he even getting close to the bathroom, Yugyeom felt his arms burn, his back ached from the way he was pressed against the wall.

His laughter came out muffled and sore:

"Ya hyung, did you have to do this? What if-”

"I don’t know what you're trying to do, but I want you to stop”.

Kim Yugyeom laughed, getting rid of Jinyoung's grip, which glared at him and placed his hands on his hip seriously.

"Christ. You look so beautiful when you're angry." Yugyeom whispered, licking his lips. Before Jinyoung could replay, the boy grabbed him by the hem of his shirt and pulled him closer. "Hyung..." he whine, horny. "I miss you. Can you give me a kiss?”

"You can only be kidding me Kim Yugyeom”.

" _Any_. I'm serious, hyung. Cannot you just stop being angry and give me some kisses?”

Park Jinyoung might not be the most flexible and tolerant of all, but he wasn’t made of iron either, he couldn’t have Yugyeom whiner about kisses, yet he had to be firm and make sure his message was transmitted.

Therefore, he opened his mouth to protest, but as Yugyeom was inconsequential and used to ignore everything the elders tried to teach him, lips that tasted like beer stopped him.

Jinyoung even tried to pull away and bite the younger one, but whenever he tried, he has pulled closer and closer until it was impossible to breathe, because of the tightness and the kiss. Apparently, his message hadn’t even been transmitted to his own brain, because his whole body shivered when Yugyeom parted the kiss and moaned, before kissing him again in the same ferocious way.

Jinyoung gasped as he pushed the older man's shoulders. Anyone who saw him would believe any victim story that he decided to tell because Yugyeom was strong and was taming him.

Kim Yugyeom pushed Park Jinyoung's small body toward the wall, making him take a quick breath and glare at him. He should get out of that hall, ignore Yugyeom until the youngest understood what his anger was about, but it was hard to think with Yugyeom get in his knees and opening his zipper.

"Kim Yugye-dammit!" Jinyoung pressed his teeth against his lip and tilted his head, feeling the temperature of Yugyeom's lips, which brushed slowly over the head of his cock and then took every inch of skin for popped kisses. It had been a silly and simple contact, but it was enough to make Jinyoung's skin shiver.

He dropped his lips and smiled sideways, feeling the hot, wet interior swallowing him slowly, as if he was trying to prolong that sensation.

Yugyeom was always desperate to have Jinyoung with him, to feel the eldest inside of him, so it was no surprise to have him on his knees, stimulating the eldest member in circular tongue movements, with snapped kisses, silly hands wandering on his thick thighs, with licks and moans that drove them both to madness.

He leaned his head against the wall.

Jinyoung stood there with his eyes closed and his head on the wall as Yugyeom masturbated his penis and swallowed and wrapped his tongue around his dickhead - the older man didn’t dare to make a sound of pleasure at all, he wouldn’t give that victory to Yugyeom, but he moved his hips with delight.

The older wrapped one hand in Yugyeom's hair, work his throat open with his cock, listening to him panting and moving his body loosely upwards as if trying to get rid of what had begun.

He open his lips in adoration and held the youngest in place, watching the younger's eyes fill with tears.

Yugyeom clutched Jinyoung's legs tightly, breathing violently through his nose as his eyes burned and something tightened in his crotch. The older opened his lips slowly, making the younger man's penis ache in his jeans and his throat burning.

There was a pressure on Jinyoung's dick and the sensation made him question his sanity because his whole body shook and he pulled his hips back just to let Yugyeom breathe and refill his mouth again.

"Shit Gyeom-ah." Jinyoung murmured huskily, staring into Yugyeom's brown eyes watching him with adoration. For a moment he returned to the first moment when he realized that he was falling in love with his best friend, he went with Jongin kneeling in front of him, and wondered how he could have expected not to like someone as gorgeous as Kim Yugyeom. "I love your fucking mouth…”

Yugyeom’s eyes smiled, opening his tongue to welcome Jinyoung's penis again, which slipped in and out of his mouth with agility, touching his throat with firm, deep thrusts, making him wonder what it would be have him fuck his roll like that.

The younger one pressed his lips to the head of Jinyoung's cock as he slid out, making him smile and feel a slight squeeze in his crotch. When the older man pushed his hip against Yugyeom's face again, he let out a curse of pain and shrugged his torso, pulling his pants up as fast as he could.

Kim Yugyeom fell in surprise, coughing at the way Jinyoung's penis had hit his throat before being pulled out of his mouth and hidden in his jeans. He looked up at the door and pressed the back of his hand to his mouth.

"Hyung?" Yugyeom coughed awkwardly, looking back at Jinyoung, who was panting with red cheeks. "What are you doing here? How yo-"

"Get up." the man said earnestly, taking a step toward the fallen boy just to help him. "You have to come with me”.

"But hyung…" Yugyeom whispered next to Jay, who was holding him by the waist. His brown eyes searched Jinyoung's face for a moment, then returned to Jay Park. "What happened?"

"I tell in the way." Jay replied. "I need you to wipe your face and get that sex scent out as fast as you can. We don’t have much time to lose, so hurry up... please, it must be now or never”.

Park Jinyoung didn’t expect Kim Yugyeom to leave him that way because of Jay Park, a married man who would never give enough for the youngest, so he didn’t feel bothered by the way Jay held him around his waist and looked him in the eye.

He didn’t expect, but it should have at least hesitated a bit because Yugyeom turned his back and left Jay pull him by the hand toward the exit hall. The black-haired man stood, staring at the door as if he hadn’t believed it. And he didn’t believe it.

Had he even been left alone after get a half blowjob because an old married man?

He pushed the door and ran down the hall, shouting Kim Yugyeom’s name so everyone could hear – their friends just put they head out of the room and followed the screaming - seeing him get into a silver car.

Jinyoung hit the glass:

"Ya, ya, ya!" He shouted at the youngest, who didn’t even turn aside and gave him an excuse as he used to. Jaebeom and Bambam were the first to arrive, wondering what was going on. Jackson and Youngjae show up later, watching the car pull up in the street and Jinyoung kicking the air angrily. "It is not obvious? He fucked everything. Again”.

 

( **iii** )

“Let's go.” Bambam threw Yugyeom’s notebook into his backpack, closing it next. "Pay me a drink”.

Yugyeom didn’t say a word, just got up and followed his friend, stopping only when Bambam decided a place where they would stay.

He ordered some bottles of soju and crisp cheese, smiling at the attendant and chattering to Yugyeom about his third meeting with Mina and about how the girl was the right person.

Yugyeom listened intently, shaking his head every time Bambam wondered if he was listening and sketching a smile:

"It's ok. Now you know everything that's happened to me these last four days.” Bambam sighed earnestly. "So it's your turn to tell me what happened in the last four days. And the reason why you’re with sunglasses at 9 o'clock in the evening”.

Behind the large sunglasses, Yugyeom looked at Bambam's soothing expression, knew at once that he had been the first choice of safe conversation with the tall one, because they were friends for the longest time, and shared things the others did not know.

He wondered if at some point Jinyoung wanted to be the talking part to make him pay for a drink just to have a pretext.

Yugyeom sighed deeply and took off his glasses, watching Bambam looked away.

“Let him, Yugyeom.” Bambam whispered to his friend, feeling his stomach ache. "Just break up with him and come live with me. Or go live with Youngjae hyung. Or Jackson hyung. They have ro-”

"Bambam-ah" Yugyeom smiled, placing a hand over Bambam's to calm him down. "I thank you for your concern, but it's everything okay with me. It's not like I don’t know how bad it is”.

“So why you stay with him? And you said that he have change!”

“People have relapses. Things happen and they end up losing their minds. That's the way Mark hyung is, like me and even like you too”.

"I don’t go around leaving people with a black eye”.

Yugyeom laughed, nodding.

"Huh. Neither do I-I mean, I even did it once, but I regretted it”.

Bambam tried to smile too, but it was hard and suffocating to pretend while Yugyeom had a bruise that size on his face.

"And about these four days...?"

The younger one pressed his lips with a false smile:

"It was something I had to do. Something important.” Yugyeom whispered more to himself than to Bambam. "That was it, nothing much happened”.

"Just the black eye".

"Oh, and that. The important thing and the black eye”.

Bambam sighed in defeat, knowing that he wouldn’t get anything from his friend and that it would drive him farther away if he tried to force.

"I'll be here when you want to tell me everything that's happened in your life, Gyeomie. You know that, do not you?”

Yugyeom knew.

Like Hoseok.

Jongin.

Jackson.

Jinyoung.

Kim Yugyeom knew he had Bambam. He knew he had Jaebeom and Youngjae too, and he felt like the luckiest person in the whole world.

He would tell all he had to truth when the right moment came.

Everything would be resolved soon.

He was sure of that. Jay, too.

\- **c** –

 _"... so do not stare and please do not quarrel or force too much. He looks more fragile than normal...”_ Yugyeom could hear voice on the other side of the door even though his friend was trying to speak down, and he laughed about it. "Gyeom-ah?"

He knew that the bruise on his face was ugly with all those shades of purple, but because of Bambam he decided not to wear his sunglasses. He scratched his head and entered the living room, where everyone was seated.

Park Jinyoung held a sigh of relief, because he thought Yugyeom was dead after four days without news, and walked toward him without thinking much, squeezing him into his arms.

"Jinyoung-ah!" Jackson Wang shouted, pulling the boy by the shoulder as the embrace became too long. "Can you leave a little for us, too? What the fuck.” The Chinese fought.

When he finally hugged Youngjae, the boy noticed two other people in the corner of mrs. Wang’s room, as if they were waiting for the right moment to appear. Hoseok and Jongin.

"How you-"

"I brought them.” Jinyoung interrupted hastily, biting the corner of his mouth. "When you did not show up in private classes, they were worried. So I brought them when Bambam found you”.

"Oh."

"You never said you did private lessons with Kim Jongin..." Jackson Wang braced himself with a smile. "How is it to dance with the guy who fucked with the guy you lo-Ouch! Hyung!”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes.

"Why cannot you be more grown up, Jackson-ah? Better, why do not I grow up and get a more mature boyfriend?”

"You don’t complain when I'm over-au, au, au!"

Yugyeom chuckled softly, his fingers touching his bruise as he felt his cheek aching. Jinyoung swallowed hard, he hated to see him like this.

Youngjae complained about needing to get a girlfriend and Bambam shouted over Mina to have a single friend - who would be duly introduced to him - while the others settled on the couch to drink and talk at random.

Yugyeom looked at his hand, where Jinyoung's fingers were rubbing slowly. He stared at the older man's fingers and wondered if he had forgotten to take his pain medicine long enough to be delirious.

"I hate you." he heard Jinyoung say softly, approaching just to lean his forehead against the older man's shoulder. Yugyeom could smell the rosemary shampoo that he had given to him some time ago. He closed his eyes. "But I was worried”.

"I'm sorry hyung”.

"I know that. I know you feel a lot about everything." Jinyoung sighed, pulling his body away, glancing at his friends before pressing his fingers against Yugyeom's. "Can I kiss you now?"

They weren’t looking at each other.

Maybe the whole situation made them weird, as if being apart for only four days was enough to make them go crazy, but somehow missing Yugyeom was bigger than their anger and the youngest was also missing him so fuckin much.

He lick his lips.

"Please”.

And even if everyone had turned around thanks to Jackson who warned them, Jinyoung continued to make Yugyeom walk backward until he stopped because of the glass door separating the room from the kitchen entrance. That was one of the best kisses of all.

They heard their friends scream and whistle as their tongues touched and their lips sucked at each other willingly, leaving warm, anxious gasps to escape between their red mouths.

As the speed of the kiss, all that was left inside Yugyeom's chest was a slight urge to cry until he fell asleep because he hated himself for making Jinyoung go through all that and still want him in his life so devastatingly .

Yugyeom did not realize he was crying until Jinyoung's lips touched his eyes and his voice whispered that all was okay.

\- **c** –

"... I was glad to have seen them. I've always wanted a neutral way of introducing Hoseok. And I also wanted to tell that I was Jongin's friend, despite everything that happened between the three of us”.

"I've always wondered." Jinyoung think loud patted Yugyeom's sweaty hair. "That day at the restaurant. Was it a real fight?”

"Real." Yugyeom nodded, hugging the boy's wrist. "He was upset because he thought you and I were having something. At that time, the only thing Jongin had in mind was staying with you, so our fight was real. He even punched me later”.

"He what?"

Yugyeom laughed.

"I deserved it." he complained, calming Jinyoung on the bed. "I mean, how could he not get pissed at me knowing that the guy he loved was starting to fall in love with me?"

Jinyoung laughed.

"I've never been or will be in love with you”.

Yugyeom looked at him seriously.

"Never?"

Jinyoung pressed his lips together and squeezed the boy into his arms, aware of how much that confession meant to both of them. For him it would be his destruction, to Yugyeom it would be the confirmation that he could treat him like shit.

He sighed:

"I'll tell you when you tell me”.

Yugyeom understood.

It should be hard to love someone like him.

He closed his eyes and nodded.

"Deal".


	14. don’t forget to buy the cake!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rain thickened quickly, making Kim Yugyeom's feelings blend into his chest and the tears in his cheeks.  
> He put his hands on top of each other and bowed slowly, congratulating Jinyoung for his birthday from distance.  
> “Happy birthday hyung”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, how long without an update.  
> I wanted to apologize and thank you for all the comments, it has been a difficult time for me and so I cannot answer you guys, but I'm already releasing my life of problems and soon I'll be back... Ah, have you ever been giving views to FOCUS ON ME TODAY?  
> ma'am JUS2 IS LIT!!!
> 
>  
> 
> oh, and this is a double update.  
> Hope you enjoy it!

( **i** )

Kim Yugyeom's slim body whirled for the fifth time, he felt his mind move slowly between the music and the sound of his own breathing. Every time he danced, he felt as if his whole life had been reduced to that moment, as if he had been born for it.

He discovered that he wanted to do dance when he was very young, thanks to his older brother who love vinyl records and out-of-fashion neon clothes. It all happened when he was too young.

So he struggled to the last hairline to achieve his dream of going to Seoul and entering a renowned dance college - which he did with hard work and sacrifices. In this way he refused to give up everything he had built because of his future husband silly whims.

When the music stopped, closing his movements with a gasping breath and sweat-heavy clothing, he turned toward the door, where Mark applauded him with his impassive expression.

Yugyeom turned off the speakers and picked up the water bottle.

"What are you doing here?" He asked after taking a sip. "I thought you'd be on a flight to Thailand at this time”.

"Are you still mad at me for what happened?" Mark questioned with a scornful smile. "Darling, you know I didn’t do it on purpose. I would never hurt you on purpose and you know it, right?”

No. Yugyeom didn’t know it.

How could he know that at every opportunity Mark acted like a cave dweller and reminded him of how much he hated that relationship?

"Sure, hyung. Keep saying that, maybe you start to really believe in that and maybe you can convince me too”.

"Yugyeom." Mark grabbed him by the fist before he left the dance studio. "You shouldn’t use that tone with me”.

"Why?" The younger ask. "Oh I know. Will you give me another slap if I continue to use that tone? Huh?" He smirked, knowing that would make the American even more mad. "Please, we know I'm not afraid of you. Then stop this show”.

The tightening that Mark gave on Yugyeom's wrist reminded him of something Jay told about being cautious and obedient than reckless and stupid.

He swallowed his saliva and squeezed the water bottle.

"I'm going to pretend I didn’t hear that." the American said, clawing his jaw. "Because I cannot take you to meet my friends with another black eye. Can I?” Mark smirked, dropping his arm. "I think I can’t. It wouldn’t be appropriate...” he added with a sigh. Yugyeom opened his mouth to protest, but the deep voice stopped him: "Oh, and about leaving the dance. You have an answer for me?”

Kim Yugyeom had sacrificed a lot to get into Utah University, he wouldn’t just give up because Mark wanted to move to Mexico.

"I need to think a bit more..." The boy, who was now with bigger black hair than usual, whispered wary. Mark's impassive expression don’t make him less nervous. "I have Julliard. I need to see how my scholarship stays for the year and-“

"You have two weeks to think." Mark cut him off. "I have a meeting before this deadline, and think I’ll close this deal and I want you with me, Yugyeom. I'm not going to Mexico without my husband”.

"We are not married...yet. I thought we would wait two or three years to get married? It was our pla-”

"I thought you knew after all those years of working with money that agreements change for the greater good." Mark smiled, smoothing the pale, wet cheek of his fiancé, who almost moved away from his touch. His brown eyes roamed every corner of his young, rebellious face that he loved so much. "I don’t want to talk about it any more, okay? Just use these two weeks and think about it a little. I know it will fall on you and you will see that going with me is the best choice... for everyone”.

If Yugyeom was insistent and fearless, Mark was cruel and cold.

The youngest knew this only a few years after meeting Mark, when he was only seventeen and have a beautiful dream.

Yugyeom clasped his hands in front of his body and took a deep breath, hearing Mark's footsteps moving away. But before he heard the door close he heard him laugh at something and say:

"I almost forgot." Mark slapped his forehead. "Our dinner tonight is with your friend's father..." he said earnestly, catching Yugyeom's attention. "Park Jinyoung. We will have dinner with his father”.

\- **c** –

There were some things Yugyeom liked to do.

Go to amusement parks. Listen some music. Dance. Eat spicy foods. Drink iced choco without worrying about his diet. Run in the park and go to expensive restaurants.

He also liked meeting new people. But not when they’re parents of people who he has having sex. Much less with Mark Tuan, his explosive and scary fiancé.

So the business dinner became a ridiculous dinner with such shitty topics like "how did you and my son meet?" and "can you tell me if my son has with anyone?"

And that was the worst dinner ever and everything seemed to get worse, because Mark was rude from start to finish and mr. Park refused to become his personal lawyer - which was a relief. Yugyeom would hate to drag Jinyoung's father into that circus show.

Fortunately or by chance, he see mr. Kim the next day at a coffee shop and had the opportunity to apologize and assure the man that his son was doing well in his life and that he had a job at a cafe.

Then Yugyeom studied every expression that Jinyoung made only to compare with the little he had seen in mr. Park, wondering at every instant whether the boy had always looked like his father or whether it was something that only happened in his teens day - like Yugyeom's own older brother, who began to look like their father only after he do sixteen.

Jinyoung even ask the younger one why he was staring at him so much that day, and Yugyeom smiled saying that he was trying to memorize every detail of his face when they would fight again and stop talking.

Therefore, in the blink of an eye, a week and a half passed and Mark packed his bags to go to Thailand again, where he would meet a mysterious dealer:

"Remember, Shownu will be home at all instant and you should report every step you take to your own safety." Mark replayed down the stairs behind the maid. "My personal phone will be on and you can send me emails. I'll be gone for only three days, but I want you to give me news. Understood?"

"Yes sir".

"Use this time to think about your answer”.

Yugyeom recognized Mark's different ways of saying something.

He knew when the eldest was being sincerely affectionate, when he was angry, sad, serious and worried. Most of all, he knew when he was warning because he always had a rude expression and a voice that twitched every hair on his head.

At that moment, Mark was warning him about something.

"I hope you will answer wisely for everyone’s good”.

Yugyeom nodded, approaching to receive the kiss the old man used to give him before any business trip:

"Have a good trip, _dear_ ”.

\- **c** –

Although he was afraid, Yugyeom dedicated his first day of freedom to fool Shownu in the mall, leaving the bodyguard without choices but to pretend that nothing wrong had happened while the younger one ran to see Hoseok.

Jongin was in the nightclub, he and Hoseok were talking about how simpler life would be if they had made a different choice and Yugyeom called them annoying old men, urging them to watch something in the movies instead of keeping up that conversation.

In the end, Yugyeom beat them.

They ended up watching a movie, early in the afternoon Jongin's boyfriend showed up to take him to dinner and Hoseok had to go back to Gangnam because he had to work - Yugyeom almost begged for a shift, but gave up when he remembered that he was missing Bambam.

Before 5:00 in the afternoon, Bambam and Jackson surprised him.

"Of course not!" Bambam laughed, feeling his stomach ache. "Why would I be curious? Just because my friends are gay?”

"No, but because you are young and life need to me different at some point. Not because we're gay".

"Still, I do not see myself kissing another dude”.

"I said the same thing, until I was kissing a guy." Jackson teased, biting a carrot. Bambam rolled his eyes. "Even Youngjae questioned it another day”.

"Youngjae?" Yugyeom's eyes widened. "He wasn’t dating Mina's friend? Since when does he openly talk about gay shitt?”

"Since Jaebeom got him drunk last party. He wouldn’t stop talking about an older guy”.

"Huh?" Yugyeom was really surprised. Bambam nodded, confirming the facts. "Well my mother always told me that friendship can influence us in the evil way. We're corrupting Jae hyung”.

"Yeah… and you is the worst of all." Jackson pricked, getting a kick in the shin for that. The three of them laughed, until the Chinese asked the younger: "What about Mark?"

"What about him?"

"What's he like?" Jackson really wanted to know. "In bed".

"Oh..." Yugyeom frowned. He thought for a moment. At first, Mark was affectionate, considerate and kind. Then things changed and sex became annoying. "He is normal".

"Normal?" Bambam raised his eyebrows. "Okay. The guy's a freak, he's had some pretty dark moments and you've lived the fucking hell with him sometimes but... he's fucking hot. So normal?”

"Being hot does not make sex good, Bambam”.

"That's true." Jackson reinforced. "At first Jaebeom hyung was like a grandfather having sex, you know? Everything very peaceful and slow... it was horrible”.

Yugyeom stared at Jackson for a moment, then laughed.

"How can you talk about your boyfriend like that?" Bambam shook his head disbelievingly. He turned to Yugyeom again. "And Jinyoung?”

"Huh?"

"Uhhhhh. That! That's a golden question. How is Jinyoung-ah in bed? Vanilla? Less than vanilla? Li-”

"He's wonderful." Yugyeom said without thinking. It was true, but he didn’t want to talk about the things he did with Jinyoung. He didn’t even understand why they had started the subject if they were talking about Bambam. He swallowed. "He's really good”.

"Since when vanilla is a good thing?" Jackson tried.

"Stop saying that. He's not vanilla!" Yugyeom grunted. "If you want to know, Jinyoung-ah is probably one of the best fucks I've ever had in my life, and believe in me I've had a fell moments with some different people so..." The younger one said visibly mad with his friends. "If you stopped being annoying and stopped seeing him as a slow, silly person, you would know he such a good fucker and he’s hot as hell. And when we're done, I always have to mar-”

Yugyeom's eyes widened, realizing that he had said too much when he heard his friends laugh softly at his excitement.

"Woah. I canot wait to see Jinyoung hyung now”.

"Promise me that you guys will not tell him anything!" Yugyeom shouted in the middle of the restaurant, making his friends laugh. "Really guys, don’t make fun of him, he'll kill me. He’s going to kill me!"

"I bet he’ll…” Bambam muttered, leaving some notes on the table. Yugyeom bit his lip. "I bet he'll kill you with pleasure. Like a pretty dom”.

"Oooh, pretty pretty dom Park Jinyoung…” Jackson added, making Yugyeom's heart stop. This wasn’t how Jinyoung would kill him. "Poor little boy. I think you disobey your man".

\- **c** –

And even if Jackson and Bambam had promised Yugyeom that they wouldn’t say anything to Jinyoung, he regretted the minute they arrived at Jaebeom's apartment.

Jackson had sent messages to Jinyoung along the way, teasing him about how he was supposed to be in bed and how surprised he was at the things Yugyeom had told him.

And Bambam persuaded him to go to Jaebeon's apartment, where everyone should meet. Even Youngjae enjoyed the moment.

At night, Bambam and Youngjae left for a group meeting, Jackson gathered his college stuffs and sat down at the table with Jaebeom, who helped him like a good boyfriend. _They’re cute_. Yugyeom through.

Already Yugyeom disengaged to the last moment and ran home, leaving Jinyoung with a mad expression on his face because of the provocations of his friends and the fact that he couldn’t rebut them at all.

His phone rings.

**BAMBAM IS CALLING YOU.**

Yugyeom's eyes widened as he sat on the bed.

It was not exactly Bambam who was calling, he had changed Jinyoung's contact because Mark used to do surveys on his phone and would lose his head if he knew that Yugyeom was still talking to the eldest. Bambam’s real number  was saved as "snake".

He took a deep breath and answered:

" _Why did you tell our intimacy to them?"_

"It was unintentionally!" Yugyeom said whining. He knew Jinyoung couldn’t resist his whining voice. "They were calling you vanilla, when I saw I was furious and talking without brakes. It wasn’t on purpose”.

He heard the older man laugh.

" _Gyeom-ah... honestly. You're dumb"._

"Hyung..." Yugyeom pouted again. "Should I have let them keep talking about you? They do not know anything!”

" _Now they know everything, baby_." Jinyoung was smiling, but Yugyeom didn’t know that. " _Do not you think I deserve something in exchange for this humiliation?_ " The younger man rolled his eyes. " _Let me see you_ ”.

"Huh?"

" _Let's make a video call."_ Jinyoung yawned in the middle of the sentence, making Yugyeom smile. " _I want to see your ugly face before going to sleep. Huh? Please? Huh? Huh?_ "

"Ya!" Kim Yugyeom tried not to laugh. "Why you're trying to be cute, huh? It doesn’t suit on you hyung”.

" _Ya!"_ Park Jinyoung shouted back angrily. " _Just turn that shit on_ ”.

" _Ne_ hyung, _yes_." The younger one smiled, finishing the call just to call back, in video. Jinyoung was perched on his bed with a comforter covering his whole head. Only the eyes were outside. "I cannot believe you made me appear without makeup..."

" _It's all right. You don’t look any better than this with makeup, so I've gotten used to it_." Jinyoung teased, seeing Yugyeom narrow his eyes and grimace. He smiled cheerfully, realizing that he was useless for missing someone so much. " _Tell me about your freedom day_ ”.

And Yugyeom tell him everything.

He jabbered repeatedly about fooling Shownu to go see Hoseok, about how fun it was to watch a movie and take Jongin with them after all. He also said that he had talked to Park Jinyoung's ex-boyfriend and thanked him personally for everything Jongin had done.

He explained to Jinyoung that at the time, he had no idea that Jongin had been chosen in his place and that he didn’t know what Mark had done, so he had apologized.

He also said that it felt like it had taken too long.

And Jinyoung listened intently and watched him change his expression and lie on his bed, and yawn and close his eyes like a child.

Park Jinyoung watched Kim Yugyeom fall asleep slowly as he talked about how he had been in the restaurant with Bambam and Jackson and how happy he had been in defending "his man."

And even after everything had been quiet and Yugyeom's phone unloaded, almost three hours later, he kept staring at the screen, wondering how the younger boy would wake up the next morning.

"Jinyoung-ah..." the boy whispered to himself, climbing up the screen of his phone just to see the photo he had taken of Yugyeom at the amusement park. He sighed. "When did you fall for him?"

( **ii** )

His second day of freedom was use to spend a few million wons.

Yugyeom bought gifts for all friends – except for Jinyoung, because he knew the older man would never accept anything from the "guy who was engaged to the guy I like”.

After going to the mall and handing over all the presents, the younger visited some old friends and met two funny girls at a cafe – he even missed working at Choi's books and coffee store.

He also passed Youngjae father's place and exchanged some chaste kisses behind the closets with Jinyoung, before letting him go back to work and go to see Bambam.

At night, Yugyeom slept with Jinyoung. In his arms.

However, the third and last day arrived, making him start to feel sad.

Therefore, he fall on the sofa and opened a bottle of wine, sipping whenever he felt terribly anxious or sad with his last hours of freedom.

By seven o'clock at night, he felt the alcohol heat up his cheeks and his cell phone vibrate in his back pocket, making him wake up from his confused thoughts.

 **JAY PARK IS CALLING YOU**.

"Hello? Hyung?"

" _I think we got him, Gyeom-ah..."_ Jay Park's happy voice made Kim Yugyeom feel his heart stop in his chest. The front door opened, revealing an exhausted, beat-up Mark Tuan. The younger one stood still with the phone in his ear. " _I think we really got him this time_ ”.

\- **c** –

Park Jinyoung has always been the kind of person who cares about every detail of his life. And the way he lived it wasn’t always the ideal.

There were times when he doubted he could succeed in college, that he would get a job and still be good enough to balance all the things he wanted to do.

There were also moments, like when Jinyoung met Jongin and fell for him, that the boy found it difficult to reconcile with all the rest that surrounded him. Just like when he fell with Kim Yugyeom and realized that his heart would be broken more times than he could wish.

Because of all the moments that reminded him how lowlife might be, Jinyoung decided that he would do his best to be content with what little he had, even if he had nothing. Therefore, he went to great lengths to get the best grades back in class.

He also returned the money he had taken with his grandmother thanks to the work he had done in Youngjae's father coffee shop - which got a significant boost for his friend after much effort.

All the little things that bother him in his life, he put it in place with effort and hard work. Therefore, the only thing that was still out of place was Kim Yugyeom's participation in his life. Jinyoung wanted to figure it out... he wanted to figure it all out.

Then, after working too much, he decided it was time to talk to Yugyeom about what they were doing - it turns out that Jinyoung was tired of waiting, of being understanding and helpful, since the younger did not know how to reciprocate.

When he had the opportunity, he dragged Yugyeom into his bedroom.

"...you're not listening to me." Jinyoung sighed, leaning against the wall. Yugyeom didn’t even move, he was too focused on his phone to care about the eldest. "Gyeom-ah...? Kim Yugyeom!”

"Huh?"

Jinyoung pursed his lip in an ugly face.

" _Huh_?" He imitated angrily, folding his arms. "What's so important that you cannot drop your phone while I talk to you?"

Yugyeom automatically hid the phone behind him.

"Anything".

Jinyoung looked at him seriously.

"Gyeom-ah... I thought we were past the stage of lies”.

Yugyeom parted his lips and closed them again.

What could he say?

That he thinks that deal with Jay was more important than be in the dorms and hearing Jinyoung's complaints about something that could never happen between them?

"Jay hyung needs to see me." Yugyeom said finally, causing discomfort in Jinyoung. "He has to come back to-"

"I get it." Jinyoung stopped him. "You can go if you want”.

Yugyeom bit his lip.

"I promise I'll make time for us. Huh?" He said getting up. "We can go to Jinhae-gu. I saw on the internet that it's a great time to see the cherry blossoms at Jangboksan Sculpture Park”.

Yugyeom did not know, but Park Jinyoung was certain that this would be the last time they would have to settle everything, because he was tired of always being left for later.

He nodded, watching Yugyeom walk out the door.

Jinyoung took his phone out of his pocket and wrote:

 **at 1:45 p.m.  
** Gyeom-ah ...

 _2min ago_  
I think we should stop.

 _1min ago_  
Let's stop Gyeom-ah...  
I do not wanna see u anymore.

Let's stop.

Yugyeom was only a few feet away when he received the SMS. He could have chosen to return, could have begged one more time, but he was tired too.

He couldn’t just give up everything he was doing for himself. He'd done such a stupid thing once with Mark, and he'd promised himself he wouldn’t be hurt any more.

Even if he love Jinyoung.

He wouldn’t give up on himself.

 **Gyeomie at 1:50 p.m.**  
Okay hyung.  
Let’s stop.

 

( **iii** )

Kim Yugyeom silly laughter has always been a kind of corner to Mark Tuan's ears. He loved this quality in the younger, his funny way to laughed, smile or giggle. This was beautiful.

After some time of dating, Mark had hidden himself of how he liked that sound, but now he had returned to pay attention in Yugyeom. Perhaps it was because the young had said yes to his proposal to go to Mexico, even if Mark hadn’t done business.

Maybe because Yugyeom seemed more focused on the relationship they shared. In addition, because he was participating more in his future husband's business at Lion's - something that caught Hoseok’s attention, who ended up commenting with Jongin who commented with Jinyoung.

It was weird to think that way, but for the first time in years Mark and Yugyeom were really good. They were very good together.

The younger perched in Mark’s arms and hid his face in the curve of his neck, laughing at Mark’s friend absurd comment about his unusual beauty.

"Ya hyung. Are you going to let him praise your future husband in such a brazen way?" Yugyeom laughed. "Do something!"

"What can I say?" Mark laughed back. "He's not lying, is he? You're really hot, Gyeom-ah. I don’t blame him for want sleep with you”.

Yugyeom murmured slyly, pouting to hear the man who had introduced himself as Kang Midam said he would give everything to spend a night with an attractive young man like him.

"If it was before, I'd even accept it. If it was for a reasonable price, of course, but now...” Mark sighed as he laid his head on the couch, staring at the ceiling for a moment. He smiled. "Now I cannot share him with anyone”.

Yugyeom kicked at Mark's side, embarrassed.

"Oh. You made him blush, Mark”.

"Argh!" Yugyeom snorted as he stood up. "I'll get some wine while you guys continue this silly conversation." the younger one teased, getting a slapped in his ass before running into the kitchen with laughter.

He stop in front of the cupboard for a moment.

 _Things are different_. He thought.

There were no more arguments between him and Mark.

There were no more exhaustive jobs at Lion's or arrogant clients. He was out of the catalog forever now.

There were no more friends. And Jinyoung.

There was no more Jinyoung.

" _Gyeom-ah?"_ Yugyeom swallowed. " _Let's settle the deal at once. Come to the office, please ... ah, and bring me some water”._

Yugyeom looked at his own reflection on the glass.

Mark and mr. Kang had been trading for some time, but the youngest of the three knew only a few days ago when the groom woke him up in the middle of the night saying that he felt closer and safer now that Yugyeom had come back to him. That's when the american told about his plans for that year.

So things had definitely changed, because now Yugyeom was part of everything that included Mark and felt less threatened by the older man. It was as if deciding to accept him finally had been the best choice he had ever made.

"Here's your water, hyung." He said sitting in the chair next to mr. Kang, who smile happy to him. Yugyeom cleared his throat, grabbing his clipboard. "So. Can we start negotiating?”

"I like him, Mark." Kang admitted. "My mother always told me that behind a successful man there is a promising woman... I think you have a promising little boy here”.

Mark smiled happily, casting a slightly passionate glance at Yugyeom. He was really glad to see him return to his place of origin.

"Yes sir. I think I really do”.

Yugyeom smiled.

"Now you guys hade stop this silly talk..." He took a deep breath, crossing his legs. "Let's talk about how much you are willing to pay for the new nightclub, mr. Kang”.

\- **c** –

"Okay, those are the last three." Hoseok say, saving the list of servants for the last time. "It's worth remembering that the servants who were cast cannot, by any chance, have sex with people outside the club. Some customers have claimed tha-"

"Oh! You guys still here”.

"Ah..." Hoseok chewed his cheeks, wondering if he should get up and act as usual, as if he did not know him. "Why are you here?"

"Er... uh. I came to introduce myself officially." The boy smiled at the older man, who seemed even more confused. "Some people already know me from the catalog and others probably never heard about me.” the boy said with a small smile on his lips. "I am Kim Yugyeom, Lion's Club's new manager and I hope to do a good job. Take care of me, please”.

Jung Hoseok had been notified about a new manager, but he could never have imagined that Kim Yugyeom would be him.

Not after everything he'd been through to get rid of that place.

It turns out that about two weeks ago Mark Tuan pay Kim Yugyeom’s debt with Lion's Club, so the youngest was no longer an employee of the establishment and no longer had to worry about his future life.

However, even after he had gotten away, he had come back as a manager and seemed genuinely pleased with his new position.

After all the lengths, Hoseok sighed heavily and made a mental note of the questions he wanted to ask his friend, before trying to free them all to get ready for the night's work.

"Just a minute." Yugyeom pressed the tablet into his thighs and moved his body back and forth like a child. "I have some changes to make in the night cast”.

"The list has already been terminated an-"

"I know." He interrupted Hoseok. "I received the update. In addition to being a manager, as of today I am in charge of cast ratings and shows. I'm sorry Hoseok hyung, the board thinks that a new look is the way to do it since we are doing a transgression of owners”.

"What?!" Jung Hoseok's eyes widened. "Since when? What do you mean?" He asked confused. "Why I don’t get a warned?"

"Last minute decision." Yugyeom responded sitting down at the table, only to share the cast list he had set up for the night. "The official announcement will be made in two weeks. Lion's Club now belong to a new owner and the entire work system will be changed”.

"Yug-"

"This is the list I prepared for today's show. We'll have international clients." Yugyeom pretended not to hear Hoseok as he spoke. As much as he liked his friend, he liked his current position better. "And we expect the managers to take responsible for each servant to do their best”.

"The last two servants" a blonde-haired woman caught everyone's eye. Yugyeom could never memorize her name, just knew she was too pretty to be put on as a hostess. "they’re minors. It's still months before they are really recognized as adults. They are from the clean list-”

"They're servants." Yugyeom interrupted with a grin. "I know the house policies, but I also know we have measures to make their work safe for us. I have already edited the contracts and they have already signed. It's all agreed”.

"You cannot do that".

"I can and I already do that." Yugyeom replay, standing up. "Now that everyone has jobs in hand, go back down and start preparing them because the night will be long." he said, casting a serious look at his friend, who stared at him with his mouth open. "I hope you guys don’t fuck with all my work”.

-

" _Gyeom-ah... Gyeom-ah... Gyeom-ah!_ " Yugyeom stopped. Hoseok looked angry. He pursed his lips and swallowed. "What was this?"

"What? What exactly you’re talking about hyung?"

"Manager?" It sounded obvious. "Put two kids who are not adults to be servant? Are you crazy?" Hoseok ask frustrated. "I thought your dream was to get out of here, and you get back at the first opportunity?!"

"First. Yes. I am the new manager and you must have more respect in talking to me, after all to tell... I’m your superior.” Yugyeom grinned, raising one of his black eyebrows. "Second. I checked. It takes about four months for each to complete full age, but that doesn’t stop them from doing what they want with their bodies, hyung. I just pushed forward what they already wanted”.

"You-"

"Third." Yugyeom interrupted him again, motioning for Shownu to pick up his things. "I got out of here. I have free will to come and go as I want, unlike you. I'm just working on that position while Mark hyung doesn’t find anyone reliable to look after him in business”.

"So that's it?" Hoseok snickered. "Are you finally becoming the perfect husband and watching over your man business?"

"Our business." Yugyeom corrected him. "I mean... who you think has won the new CEO heart to keep this shack place open for a few more years? I guarantee it wasn’t Mark”.

Jung Hoseok wouldn’t have believed if he had heard from someone else's mouth that Kim Yugyeom had finally shown his true face.

He couldn’t believe that the youngest was really talking like that after having been through so much in that same establishment. It was unbelievable to see him acting as if Lion's deserved to be kept open.

It was unbelievable.

"Jinyoung-ah is right, only now you are showing us your true face, Gyeom-ah. And she's rotten." Hoseok say frustrated, staring at his older friend. "Probably like everything else inside you”.

Kim Yugyeom nodded.

"Thank you for your opinion, hyung." The youngest replied handing his backpack to Shownu, who informed him that Mark was waiting for him to meet with Mr. Kang. "Now get back to work. You have to make me rich”.

\- **c** –

_I am so tired, I have to tame my mind_   
_before I get too frustrated_

It was cold in Seoul.

Time had suddenly changed.

At the beginning of the week, the sun seemed confident on his throne in the sky, but the first showers of rain began to fall and everything became wet, damp and cold - just like Yugyeom’s futile and empty life.

_Can't go back in time to change in someone's eyes  
that I wasn’t something to play with_

Hoseok, who heard him talking to himself one day, told Yugyeom that the cold he was feeling was only his heart petrified.

 _Try not to talk about it, I'm too mad_  
_I'm too late, I'm too gentle_  
 _It's too hard to explain, I'm not helpful, hmm_

Things were cold for the young boy.

From the beginning, all he wanted was to be like a bright sun on a throne surrounded by people who could make his life a brighter and more welcoming place. All he wanted most was to find a way to get away from his reality and build something better for himself.

Now, after everything that had happened and all the way that had traveled to arrive at so much dreamed freedom, Yugyeom had only the cold weather and the bad sensation in his stomach.

_It's my body and I'm trying to  
while everybody loves you_

His gasping breath struggled with the music in his headphones, making him count slowly between the verses the time it took him to take one-step after another as he walked across the park.

_It's my body and I'm trying  
to forgive you, I don't want to_

All that existed in his mind were Hoseok's harsh words in that cold weather, the way the older man's brown eyes dismissed him and reminded him of how right everyone was about him.

As Yugyeom ran, he realized that everything that was happening hurt him more than he wanted to.

Why everyone hated him?

That was all he wanted to ask.

Why did everyone hate him now? Because he decided to accept his life and was in control of everything? Because he hadn’t chosen the path everyone wanted and had a different away now?

He stopped running.

It was hard to breathe.

To think.

To live.

It was hard not to get jealousy of everyone.

Kim Yugyeom felt as if he was the most envious person in the whole world, because everyone hated him while pretending to know the whole truth about himself as they gathered on a cold day in a cafe and surrounded Park Jinyoung as if he were the center of the world.

The boy withdrew his headphones, feeling the first raindrops dripping on his cheek as he panting as he watched his friends outside the cafeteria they used to go to celebrate.

Someone had probably done something extraordinary.

He pursed his lips, holding inside himself a sadness that would never be seen by the others eyes when he felt his phone ring. He picked it up just to make sure it wasn’t a work reminder.

And it really was not.

It was a birthday reminder.

Yugyeom lifted his head, clutching the phone in his hands.

 **Reminder:** buy a gift for Jinyoung-ah and have breakfast with everyone in the cafeteria we usually go. **_Don’t forget to buy the cake!_**

That was it. Which was bothering him like a nail in his brain.

He'd forgotten about Park Jinyoung's birthday.

Yugyeom watched intently under the rain as Jongin hugged Jinyoung as he handed him a red packet. As Youngjae and a blonde-haired girl clapped, as Bambam waved his hands as he took pictures. As Jackson and Jaebeom hugged each other like an elderly couple.

He watched them intently, wishing that he could be inside the café instead of under the rain. Wishing to be with his friends.

It's my body and it hates you,  
why does everybody love you?

Everyone should really hate him now, since they seemed so happy without his presence. Since they finally seemed at peace without him.

Everyone should really hate him.

The rain thickened quickly, making Kim Yugyeom's feelings blend into his chest and the tears in his cheeks.

He put his hands on top of each other and bowed slowly, congratulating Jinyoung for his birthday from distance.

“Happy birthday hyung”.


	15. mark tuan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gyeom-ah?"  
> Jackson's sweet voice made him lift his head and smile sadly::  
> "I was fifteen when I met Mark…”

( **i** )

 **Bambamie at 6:00pm  
** Okay, before you guys start to criticize me ****  
I have to say this

 _2min ago_ **  
** IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO STAY OUT OF THIS SUBJECT ****  
WHEN EVERYONE IS TALK ABOUT THIS!

 **Jackson at 06:03pm**  
Huh?

 **Jaebeom leader at 06:03pm  
** What happened this time?

 **jaejae at 06:04pm  
** wuw **  
** It's been a long time since we ****  
talk in this group

 **Jackson at 06:05pm**  
What?   
We changing meme like 2h ago?

 **jaejae at 06:05pm  
** changing meme isn’t the same as talking

 **Jaebeom leader at 06:05pm  
** This time I agree with Jae.

 **Bambamie at 06:06pm  
** Ok ok ok enough

 _1 min ago  
_ My subject is important

 _1 min ago_  
are you guys ready?

**Jinyoung babo at 06:09pm**

Just say it

 **jaejae at 06:09pm  
** Just say it 2

 **Jackson at 06:10pm  
** Just say it 3

 **Jaebeom leader at 06:10PM**  
SAY IT AT ONCE YOUR FUCKER!

 **Bambamie at 06:10pm  
** THEY FINALLY DISCOVERED THE ADDRESS ****  
AT THE CLUB WHERE THE BOY OF THAT VIDEO WORKS!

  **Jaebeom leader at 06:11pm  
** huh? What you-

Ooooooh! Really?

 **Bambamie at 06:11pm  
** Yes bitch

 _1min ago  
_ And guess who just got VIP passes?

Jinyoung blew the air from his cheeks, making his lips move as he reread Bambam’s message with the address of the nightclub Yugyeom used to work.

He didn’t know what to think about it.

Should he be worried that his friends might find out about Yugyeom even though the boy claims he didn’t work at Lion's anymore? Or should he not care about this?

He bit his fingernail, then passed it to his little finger, and when his skin ached he returned to his thumb as he read the messages of his friends, who were determined to go to the nightclub that night.

Jinyoung pulled his backpack from the chair and hurried toward the dance building where Yugyeom and Bambam were studying.

He stopped at the door.

 _Why should I warn you?_ He thought biting his lip, standing on his tiptoe to get a better view through the glass. He could see Bambam sitting with his phone, but he couldn’t see Yugyeom.

Jinyoung let the air out of his cheeks again, pacing back and forth, not knowing whether to feel obligated to warn him.

"Jinyoung-ah?"

The boy stopped.

"Jongin!" Jinyoung mentally thanked the gods. "Thank God. I need you to do me a favor..." he said hastily, grabbing his ex-boyfriend by the fists. "I need you to give me a warning”.

"Warning?" Jongin looked confused. "Warn-"

"Yugyeom." The boy answering, causing the other to roll his eyes with angry. "I know. I know I made a show and said I would never touch his name again, but it's important." Jinyoung clasped his hands, begging Jongin to hear him only this time. "Please?"

"I hate this vicious cycle, but..." Jongin was a fan of cliche romance, so he always ends up hoping that Jinyoung and Yugyeom would get along at once. "I'll do you this favor. What up?”

"Bambam-ah discovered Lion's address, got tickets to the show and wants to get everyone to watch!"

Jongin's eyes widened behind the transparent lenses.

"Bambam. What?"

"Yeah!" Jinyoung nodded. "I know Yugyeom does not work-"

"He's a manager." Jongin cut him off. Managers generally don’t wore masks. "It was a secret. Hoseok hyung told me a few weeks and I cannot tell if Gyeom-ah wears a mask or not because you know, th-”

"Managers generally don’t wear masks”.

Kim Jongin nodded, feeling really worried about Yugyeom.

His life would be over if his friends found out this that way.

"Jinyoung-ah..." Jongin called out. "He doesn’t answer my call. Today is the celebration show. Something like someone's birthday. It's to attract new members. Gyeom-ah is the chief manager. This is his party”.

( **ii** )

Yugyeom lean against the wall and closed his eyes, feeling the hot water sweep his sweaty skin from the time he spent in the gym.

He was exhausted.

He had decided to _kill_ class to finish organizing the party he would give at Lion's as a birthday present to mrs. Kang eldest son. When he finished the list, he decided to go to the gym to clear his mind.

It did not work, because his head was still full.

He did not know why, maybe stress or because he’s missing human contact, but Kim Yugyeom couldn’t get Park Jinyoung’s shitless scene from his mind.  

The man was with Jackson at the park.

They didn’t see him. Yugyeom have a hooded that night.

But he saw them. He saw them well enough to memorize every trace of Jinyoung's abs... sweaty.

The boy bit his lips hard as he remembered that. Jinyoung sweaty, smiling, shirtless, running his hand through his hair, looking seriously and sarcastically at everyone.

Yugyeom let a sigh escape through his wet lips.

If he had been in charge of his body, he should have move his hands away from his groin as soon as he felt his skin burn under the hot water. And he would have been cursing himself for thinking about Jinyoung now that things were going well with Mark.

He’s just missing human contact. Right?

Mark was good for him now. He treated him well, listened and followed his advice... but he didn’t touch him. Partly because Yugyeom always had an excuse, partly because he was always too busy. Business.

Now Yugyeom was feeling a lack of contact, so he squeezed his lips as he touched his own penis, massaging it slowly as he thought about Park Jinyoung's sweaty abs.

" _Gyeom-ah..."_ the boy heard in his ears, parting his lips in response to his fertile mind. " _I want you to ride my dick, Gyeomie. Can you do that to me? Huh? Can you take care of hyung?_ "

He was on the automatic.

Yugyeom licked his lips and rested one foot on the edge of the tub, pumping his cock faster while he stroking his exposed hole, through the way he had positioned his leg on the cold marble.

Suddenly he remembered the time he arrived in the dorms and Jinyoung was reading, wearing glasses. Yugyeom never wanted to fuck someone, as he had wanted the moment he saw the older man looking over his reading glasses.

He was sweaty from training, but Jinyoung was so inviting that he just climbed into bed and kissed him as if he had never done it before in his life. He could still feel the way Jinyoung had touched him.

He licked his lips, rubbing his thumb in his ass roll.

That time Jinyoung whispered in his ear something he couldn’t remember now, before turning him over and lowering the waistband of his black pants, revealing his red ass from the fall he'd taken when he was trying to make a complicated step. The place burned even more when the eldest slapped and opened his cheeks, fucking him open.

" _Gyeom-ah..."_ Jinyoung gasped. " _I want you to ride me_ ”.

And Yugyeom ride him, feeling his inside walls slowly open with each stock that his own hip teased against Jinyoung's cock.

Yugyeom choked on his own saliva as he thrust three fingers inside himself, without preparation or caution... he needed to feel those memories more vividly. He masturbated himself more quickly, digging his fingers inside his ass harder and trying to dig deeper as his mind reproduced the way he had ridden Jinyoung.

He opened his mouth without suppressing his groans, feeling his skin tingle as the orgasm slowly formed as he sank his fingers inside himself as he remembered the way Jinyoung had pulled him by the hem of his shirt and had fuck him too hard, making him gasp and shudder at the raw contact in his prostate.

“Oh. Fuck”.

Kim Yugyeom felt his legs shake and his mind go black, hearing the sound of Park Jinyoung's voice call his name as he jumped under the shower, fingers in his own ass.

\- **c** –

 _"Jinyoung-ah? We are late_ ”.

Park Jinyoung stopped walking as soon as he heard Jackson Wang's irritated and impatient voice from the other side of the door. _Shit_.

He had spent the whole day trying to find Kim Yugyeom or have his friends change their minds, but everything he had done was insufficient to prevent that, so he was locked in the bathroom for almost 30 minutes.

He needed to make time for Jongin to find Yugyeom to tell him about his friends' presence at Lion's Club, but he had not had an answer from his ex-boyfriend, who was not answering the fucking phone.

" _Jinyoung-ah!"_ Jackson shouted knocking on the door. " _If you don’t get out of this bathroom now, I swear to God I'm going to knock this door and I'll drag you through_ -"

"Come on." Jinyoung said impassively, opening the door. Jackson narrowed his eyes, wondering what had happened to him to spend all his time in the bathroom. "I ate something that made me sick”.

They exchanged glances, but didn’t say anything, just went downstairs, leaving Jaebeom's apartment to pick Youngjae and Bambam.

The drive to Lion's Club was really stressful for Jinyoung. He tried to ignore his friends lively conversation and tried to talk to Jongin once more; when he realized they were already standing in front of the property and still had not achieved anything.

"Jinyoung hyung?" He heard Youngjae call. "Shall we go in or not?"

"Huh?"

"Shall we go  in?" he repeated slowly. "What happened? Are you afraid we'll see you with one of your servants? Ya. You're ashamed, right?”

Jinyoung pursed his lips.

 _No. I'm afraid of what you can do if you find out that Kim Yugyeom is a program boy and an exotic dancer. Basically, he's the guy in the video you both hate_. He thought.

"Let's go in.” he say. "Good night. My ID card is…” he told the security guard, who checked his list and pulled out a black tie stamp on his left hand. "What?"

"I say…" Bambam repeated as he approached Jinyoung as they passed the door. "Why your stamp is red and ours is purple?"

Jinyoung glanced at his hand.

"It means I'm an old customer. A dom. Purple is for especial events, means that you’re new here, Bambam".

“ _Oh_ ”.

"Sir." a woman in a rabbit mask said as soon as Jinyoung finished speaking, smiling behind the lace. "Welcome back to Lion's Club. Would you like to be accompanied to your table?”

"Uhh!" Jackson chuckled, analyzing the way the woman touched Jinyoung's shoulder. The Chinese leaned toward his boyfriend, putting his hand to hide his mouth. "Did she have sex with him?"

"Who can I know? Jinyoung never said anything about women servants”.

"If it pleases you sir, we have a second floor where the female servants stay. As the party is an appetizer, everyone can enjoy the masters rights, so I can accompany you to a room with the servant you choose”.

Jaebeom's brown eyes widened.

He cast an inquiring look at Jackson, then at Jinyoung who shook his head and then at the woman:

"I'm just following my boyfriend..." he replied, pointing to Jackson, who cocked his lip and punched him. "What?!"

\- **c** –

"I wish I had my phone." Youngjae complained again, snorting. "I’m so cute in this mask. I wanted to take a picture”.

Jackson rolled his eyes, ignoring the fact that Youngjae's mask should be his - Jaebeom took her as he began acting like a “child” and give it to Youngjae.

"Jinyoung-ah." Jaebeom called his friend. "What does this special event mean? What's going to happen?" He asked curiously. "A show?"

"I don’t know".

Jackson asked a question next.

Then Youngjae.

And Jaebeom made another and another.

They were excited, but Jinyoung couldn’t focus on anything but the world ending up running into Yugyeom.

He wanted to have his phone to try to call Jongin again.

Or at least to answer his ex calls, who hadn’t been able to locate Yugyeom because the youngest was in his cottage and had only returned to Seoul a few hours according to Lion's security, who let him in.

"Hyung!" Jinyoung nodded as he spotted Jongin, unmasked, crossing a few tables without direction. "We're here".

"Did you invite your ex bar former exotic dancer to a sex party? How naughty, Jinyoung-ah”.

Jinyoung got up without paying any attention to what Jackson was talking about.

He pulled Jongin by the hand to a table far from his friends and filled him with questions, feeling distressed at what might happen if he had not found Yugyeom.

"He was out of Seoul. I couldn’t talk to him.” Jongin said hastily, his throat burning with the agile way he spoke. "The security said that he arrived a few hours and that he didn’t leave Lion's anymore”.

Jinyoung pursed his lips.

Before he could think, because he was really worried about what might happen, he heard the music that started at Lion's in the evening and turned abruptly, finding Kim Yugyeom in his mask of red tears at the top of the stairs. _Shit_.

"It is with great pleasure that we begin our hunt!" the boy's voice echoed through the speakers. Jinyoung turned to the table, watching the way they friends stopped talking to applaud him. "Welcome to Lion's Sex Club, where fantasy has no limits”.

The crowd of loyal customers scream, making a wave of noise on the padded walls as Yugyeom came down the stairs accompanied by two naked women wearing only black lace masks.

"Today is a special day, here the paradise comes down to your darkest and most secret desires, where each one of you will have the opportunity to enjoy the pleasures offered by Lion's." Yugyeom made everyone shout again. The spotlight following him stopped a few feet from where Jinyoung and Jongin stood stationary. "But I have only one question for everyone…”

The boy behind the mask raised his hand, pointing toward the top of the stairs, where a white light rose revealing three men.

One of them was blond and very tall.

Jinyoung clenched his fist.

"Are you ready to burn in hell?"

At that moment water fell on everyone, causing euphoria before servants from all corners, using the most diverse and intriguing masks in they faces - everyone had orders to serve.

"Jinyoung!" Jongin shouted, watching the boy escape in the initial confusion. "Shit, Jinyoung. What the fuck are you going to do?”

Park Jinyoung was fine.

He had chosen to stay away from Kim Yugyeom for a simple reason, he wanted to give space for the younger to rethink his life without feeling pressured by his need to know the truth.

It wasn’t about Mark. Or about the other people Yugyeom saw.

It was about giving space and time for him to trust in Jinyoung the way he trusted Jay or any other living person who could make him want to tell the truth about his life.

So Jinyoung was really good in his life, because he knew he had made such a choice to make life easier for the younger boy and so he didn’t insist so much, so he don’t think about him. But he knew what would happen if Yugyeom were discovered.

He had been through bad times with his friends, but with Yugyeom it would be different because everyone already wanted to hate him for everything. It was inevitable, no one wanted to feel that way about the younger, but it was inevitable not to want to hate him for being stupid.

So Jinyoung needed to warn him.

When he arrived at the place where Yugyeom was, he realized that he had already lost the youngest in the midst of all those people.

He swallowed his saliva and spun on his heels, looking for a black mask with red tears and a golden eye on the forehead.

He found him climbing the stairs, talking hurriedly to one of the women at his side and pulling the mask from his face as he picked up another from the same woman - he stopped next to the blonde man.

"Jinyoung-ah... this place is crazy!" Jackson laughed, appearing out of nowhere. Youngjae ran a hand through his hair and nodded. "What is safer for a person who has a boyfriend to do here?"

"Can we see the guy from the videos?" Youngjae wanted to know, getting a questioning look from Jaebeom and Bambam. "Curiosity".

"Er... ah..." Jinyoung felt lost. "Hori!" He shouted as he recognized the woman's mask. They called her Hori. "Hello".

"Hello sir. It’s been a while.” She greeted him with a smile behind her transparent wolf mask. "How can I serve you?"

"Take them to room D. They want to watch. No contact or volunteer work. They are just viewers.” Jinyoung instructed authoritatively. "Then lead them to the gray room”.

 

"The gray room is full sir, ten customers opted for this choice before initiation. I can take them to the purple room”.

Jaebeom interjected his gaze between Jinyoung and the woman, really surprised by the natural way they talked about things the eldest did not recognize but believed to be sexual.

Jinyoung was familiar with that place.

Youngjae found the same, grinning in surprise.

"Great".

"Aren’t you coming with us?" Bambam wanted to know. "Where you go?"

"Ah... I... eh…”

"Mr. Park needs to pay for a broken item from his last visit, so he will not be able to join us.” Hori said naturally, smiling to Bambam. "I promise I'll be as nice as him”.

"I do not know why... but I like her.” Jackson whispered.

 - **c** –

Kim Yugyeom narrowed his eyes behind the gray mask he wore, feeling the sting of his back against the wall affect him.

He released the papers he held on impulse and moaned.

"Wha-Jinyoung?" His eyes burned as they stumbled across Park Jinyoung himself, holding him by the shoulders. "Jinyoung”.

"So you’re the new manager? Unbelievable. You lied to me again”.

"Hyung, you cannot be here." Yugyeom stammered hastily, looking sideways. "You cannot be here. Go away!"

"Why? Because Mark cannot know you were fucki-”

"Jinyoung-ah!" Yugyeom interrupting him, pushing him away from his slender body. He swallowed, his heart racing wildly. That couldn’t be happening. "I want you to listen to me... go. Leave this place. Now”.

Yugyeom bent down to pick up the papers.

"The boys are here”.

The youngest stopped.

"What?"

"They saw the entry ad for non-members. The whole college saw it and you would know if you were going to class. They-”

"You have to get them out of here!" Yugyeom stood, grabbing him by the shoulders. "They cannot be here today, hyung. They cannot".

"I tried to make them quit, but you know how Bambam is when he put something on his mind." Jinyoung's lips tightened. "He didn’t listen to me and brought the boys. I could not tell you before... I'm sorry”.

Kim Yugyeom didn’t give as much importance to things as Park Jinyoung believed. He kept no secret about his life for fear or retaliation, but because everyone was safe in this way.

He glanced at the watch on his wrist quickly. _Shit_.

He took off the mask he wore because he couldn’t breathe.

Yugyeom brought his hands up to his wet hair, whispering to himself about what he should do, how to get out of that situation so that his friends would be safe. _Shit. Shit. Shit_.

"Where are they?"

"Hori-ssi took them to room D. Maybe they were already watching the show in the purple room, I don’t know how much time passed. But it's-"

Yugyeom raised his hand, pulling a radio set from his back pocket. He asked someone if he could see Hori in the cameras.

"Room D." the younger said to Jinyoung. "Get them out of here. Now".

"Yug-"

"I said now!" Kim Yugyeom had never yelled at Jinyoung or acted so hard and violently, that was the first time his blood boiled that way and all he wanted was to punch someone. "Leave Lion’s. Now".

He ignored Jinyoung’s calls and ran in the opposite direction, putting the gray mask on his face before looking back one last time and turning the corridor, fading into some passage.

Jinyoung don’t understood anything.

He stood there for a moment, wondering why Yugyeom looked so scared and angry at the same time, why he was screaming like that while Jinyoung was trying to help.

The boy clenched his jaw and turned toward the stairs, descending as fast as he could and pushing anyone in his way. As he ran, Jinyoung felt his eyes drawn to something.

He turned his face quickly, feeling every fiber in his body snap as he met Mark's cool gaze behind his golden mask. The mask he was wearing when he fucked Jongin and forced him into a room with Jinyoung, which he used to tell everyone that he owned the man behind the red tears mask.

His eyes were drawn to Mark, and they knew that the blonde-haired man recognized him, because his eyes seemed to want to devour him.

Jinyoung burst through the door, panting and wet.

"Hori?" He called without reply. "Someone knows Hori? A servant of wolf mask? Someone?"

Nobody.

Yugyeom was wrong. She was no longer in room D.

He spun around and left, running toward the south hall, where the colorful rooms were. They should be watching Jimin.

As he entered the hall, he found Bambam being dragged by the fist by a masked Yugyeom. Jaebeom, Jackson and Youngjae were right behind them, yelling at the younger boy without knowing it was him.

"Jinyoung-ah!" Bambam shouted. "I don’t know what I did, we were just watching and this madman came pulling me by the arm..."

"Get them out of here!” Yugyeom said to Jinyoung. Now he sound terrified. Like he was going to cry at any moment. "Please".

Park Jinyoung hated to follow Kim Yugyeom’s blind orders.

He hated the fact that he never knew everything. Of never knowing what was happening, but at that moment Jinyoung decided to believe in his worried eyes behind the mask. He grabbed Bambam.

Jinyoung yelled at Youngjae and Jaebeom, who had sat as if they were guilty of something and called for Jackson, who was staring at Yugyeom as if he had seen something.

It was all so confusing.

The way everyone was screaming. As Bambam tried to get rid of Jinyoung's grip, as Jaebeom got up scared and Youngjae put his hands on his ears in reaction to the noise that echoed in every corner, making everyone cringe in alarm.

Park Jinyoung really hated not knowing about the younger's plans.

He felt his face hit the wall as an angry voice gave him instructions not to resist and do nothing stupid things. His frightened eyes watched his friends being pushed against the wall at his side, with guns pointed at them.

Jackson felt his head ache as he was pressed against the wall and his heart stopped as the mask man in front of him raised his hands as a flash of light pointed in his direction. He knelt.

Jinyoung's heart stopped the next instant, when he recognized Jay Park's face and saw him rip the mask from Kim Yugyeom's terrified face.

The last thing he really remembered, because his mind seemed to cut short due to everything that happened, was to have heard Bambam's voice sound so sad:

"Gyeom-ah..."

\- **c** –

I'm not feeling too well, cause I just can't tell  
If I'm entering the gates of, heaven or hell  
And I'm trust you, cause I just can't tell

I wanna cry  
you wanna fight

Lim Jaebeom was the first get out the police station.

He had a cousin who knew a good lawyer, and because of a favor the man get out in less than 24 hours. Her mother cried when she saw him leave the station as if a train had passed over his body several times.

Bambam, Youngjae and Jackson left a few hours later. They didn’t seem to know anything and the police reassured them that they needed to be concerned, that they would be called only to confirm their testimony when the case was on trial.

The four man met that day.

They were confused. They didn’t know what to think, what was the case, why Jinyoung was still detained. They kept thinking...

"Gyeom-ah" Bambam sighed in a daze. "They handcuffed him”.

"So it wasn’t a dream?" Jaebeom whispered to himself, wiping the tip of his nail on the cold chinaware. "He was there for real”.

"Was that what he was hiding this time? Is that why he's still with Mark?” Youngjae narrowed his eyes. “Because he was rich enough to protect him in this kind of situation?!”

"No!" Jackson snarled impatiently.

Jaebeom looked at him in surprise.

"Seun-ah..." he touched his boyfriend's hand, which pushed him away. "I know you’re shocked, we’re shocked too, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Yo-"

"I’m not shocked hyung." Jackson Wang raised his voice. "How could I? I already knew everything”.

Bambam parted his lips and dropped the cup.

Silence.

 _What?_ Jaebeom think.

"What did you just say?"

"I knew about him. About Lion's.” Jackson repeated swallowing his saliva, moving his shoulders. "I found out in the holyday. They were fighting about a client. At first I didn’t get it, but then Mark slap him and said he wouldn’t admit losing a client because of Yugyeom”.

Silence was never a problem for them. Not until that moment.

Bambam looked at the broken cup on the floor.

Youngjae looked away because he couldn’t look to Jackson without make an anger episode about that secret.

Jaebeom just kept the silence cooler.

"I don’t care about what you guys think right now…” Jackson whispered. "I can only think about what will happen to Yugyeom. He's not connected to that place just as servant, he's the chief manager now”.

Youngjae breathed heavily, feeling his chest tighten.

"We should talk to his family." Jaebeom made himself heard, seemed peaceful. "He needs a lawyer." Jackson looked at him in surprise, not expecting that mature behavior from his boyfriend. "Right?"

Jackson Wang nodded, swallowing his saliva:

"I have his mother's number”.

\- **c** –

Park Jinyoung laid his head down on the table, feeling the cold spread through his skin and down to his cheeks. He closed his eyes and thought.

What should his friends feel now that they knew the reason behind Kim Yugyeom's so private and troubled life?

Did Bambam, Yugyeom's best friend, hate him?

Jaebeom was thinking of harsh words to say when he met him again?

And Jackson and Youngjae? Maybe they’re crying?

What was Yugyeom feeling?

The door opened.

Jinyoung lifted his head.

He was surprised to see Jay Park... and right behind him, Kim Yugyeom worried face.

"Hyung!" The boy breathed relieved, entering the room and grabbing Jinyoung in his arms in a tight grip. His ragged breath churned the boy's skin, which was so confused. "I was so worried." Yugyeom admitted. He pulled him away. "Are you alright?"

The older man just nodded.

"Gyeom-ah" Jay called the boy, who did not turn around. "Don’t say anything. Remember the agreement you made with us”.

Yugyeom looked away from Jinyoung.

"Let's go hyung." he said quietly, turning to Jay, who pressed his lips impatiently and handed the boy something. Yugyeom opened Jinyoung's handcuffs, making him stand up. "Let's go now".

"Really?" Park Jinyoung had watched enough action movies to know that cops would not release suspects out of nowhere. "What's hav-"

"No. Don’t ask." Yugyeom stopped him. "Without asking until I say you can do it. Remember?" Jinyoung nodded. "Great".

He took the jacket.

"Go to my office after talking to your uncle. I have something important to deal with you.” Jay say without looking at them. Jinyoung wanted to ask what was happening. "Did you hear me?"

"Yes hyung. I'm just going to leave him with the others”.

"No information. Understood?"

Yugyeom nodded again.

"Yes. No information”.

\- **c** –

Kim Yugyeom bit his lip until he felt pain as he stared at the phone screen. He should call to someone. He can’t leave Jinyoung alone.

He wanted so much to call his friends and explain, but he knew he couldn’t say anything, but he really want to hug them.

When the water was turned off, he slipped the phone into his pocket and pulled the jacket from the bed, running toward the door. He can hear Jinyoung call his name as he stepped through the door and went downstairs.

He hoped the older man would forgive him.

 

( **ii** )

The news about Lion's Sex Club became public two weeks after Kim Yugyeom left Park Jinyoung in the dormitory.

Jinyoung was at Jaebeom parent’s house, who was taking care of the whole process involving her son and his friends with some of her fellow lawyers when they heard the news:

 _"... now a really choked news. Seoul DP have just reported the arrest of one of the most famous names in the illegal prostitution market, Kang Seung Ho. According to Hyun Jun-Ho's 3rd ward deputy, Kang Seung Ho had been hidden since 2009 when he was accused of human trafficking, murder, gun possession, drug sales and prostitution..._ ”

He didn’t have to turn around to know that Bambam was staring at him, because he felt the nape of his neck twitch with the intensity of the boy's gaze.

Some time ago, they had no news, the lawyers hired by their families didn’t have much to say about the case and those were the first information they had. So they were really stunned by what the reporter was saying:

_"... everything happen in Gangnam. Kang Seung Ho was found thanks to the work of private detective, Jay Park, who according to the statement was in the case at the request of a private client, who took him to the criminal's whereabouts. With him, six other names were found and more than 30 people were arrested, including clients and servants of the club who have operated clandestinely for four years”._

Jinyoung looked at his fingers, feeling Bambam coming next to him:

"Do you think he's among the prisoners?"

Did he think Yugyeom could be among the prisoners?

"He was a manager..." The boy swallowed, not looking at his friend, not wanting to explode with the young again. "As little as I know, Mark owned 10% of Lion's, he worked and was engaged to him”.

Bambam clutched the glass in his hands.

He looked forward, watching Jaebeom straighten Jackson's back as the Chinese whimpered over his friend - no one had heard from Yugyeom in two weeks. He had simply disappeared.

"I hope not. I hope he has run away very far”.

Late in the afternoon Jaebeom's mother led them back to their homes, a council they ignored to be together for a few more hours. They didn’t talk like they used to, each one had too many thoughts to keep up a pleasant conversation, so they used to sit somewhere just to be quiet.

It was nice to be able to talk to each other, but they didn’t have much to say now because they did not know much. Until that day.

Jinyoung feel his phone.

He set the coffee on the table and checked his phone because his mother was worried and filled him with messages. But it was not her.

"Gyeom-ah..." he whispered, broken the silence and his friends facing him. Jinyoung lifted his head. "He's in the dormitory”.

\- **c** –

They talked about it before they went silent whenever they were together. About what they thought it would be when they found Kim Yugyeom again. Jaebeom thought it would be strange, because the younger had lied. Again.

Youngjae think the same.

Bambam didn’t think he would know what to say to his friend.

However, in the end no one thought they could run to the tall boy just to hug him as hard as they could.

Yugyeom wanted to say something, but he was as surprised as his friends, so he just cringed in the middle of them and closed his eyes, hoping Jinyoung would also join in the hug - but he didn’t.

The first thing that Bambam did when everyone turned away was to grab Yugyeom’s thinner cheeks in sweaty hands:

" _Ya_. Why are you so shinny?”

Yugyeom was never so happy to hear such absurdity.

"Sorry hyung, I guess I haven’t had much time to eat.” The boy replied with a chaste smile. Yugyeom let the smile die as he realized the obvious. He hurt them again. He put his hands in front of his body and slowly bent down, kneeling on the floor. "I'm sorry for everything I've done”.

Unbelievable.

Park Jinyoung found that scene unbelievable.

"Ya!" He shouted. "I haven’t been through the worst months of my life, I've been threatened, mistreated, ignored and imprisoned for you to come and kneel on our foreheads as if that were enough!" He said impatiently. "Kneeling will not solve anything”.

"Jinyoung-ah..." Jackson frowned. "Please don’t do that".

"No." Yugyeom asked with his head bowed. "Jinyoung-ssi is right, he always had the right point. Kneeling will not be enough to express how much I regret having dragged you guys into this mess”.

Youngjae bit his lip. He really agreed with Jinyoung.

Jaebeom sighed, approaching Yugyeom as he helped him stand up from the dirty floor. He patted his friend's back:

"Don’t you think we need to have a conversation now?"

That was it. This was the time to tell the truth to his friends.

"Yes hyung. I think we need to talk”.

\- **c** –

"Okay." Bambam smiled to Yugyeom, putting a cup of hot chocolate in his pale hands before sitting on the bed between Jaebeom and Youngjae. "You can talk now”.

Kim Yugyeom parted his lips, but he didn’t know what to say.

He stared at the cup in his hands for a long moment, listening to the outside noises patiently for a start.

"Gyeom-ah?"

Jackson's sweet voice made him lift his head and smile sadly:

"I was fifteen when I met Mark…”

-

**Six years ago.**

There was only one thing in Kim Yugyeom's mind that afternoon: _how to escape from that hell that was living in Namyangju-si without having a penny in my pocket?_ It was what he was thinking.

The whole town thought him was ungrateful.

Don’t get it wrong. Yugyeom wasn’t ungrateful for some selfish shit, he was ungrateful for being born in a golden crib while he only wanted to be born close to the sea. He was ungrateful.

He wanted to leave his hometown and had nothing to do with having a troubled family like everyone thought. Kim Yugyeom's parents were really kind and unique. And as already said, it wasn’t about don’t having money or things like this, because his father had a network companies and his mother was secretary of Education. It wasn’t about money.

It was just the feeling he had always have when he listen his teacher talk about the world. He felt suffocated in Namyangju-si, as if the place were cursed, and he was a victim who couldn’t shake the shit off.

Yugyeom needed to leave Namyangju-si.

He wanted to go to Seoul, wanted to go to a good school and owner a brilliant scholarship in some Arts College, where he would dance and earn a degree that would make him the best choreographer in the world.

It was what he wanted... his parents supported him in his dreams.

But they didn’t think Yugyeom should go to Seoul when he had a good life in Namyangju-si. They make it clear that they aren’t pay for him go to another place and leave them alone like that way.

The whole town knew about that drama, because his mother had made a public scandal when he caught him telling his friends that he had applied for a scholarship at a school in Seoul.

So Yugyeom didn’t find strange when the third year vp stood in front of him and asked:

“It’s you how are look for a job to get out of this place?”

Mark Tuan. It was his name.

Vice-president of the third year. A professional video game player, ballroom dancer, son of one of the most hated men in town - people said that Mark belonged to a family of thieves and so had fled from Los Angeles to Namyangju-si, in Korea.

"I will not sell your drugs”.

"Ah. You heard about it.” Mark laughed, rubbing the back of his neck, as if embarrassed. "It's all right. I wouldn’t dare ask the son of the Education Secretary  to sell drugs for me. Relax”.

"So you admit that you selling drugs?"

"You admit that your dad got his best friend leg and got the supermarket franchise that makes you a _daddy son_?"

Yugyeom rolled his eyes.

Something that accompanied the desire to leave, it was the ridiculous rumors about his father cheating on his best friend.

" _Touché.”_ Yugyeom rolled his eyes, rising. "Now get out of the way".

"I paid 900 dollars*".

Kim Yugyeom stopped automatically.

The fifteen-year-old boy turned in surprise, his eyes like two crystalline balls, even though his brain was screaming "danger, danger" all he could cling to was the number Mark had said.

 **900 dollars**. It was a good start for him.

"Listen to my proposal..." Mark smiled docilely. "I know you need the money to prove to your parents that you can go to Seoul without them, so listen to my proposal”.

Mark was trouble. Everyone at school knew that.

He had broken a boy's arm. He had posted intimate pictures of a girl.

Trouble. Yugyeom knew this.

"If it's something with drugs-"

"It's not." Mark said, still smiling. "Scout word”.

( **iii** )

Yugyeom swallowed his saliva, his heart pounding as he followed Mark behind the gym building – where some people use drugs.

He didn’t know why, but he was apprehensive.

Why they couldn’t talk at the bus stop like two normal people? Why go back to the gym at that time of day?

The younger's thoughts were interrupted when Mark stopped walking, and Yugyeom slammed into his back, apologizing.

Mark Tuan didn’t turn to look at him.

"Have sex with me”.

Kim Yugyeom knew he'd gotten into trouble the instant Mark Tuan approached him at the bus stop with his handsome smile and his pretty blond hair. The younger widened his eyes.

"Ar... w-w... What… did you... say?”

"Sex. Have sex with me.” the oldest repeated calmly, turning to look directly at the boy. "What?" He smiled. "Are you going to tell me that I must be mistaken and that you like girls?"

Yugyeom looked at him, surprised at his rude tone.

He squeezed the strap of his backpack.

"No. I don’t like girls and I pretty sure that it’s not a secret since last year. Thank you for reminding me of this shit”.

Mark bit his lip.

“Sorry. I just thought-”

"What? That I want to leave because people don’t know I'm gay or something like that?” Yugyeom rolled his eyes. “Please dude, do you know who I am? I don’t need to hide anything from anyone!” The boy looked really angry. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get the fu-"

"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry.” Mark repeated, running to stand in front of Yugyeom, who was trying to get out of the gym. Yugyeom was a little small than Mark, and despite starting boxing, he didn’t feel confident enough to push him. "I didn’t mean to offend or annoy you..."

"You just wanted to offer me money for sex like a fucking blackmail?"

"What?" The blond widened his eyes innocently. "No! I didn’t want to... ah... ok, that's how it looks like. But I swear it's just like that, it's-"

"What?" Yugyeom yelled at the older boy. "Huh?"

Mark opened his mouth, but he had nothing to say.

"That's what I thought." Yugyeom shoved him. "Just leave me alone”.

"I'm gay!" The blonde shouted. "I mean... at least that's what I think now. It's hard to say because I've never been with a guy before... and I had a lot of girlfriends who made my daddy really happy, but... I-I... just...”

Yugyeom took a deep breath.

He would probably regret it.

"It's just that you don’t feel like being who you are with them, but you still don’t want to hurt your family with the possibility?"

Mark stared at him stunned. He nodded hastily.

"Offer me money to figure this out will not help you dude”.

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just that I've heard a few guys talking about you, and it's pretty hard to find someone who have guts to take risk on it, so when I heard that you needed money...”

"Did you think I would do anything to get it?" Yugyeom laughed really surprised. "I'm not that desperate. Believe in me”.

Mark nodded, bowing like a sincere apology.

Mark Tuan was trouble. Everyone knew, but Kim Yugyeom was naive and too stupid to not to try to help someone.

" _Shit. Shit.”_ He moaned to himself. "I'll regret it, but... er... I'll help you with your problem. I help you, okay?"


	16. the whole truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can’t d-"
> 
> "I need time." Jinyoung said hastily, his voice shaking.
> 
> Yugyeom never saw him cry.
> 
> He never saw him show weakness... until that day.
> 
> Yugyeom give a step back.
> 
> The younger one lowered his head, feeling the way Jinyoung's small body crossed the space between them and went out the door.

( **i** )

“When you said you would help me, I was thinking that you would kiss me, not that you’re make me use dating apps”.

Kim Yugyeom laughed, returning the older man's phone:

"I'm sorry to inform you of such a tragedy, but you will never ever kiss that beautiful mouth that God given to me _hyung_ ”.

Mark closed his eyes, incredulous as the younger one seemed to enjoy acting with disrespect. Maybe this was because Mark didn’t follow social norms, maybe because he acted like a displaced American and Yugyeom didn’t feel like respecting him as an older brother.

Still it was annoying how the young offended the blond one.

"Okay, whatever." Mark closed his pack. "I'll see you at the party?"

"Mark hyung, I sometimes forget that you're kind of mental disability, you know?" Yugyeom pursed his lips. "I need to do that test on Saturday, remember? For scholarship at school in Seoul? I'm going to study”.

Mark sighed,

" _Nerd_." he complained, slapping the boy's head. "I'll see you on Monday. Good test on Saturday. Fighting!”

**\- c -**

When Yugyeom finished bathing, he went straight to the computer to check the e-mails with the handouts he would have to study for his test. He was really excited because if he got the bag he would prove to his parents that he was good and that he could take care of himself.

He was really happy.

He was so happy that he suddenly began to cry when his brain understood the words described in the private email he had received from the school board.

 

**Dear mr. Kim**

After re-evaluating the conversation with your parents, I inform you that the scholarship offered by our institution is now unavailable for your needs.

Thank you for your dedication. We hope you will recover and adapt to the new stage of your life in Namyangju-si.

_Sincerely, the director._

 

"Mom!"

Yugyeom's younger cousin, Iseul, screamed when the boy pushed him aside, who rushed past her mother's office, where she had a private conversation with someone.

"Mom!" Yugyeom shouted opening the doors. The boy's face was wet with tears. His mother got up in alarm, wondering what happen. "Did you talk to someone from the school in Seoul?"

"Oh dear..."

Yugyeom's eyes widened.

"What did you do?" He shouted, moving away from the woman. "They sent me an e-mail saying that my scholarship has been revoked. That I can't take the test and that even if I did, I wouldn't be admitted because they can't help me in my special condition?!" he ask confused, causing discomfort to his mother's employee. "What did you do?"

Mrs. Kim took her glasses - she only made that gesture when she was guilty of something - and scratched the birthmark on her pale forehead.

"Mom…” Yugyeom let his shoulders fall. "Why?"

"Because you'll not leave us!" The woman shouted impatiently stamping her foot. "You will not do the same as your brother did Yugyeom”.

Life was unfair.

Yugyeom had been born into a good family, who loved him but couldn’t deal with the fact that children were made for the world and not to be clinging to their parents.

He can’t believe in her.

She did the same with his eldest brother when he decided go to EUA to study and end up get married with a good woman.

"You promised, mom.” Yugyeom looked to her, sadly. "You said that you wouldn’t do the same thing you did with hyung, that you would let me choose what was best for me and now I have decided you don’t want it anymore? Why? Because you’re afraid of being alone?”

"Yes Yugyeom! I'm afraid to be alone.” Mr. Kim screamed back, crying. "I've lost your brother and now you want to leave me too. Of course I'm scared to be alone. Your father and I didn’t-"

"Don’t say you don’t raise me for leave you alone!" He cut her. "It was my dream. It was my future and you ruined everything because you can't act like a normal mother and be happy for your children to have ambitions! It was my life and you ruined everything mom”.

Yugyeom knew that his parents didn't accept the idea of him leaving a future in an economics school to become a dancer, but he never thought they could interfere in any way.

The boy ran out of the office, grabbing only his pair of shoes and phone before leaving his parents' house with his head full of bad thoughts.

He needed to calm down.

**-**

"Kim Yugyeom?" Someone visibly drunk asked, heading toward the teary-eyed boy. "Is it really you?"

"Do you know Mark Tuan? Third year from class C?”

"Who does not know this guy?" The boy laughed drunk. "I think I saw him coming up with second year Minji, man. They ar-Ya! You can't turn your back on your senior in this way. Kiddo!”

Yugyeom felt his breath quicken as he hurried up the stairs, opening all the doors with a kick until he found Mark.

The blonde had his eyes closed when Yugyeom silent entered the room - Minji was kneeling in front of him, with his cock in her mouth.

Yugyeom’s eyes blazing from how much he had cried before deciding to go to that stupid party.

He needed to talk to someone and remembered about that stupid blonde-haired guy.

Kim Yugyeom heard a chaste groan escape the blond's parted lips before he opened his eyes and look directly to him.

"I'm in hyung”.

"What the fuck?" Minji screamed in alarm, cover her mouth when she saw Yugyeom standing like a statue. "What you-"

"Get out." he said between his teeth, not looking at the girl, who opened her mouth to retort. "You go out of your own accord or I'll kick your thin ass down the stairs..." Yugyeom looked at her. "Chose”.

The girl replied, but hurried out, slamming the door.

Yugyeom swallowed his saliva.

He was fifteen.

His mother treated him like a baby and his parents tried to control his footsteps... but Yugyeom was far more than everyone believed. He could be only fifteen, but he wasn't a saint.

“I’m in.” he said confidently. Maybe he was being angered, but he needed money. "I'll fuck you if you pay me for this. Pay and I do it”.

**-**

"I'm sorry..." Mark swallowed, panting. "I don't know what-"

“Don’t worry hyung. Just relax and let me do the rest”.

The combination was simple::: - It was sex for money.

Mark deposited half of the money in Yugyeom’s account as a guarantee and when they finished he depositing the rest and forgetting it forever.

It was just sex.

He mightn’t be the most experienced in the world, but he understood that sex was just sex. He had done it once when he make fifteen - it shouldn't be so different now. Right?

He felt his teeth chatter as Mark's icy fingers touched his thighs.

 _Shit_. Yugyeom was really nervous.

"We don’t need if you don’t want." The blonde licked his lips. "You-oh!"

Yugyeom took a deep breath, feeling the older man squeeze his thighs as he reacted to what he had just done.

He was rolling over Mark's cock, wiggling his hip in slow circles, the way he'd been instructed to do for the one guy who'd ever been inside him.

He licked his lips, watching the blond terrified expression grow into red cheeks, closed eyes and pure pleasure.

He couldn’t explain what it was, but he pushed his ass more firmly against the older man's dick and leaned down to kiss his neck.

Another important point: no mouth kissing. They could lick, suck, bite, but they couldn’t kiss.

Kisses were too intimidated.

"Yugyeom..." Mark whispered distressed, feeling his cock throb against the boy's ass. “Fuck. Do it again”.

And he did.

He did it several times before taking courage to put Mark's cock in his mouth, and sucking until he heard his name moan painfully.

He take courage to ripped off the old man's pants and got rid of the jeans he was wearing.

To rub the head of the blonde's cock into his ass roll, slowly move until he heard him gasp and arch his back, grabbing his waist in response.

 _Shit_.

Mark Tuan sat on his knees , holding Yugyeom by the hip as he moved his waist in and on, feeling his own cock slide with difficulty into the boy, who was clinging to his neck.

Mark had never slept with a boy before and feeling Yugyeom’s ass tighten his dick made him wonder why he'd never tried it before.

It was amazing.

The way Yugyeom threw his head back and his cheeks were red as his sweaty lips parted and his eyes tightened when Mark held him.

And heard him say something about his prostate - which was later discovered by the oldest - as the boy on his lap whimpered for more.

"Harder hyung... harder." Yugyeom whimper laying his head on the curve of the blond's neck. The blonde tightened the bands of the black-haired ass, pulling them apart as he thrust his cock harder into him. Yugyeom stabbed the boy. "Oh. Fuck. Hyung!"

( **ii** )

Kim Yugyeom had just turned sixteen.

As a birthday present, his father tries to give him a car. His mom bought tickets to Disney and his grandma gave a pair of socks - because he really needed socks in that cold weather. But that shitt was nothing gift compared to the numbers in his account.

He finally had enough money.

It hadn't been easy. He'd spent an inner year with Mark, smiling at his friends, behaving well, going to the places the older boy wanted him to be, keeping quiet as he slowly watched him get into his father's business by selling drugs at parties.

It wasn't that Mark was a bad guy, he was funny and sweet but Yugyeom was happy to be able to stop all that "relationship".

He didn't have to sell his body anymore.

At least that's what he thought until he left his parents house when they somehow figured out how much the son have - his mother thought that he’s sell drugs.

In the end, no one knew where the money came from, but Kim Yugyeom just ignored all the gossip and bought a ticket to Busan where he would audition for a scholarship at a dance school.

And of course he get in.

He win in first after showing his dance, choreographed by himself, and begged his grandmother to sign the papers so he could study in Seoul. The old woman didn’t like the idea, but she understood the young man. He wanted to follow his dreams.

Kim Yugyeom was really good in class.

He took the highest grades and the teachers believed he could get into a good university when he was old.

Life in Seoul was all he wanted and because he was doing so well he couldn’t afford to think economically... he ran out of money after ten months.

He also didn’t get a job.

"I can't go back Jungkook." The red-haired boy complained looking directly at the camera phone. He was talking to Jeon Jungkook, the only contact he had ever had.

" _Why not? You have no money for almost two weeks, you're eating school lunch at home, you're sick and you can't get a job... why don't you go back?_ "

Yugyeom sighed.

He felt pathetic.

"You know why".

" _Admitting that you need help doesn't mean you're weak Gyeom-ah. No one will judge you for coming back..._ " Jungkook sighed back. But he understood Yugyeom, knew how much the boy had struggled and how much he wanted that. " _What do you want to do since you don't want to ask your parents for help?”_

Yugyeom's filled his cheeks with air.

He was starving.

He had eaten at school, but he hadn’t been able to steal some cookies as usual to eat in his small room.

"I don't know..." he said, letting out the air. “Prostitute myself?"

" _Why not? With ten feet of leg and a pretty face, huh? Do it!”_

Yugyeom laughed.

But it wasn't just a joke.

Since he found out that he had no more money, he had been thinking about what Mark said, that life away from home wasn't simple and that he needed to have a plan B, C, D and E. He remembered how easy it was to get money when he took off his clothes.

Jungkook caught his attention:

" _Don’t make me hate you. Don’t do some stupid shit. Please.”_ he say seriously. Yugyeom looked at his friend, wishing he was as cunning as Jungkook, who managed to study what he wanted in their little town. " _Don't sell drugs, don’t steal and don’t become a program boy. You understood me?"_

"Hyung..."

" _Find a way to get a job Kim Yugyeom_ ”.

A job.

Yugyeom could get a job... right?

He nodded.

"Okay hyung. I'm going to get a job. I promise”.

\- **c** –

The yellow-haired boy blew his hands a few times, feeling his fingers ache from the cold.

It was winter in Korea.

At that time of year the temperature dropped and sometimes it was impossible to survive without a heater - Yugyeom could prove that it was impossible.

Anyone would scold him for being out without a decent coat, but being at home wouldn't protect him from the cold because he had no electricity and the room owner was filling him up about the payment, so no matter where he was, he was fucked.

He widened his eyes and left behind the tree, hurrying to the other side of the street, where some boys laughed:.

"Hyung?"

Mark Tuan's smile remained the same.

They had said goodbye to a little over ten months ago, but it seemed like an eternity because Mark felt a stab in the chest and couldn’t breathe when he saw Yugyeom in front of him. He looked awful.

"Gyeom-ah?" Mark still wore his usual blond hair. He stared at the young man's pale cheeks and opened his winter jacket, hurrying over to the boy who had grown up quite a lot during the time they were apart. He put the jacket around Yugyeom and rubbed his arms. "How did you find me?"

"I still follow you on Instagram." Yugyeom sounded innocent. "You did a shoot and tagged this place, so... I think-"

"Who is this Mark-ah?" a man asked seriously. "Can we go home? It's too cold. I want to sleep”.

Yugyeom looked back to Mark.

_Damn it._

He opened his mouth to apologize, but couldn’t say anything. Instead of apologizing for appearing out of nowhere, he turned away from the blond with a lost look and turned on his heels, running to the other side as he heard Mark call his name.

_Shit. Shit._

"Of course he has someone, Yugyeom... you're an idiot”.

 

The next morning Kim Yugyeom was awakened by a single knock on his door. He turned on the mattress and moaned in cold, rubbing his sticky eyes before putting a mask on his face and putting on the hood to try to protect himself from the possible punch he would get.

The boy licked his already wet lips and opened the door:

"I know. Am I nee-hyung? "

"Why did you take so long?" Mark complained, pushing Yugyeom out of the way. "I almost froze out there because of you. Don't look at me with that stupid face, come in and close that door for the love of God!"

Yugyeom ran his hand over his eyes and stumbled to Mark, who sat on his mattress and took a container from the bag he carried, smiling at the younger boy as he pointed chopstick at him.

"Huh?" The egg-yellow hair lifted his eyebrows. "How-”

"I still follow you on Instagram." He repeated what the youngest had told him the night before. "You did some publications on campus, I just had to ask and a girl gave me your address. She sent hi to you”.

Yugyeom swallowed.

He don't wanted to stare Mark's food, but he was really hungry.

"Come on, I want to feed you”.

Yugyeom opened his mouth.

"Hyung..." was what Mark used to say when he appeared out of nowhere and said he wanted to take care of Yugyeom. "Your boyfriend... he-"

"Huh? Dong-geun?" Mark's eyes widened. “Ewc! Did you think he was my boyfriend? Him?” The blonde laughed. “He's my best friend Yugyeom, like my real brother. I don’t date someone like… for a good five months”.

_Oh._

"Oh." The yellow haired said softly, feeling ashamed for having caused a scene last night because he thought Mark was dating. "I thought... ah, he called you home”.

"We split the apartment. He have his own room. So do I.” Yugyeom nodded. Mark laughed. "Now that you know everything, can you sit down and eat? You look too thin. Let me treat you Yugyeom, please”.

**-**

Even though he felt stupid and reluctant, Yugyeom recounted all that had happened during those ten months: the good parts, the news, the boyfriends, the fights he'd gotten himself into, the karate class he needed to leave, the bad parts.

He counted mostly the bad parts because Mark could clearly see in what condition the boy lived. So it wasn’t surprising to see him take his wallet and call the apart owner.

Mark pay for Yugyeom's debt and paid an extra, he also forced him to gather his things and move to his apartment until he got a job that was good enough to keep him alive.

It was easy to accept the idea, because Mark was a familiar and safe place to go. So Yugyeom just packaged his things and moved in with his ex- _thing_ – Mark’s friend eventually moved because of a fight the younger didn’t understand but thought he had to do with himself.

It took Yugyeom some time to understand why Dong-geun left. It was about the youngest, but not about something that was clear or meaningful.

Dong-geun thought that Yugyeom could pay for his stay in a lucrative way:

“Are you telling me that you and Donggeun-ssi work with prostitution?” Kim Yugyeom was stunned. He had discovered just by snooping on his friend's phone. “How is this possible?”

“It's not that complicated.” Mark bit his lip, smoothing the younger's cheek. “The rumors about my father?” He questioned earnestly, noticing the way the other man's eyes widened. “Yeah, the school staff was really right. My family came Korea because my dad ended up doing a business that went wrong and some people didn't like it. He does several things for money”.

Yugyeom sat down on his knees.

“Prostitution?” He thought. “Okay, this makes sense. You paid me for sex, it's no surprise that you do the same now”.

"Fuck off!" Mark laughed, slapping the boy's thigh, which showed his tongue. "A while after you left, I fought with my father. Then I decided to show that I am not as useless as he thought. It wasn't difficult to get into this... if you wanted to know, you weren’t the only one needing money in that stupid city”.

"Someone I know?" Mark scolded him. "Okay, okay. It was just curiosity.” he said with a smile. Yugyeom bit his nail. "And your friend knows... about... you know… paid me for sex?”

"He's my best friend." The blonde said in a obvious way. "But it doesn't matter okay? What happened is past, you don't have to worry”.

"With what?"

"With what he said..." Mark sighed as he stood up. "That you could be paying more profitable. No need to worry... Jesus, I'm dead. I'm going to sleep. Good evening, Gyeom”.

"Good night, hyung."

**-**

“Hyung…” Yugyeom whispered poking Mark. "Mark hyung?"

"Huh?" Mark murmured sleepily. "What you want?"

Kim Yugyeom licked his lips, thinking for a moment.

"I can do it." he said quickly, knowing he would probably regret it later. "If you promise to pay me well, I'll do... I make programs like Donggeun-ssi suggested”.

Mark rolled onto the bed, raising the lamp.

He hadn't asked.

He would never ask Yugyeom to do shit like that, what they had said in the past was a wrong step that put Mark in that shit situation...

He didn't want to make Yugyeom get in that dirty word.

Mark denied.

"No. It will not happen.” he said seriously. "My answer is no”.

"Hyung..." the boy whimpered. "I need money, lots of money and you know I'm not going to get such an easy job. It's not like I'm an idiot or I've never done it, we-”

“It was different!" Mark shouted. "We became friends. This is different Yugyeom. You wouldn’t be seeing someone from time to time, you'd meet a lot of unknown and dangerous people all an-”

“I can do it!” Kim Yugyeom was stubborn. He always was. His grandmother used to say that from a very early age the boy beat his foot until he got something and he never saw him give up easily. He was stubborn, reckless, desperate and stupid. "Please help me".

( **iii** )

Everyone knew that prostitution was an illegal market.

Most countries had laws against prostitution. Korea had extremely strict policies on that type of market and people who were caught practicing had miserable lives in prison.

Everyone knew it was illegal, but still... it was something that existed everywhere. All you had to do was find one or two places in the same neighborhood that served that kind of entertainment. It was easy to get something quick and insignificant.

But it was extremely difficult to know the glamor and luxury of the rich when it came to clandestine sex clubs, because rich people didn’t have sex in dark alleys or dusty rooms, they had secret bars with women and men with their butts out.

Even more difficult was getting in... as a customer or servant.

At first, it was a surprise to Yugyeom that Mark had an association with a place as luxurious as that, where magnates and important names went to explore their fantasies. Lion's Sex Club.

Yugyeom’s first day in the clandestine club was like a scary adventure, which made his stomach turn and ache. He didn't have the best first months... nobody chose him. Maybe because he was still adjusting and seemed shy.

Everything changed only when Mark presented him with a black mask. She had tears in red wax and a golden eye between raised eyebrows. The explanation was simple:

"If you agree to be mine, they will want you. The golden eye means that one of the club owners has power over you, it catches everyone's attention.” he told Yugyeom. "You want money? Sign a contract with me Yugyeom... be mine and I'll give you anything you want”.

Yugyeom never imagined with such a silly symbol as a golden eye in his mask would make him the center of the world.

He didn’t think he needed just put his name in some papers to see his account get stuffed again... he felt incredible.

\- **c** –

Being with clients wasn’t difficult at first.

After almost two years in that place, doing whatever he wanted, Yugyeom found no difficulty in almost anything. Except when the subject was his owner, Mark Tuan.

Over time, Kim Yugyeom witnessed the decaying death of a sweet and gentle young man, who slowly became a cold and cruel person. Customers were easy, but Mark was complicated.

For some reason that Yugyeom didn’t understand Mark started to want things he shouldn't. Growing more than his father, making more money, being better known... killing his own father.

Everything revolved more and more and more power. It was all that the American talking about and little by little everyone was moving away or dreading him. It wasn't long before his best friend left him for real.

"I'm leaving..." or to Yugyeom tried to leave him. "I can't live with you that way, hyung. When you’re not drunk or stoned, you’re smack someone head because of debt. I can't do it anymore!”

"Are you leaving?" Mark laughed between the cigarette smoke. It’s taste like mint. "Is that what you're going to do, Kim Yugyeom? Are you going to leave this house?”

“Yes”.

He look to him.

And smile.

“Fine." Mark shrugged. Yugyeom didn’t wait for a second, he turned back and ran upstairs to get his clothes. When he came down he was surprised by the American.

"Hyu-"

"Get out that door... and I swear to God I'll kill you”.

It wasn't a joke, like when they were do role play and Mark hung him until Yugyeom lost consciousness. It wasn't a fetish, it was a real threat and the youngest could see it in his eyes.

"Do you think you can beg for help and then throw me out that way, Gyeom-ah? Do you think that's right?” The blonde ask. “I don’t think it’s right, so you'll not leave me”.

"I am not afraid of you".

"You should be.” Mark growled, taking a step toward him, who stepped back. "Because I can do whatever I want with you, you know. I can arrest you here..." he laughed. “Nobody would miss you... your parents hate you. You don’t have friends because you're an annoying bitch. I could break your neck and no one would care about this, your idiot!”

Kim Yugyeom always knew Mark Tuan was a problem.

People used to talk about him, how he looked like his father and it would probably be as bad as him... but Yugyeom was always too stupid, too hopeful. He believed that he can be good.

He dropped his bag.

"I think you got it now." Mark smiled, touching the hem of his blouse as he licked his eyes. "If you try to get away, I'm going to send some of your footage to your parents. Do you think they'll like to see the fucking whore their son has become?" He asked, pulling Yugyeom closer. "I don’t think so. And then, when everyone has wept and given you bad names, I'll send your dead body as a present”.

"Hyung..." Yugyeom never cried in front of Mark. They didn’t have that kind of situation, because the youngest always locked himself in the bathroom and waited for the elder's explosions to pass. Mark never hurt him until that day. His face burned. His slapped face hurt. “I’m sorry!”

"For what?!" Mark yelled, pulling Yugyeom by the back of his neck. He squeezing him. "Huh?"

He didn’t know when he had begun to shake or cry.

“For having behaved that way. I wasn’t thinking straight hyung. I don’t know what got into me...” the younger one blabbered with his eyes closed. “I’m sorry. I really am. Huh? Can you forgive me?”

Mark smile.

“Oh sweet.” he murmured, tightening his lips. "Of course I forgave you... after all, now I'm sure you’re never going to behave the right way again".

\- **c** –

It hurt.

Every time Mark fucks Yugyeom, he hurt him.

It was as if the world had swallowed the Mark of the past and had expelled an evil copy, because now everything was limited to slaps and purple marks, which the eldest claimed to be “love marks”.

It was stifling.

Live with him.

Need to sleep with him.

Say "I love you" to him.

It was really stifling, so Yugyeom did the one thing he promised he would never do. He contacted one of his uncles in his hometown.

His uncle, who had been a police officer in Seoul and still had contacts at the main police station - luckily got a restraining order for domestic abuse. It was a loss and a victory.

It was in this way that Yugyeom got rid of Mark, with a restraining order that didn’t stop him in the first few months, but which became a troubling obstacle to his business when Yugyeom said he would take the case deeper if the elder didn’t let him in peace.

He just have balls to do that because he find the tapes Mark have about him, and he set fire in everything.

Then Tuan’s lawyer appeared a while later, making it clear that Mark wouldn’t bother him anymore and Yugyeom found a part-time job to keep the fat numbers in his bank account.

He also continued to work at Lion's where he met a young man named Jung Hoseok who worked as a manager now, who introduced him to a servant, Kim Jongin.

With time, his troubled life was calming down. He met a boy named Bambam who was the same age as him and it was really fun. They took stared the same course – Yugyeom won a scholarship.

Bambam introduced Yugyeom to Jaebeom, Jackson and Youngjae who were friends for a long time. A few months later Park Jinyoung, a longtime friend of the boys, returned to Korea and joined the group after three years of studying in Chicago.

Kim Yugyeom's life has entered the rails again. He found he balanced between two lives. He studied, had good friends and a half-time banal job during the day shift. At night, he wore various masks and met powerful men.

Everything was going really well.

Until Mark decided to return to Korea and claim that Yugyeom still belonged to him, who had signed a contract - that was when he had to accept Lion's terms and re-use the blond's mask.

And Yugyeom tried to contest, he tried to do something about it, but it was impossible unless Mark accepted broken the contract. Even worse, the younger man discovered that he hadn’t destroyed all the footage that show his face... Mark had some home-made footage he had taken with some rich friends of him.

From that moment forward Yugyeom’s life of was once again a winter on earth, and he longed to die at once. A video of him became viral in Utah and he knew he was in Mark's hand again. The students didn’t know it was him, but they were hunting him the same way.

His closest friends called him names without knowing how much they offended him and acted like puritans who wanted to fire the reckless boy of the video.

And worse, Kim Yugyeom didn’t protect himself enough to stay away from Park Jinyoung when the older man showed interest in what he did in the video.

That was when he realized that his was chaotic.

Everything in his life was a mess and he was terrified about everything, and yet he was flirting with someone who could discover his secrets and destroy him for Mark Tuan’s joy.

Things only changed when he first saw him in that sinners place, without a mask to protect his innocent and pretty face.

As much as he was forbidden to sleep with someone, Yugyeom shifted his hidden mask and pulled Jinyoung into a room where he felt some of his safe world spreading through his skin battered by the years he had fought with the universe.

From that day on Yugyeom's heart was stuck with the sense of peace that Park Jinyoung pass to him and all he wanted most... the only thing he wanted... was that the older boy loved him a little. Just a little.

So it’s happen.

Jinyoung stared to love him for real.

And at the end… he found about everything.

And Yugyeom’s had return to Mark’s hand.

_"Do it Yugyeom... call the cops.” he said as he moved the chair from side to side. "Maybe they like to know that the owner of this beautiful apartment is a program boy. There are laws against it...” Jinyoung moved the chair, turning enough to look at the other's expression. "You would be arrested”._

_Kim Yugyeom felt his throat tighten._

_He wanted to deny, kneel and say that he didn’t understand what the other was saying, call someone and get Jinyoung dragged out of his house with his false madness. But he was too tired. He was tired of all the lies._

_"Who told you?"_

_"Nobody. No one wanted to tell me...” he said turning around, looking at the mask in his bruised hands. "I found them on my dorm floor today. You put them there, did not you?” Yugyeom nodded, learn against the wall. "Shit. I yelled at Jongin and I fought with Hoseok... all because of that. For something that was right under my nose all the time”._

_The tall one pressed his lips together._

_"Hoseok hyung is okay?"_

_Jinyoung laughed._

_"Hoseok hyung?" He asked looking at the youngest. "So you two are really close, right? Shit!” Jinyoung laughed desperately, feeling like a complete idiot. "That explains why he didn’t say anything. He was protecting you”._

_"I don’t think he protected me that well, you found out anyway, don you?" Yugyeom narrowed his eyes. “So how…?”_

_"Jongin said something." Jinyoung sighed staring the mask. "About a tattoo. He's the only one with tattoos. It was the only thing he could really tell me.” he said with a sigh. "So as I hit Hoseok and heard him moan about me to regret it when I finally know everything, I remembered the night we were together for the first time...” Jinyoung lifted his head, looking directly to Yugyeom. “And from when I took care of you, when up punch by that guy... I just remembered”._

And even if everything had been discovered and Yugyeom had a safe world with him, he could not stay with Jinyoung. He couldn’t do it because there was more in his life than everyone could know and Mark Tuan needed to be stopped.

So Yugyeom left everyone that he love behind, without making excuses or feeling guilty because he was ultimately trying to protect them.

He went through to bad times after that necessary decision. And there was only one thing he regretted. Just one thing.

Kim Yugyeom, in the midst of all his decisions, regretted never having told Park Jinyoung that he feeling too... he also loved him.

-

**TODAY**

“That's the whole truth, how it all began and ended. Jay hyung was never my lover. It was just a plausible lie to give to Mark because it was the only way we meet without him finding out the whole truth”.

"So..." Bambam shook his head, confused. "Were you working to arrest Mark with the cops all this time?"

Yugyeom nodded biting his cheeks.

“Oh my God, Gyeom. How did you live this ways?”

"It was necessary.” Yugyeom moved the glass on the table. "When my uncle managed to persuade Jay, we had plans to just drive him away from me. To send him to a jail.” he explained, moving his hands with hurried gestures. "But Jay hyung began to discover things that even I didn't know. Mark hyung-”

"Don't call him that." Jinyoung said something for the first time and seemed to be angry with Yugyeom, who just nodded.

He understood.

After all he had faced, it wasn’t fair to respect him that way, Mark didn’t deserve to be treated well and Yugyeom knew it.

"Mark-ssi..." the youngest shrugged. “Was doing business with mr. Kang, which you may have already know was a wanted criminal for various crimes. He's also involved in child molestation, people illegal sales and he was trying to do business with a Mexican, whom Jay hasn't identified yet, but who is probably as bad as everyone else”.

Jaebeom looked stunned as he listened.

Jackson felt guilty for not having been able to help his friend.

"Everything makes sense now. You left Ji-” Youngjae calculated his words, looking to Jinyoung. "You left because you needed to make Mark believe that you love him again and that you accepted him as he was, to get proves against him. It makes sense”.

"Huh. I didn’t like the idea at first, but my uncle trusted Jay and so did I, he promised me that nothing bad would happen, so I had to go back to him.” Yugyeom licked his lips, looking directly to Jinyoung, who didn’t seem to be listening. "I found evidence, but most were circumstantial, so I proposed a marriage alliance... I had to do things, betray people and leave everyone so he would trust me completely”. he swallowed. Suddenly he felt sick of remembering those moments. "It was how I got access to Lion's business meetings and management. How we got him”.

Bambam touch Yugyeom’s hands.

"I feel awful to have doubted about you, Gyeom. I can't believe I've been through all this shit without having anyone by your side.” Bambam sighed. "I'm so sorry”.

Jinyoung laughed.

"This isn't truth. He had someone”.

"Jinyoung..." Jaebeom scolded him. "Seriously?"

"Am I lying?" The black-haired man asked his friends. Youngjae sighed. He knew Jinyoung wasn’t wrong, but that wasn’t the time. "It may have been alone at the beginning, but then you had us and decided to give shit to us and put your life in fuck mode and do this alone and it’s all your fault because you're grateful son of a bitch!"

Yugyeom looked at his own fingers.

"Jinyoung-ah..." he called cautiously. "Please. Don’t say something you don't know. I understand that you are hurt and that I have-”

"Fuck you. I don’t care what you feel Yugyeom, no anymore. You chose to do everything alone instead of asking for help when everyone offered it.” he shouted. "When I offered!"

"He said he would kill you!" Yugyeom shouted back, banging the table, knocking a few glasses in the process. He stared at Jinyoung's pale face and wanted to forget how sorry he was for hurting him because he was an idiot. "I was terrified because he said he would kill you, Jinyoung-ah. One of Lion's security followed you for six months and you had no idea what was going on, okay?”

"What?" Youngjae's eyes widened. "Is this serious?"

"Yes." Yugyeom swallowed. "It was the worst six months of my life, because I could only think of Mark being annoyed and ordering your fucking death. He is influential, Jinyoung-ah. Anyone would love to fall on his grace for a job like this, so I push you away, because I need to protect you from Mark”.

Park Jinyoung kept his eyes fixed on Kim Yugyeom's terrified eyes. It didn’t seem to be one of his lies. He bit his lip.

"I'm sorry for having hurt all of you, I'm really sorry, okay? But don’t ask me to regret that I have chosen to keep you safe from being on each side because I can not regret something that kept you guys alive”.

Youngjae stood patting Yugyeom's back.

"We would never ask for that Gyeom-ah." Jackson whispered confidently to his friend. "Ignore what he said, Jinyoung-ah is just confused, it's a lot to sue. Don't worry, okay?”

"Yes. He's just being an idiot...” Bambam look to Jinyoung.

"Yes. So w-Jinyoung?" Jaebeom shouted his friend name, trying to grab him by the coat as he stood up from the table, knocking over the rest of the cups as he tried to get out of that place. "Jinyoung!"

Yugyeom held his breath.

He had let Park Jinyoung escape a few times.

He wouldn't make the same mistake.

The boy pulled away from Youngjae's touch and ran.

"Ya!" He yelled as he reached Jinyoung, pushing him against the first wall he found. They faced each other. Each with a different weight on his shoulders, with a regret, something that was never said. They’re hurt in different way. “You can’t d-"

"I need time." Jinyoung said hastily, his voice shaking.

Yugyeom never saw him cry.

He never saw him show weakness... until that day.

Yugyeom give a step back.

The younger one lowered his head, feeling the way Jinyoung's small body crossed the space between them and went out the door.

 

 


	17. are you shin ho jung?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I love you hyung”.  
> Jinyoung closed his eyes, feeling the tears slowly forming in the corners. He pressed his forehead to Yugyeom's chest and whimpered and hugged the boy, asking for everything to be all right and four years to go by in the blink of an eye.  
> Jay called for Yugyeom.  
> "I have to go now." he said softly, holding Jinyoung's wet face in his hands. Yugyeom smiled at that boy he loved so much and laid a kiss on his lips. "I'll be thinking of you every day you're away”.  
> "I'm going to love you every day you're away”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END.

( **i** )

Everything was over as quickly as it had begun.

Jay Park’s evidences about Lion’s and Mark’s crimes was fundamental to the final judgment against Kang Seung Ho, Gong Kiwoong - wanted criminal for murder and rape - Na Hana - wanted for extortion, prostitution and illegal possession of firearms - and about six other people.

All were condemned.

Most of Lion's servants took about two or three years in prison, some were cleared after making deals and giving away people they promised to protect and serve, who had overlooked bodies dumped on abandoned land and became clients.

Jung Hoseok was sentenced to three years and nine months, but with Jay's help he got a penalty reduction - he would probably leave earlier because of good behavior.

Kim Jongin was lucky. He was the only former employee not tied to the processor. He had little time to work and wasn’t listed in the papers as a servant, but as a bartender.

Kang Seung Ho took life in prison. He had too many crimes to be forgiven even with his appeal. He wouldn’t leave the prison alive.

Mark Tuan was sentenced to thirty-seven years in prison. Possession of a firearm, sale of illicit drugs, prostitution, domestic violence, obstruction of the truth, collective rape allowance.

He should take a maximum of 70 years of punishment... but his lawyer made him say everything he knew about an operation that Seoul police had been trying to overthrow for decades. So he would live just thirty-seven years in prison.

Kim Yugyeom…

_You’re so precious when you smile_

_I'm so, I'm so happy you're alive_  
Swear to God, I'm down if you're  
down all you gotta say is right

_And girl anything I can do  
is make you feel alright_

Park Jinyoung used to think that Kim Yugyeom was one of the most beautiful people he had ever seen in the universe.

It wasn’t simple for his beauty. He had strong and serious features, small details that made him unique and charming. Customs and mannerisms that caught anyone’s attention.

He was handsome. Park Jinyoung knew that Kim Yugyeom would be the misfortune of his existence because of all its beauty that bound him, yet he didn’t have strength to get rid of that sensation by looking at him.

Jinyoung watched in silence the way Yugyeom smiled animatedly at Bambam, who didn’t tire of touching his friend as if he would never see him again. Yugyeom's parents did the same thing.

Everyone was in Jaebeom's house, celebrating and saying goodbye to the sad life they were trying to leave behind. Everyone in that place had participated in a troubled history of violent love and liberation.

Everyone had a scar.

Although Yugyeom had scarred his beauty was still the center of Jinyoung's universe, which he couldn’t forget.

"You should go say goodbye." he heard him say. Jinyoung sighed, giving Jay Park a seat. "It will be difficult to see him for some time. So you should go there and have fun with him”.

"Not yet." Jinyoung drank his wine. "I still don’t have courage”.

Jay nodded.

"He just talked about you." That's what the older man said before getting up. "His life was going downhill, but all he was talking about was you. That must mean something, don’t you think? "

Yugyeom was cute.

He was beautiful and he was leaving.

**\- c -**

It was late at night when he felt his phone ring next to his head and then he heard two knocks on the door of the room he was staying in - he would get on a bus soon and want to sleep.

Without checking the message, the boy paced rubbing his eyes at the door, where he looked through the security camera and stepped back.

It was impossible. He should be dreaming awake.

Another knock on the door made him raise his eyebrows.

Yugyeom pinched himself, letting out a grunt of pain.

" _Yugyeom?"_ He heard a thick voice ask. " _It's me. Open it_ ".

Jay had made it clear that Yugyeom couldn’t receive a visit at night, that it wasn’t safe and that he needed to be supervised by one of his parents for safety...

He opened the door.

It took a nano second to be squeezed against the wall.

He feel Park Jinyoung's warmth lips.

It was as if it was the first time he had felt that sensation growing inside him, like falling in love for the first time and having a broken heart afterwards... it was as if the universe was imploding slowly as their mouths came together again.

"Hyung..." Kim Yugyeom sighed as they parted the kiss, with eyes closed, trying to process what had happened.

"I'm sorry.” Jinyoung whispered breathlessly. "I'm sorry I wasn’t by your side when you needed me, because I didn’t listen to you and have endured a little more. I'm sorry, Gyeom.” he said as honestly as hr could. It was true. He was sorry. “Sorry to have left you alone for all this time”.

Yugyeom opened his eyes, smiling in surprise.

"Hyung..." he sigh happily. “You gave me food when no one else cared, left me candy in my closet every day after my dance lessons, asked Bambam to ask me how I was going every day.” Jinyoung was surprised that he knows about it. "You’re the only one who sent me a note at Christmas and that was always with eyes stuck on me." The boy smiled hugging him. "Why are you apologizing if you never really left me hyung?"

Park Jinyoung croaked in surprise.

"Did you really know?"

"Who would love me so much to buy me such expensive sweets?"

"Bambam”.

Yugyeom laughed, feeling something like peace grow slowly in his chest. He wanted to cry because Jinyoung was looking at him the way he had looked when he said that he loved him for the first time.

Yugyeom wanted to cry.

"Don’t cry." the older man whispered as if he could read his thoughts. He brought his face closer. "It's over now. I am here…"

_Love is my religion, but you’re my faith_

Kim Yugyeom loved Park Jinyoung.

Loving him was inevitable, like a comet that was predestined to hit Earth and spread thousands of pieces by her surface. Everything about the older one was brilliant. It was inevitable to fall in love.

_Fallin 'for him was like fallin' from grace_

It happened on any given day, with a conversation that started at a bus stop and made them friends. It happened slowly, pleasantly and beautifully. Park Jinyoung illuminated every dark corner of Kim Yugyeom's life and he could see the love that lay in his chest.

It happened suddenly, between a beautiful song that said _good boy boys went to heaven, but bad boys brought the sky to you_.

Kim Yugyeom breathed breathlessly, clinging to Park Jinyoung's body as if to merge with him as the older man entered him slowly and pleasantly, looking deep into his eyes.

Everything about him was surreal. The way his skin turned red at the touch of the younger, his lips parted with pleasure and how his noises tormented the mind of the younger. Even better was the way his eyes seemed devoted to Yugyeom, as if he were a deity to be exalted before all the other Gods.

He clung tightly to Jinyoung's neck, feeling his whole body wince as he reached the apex and jumped, panting over the older man's sweaty skin that seemed to smile against his own skin.

"I love you".

Jinyoung blinked dazedly, feeling his stomach burn.

He pulled away enough to look into Yugyeom's eyes.

Yugyeom had wept in front of Jinyoung a few times, but that was different. He wasn’t sad or insecure, he wasn’t scared or pretending... Kim Yugyeom was just happy to finally be able to say out loud something he had left with him:

"What did you say?"

Yugyeom smiled. He was happy, finally happy.

"I love you Park Jinyoung. I've always loved and always will”.

 

( **ii** )

Kim Yu Gyeom was sentenced to four and a half years in prison.

Criminal association. Prostitution. Obstruction of justice. Link with criminal organization. Violation of conduct and use of illicit drugs.

If it hadn’t been for Jay, the boy with grandiose dreams would have faced a twenty-two-year sentence. However, the agreement made by the private investigator and Kim’s family lawyer had been respected by the prosecution. Yugyeom got only four and a half years old.

“That's it.” Jay told the younger, referring to the fact that he needed to say goodbye to his family. “I'll be waiting for you inside”.

Yugyeom nodded with a smile, even though he was watching his parents in tears and his friends with sad faces, he knew he had won.

Mark was in a high-level prison, he would go to a reasonable presidio and probably would be out soon - he planned to be the detain with the best behavior of the decade.

It was all he needed to feel lucky.

"I know mom. No need to worry, Jay hyung said I can hit someone on my first day, just to show that I'm not easy and I can behave afterwards you know.” he joked, getting a cover.

"Don’t be silly. Be careful. Always stay alert and stay healthy.” His mother said smoothing his cheeks. "Promise that you will take good care of yourself and that you will behave well”.

"I promise".

Don’t worry about anything, okay?”

"Okay dad." Yugyeom didn’t care. He knew he deserved to pay for the things he had done. "Take care of mom for me, please”.

After hug his parents, he turned and was covered by his arms.

Yugyeom laughed.

"Ya, it looks like I'm dying like that”.

"I can’t believe I'm going to have to live for four years with these boring hyungs without you, Gyeom." Bambam whimpered on his shoulder.

"I'll probably leave that place soon." he said confidently. "So enjoy to be the center of attention while I'm away”.

"But I'm already with you here." Bambam sobbed, making everyone laugh at his smart response. Yugyeom shook him.

As soon as Bambam stopped crying, he turned to Youngjae:

"Take care of yourself, okay? Don’t be raped”.

"Youngjae." Jaebeom scolded him. "Is that something talk about?"

"Have you watched prison movies? Someone is always raped and I don’t want it to be this little baby here. Sorry for the other people, but I need to protect my puppy”.

Yugyeom laughed.

"Alright, Jaebeom hyung. Youngjae hyung, don’t worry about me, okay? I'll take care of myself... and probably give a spanking to anyone who tries to humor me”.

"That's how karate kid talks. Kick them...” Youngjae said visibly sadly, stepping away from the hug. "I'm going to see Bam”.

"He's going to hide to cry." Jackson said rolling his eyes. "Don’t get fat in jail. Eat healthy things and exercise”.

"Yes sir".

"I love you." Jackson concluded inhaling Yugyeom's scent, he needed to keep that scent in his memory for a while. "Come back soon".

"Okay hyung…”

"Okay, okay. It's my turn. Leaves".

"Aish. And he still says he's my boyfriend... don’t push me!"

Yugyeom chuckled, shaking Jaebeom.

"I'll miss you, Gyeom-ah”.

Yugyeom closed his eyes. Jaebeom was always discreet with his feelings, but not when it came to Yugyeom. He always caressed the younger and said encouraging things. They sighed.

"Don’t be mean to Jackson hyung, he's that fussy, but he's a nice guy and that's why you love him. Be cool too”.

"Cool is my middle name, kid." Jaebeom sniffed, placing a kiss on the curve of his friend's neck, who smiled. "Shit. I'm going to miss you so much Kim Yugyeom... shit”.

"I promise to return as soon as possible”.

Jaebeom sniffed again, squeezing Yugyeom's plump cheeks and analyzing him. He wanted to keep her face in his memory.

When he finished, he slapped Jinyoung on the thigh and shouted at him to see the boy who would soon leave the free world.

Yugyeom stuck his hands in his eyes:

"You came to say goodbye?"

"No. I'll go with you".

"Ah. Are you going to be stuck with me?” Jinyoung nodded to him. Yugyeom smile. "Interesting. And I can know what your grief will be, mr. Park?”

"Murder. I plan on killing Jackson as soon as you get in that place because he's going to be a pain in the ass when he realizes four years is not like four days”.

Yugyeom gave a silly grin, shaking his head in disgust.

Jinyoung was terrible with his humor.

He approached the older man, covering him in his arms:

"I love you hyung”.

Jinyoung closed his eyes, feeling the tears slowly forming in the corners. He pressed his forehead to Yugyeom's chest and whimpered and hugged the boy, asking for everything to be all right and four years to go by in the blink of an eye.

Jay called for Yugyeom.

"I have to go now." he said softly, holding Jinyoung's wet face in his hands. Yugyeom smiled at that boy he loved so much and laid a kiss on his lips. "I'll be thinking of you every day you're away”.

"I'm going to love you every day you're away”.

( **iii** )

Unlike what Jackson hoped for, four years wasn’t like four days. Time didn’t run as fast as expected and the few of them felt a sense of despair dissipating, and all that remained was longing.

Kim Yugyeom was a good detainee.

He didn’t get into fights. No one had tried anything against him and the guards left him alone all the time.

He was a good detainee, but the prosecution wanted to give a message to the whole community, that crimes wouldn’t be easily forgiven and so four years passed slowly.

When it became clear to all of them that he wouldn’t leave earlier than expected - unlike Hoseok, who left with a year and ten months in prison - Yugyeom begged his lawyer to ban visits that weren’t from his parents.

Jinyoung felt like crap when he heard about it.

But he understood. In time he understood. Yugyeom couldn’t bear it if he continued to see him, if his friends kept coming to him with sweet words and smiles that tried to give him hope.

In this way, Park Jinyoung spent two years of his life without seeing Kim Yugyeom’s bright face.

It was hard to remember the sound of his voice.

Youngjae, who graduated in psychology at that time, went on to say that it was normal for them not to remember Yugyeom's voice without listening to her through the audios they still had on Kakao, according to him, this was a protective mechanism.

The problem is that it was gradually becoming impossible to remember even the audios, because four years had passed and everyone wondered what the boy had changed.

It was difficult for everyone, especially for Jinyoung.

It was so difficult to bear the thought of being in the same country, existing on the same sky as Park Jinyoung accepted an offer to work in Chicago. It was the way he thought not to go crazy in that place.

For four years Jinyoung would live a calm and banal life.

He would live in a vicious cycle until that connection happens.

\- **c** -

"Professor Shin!" A brown-haired boy shouted, running toward the teacher. "Haru said that I don’t dance well and that he will change pair in the final dance because he doesn’t want to lose because of me”.

Mr. Shin sighed, closing the little girl's shoe in front of him, which gritted his teeth and whispered "they're boring."

The man turned with his hands on his hips.

"Haru?" He called the girl in his serious voice, making her run toward him with a guilty dog look. "Why are you pestering Seojun again? Haven’t we talked about?”

“He's a bad dancer, sir!" Haru, who was only twelve, snorted impatiently. "You passed the choreography six times and he can’t take a simple step like twirling three times and jumping!"

The teacher smiled visibly amused by the incredulous expression on the girl's face. She was always very picky. He was training with him only ten months and he was already the best in the world.

"Haru, don’t pit with Seojun. If he is wrong it is your fault as a partner, for not having helped him. So don’t fight and don’t get threatened because you will not change was a duo”.

"But professor Shin!"

"Without this 'but professor Shin' to me. You know you will not and I'm going to get mad at you little girl. Haven’t we talked about your behavior already? Huh?”

"Those who had bad behavior will be cut off from the presentations”.

"So?" The man stared at her.

Haru smiles falsely.

"I'll help my partner to the end. Fight!”

Mr. Shin smiled, patting them on the head, thanking them for their understanding and sending them back to their seats.

Teaching children was never his dream... but he was happy anyway. It was fun to see the students growing little by little. It was good.

**-**

"Very well guys. Class is over...” the man said applauding everyone's work. The mothers sighed in relief. Some went to the teacher, asking when his son would have a chance to be the center and listening to the old one: when he is the best. "I'll see you guys on Monday. Have a great weekend”.

"Bye professor Shin." Haru ran past the man, holding the backpack and shouting: "Ya Jung Seojun, you silly boy”.

After everyone left, he leaned against the doors and sat on the carpet, breathing in relief that he had survived another week of training. He was really pleased with what he had done.

He lay on the carpet and closed his eyes, trying to enjoy the first few moments of silence before beginning to prepare the new choreography of the next week's advanced class.

"Excuse? Is it Shin Ho Jung's studio? "

"Huh?" The red-haired man asked in bewilderment, turning on the carpet to berate a father who had just broken the no-disturb rule after class. He lost his voice.

Her body lifted automatically.

"Shin Ho Jung?" He heard the sarcastic questioning echo to his ears. He open his mouth. "Ya, Kim Yugyeom, you couldn’t have chosen a better name?"

A supernova.

The way his eyes closed when he smiled, how he put his hand over his lips and how it looked like an art work.

It was a supernova illuminating Kim Yugyeom’s dark sky.

"Hyung..." the man say, running toward the other, who gripped him in his arms and held his body when his knees nearly betrayed him and carried him to the ground.

Yugyeom wept.

He had cried like that on his first night in prison.

Then he'd only cried once. Upon being awakened by the news that he would leave the next day. It had been two years and ten months.

When he left, he tried to contact Jinyoung but he still had to serve the rest of the sentence in freedom and couldn’t go to Chicago. His lawyer didn’t want him to contact people outside his family until everything calmed down - the prosecution still thought that Yugyeom should serve the sentence in prison even if he was a primary defendant and hadn’t intention of evading the law.

"Gyeom-ah..." Jinyoung whispered, hugging the boy. "You're choking me." he said with a smile. But Yugyeom wouldn’t let go, didn’t want to. He thought he was dreaming and that the love of his life would disappear if he let him go. "Gyeomie..."

"Just one more minute. One minute. I need to make sure it's not another dream... one more minute, hyung. Just a minute".

Jinyoung opened his mouth, but he thought it best to let him do what he want that moment in the most intense way possible. He just shook his head to look at Yugyeom. He was still the same.

Jinyoung's memory hadn’t brought him. Taking off his red hair, Kim Yugyeom was just as he remembered.

"I love you.” Park Jinyoung whispered, his voice trembling with the desire to tear herself to tears. "I will love you all the days you're far away, Yugyeom. Everyday”.

Kim Yugyeom opened his eyes.

He was no longer dreaming. This wasn’t a projection of his mind, he was the only person who possessed his heart all over the world.

"Hyung." the boy sobbed, taking a silly laugh from the older man, who nodded, gripping his cheeks before kissing him after two years and ten months. It was like being home. "I missed you".

Jinyoung nodded, sniffing:

"Did you really miss me?" He asked happily. "Good, because you'll have the rest of your life to prove to me how much you've missed me."

Yugyeom smiled through the tears.

"For the rest of my life?"

Jinyoung loved him. He always loved him.

It was what Yugyeom deserved. A happy ending. Love.

The older man wiped his eyes and unbuttoned the collar around his neck, taking the younger man's hand to deposit the object.

He had kept the ring he had put on Yugyeom's finger before he was taken by Jay to the Seoul Prison, which the boy had asked him to keep if he loved him enough to wait for him.

He had keep it.

His face brightened as never before, as if he had finally had his own light and was blessing the dark corners of the banal life of the only man who illuminated him in the same way.

Kim Yugyeom and Park Jinyoung, above all, deserved a happy, happy happy ending.

"For the rest of your life Kim Yugyeom. Love me for the rest of our lifes”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... this fanfic has finally come to an end and I have to admit that my heart is at peace. I did everything possible to make this crazy fanfic the way I wanted it most and I know that some people probably didn't like it, but I liked it after all and that's enough for me hahaha. I hope you enjoy the end of this story and we will give more support - this week I saw some people saying that Jinyoung really hates Yugyeom and that hurt me, I don't think there is any form of a member of GOT7 hate each other, they love each other too much - and so I believe that this fanfic has all the love needed by these two humans who most enlighten me in life.
> 
> Thank you for all your support. OBRIGADA.


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